For as long as I can remember, I’ve been writing
Dialogue for languages that I don’t speak.
Transcribing twisted writings of de-aligning dialects.
I’ve torn everything out of context,
Inspected it against the light,
Held it there until it burned from over exposure,
Then stitched its singed edges back into a niche where
It never seemed to fit quite right,
But close enough to be
Misconstrued as almost coherent.
And this confusion became the format for my daily
Step-by-step instruction manual.
Rip.
Look.
Burn.
Stitch.
Repeat.
For a while I found comfort behind
The makeshift ideas pieced together
With television taglines and childhood nursery rhymes.
I could count the number of times
That I’ve been caught
Slipping in certain names
Of certain people and places
That I swore to forget
On paper-cut fingers wrapped in band-aids
Like they’re next springs new fashion,
And it’s a dismal ratio
When compared to how often I get away with it.
I get away with ******
And it’s funny
How easy it is to hide words within words.
And I fall further in line,
Repeat.
Rip.
Look.
Burn.
Stitch.
I fall further in rank-and-file,
Repeat.
Yesterdays.
Rip.
A bloodline.
Look.
The same.
Burn.
The smell of smoke.
Stitch.
Through the eye of a needle.
Repeat.
I begin to confuse tomorrows with yesterdays.
Rip.
My fingertips can testify that paper and razors share a bloodline.
Look.
I can’t see a change, I’ve rearranged every alphabet and they all seem the same.
Burn.
I think I’ve grown accustomed to the smell of smoke.
Stitch.
I stop denying that I’m fitting my whole lifeline through the eye of a needle.
As daylight shines bright through cracked blinds
I realize that, now,
Instead of counting subliminal messages
I’ve been keeping a tally of every time I blink
So that I’m aware of each moment I miss while
Hiding behind blackened eyelids,
And I am drowning in debt.
So I pull tight the drawstring on the window shades
And let my skin soak up the sun
I notice that where the mountains meet the sky
Seems so much brighter than it’s described in the words
That are now scattered across my floor.
But like exes,
Old habits have a tendency
To call you beckoning back
When you finally find breath again.
I found breath again,
But just as quickly staggered in reverse to
The familiar feeling of paper
And my hands do what they’ve been trained to.
Repeat.
Rip.
Look.
Burn.
Stitch.
But my eyes are fixed on the horizon,
They start setting with the sun.
Repeat.
I begin…
Rip.
My fingertips…
Look.
I can’t…
Burn.
I think…
Stitch.
I stop.
