Some days I just lye awake
I don’t know why or how nothing I can ever take to get rid of this feeling
There’s nothing I do I’m trapped in my own mind in own time I just rewind reflect I need to be checked my mental status is on a new apparatus
That is just how it is and it will be forever me but I can’t explain that I’m in love with the feeling that I will never get better no matter the weather out side it’s always cloudy in my brain I feel like I’m in sane and I love it I cry I’m depressed re obsessed with the way my mind thinks that it’s ok to be this way but this is how I see the day on the daily and lately I thought I was mapping it out turns out i was farther from the truth then I have ever been and this I’ve already seen. Been there done that I’m done with this crap i wish it was over but I can’t end the pain that keeps me alive because if I’m not in it I don’t know, who am I

You ever look up and feel the sky
Try to think can’t find a single reason why,
Are you dead and or alive
Like what’s inside
All that hard ****, ******* know we tried but never had the best of times
Always looked for the light though we felt it die each try  
It’s written down now get in the ground
This is the sound of repression now
Sound cloud rapper with depression how stereotypical, slip knot music video while I slit my wrists how sick is this
How twisted do I need to get
Enough to feed the fit
Get me too get treated
I can’t help it I got a disease
****** up mentally
Forget my recipe

This is the way it was  not how it has to be how could we passively self destruct our own lives and not know it **** few more and would’ve blown it when I’m angry I just throw it, it’s just how I go through it, just how I knew it , blows up in my face every time shows up in every rhyme don’t know why just so angry it pains me I’m flaming at the the top prepaired  for that massive drop,  beat hit needle on the record. Calm and wreck less like twin injections this complextion got your head re derectin in every wich way checkin
For my flexin, hit the motor plex an decide to keep right, right where I want you i own you I pown  you
I guess you got to wake up to invent you’re own destiny
Formulate a plan become lyrical Peter Pan  
Got you lookin like a meter man
Now I know your not man made  
Put down this charade Or you’re gonna need clinic aid
Written spitten pain


Guess I’m just a rap guy
Guess I’m just a sad guy
Guess I’m just a mad guy
Guess I’m not a good guy
Guess I’ll say good bye

De pijn is diep en goed
verspreid, niet zomaar
aan te duiden, onduidelijk,
iets wat je moeilijk onderscheidt.

Zoek voor haar momenten om
nieuwe uren in te luiden.
Laat van tijd een luchtje scheppen,
paarse bloemen, bomen bruin
en uitgestrekte velden links,
rechts, een kinderspeeltuin.

Wanneer we de tijd weer nemen
om te kijken, zien we meer
dan wanneer
we haar aan het raam laten
zitten.
Geef de kans om haar tuintje om te spitten.
In en uit balans krijgt het groeien
terug een kans en zie die paarse bloemen, in goed licht,
die zich maar al te graag weer komen moeien
met het veld van je gezicht.

I was gonna write you a letter
Talking about how nothing’s gotten better
How it’s your fault why I’m not a go getter
Don’t know how to love
Don’t know how to get better
Was gonna sign that **** in red
But you claimed that colour
When you were trippen, rippen my skin
had one hand on my mouth
Other on my throat
Struggling
Watchin the colour go
Given me a taste of death
knocking on the window
You shown me what true evil is
Made it easy for me to wanna slice
your throat & knock your **** in
Spit on your face & leave you to rot like how I should of did then
Instead of tryna find a way
to get you straight
While I was traumatized sitting thinking
this ugly *** ***** keeps spitten
something about oh I wanna be your first take me to the psych ward
forget I did this
But I hadn’t let that pen hit the paper
Cause I rather tell it to your face like I did
I told you I ain’t afraid no more
I got two working hands
Ready to ring your throat if you ever
put your hands on my siblings
Told you to look me in the eyes cause you acted like a ***** crying
Like you ain’t the one responsible for me standin here confronting you
Wanting to die
But I started rewriting that ****
because it’s been 7 years
& I’m nearly my own again