One moment I’m happy, next moment I’m sad.
One moment I do something good, next moment I do something bad.
One moment I wanna laugh, next moment I wanna cry.
One moment I taste victory! Next moment I face defeat.
I write this poem being true with what’s real; however I try to make it relatable & sweet.
In this moment I am confident, but five minutes from now I’ll be back to my true self.. shy.
Today I’m feeling skinny, tomorrow I look fat.
Im ready to do something productive; next thing you know I’m in bed on snapchat.

In my last moment, I dream of being already rich with friends, heading to the islands.
Or giving back to my family & the community watching everyone happily smiling.
But reality brings me back into this world, thinking it was surreal or so it seemed.
Now I’m in my apartment waking up like, “**** it was just a dream.”

Back in 2007:
I understood everything that day.
You gave up your custody rights for me to live a better life outside of Chicago.
Greatest, yet,  most heartbreaking moment of our lives that you ever did for me.
It got me away from the gang life
And I thank you for it every day through prayer.
Because without that sacrifice,
I wouldn’t have became the man I am now....
I was 12 when this all started.

2008-2019:
From a far distance
You watched me grow up under another roof.
My shyness faded
While my character began to blossom.
I learned to express new emotions
Expand my vocabulary
Use my kindness to create relationships
Battle my sins, demons, as well as my own identity
Expanding my mind & soul.
Nevertheless, your baby boy survived.

But the truth is, I never see you anymore.
There hasn’t been a handful of times you came down to see me vs me see you
I felt a lost connection between us.
Those random days/ nights I needed you physically, not through the phone.
Is it because you couldn’t raise me like you wanted?
Maybe it's because I look like my father?
Or maybe it’s because you prefer to start living your own life now that i'm grown.
Which you deserve 100%
I wanna see you happy always.
However, my only wish is too see you more often.
That’s all....

Can't stop
Won't stop
Feeling things
Buried in emotions
Like wet sand
At that beach
I never asked to be here