You only loved me when the tide was out.

Do you not see the storm?

As you lay on your island.

Watch.

As it comes to cover you.

In the tears you reaped.

From every heart you stole!

And as the waters wash...

...over your broken body.

And the salt stings your cheeks,

Remember.

That kisses are sweet.

Tears are salty.

And this world doesn't have,

Rules.

Just for you to **cheat.

I remember waiting
Heart fluttering in your chest
You were my wish
I blew out the candles
You tasted sweeter than water dripping from pine trees
Working up courage to touch you
I don't care about burns
Smoke is the uncertainty of the night
I search for you in the dark just the same
Crickets are chirping
My ears have forgotten the earth knows humble prayers
Devout she is in her offering
May I be as delighted in my love for you

Brooms in the closet
***** on the floor
Dreams in my head
Lies on our lips
Sleeping under tables
Dancing with strangers

Tomorrow is here
And I thought it would never come
But what's happened is finished
Though I don't think I won

One day
These will be the good old days
We will not remember them
As they were in passing
They age, as do we
These days will be
Sweet wine thoughts
For you and me

I know you are not doing well.

I can feel it.

My heart swelling even over this distance.

Even after all this time.

I am not in a position for asking.

But, please, tell of the spring when it comes like you promised.

You need not remember me, if it brings you pain please scour it from your thoughts.

Allow me to keep you, as you were, the words of a bubbling brook and the eyes of a summer sky.

Your name has changed and mine has too.

Is the world kinder to you yet?

Beyond the capacity I held for it.

I remember before we were strangers but never before we were friends.

I have not lost love for you.

Though I am much further now.

God be with you, bless you, keep you, in the ways I could not.

I have seen you
And I have glimpsed death
In life I have never known coincidences

My quiet you say speaks the loudest
The dark you say spreads so much light
The ocean you say is the driest of all
The dessert you say quenches your thirst

Sleep you say only makes you tired
The food you eat only makes you hungry
The silent beating of my heart you say echoes like thunder
The air you say chokes you like being ducked under

The cold you say has never felt so warm
The sun you say chills you to the bone
But my love is the only thing that is real
Its the only thing that feels right

The lighting isn't right
For us to fall in love
Sit with me in the darkness
Wait with me
For stars to come

You don't know me at all
What is my favorite color

All you know is my face

What can you see

Do you see inside

Can you look

Past the lies

I scream

Tossing and turning

But you just watching

Laughing

So evil

And so dark

While I am

Simply torn apart

I was a pawn

From the start

You think that this

Is just fun and games

But games do not end

In this pain

The crowd watches

And they cheer

Is the end

Really this near

Do I win

Did you loose

Ring the bell

Or I will choose

They think I'm tough
They think I'm strong
They never knew all along

I'm so alone I'm so afraid
I don't have enough strength to be brave

Why do you want me dead?
I just lie and cry instead

I ravage my body
I feed the pain
Why do so many people know my name
I didn't want this kind of fame

You hit me and you hit hard
I'm playing my last card

I don't want to live this life
I'll just end it with a knife

You only say you sorry when I'm gone
You only say you cared when I'm gone

I have no tomorrow
I know only pain and only sorrow

You hurt my body but you broke my spirit
And I can't ever repair it

I made mistakes I did the wrong
I made it look like I was strong

My body bleeds in places
Cutting for all the angry faces

Why do I deserve this fate
I move from state to state

No mothers love can ease this now
No father can kiss my brow

I am alone without a friend
I will never ever mend
Don't you care
Don't you know
This is how my life will end

With memories of what could have happened
But I'm blocked by pain and many hands
Just to hurt not help me stand

With one word and one command
They hit me now with blows so hard
I lay in silence I'll just listen

I drink the cup of poison
Will I die today

Dear God take me
Take me now I pray

Only when I'm gone
Will you say your sorry

Only when I'm gone
Will you listen to my story

Only when my body is the ground
Will you hear my voice crying out loud

When I cant see the sun
For fear of recognition

When my stone stands tall and is marked with words
Like the blade marks in my skin
My body is cold my body is thin

Only when I'm gone
Only when I'm gone
Will you see the beauty and pain within

These words
Are my testament
My everlasting ode
To attempt sanity
Clinging to the edge
Of my mind chasms
I have fallen before
I will do it again
Sending my thoughts out
Only words return
Only words

On this street in the house
In the walls
Over the mouse
In this house on the floor
A girl who loved
And could love more
On the floor in a her head
A demon drank
And she bled
In her head, inside her mind
She knew she would win
Cuz this demon was kind

If I was an open book, would you stay up reading in the dark until the sun came up, just to get to the part where she is okay?
Because I'm still waiting


Can we wait together?

