you and me....we were so close
father like daughter, the bestest of friends.
you were my savior, you taught me about Jesus, you used to read me the bible every night to me..
you deliverd me to Christ and prayed the prayer of salvation with me, and i was saved.
but see then you stopped coming home, and when you did, you were always drunk!
hitting my mom, pushing me around. i guess things got a little to heavy for you...
see, i wish i knew it was alchohal, i wish i knew that wasent my daddy, that would hurt me... but i didnt!
so i hide from you, under my bed, clenching on to my blanky cause you and mama were screaming...always fighting.
i didnt know what to do!!
what happens when the one you were suppost to look up to, wasent there. what if they started changing?
ever  since i was little all i wanted to do was follow in your foot steps... i only wanted to be just like you . play piano like you did, walk/ talk like you did, be Christ like you did, but now....?you were so angry at me, so drunk...you hated God, i even thought you hated me, so i did too... then you left me and mama at home not knowing what to do...not knowing where you were, where you went. i hated myself, because my own father hated me! you probably didn't know that, did you... probably didn't know that Ive wanted and to commit suicide ... and i wouldent be here, if my mom and my friends hadent caught me... I NEEDED YOU THEN! .... dad, i needed you to show me that God didnt hate me, that he set me out to be a woman of God. That identity isnt about fitting in, or being so perfect all the time. since i didnt have you in my life i was always fighting for approval because i felt like when you left, you hated me, that i wasent good enough to be called your daughter. i wish i would have known its okay to make mistakes sometimes... i wish i would have known about controlling my anger, and to have respect for my leaders.... i wish i would have known that i could stand up for myself, but i didnt... i didnt know that i was important. important enough to not hurt myself. that i was made for more... so i had to figure that out for myself! after years of hating God and YOu, i had to figure out what a fool i was and that i really didnt have to let people abuse and mock me... that i could havve stopped that! i wish i knew that when i was  threatend to be killed, i could have called out for help, i could have told someone.... but you stood back...behind the lines. i thought i lost you...

Once in a life time
Filled with no regrets
Lived life for the best
Cause we only get time..

Time last forever
But goes by so fast
So chose wisly an becareful
An do the best you can..

You are an original
Your smarter then you think
Your stronger then you know
Dont let anything tell you other wise..

Live an learn
Learn to live
Laugh an love
Thats how it is..

Once apon a time..
You were born,
For a reason..

Maybe be random..
But theres always those seasons..

You are unique an special an loved
Your not a mistake.. your a miracle..

Cause if you were not born..
Just think what wouldent of happened..
theres always someone who needs you..
An wouldent know what to do with out you..

You may think:
your alone,
on your own,
by your self
on a journey..

But let me tell you:
Your not alone,
You have more then you think..
Here with others who care..
Not on a journey.. but on an adventure..

You..
You are my blessing.
You are my hope.
You are my love.
You give me joy.
You.... Complete me.
You are the one I can't imagine my life without,
You are the one that gave me love.
You are the one I strive everyday, to show, how much love I have for u.
I wouldent be who I am today, if I didn't have you, to come back to every night.
You make me feel alive.
You are my foundation.
You are my safe place.
You are my comfort.
And with all this love you've given me,
I can't ever wait to show you how much I'm down for doing whatever it takes to make this work.
I'm down for your overjoyed moments.
I'm down for your playful moods.
I promise to be there for you, during the times where you feel destroyed and forgotten.
I'm down for the times when you feel alone, hated
and worthless even though you're the opposite,
everyone's got those moments.
During your misery I'm committed to being your relief.
I want to comfort you, make love to you,
hold you, play with you,
tease you, please you, adore you.
I love you.
I love us.
Even when the feelings grow less and less,
I'll still love you
Even when we grow old and fragile
I'll still love you.
Even when we may fight someday and feel like giving up,
I'll still hold on.
Even when we grow weary
We have to hold on.
Even when it's not easy
We have to...
Even when we can't stand eachother
We have to....
I know my love for you isn't temporary.
I love you, and my feelings won't change.
All I wanna do is show you.

I slowly watch as the dreams and plans i once made fade away in the land were i was born and raised we travel down the roades day and night moving towrds one thing insight a new life is what she wanted a time away frome the hell he started  but moving makes me see the things i needed the dreams and planes fade away as we travel away from the land ok its time i say im afraid i wish everything wouldnt change i wish my dreams and plans wouldent have faded away but now were here and everythings clear my life is new but i have  absoulutly no clue on what i should do should i run away or hide away no my life is moving and soon ill be new just as i am when i move im confused and i dont know what to do i feel alone and abandond at home but shes always there and i thank her for her care even though i feel alone im not im home my body may be still but my soul will always and forever will be moving

