Your gods need you to live
Mine know nothing of you
Yours ask little
Mine know too much
We both pray in the dark

I don't know
How much more I can handle
All the thoughts
In my head start to ramble
The earth is shaking
And I can't remain stable
I fall to the floor
And hide under the table

My veins course
With red hot fire flames
The longer they burn
The less I feel the pain
Please just hold my hand
So I can feel alive
Everyone's saying I failed
At least I know I have tried

Whatever you want
Please just take it away
Along with my heart
You left with it that day
I can't ask you
But  I want you to stay
Right by my side
No matter what people say

Every night I breathe
Slower than the last
Every memory part
Of a beautifully twisted past
What can I do
To try to find my own way
A road to you my friend
I would travel any day

So far way
So lost in all the confusion
Tried to win
But all along I was losing
Around my neck
So close to my heart
Imprinted in my mind
So we are never far apart

What a beautiful drug
Running through my veins
Keep it coming
Even when you drive me insane
Don't cut me off
Because then I'll feel to much
Just one drop
Is more than enough

God Lord.
I cried so many tears
Raining down
My face like all my fears
You were stripped away
And it left me alone and bare
And I was a fool
To think you would always be there

Just let me look
Please one more time
Then close your eyes
Lie, and say you are fine
If I could change
The way things could be
I'd paint a picture
Of you right next to me

What feels right
I'm told couldn't be more wrong
But I've listened
To my heart all along
Who will guide me
When I am lost and weak
Give me works
And teach me how to speak

Can I choose for myself?
Would you follow me blindly?
Don't have to look
'Cuz I know you're behind me
A shadow so solid
I could melt into it
It's a sweet torture
But I would gladly die for you

Does it make a difference
If I cry enough times
Alone in the dark
Blurring all of the lines
You fly away
On your broken wings
Your heart heavily burdened
With all of the songs that it sings

It pours out
Of me like a waterfall
Will you catch me?
When I start to fall
This is my release
It helps me to let go
No matter how far
You will always know

I Love You <3

I am a house
That has been broken into
A hundred times

My windows smashed
Doors ripped from there hinges
Gutted
Ransacked

But I am not a house
I am human

Still paying the mortgage
For a property
That others strip of its value
Any chance they can get

I suppose one day when I walk into a room and the lights don't turn on
I'll know I'm a ghost then
Now my only proof I have is my cold hands and faded presence

I remember reading
About Joan of Arc
A heroine
Burnt at the stake
She knew no hellfire after
I remember reading
Bound to the wooden post
She beheld a crucifix
Before her eyes
I think of this
When I need
To lift my chin up
Eyes to the sky
Not the ground

My head is an abandoned house
With graffiti on the walls
The red door is closed
And all the window panes are broken

You just wanted to write love on my arms
And circle me in flowers
I just didn't know how to let you in
So I mutter into the cold air
"Bitter are the leaves, oh the dying leaves, of an unwatered tree."

I have been absorbing darkness
For a long time
Painting my burning rays
Across where you could not see
Do you feel lighter
Now that you are illuminated
I was not hungry
But I have swallowed up your sins
Spit them out as blessings
For you to feast
It hurts to heal
But I will not make it
Any harder than it has to be
I am here for your journey
You will never know
The role you play in mine
I could find you
Blind and mute in the dark
I would not even struggle
I only wonder
Why you lost me to begin with
There is no grievance between us
I will seek you
Until you are whole again
I am all the broken pieces
Of anyone I have ever loved
I am all your pain and your guilt
I am your fears and bitter truth
I am the voice of reason
Telling you, you are worthy
Taking your pitiful currency
As gold
I am the temple
The offering
I am the unburdened
Go, and be light
You are free
Even of me

I heal in the puddle of your affection
Clear water dripping from your lips
Pooling with my oil spill tears
Lost on the plight of my affliction
Another cart hitched to the horse of depravity
Bring out your dead
There is no room for mourning here
Plant your new flowers
In dark rich soil
The spirits in the earth
Watch over the roots of your labor

I can heal with my words
Sometimes I must choose
Not to speak at all
So I too, can know healing

