"wouldent" poems
If i died tonight i wouldent want regrets to follow.
you love these cheating, lusting hearts god,
and you buy us back from the darkness, when we
chase and glorify idols.
Looking back i remember the nights when i betrayed you
and took a bottle instead of you, using it as a crutch..
Forgive me for the days when i CHOOSE not to honer you because i didn't FEEL like it.. forgive me for not worshiping you on Sundays cause i thought if i got to "rowdy" people might stare...im preaching one thing but practicing another...
God give me strength to overcome this..
i need you God
Dec 13, 2012
Dec 13, 2012 at 11:17 PM UTC
you and me....we were so close
father like daughter, the bestest of friends.
you were my savior, you taught me about Jesus, you used to read me the bible every night to me..
you deliverd me to Christ and prayed the prayer of salvation with me, and i was saved.
but see then you stopped coming home, and when you did, you were always drunk!
hitting my mom, pushing me around. i guess things got a little to heavy for you...
see, i wish i knew it was alchohal, i wish i knew that wasent my daddy, that would hurt me... but i didnt!
so i hide from you, under my bed, clenching on to my blanky cause you and mama were screaming...always fighting.
i didnt know what to do!!
what happens when the one you were suppost to look up to, wasent there. what if they started changing?
ever since i was little all i wanted to do was follow in your foot steps... i only wanted to be just like you . play piano like you did, walk/ talk like you did, be Christ like you did, but now....?you were so angry at me, so drunk...you hated God, i even thought you hated me, so i did too... then you left me and mama at home not knowing what to do...not knowing where you were, where you went. i hated myself, because my own father hated me! you probably didn't know that, did you... probably didn't know that Ive wanted and to commit suicide ... and i wouldent be here, if my mom and my friends hadent caught me... I NEEDED YOU THEN! .... dad, i needed you to show me that God didnt hate me, that he set me out to be a woman of God. That identity isnt about fitting in, or being so perfect all the time. since i didnt have you in my life i was always fighting for approval because i felt like when you left, you hated me, that i wasent good enough to be called your daughter. i wish i would have known its okay to make mistakes sometimes... i wish i would have known about controlling my anger, and to have respect for my leaders.... i wish i would have known that i could stand up for myself, but i didnt... i didnt know that i was important. important enough to not hurt myself. that i was made for more... so i had to figure that out for myself! after years of hating God and YOu, i had to figure out what a fool i was and that i really didnt have to let people abuse and mock me... that i could havve stopped that! i wish i knew that when i was threatend to be killed, i could have called out for help, i could have told someone.... but you stood back...behind the lines. i thought i lost you...
Apr 17, 2013
Apr 17, 2013 at 12:17 AM UTC
I long to hear the sounds
Of nature uninterrupted
Heard pure and clean and clear
By mankind not corrupted
I long to hear the waterfall
Flowing down the mountains face
To hear the rushing water crash
By no unatural sound disgraced
To hear the gentle winds
Blowing through the mighty pines
Untouched by unatural sounds
Be they yours or mine
To hear the falling of the rain
Colliding with the thirsty ground
The thunder as it roars
No hint of man made sound
To hear the silence of the night
That is ruled by star and moon
The sound of the great abyss
Peace it's only tune
To hear the choir of the feathered singers
Singing their beautiful hymns
Free of outside sounds
From their stage high upon a limb
I long to hear only the sounds
Of the nature that God created
But everywhere I go it seems
They have by the sounds of men been permeated
O Wouldent it be a joy to hear
Natures voice pure and true
With no sound made by man
To tarnish the sound or view
Jul 8, 2014
Jul 8, 2014 at 8:47 AM UTC
You..
You are my blessing.
You are my hope.
You are my love.
You give me joy.
You.... Complete me.
You are the one I can't imagine my life without,
You are the one that gave me love.
You are the one I strive everyday, to show, how much love I have for u.
I wouldent be who I am today, if I didn't have you, to come back to every night.
You make me feel alive.
You are my foundation.
You are my safe place.
You are my comfort.
And with all this love you've given me,
I can't ever wait to show you how much I'm down for doing whatever it takes to make this work.
I'm down for your overjoyed moments.
I'm down for your playful moods.
I promise to be there for you, during the times where you feel destroyed and forgotten.
I'm down for the times when you feel alone, hated
and worthless even though you're the opposite,
everyone's got those moments.
During your misery I'm committed to being your relief.
I want to comfort you, make love to you,
hold you, play with you,
tease you, please you, adore you.
I love you.
I love us.
Even when the feelings grow less and less,
I'll still love you
Even when we grow old and fragile
I'll still love you.
Even when we may fight someday and feel like giving up,
I'll still hold on.
Even when we grow weary
We have to hold on.
Even when it's not easy
We have to...
Even when we can't stand eachother
We have to....
I know my love for you isn't temporary.
I love you, and my feelings won't change.
All I wanna do is show you.
Jun 30, 2014
Jun 30, 2014 at 3:14 AM UTC
I slowly watch as the dreams and plans i once made fade away in the land were i was born and raised we travel down the roades day and night moving towrds one thing insight a new life is what she wanted a time away frome the hell he started but moving makes me see the things i needed the dreams and planes fade away as we travel away from the land ok its time i say im afraid i wish everything wouldnt change i wish my dreams and plans wouldent have faded away but now were here and everythings clear my life is new but i have absoulutly no clue on what i should do should i run away or hide away no my life is moving and soon ill be new just as i am when i move im confused and i dont know what to do i feel alone and abandond at home but shes always there and i thank her for her care even though i feel alone im not im home my body may be still but my soul will always and forever will be moving
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 3:46 PM UTC
Covered in oil cause he drenched him self in superficial pride last night...