I don't even let myself have bad days
Today is a either a good day
Or a sad day
But it is still a good day

Depth of longing
Not unfathomed
To see you again
Stars falling
Faster than before
Watering the sea again
I am no sailor
Of oceans or galaxies
No master of bough
I merely tremble under starlight
To know humility again

You cratered into me
And it pushed me into orbit
As though I had never seen the sun this way
Never seen the stars
I was moved
As only a young heart can be

I'm watching you measure
Distance between us
It sounds like it should be painful
When we are this way
I have already lived my penance
Yours will come
Welcome it when it is here
I cannot speak for another journey
My feet belong to my path
Your heart to another
We are not strangers
Strands between us a delicate web
You could have loved me once
Could have passed closer to the sun
Yet your dark side turns
We eclipse
When the heavens allow
There is nothing more for me here
I have light for the whole solar system
Do not diminish
What you will not place
At the center of your orbit

You say I am the best that you could ever ask for
But I don't understand when you say you still want more
When I chose to turn a blind eye to your other loves
When its like being touched with care through burned gloves

Your other loves come around and its like I don't exist
When I see they way you look at them and feel like I got punched by a fist
This plot is way to cliché for it to have any meaning
And everything you do to me is far to demeaning

We've never known what it took for a relationship
Its like being unprepared for a painful trip

When your other loves are your only loves and I cease to matter
When you other loves cloud your vision and you cant see me
When your other loves get in my way and put me down

Then I shall cease to exist
But remember it is your choice

Just another day on the other side
I travel here so quickly
I have nothing to hide

I am waiting the lights are blinding my eyes
I run across a beach to and endless shore

I watch you rise out of the sea
You always look so beautiful to me

The pain I went through to give birth to this love
It was all worth it I love watching you grow

The words the wind carried from your heart to mine
The waiting it took but it was worth it divine one

The endless road we walk together
The bond we hold no one can break

Your hands so rough and mind so soft
But together we are made to last

The fire doesn't burn when you are my shield
Oh darling just lay with me in this field of daisies

The ocean pulls your hand from mine
Be we remain forever locked in time

You grow inside out
Out growing your skin
Like a snake sheds its corn husk past life

I outgrew myself
My passions, honesty and hope
Like a bomb in a building counts down to ten fastest
And is in an instant expired

When we are older
We will age like weeds in flower boxes on the third story
We will taste the rain before the surface of the earth
And we will dry out from the touch of the sun
Remembering how gently we craved for shade

No one is comforting anymore

Typically, when intoxicated
You call me
Tell me
You love me
That I will be
Your wife

Typically.

I watched
The third sun from the right
Burn up today
On my way to the lesser stars
I hold no grievances against them
Because we all
Carry our own
Abundance of light

One of my bar customers wrote me these short words;

Wonder

Have you
Ever gazed
Upon a
Sleeping child
Then
  Wondered
                    At
                       That
                            Wonder


Pain

Pain is a
Part of life
But
Like
A
Dying
Leaf
The pain
Will be just
Another  
           Refrain

Press me against you
Like flowers in a book

I want to paint your life away
I don't need a blank canvas
Just enough layers
To hide what is underneath

It's hard sleeping with empty hands

I have a four count pulse
South, East, West, North
My head never travels in one direction Thoughts spinning around like the head of an owl
While my heart echos, who?
The quiet is never loud enough
To drown out the sea of thoughts binding themselves together like atoms
They weren't the first one's to bite the fruit
I am to far fallen from the tree
Tree of life, with roots deep enough to dig down to hell
I'm burning a fever of embarrassment
Embers I cannot cool no matter how hard I huff and I puff
In the end the wolf always eats me up
I sit silent, in his stomach, a fetal position of agony
As my sins digest me
Face to face with the inside of monster
I now know has a heart
Red and pumping
I grasp onto organs
Holding out hope for a breath of fresh air
From lungs I have never breathed before