My friend,

Does your heart feel
Like it's coming apart at the seams

Does it feel
Like the pain seeps in in-between

Have you noticed the thread
Clutched in my hand

I am trying to sew you
But it's not working like I planned

Until the darkest hour
I stitch and I sew

Even if I can't seal it
I'll never let you go

Your heart isn't a pillow
Its a comforter

To keep us safe
You are my comforter

The warmth you hide
Is okay to show

And if you trust me
I'll let you know

When your blood drips
Down your arms

I'll remind you my friend
That only hate harms

I can try so hard
To hold your heart

I will always love you
Even when you fall apart

You tears are mine
Like the oceans current

And we each know
The other is heaven sent

You look for me in the dark
And in the dark you find

All of the little pieces
That you left behind

I keep all my love
Inside my heart

So your memory
Will never be far apart

Your eyes see
Into my very soul

And you know
That I am not whole

We bide our time
And make many scars

We hurt ourselves
And bend many bars

Alone in our minds
We seek a way

To know this earth
And try to stay

Promises that say
Together we are alive

We still try to look
For a way to thrive

Hands clasped in hope
Never to let another go

For when we are one
Then we start to grow

Can one heart be longer than another as a sentence is in my language
Do you speak love or merely write it on my arms

You would not have to ask
The way to my heart
If you had one yourself

Every time we kiss
The strings slowly tighten

Every time we touch
Those strings are strengthened

Every time you walk away
I catch my breath

Every time you shadow fades
The strings cut deep like blades

When I am alone I am weak
When I am with you the strings are strong

You string me alone
You hold my hand

I am tied in knots
My strings are long

But all I want is to sing your song
I'll let you play my strings I'll let you pull
Cause I can trust you because you will never let me go

I am burning
in a hell.

The hell of my body.

I rot from inside.

And find not one, single,

place where I can **hide.

These trials and tribilations
Have eaten my alive
They have devoured me
From the inside

And
When I showed up bleeding
To my date with the devil

He told me how beautiful I looked
But I spat in his face

And said, you have been burning much longer than I
It does your appearance no good

You have a wanderers smile
The feet that have made a thousand memories
I see the twinkle in your eyes
I cannot help but wonder
If it used to be brighter
This day is overcast
So you have become such yourself
Weariness will follow you
Chase you, to nip at your heels
Is this why you go on?
To be just one step ahead of yesterday
Yet never home
Oh how humble the journey of a broken heart
With no one to kiss you goodbye
Every day a new open door
Yet a candlelight shadow
Whispers into your dreams
That you will never sleep
As you did next to the warmth of another body
Of one more fortunate that your own,
To the wishes of the world
Still you give and have given of yourself
Like pennies in a jar
A little bit at once
Though no less in your intentions
The day will come
As they always do
Just as the full moon rises
On the back of the sun
The day will come
When you will lay your head to rest
In the green of a field
Barren of troubles
Laid waste of trials
The day will come
Though she is not here yet

I saw myself in a old photo today
I don’t have that outfit anymore
I remember the piece of tissue
Stuck to my shoe from the toilet water
The last thing I remember tasting
Was black, and mild, and sober
I smoked it on the cold ground
In the alley behind the bar
That seemed the safest place
I took my clothes off when I got home
Bagged them twice
Placed them in the garage bin
I sat under the scalding shower water
Praying it would burn you out of me
Feeling the storm inside
Wanting lightning to come down
Strike you from me
Wishing I had the strength
To scrub you off me
Knowing naked would never be the same
A layer of comfort peeled away

I saw myself in a photo today
The day you made me sick
Remembering laying lifeless
In my bed
Unable to move, sweating
The fever did not cleanse me
You readied me
For trials
I did not know I would endure
You weakened me
For burdens
I was not meant to bear

It was a week before he came
Separate from you
Soon to be the same
In my fevered thoughts
I thought my shining knight
Was here to comfort me
He drew his sword
Stabbing the wound you opened
His armor
Protected only him
Who will pull the sword
From the stone
I am too weak

Picture me now
Wearing this scar
I waited for it to fade
To heal

I suppose this letter
While not the greatest
Is one of the most important
Things I've ever written
.
It is too much
And somehow
I do not think
It will ever be enough
.
I don't know
What to say
I don't know
What not so say
So I will tell it all
And I hope you will
Bear my grief
As a labor of love
As I have borne
Our time apart

Show up for yourself today.

I wrapped my arms around myself.

And the voice in my head whispered,
"Retreat into your shell,
they will never break it,
like they broke you before."

My heart echoed in agreement, as it retreated into the abyss.