He took her far, Wrestling through her baby blue sheets, till morning he wouldent let her go...
He abused her for her crys for help.
But this was all shes ever been shown...
Never felt love, only the pain of him pushing into her...
When will she let go?
When will she give up?
Jan 8, 2013
Jan 8, 2013 at 1:22 AM UTC
Good morning, I hope your well.
Haven't talked to you in a while.
Saw your mom she looks sad I gave her a hug and we cried for a long while. It felt good.
Are you in a diffrent body and when random people smile at me or are nice to me, is that you?
When I see a stranger and i feel like i know that person thats impossible unless it's you...
! Next time maybe hold a purple bandana then I'll known its you for sure.
I miss our long talks so much has happend over the years and I dont think anyone will fill your place.
I wanted to **** myself the other day, held my breath underwater till it hurt
I named a scar after you not a healthy reaction I know, but the cuts deep and didnt bleed. It's tough like you.
Good morning. Hope you're doing fine.
Went to sleep because I was stupid enough with a stranger I was afraid I wouldent be able to find you.
Then I thought maybe I'd find someone who is lost like me and they knew you and you are fine.
I'm still afraid of birds but a crow near my house gets close to me and seems kind and will make weird noises at me some times I feed it and talk to it like it's you.
Sad music makes me feel better.
Were you the same?
Mother said I cannot marry a girl would you have married me?
Good night.. talk to you again.
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 1:23 AM UTC
For a long while I held myself together
Nobody got anything from me
My opinion was mine alone
My ideas were self contained
My words rarely left my lips
My heart most definently was locked away
One day you came along
My first mistake was telling you what I thought of you
My next was what I wanted to do
Worse yet were the three words "I love you"
It took you years to make me truly ***** up though
One day I messed it all up and finnaly delivered my whole heart to you
You gladly took it in two hands
Looked up to me and smiled
That's when you tossed it over my head
You ran and caught it
I stamped my foot and told you no
You threw it back again
I started to have fear
You tore my heart in three
Started juggling with me
I cried and pleaded no
But you wouldent let me go
Eventually you got bored
Tore my heart to confetti
And showered it on me
I feel knees to the floor
I gathered what was once at my core
I looked to God and threw what was left of my heart
What came down was whole and pure
No longer was I broken
No longer must I fear
I can live threw anything
My God is hear
Jul 28, 2016
Jul 28, 2016 at 12:09 AM UTC
I didn't know I was broken until today
You always hear about that kid
The one with a rough past
Maybe his or her heart was broken
Maybe their dad left
Maybe their mother hit the bottle
I always thought I was the pretzel tied together
Only now I know that in fact I'm knot OK
Don't let the puns fool you
That's just me
Trying to say hi
From the pits of self hate and despair
I'm broken and to proud to say so
To bad theirs no one listing anyway
I could show this to my loved ones and they would say well written
They wouldent even see the salt on the pretty picture that makes my eyes run dry every night
It's OK though
I'll just learn to live as a broken knot
Seems as the core of me was broken long ago
Jan 2, 2017
Jan 2, 2017 at 8:45 PM UTC
Artists like us
Have a rare form of narcissism
In which
We think we are ****
But we want others to see our ****
And enjoy it
And when they do.
It's intoxication
To much wine
On an empty stomach
Fade to black
Growing up
My uncle had this big black
Junkyard dog
And the dog had a bear
And i was 5
And i didnt really want the bear
But next thing i knew
It was craddled to my chest
And the dog stratched
to get it back
It left a deep red reminder on my arm
And i hid it from my mom
So she wouldent know i took the dog's bear
I still have a scar there.
But look
what im saying is,
Though this is into the void
And you will never hear it,
I'm sorry.
Jul 28, 2016
Jul 28, 2016 at 7:35 PM UTC
24 and he lived his life more than many of us do in a life time....
He shouldn't have suffered like he did...
When many told him he could never play music, that he wouldent amount to much of nothing cause it's hard to do,
The only words he said were " I'm not gonna miss out on something great just because it's hard to do..."
Jan 8, 2013
Jan 8, 2013 at 12:40 AM UTC
I'm not one to play a name game
But sometimes it's a necessary pain
When the next leader of your countries name
Is more known for fame
Than his Political game
Now my mind wouldent be in pain
If the names he named
For his cabinet weren't insane
He is a political stain
Who rubs the whole world against the grain
For his own political gain
With out caring on who he places the strain
Of staying sane
Without pain
With enough leftover for today's grain
So my life dosent go down the drain
Don't you see.
He is naming names
Without a clear end game
And when he has had his fame
The world will be left dying and in pain
Dec 7, 2016
Dec 7, 2016 at 11:58 PM UTC
I stare into the emptiness of the lost sky
Confused, mentally damanged, still I cry
Life is torn like feathers from a bird
And all of the worlds whispers were heard
Im not so much blinded by the light as I die
It's more of the burning that I tried
But in the end I ultimately failed
And so I stare as the stars began to sail
The sky is thicker now, a little bit alive
But I know that it was to late for good-byes
The words drill in my head forcing me to see
All the sinful things that dwelled inside me
I lost all feeling and I am collapsing inside
And once your walls collapse you cannot hide
The sky is complete stars, planets, and light
I knew at that very moment I wouldent live through the night
Now the whispers and secrets are gone too
Only to wake with the devil and you
May 8, 2017
May 8, 2017 at 6:52 PM UTC