There's a reason I do drugs,
Weather it because my mom did em when she was carrying me,     OR,
If it was because my mom was to young, her friends were all crazy and as much as i yearend for a sibling i was the only one.
I don't mind that i spend all my time and hard earned money on them,
But everybody says it's just a hole,
I'm 18 and one poem can't tell the world my story,
I eat em, smoke em, drip em, or snort em till they're all gone,
I wanna Wright a song but sober it fells like i can't turn on,
Blond hair and blue eyes, if only the world would uncover all my lies,
I have this one friend of mine, she's not to much but when she's around i stay up all night thinking of the fame and city lights,
Once when i was 10 i found my good friend, spent some time together, then i started telling her i was gonna make myself famous.
if you were around i would hide her and even when she was yellin at me you couldn't here a sound.
Id conversate with her when it got late, I'd tell her all my young thoughts and i would keep speaking until i heard my grandpas snoring stop.
i have a few other friends that help me out they all smoke, snort or and when im broke and with em i feel ***** and poor.
My mother and her friends introduced me and we've even had some talks together.
my grandpa always kept my friends away he he said the were bad and could turn and **** me one day. But i loved my friends so i kept em close.
As i got older i meet some other friends kept some and lost some if i liked em they were mine till the end.
They love me just the same and when im not around the look for me till we reunite again.
This morning i ran into crystal she's not always around and i didint meet her first but **** she's got me so down to earth. I can tell the world anything, and she always promised to get rid of the haters and keep me on high alert.
When she was getting handed to me out a window she needed a blanket so nobody saw her naked. I rushed her him and tucked her away.
I have a girl friend and unlike my friends she's a real thing. When we met I had to hide some friends cuz I love her and care what she thinks. Almost 1 year together and crystal was in the living room with my aunt and her husband. My girl knew but she didint understand, so i spent all knight defending her so that we could hang. An hour later i was sneaking in our room i introduced the 2 and put my friend away comfy.
My girl has become my world and when she meet my friend she was kinda frightened. But we spent some time and i showed my love how to treat her.
When i brought her home i didint wake my girl up i made sure we had a peice to smoke from.
When that was done i woke her up and we kicked it by ourselves for a minute in in the shed. Taking turns with her, filled my head with brilliant things i saw my girl smile and my heart spead up and grew wings.
I love all my friends and im not sure how i would make it if i told em to leave. I've known em so long and were so close it hurts but it's time i be real and admit im broke as dirt. They made me give all my money away so we could talk. I hide my blue eyes and keep quiet  all the time, i love my friends and im not ready yet but when i great a life im gonna have to say good bie.

They've been by my side my whole life and for a wile my little ray of sunshine wouldent pay them any mind. But every time im asked I promise I'll be a better dad. So what happens when they find were my friend is stashed, even under lock and key if there anything like me they'll be full of curiosity.
The one time they find the key i know my friends will invite them in without asking me. Were all chill now and crystal is still around but on my life I swear my child won't ever see me up all night or asleep all day. I know I mean what I say I just pray for the strength to be a man about what I say.

There's a reason I do drugs and  im done thinking about how I started but as long as my friends keep me smart and not retarted when iv created life I will have no hesetation to say goodbye.
even if it hurts like a knife to the chest my child will be the best for my choice to quite ****

24 and he lived his life more than many of us do in a life time....
He shouldn't have suffered like he did...
When many told him he could never play music, that he wouldent amount to much of nothing cause it's hard to do,
The only words he said were " I'm not gonna miss out on something great just because it's hard to do..."

Artists like us
Have a rare form of narcissism
In which
We think we are ****
But we want others to see our ****
And enjoy it
And when they do.
It's intoxication
To much wine
On an empty stomach
Fade to black

Growing up
My uncle had this *******
Junkyard dog
And the dog had a bear
And i was 5
And i didnt really want the bear
But next thing i knew
It was craddled to my chest
And the dog stratched
to get it back
It left a deep red reminder on my arm
And i hid it from my mom
So she wouldent know i took the dog's bear
I still have a scar there.

But look
what im saying is,
Though this is into the void
And you will never hear it,
I'm sorry.

For a long while I held myself together
Nobody got anything from me

My opinion was mine alone

My ideas were self contained

My words rarely left my lips

My heart most definently was locked away

One day you came along
My first mistake was telling you what I thought of you
My next was what I wanted to do
Worse yet were the three words "I love you"

It took you years to make me truly ***** up though
One day I messed it all up and finnaly delivered my whole heart to you

You gladly took it in two hands
Looked up to me and smiled
That's when you tossed it over my head
You ran and caught it

I stamped my foot and told you no
You threw it back again

I started to have fear

You tore my heart in three
Started juggling with me

I cried and pleaded no
But you wouldent let me go

Eventually you got bored

Tore my heart to confetti
And showered it on me

I feel knees to the floor
I gathered what was once at my core

I looked to God and threw what was left of my heart

What came down was whole and pure
No longer was I broken
No longer must I fear

I can live threw anything
My God is hear

Good morning, I hope your well.
Haven't talked to you in a while.
Saw your mom she looks sad I gave her a hug and we cried for a long while. It felt good.

