August
One foot forward, I said
And she listened, gingerly taking her first step
I held onto her shoulders as she marched
Forward unto revival
You'll be back in no time
Were the last words I spoke to her
And upon her farewell
I wept tears of hope
And loss
- *September -
I remember hearing car doors close shut
On the days where I sat
Atop my window sill
And I would peak out
From behind my curtains
With wishful thinking
And I remember the sting of pain
When it was someone else
So I would let the curtains close
Like the end of so many
Epic plays
And the audience would not applaud
- October -
I made a little girl cry
On Halloween
I sat in wait
Forgetting the significance
Of costumes
And sugary give outs
Remembering only the taste
Of something much sweeter
But it had been months
The knock on the door
Was like the beating in my chest
And I sprang up in some
Newfound excited hopefulness
But I had let myself down
And the little girl at my door
Dressed like a dinosaur
Was no match for the beast
Inside of myself
GO HOME!
They all heard me
Parents and antsy children alike
Who walked by in search of joy
And the stares were unbearable
The little girl who cried
Never saw that my eyes matched hers
As she fled into the night
I sat with my back against the door
And cried until the waves of exhaustion
Took me away
- November -
Only the night would get me
Out of bed
Many times I found myself walking
Along some unfamiliar road
Winding through darkness
Like the twists and turns in my mind
Sometimes I ran
Like I was being chased
And the cool air of the night
Would fill my lungs
And when I was tired
I continued running
Emotions had been all but drained
And the feeling of loss
Was replaced with
Emptiness
Nothing
Void
0
But somewhere
Pressed underneath folds of carelessness
Was an inkling of hope
A spark of optimism
That kept me alive
- December -
I remember the funeral
Where along with my only love
Was buried my soul
My spirit
And my heart
I was asked to speak of her
And her family bade me luck
When all was silent
And the ears
Longing for closure
Were tuned to my presence
I opened my mouth
And said nothing
No one had noticed the blood
Dripping from my wrists
But they all saw
Abigail's collapse
My head swung forward
Smashing into the podium
I remember being sideways
As blurs rose to block out
What little visions remained
And then I asked one thing
In my stupor
Is she better now?
- January* -
The two who gave me life
Made me stay inside my room
Because I tried to take what was mine
I would sit atop my window sill
Knees pulled tightly to my chest
And I would stare outside
Watching for the red hair
Waiting for the car to pull up
And her to get out and stretch her legs
She would look up and see me
Her eyes would tear, and she would
Run inside to me
I would kiss her and never let her go
But instead, it's all the same
People come and go
Friends visit
Seasons change
And the world moves on without her
Without me
Rest in peace my love.