I never felt this much contained rage
When I was a child
It was much more terrible then
I let it bleed out into a jar
I am the place
Where the glass bottles sit now
Collecting dust
One by one

She was an origami girl
Something you could fold in the palm of your hands
Slip into your pocket
And just forget about

She was a paper mache girl
Someone you could wrap in layers and layers
Until you couldn't tell what was truly underneath
You would leave her out to dry
But the sun warmth never touched her center

She was a paper airplane girl
Something you set free to the air
Falling again and again
Until you lost interest

She was a paper doll girl
Lacking depth and emotion
Pressed flat between pages
Just an open book
For you to tell a story you thought was fitting

She was not paper
And she was not string
She was a just girl
Oh what a beautiful thing

Have you heard the sound
The mouth makes
When the heart breaks
So loud it looks like screaming
But it couldn't be more silent

When it is hard
Then I know
I have chosen the right path
The universe does not
Need to teach me this lesson again
I learned
I am listening still
To jagged words
My eyes do not betray me
Ghosts of a past life
Permiating
I am a gentle sinner
Do not bring violence among us
Leave space between us
I am not bitter or angry or burdened
Do not threaten my peace
I fear the screams in the night
Will one day be shuttled
From my own throat
Worse beyond that
I fear they will be silenced
I loved the quiet once
She is tension now
Tension between now and tomorrow

Sometimes
When you give another
A piece of your mind
Know that you may sacrifice
Your peace of mind

we are both lost
so comfortable with losing
now as the world spins
in the same direction as before
our paper ambitions
turn themselves inside out
passing like aging stars
burning across the sky
I know a brighter fire
burns in you
I placed it there
before we even thought
of the beginning of time
before amens whispered
on the backs of prayers
when heavens womb
was full of hope
before we gave up
all the glimmering shadows
that slipped through our souls
like water through a child's cupped hands
the ways of the world
brought me to this ledge
you will push me
to remind me of my myself
of my loving for flying
the promise of gravity
and the certainty of an end

You the hero
I the shallow

I whisper to the sky,
"I'll go."
Because I know
You will not hear me

Friends never say goodbye

It was a long drive
I fell into the last sleep
On the way home
Shortly after the sun went down
I felt the bumps
In the road
I knew
We were almost home
You knew
When you buckled me in
That I was slowing down
Your gentle turns
Lulled me to sleep
I went out with the light
Will you carry my body inside
Wrap my arms around your neck
Lay her to rest
In a midnight coffin
Heavens sheets tucked
Around my chest
I feel like a child

Tremble against the strings
Row against the rage
Sleep against the grain
Know when time ends
We are not even stars
Not even sand
Only human, only sin
Bear me not your faults
As I am relinquished
Of soul and stamina

I once begged
God
And the universe
To cling to my mortality
Now I know
To even begin
To know peace
You must give up yourself
Only from nothing
Is something built
After so much time
Do we ever truly disentangle
Do we ever really split
Like the trunks of two oaks
We are wrapped together
Who could tell
Our branches apart
And if one dies
The embrace of love lost
Is held
Until the latter passes too
It would be
My greatest aching
For you to pass
Before we are through

I lay barren in my dreams
The words you whispered into my head echoed as if they had been a cry for water in the dessert
I have dug my bed
Now I lie unwittingly in this grave
These sheets a tangle
Wrapped to the corner posts
Bound around my wrists
Like chains around my neck
I am a slave to foolishness
And I fear I will master nothing
This night she is a maiden
Though she fancies virtue naught
Her companions are a silver sliver of a moon caught in the bows of a pine
Orion's scythe wrought in metal made of stars
And the dying whispers of every poor sinner to kiss the back of her hand
She keeps dreams bound about her waist
A corset of nightmares
Still my foolishness is great
But my fear even greater
Would that I could close my eyes
And awake a poor dreamer from slumber
Still I cannot shut them
My muscles bid me wishes in vain
Still I cannot find the voice
To shovel my own ****** eulogy into the earth
Still I cannot make a way
To rise from this hell, after a life of raising hell
Would you watch me
As I passed
Through this night and on into the eternal
I am nothing to this earth but a foolish handful of ash
Blown into the wind
To chase my way into the beyond