Between day and night I thrive
Trying to find a way to feel alive

We don't stand higher
Than we are afraid of falling
Yell louder
Than we are unable to hear calling
Sleep quieter
Than our sheets will remember
Mind melting
This house un-sheltering
The floor unsettling
Run, run, run
Our fears are more than true
They won't stop
Until they get you

I am living in this body still
I do not remember what she was like
Before the bombs
When she was a beautiful city
All I know now is the ash in the soil
The stumps of the trees
The basements exposed
There is beauty in it to be sure
She will never be
What she was before

I cannot say I am sorry for her
Because I do not know her
She is only a distant memory
Like the sun on the fading horizon

We have been rebuilding
I did not know
It would be so difficult
To build new buildings
On an old foundation
So raw, so vulnerable, so exposed
I am not the one at war
I am the village after the raid
I am the city after the bombs
I am the one who prayed
That I would see the lighthouse
Before my stern kissed the shoals

Perhaps the bombs will come again
There is no warning

I'm never quite empty
Never quite full
Hollow, until the rain water fills me up
Just to seep it out
Just to sleep it out

If you were a church
Oh the sins I would commit
To find a reason
To come to you

I was just your halfway house
When all I wanted to be was your home

My home
Place of birth
Such a lowly
Humble berth

Is this where
The love lies
Or this is where
The love dies

A simple place
With welcome face
Memories up to the roof
The pictures holding proof

They frame walls
Hands and feet
So many faces
Gathered here

Looking through
Walls of glass
Does this joy
Really last

My all wasn't enough?

It's just not fair.

I have the worst luck.

You will always be more!

Than I will ever need.

You are my solid oaken door.

Keeping me safe...

Keeping bad things out.

Locked inside a place.

Called home!

Oh to be there

Always loved, never alone.

I wish I could live in the same house as those who didn't call their abuse love.

I’m in your empty apartment
My heart two sizes too big
For this security deposit
Landlord said no smoking
You’re burning me up inside
You asked me why I came
Darling this is just where the wind blew me
I’ll be here until it picks up again
For now the sound of the water
Against the shore
Lulls me into a sinless sleep
Lately I’ve been dreaming
In black and gray again
It reminds me of you
When there was no color
To see in the world around me
It doesn’t matter where you go
Only why you’re leaving
There is only people, places
This thing we measure called time
I won’t find myself
Until I lose you
We’ve never played fair
I craved you
Like a mother’s love
You are a cigarette
Sweet on the tongue
Burning quickly
To a bitter end
I wondered for years
Why the birds flew south
Now I know why
They come back
To the north every spring
When she is ready
Waiting
Warming
Home

if I could concentrate
the paper would fill it's self with ink
the pencils would sharpen themselves
and I wouldn't be thinking about you

The tension was so hot

We could of cooked muffins on the hood of your **Honda

You know, even in all my honesty, I couldn't tell you if I do this **** right

There is sweetness
In the honeycomb caverns of my heart

It's late, anything goes
You forget I'm human
Could have guessed I'd bleed red
You checked all the same
Where I met God
Was not where he left me
Deception you spoke
That torment was my stint
It was not always this way
Better is a hope, not a promise
Somehow put together perfectly
The ground is cold
Nails scratch against tombstones
The sun climbs into morning
On steps of moonlight
We will bury this night with shovels of dirt
Enough has been said while the moon is full
To be silent today
Enough has been said for tomorrow
To be silent today
Not caring where I go
Take me far
From all you know
From all that forced its memory upon you
My memories are laced into many people
Threads that do not know undoing
They wind themselves around your fingers
We clutch at hope
In hope it will clutch back

We can change nothing about yesterday
That is why we have tomorrow

The whispers in the grass were not meant for your ears, they will find another home
You're whispers in the dark know me and they call me by name
The words woven in the night are worth much
Only to those who have heard them before
Their ears long for promises that come as dutifully as one calls up a storm
Those who are lain in the earth
Their bones remember, these charms have clung to their bones
They have not died with the clovers in the spring
They were meant for yet another season
Patience is a flower, and we will see her bloom, learn her petals, love her stem, watch the sun kiss her, the rain bathe her and the wind caress her as gentle as she can
Her neighbors know her, for the earth treats all in kind
Just as the sun kisses all in turn
The sun even knows the snow, while the words they share are short undoubted they are sweet enough to catch a sparkle in her light
Unliked the sonnets she sings to the equator
Oh the pride she has for these melodies
There is no lack of favor for the summer she brings
I am not as old as you once found me
Not the same as you once new me
Close to as foolish as one could believe
My moons have practical their dances beyond the rise
Their ways are for another nights mysteries