Are you in a diffrent body and when random people smile at me or are nice to me, is that you?

When I see a stranger and i feel like i know that person  thats impossible unless it's you...
! Next time maybe hold a purple bandana then I'll known its you for sure.

I miss our long talks so much has happend over the years and I dont think anyone will fill your place.

I wanted to **** myself the  other day, held my breath underwater till it hurt

I named a scar after you not a healthy reaction I know, but the cuts deep and didnt bleed. It's tough like you.

Good morning. Hope you're doing fine.

Went to sleep because I was stupid enough with a stranger  I was afraid I wouldent be able to find you.
Then I thought maybe I'd find someone who is lost like me and they knew you and you are fine.

I'm still afraid of birds but a crow near my house gets close to me and seems kind and will make weird noises at me some times I feed it and talk to it like it's you.

Sad music makes me feel better.
Were you the same?

Mother said I cannot marry a girl would you have married me?

Good night.. talk to you again.

I didn't know I was broken until today

You always hear about that kid
The one with a rough past
Maybe his or her heart was broken

Maybe their dad left

Maybe their mother hit the bottle

I always thought I was the pretzel tied together

Only now I know that in fact I'm knot OK

Don't let the puns fool you
That's just me
Trying to say hi
From the pits of self hate and despair

I'm broken and to proud to say so

To bad theirs no one listing anyway

I could show this to my loved ones and they would say well written

They wouldent even see the salt on the pretty picture that makes my eyes run dry every night

It's OK though
I'll just learn to live as a broken knot
Seems as the core of me was broken long ago

I'm not one to play a name game
But sometimes it's a necessary pain
When the next leader of your countries name
Is more known for fame
Than his Political game

Now my mind wouldent be in pain
If the names he named
For his cabinet weren't insane

He is a political stain
Who rubs the whole world against the grain
For his own political gain
With out caring on who he places the strain

Of staying sane
Without pain
With enough leftover for today's grain
So my life dosent go down the drain

Don't you see.

He is naming names
Without a clear end game
And when he has had his fame
The world will be left dying and in pain

I stare into the emptiness of the lost sky
Confused, mentally damanged, still I cry
Life is torn like feathers from a bird
And all of the worlds whispers were heard
Im not so much blinded by the light as I die
It's more of the burning that I tried
But in the end I ultimately failed
And so I stare as the stars began to sail
The sky is thicker now, a little bit alive
But I know that it was to late for good-byes
The words drill in my head forcing me to see
All the sinful things that dwelled inside me
I lost all feeling and I am collapsing inside
And once your walls collapse you cannot hide
The sky is complete stars, planets, and light
I knew at that very moment I wouldent live through the night
Now the whispers and secrets are gone too
Only to wake with the devil and you

Why am I sitting here thinking, when the worlds crashing down and the only soft sounds from the day is of heavy breathing and skin on skin... Knowing youd be the one I'd call to wish goodbye last if I left this world because it'd be the hardest... and I wouldent let you hear a single quiver in my voice, standing there with the pills in my hand, I'd let you know that seeing your face lights up my days and tell you I have to go... And when you say something along the lines of "bye darlin, im here for you okay?" I'll tell you that I know, and I love you for the first and last time and I'll hang up because I know you won't say it back.... Knowing that if I was dying my last thought would probably be of you... And I'd be okay with that... Knowing that I laugh and smile to your face when you don't want me to go, crying later because I didn't want to go for different reasons... Knowing that if the world was ending I'd want to be in your arms and you'd probably want to be... Anywhere else....because ****, you make life so amazing and so unbearable at the same time and you don't Even realize it... But I made myself a promise, I'll never tell you the way I feel about you again, it hurt you too much not to be able to say the same things and I saw it in your eyes and I can't bear to hurt you ever again... And I know you say that we can stop and we can be just normal friends but... Maybe I'm selfish..  Because I won't be your first, or last, or the one you love... But I want to be the one you never forget, the one that you can say your life will never be the same because of and that I made your days brighter.... Because while some part of me has accepted that you'll never love me, nights like this make me wish with all my heart that you could... And I know how selfish that is... But you make me selfish... I already know the day I see you with another woman will be the day that breaks me... But I want to break... I want you to find someone who makes you happy in ways that i can't, someone who you wake up and look at and smile and think to yourself "how'd i get so **** lucky"  I want you to love someone and them love you back just as hard... But it hurts knowing I won't be that one... I said I wouldn't catch feelings when you told me that girls your friends with always did, but you said it was because of your angel wings and good looks.... I didn't expect your laugh and that look you get in your eye when I innocently touch you (or try to stop) or the way you talk alittle slurred when you're tired walking around with your arms crossed and head down, and the slight smile when I wrap my arms around you from behind... I didn't expect to fall for you in between all of the simple things you do... But till the day I die I believe every man I meet will be subconsciously compared to you... But since I can't be your lover... I'll strive to be your best friend... Even if it completely and utterly breaks my soul...