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Sally A Bayan Dec 2013
Visitors had flown back home
The much awaited respite
Finally, was at hand.
It felt good...to be on your own
Leaning on the bed, alone, though
Still nursing a cold from two weeks past.
To catch up with sleep
Was all that mattered.

Quietude was a blessing.
There was no noise at all
At 5:00 in the morning.

What?   5:00 AM?
No rushing footsteps?  No showering?
No flushing of the toilet?
On a school day?
This can't be!

Wondered why
Rising from the bed was a struggle,
Everything seemed light...floating,
Turning...spinning
Panic lurked in all corners of my room,
Loomed, it did, and spread all around,
In the midst of a widening cloak of fear.
The vacuum...in the right ear
Cleared those fuzzy thoughts.
The
Truth
Stood out
Transparently:
My right ear could no longer hear.

Whether lying cringed or curled,
Prostrate, or supine,
Grieving, worrying
Predominated in the days that followed
Diagnoses and prognoses, all were bleak
The cruel, deadly virus did it all
The loss superceded, and
Displaced every strand of confidence
A downward pull was imminent.

No phone calls were accepted.
Unexpectedly, true colors surfaced,
Real friends came forward
Family, other voices kept whispering:
"Shibashi waits, tai chi helps,
Both can alleviate, heal the heart,
Heal the mind, to be able
To accept the unacceptable."

Fourteen days seemed a year already,
Moments spent in soul-searching
But...restlessness won.
With prayers and courage, gathered within,
I dared cross that busy street,
Though shaking, quivering from fear
And from the cold winds of February
Almost got hit by a car,
Cursed by its driver,
But reached the church grounds in one piece.
Practice started at 7:00 AM, sharp.

Movements were calming,
Healing,
Strengthening
Concentration was perfect!
It was sunny
Wind blew softly,
Carrying small things, floating, flying
Tiny strips that went with the wind
What I thought were garbage
Strips of thrash paper, from a shredder,
Thrown from a house I passed by
Blown even further, higher up
I walked back home,
With strips of paper on my head.

Two weeks were too short, I was still confused,
Unaccepting, mad, sad, felt cheated,
Still in denial, of what had occurred
Standing in front of a vanity mirror,
I pondered,
What could be God's message this time?
Those strips of thrash paper,
What if they were confetti from Heaven?
My situation wasn't a festive event!
Could I have overlooked something here?
Was God trying to call my attention?
I wasn't sure...all I knew was,
I was depressed
I lost equanimity, I lost my serenity
I was distraught, I was everything but happy.
But, those strips of paper
Falling on my head
Made me look up to the sky that morning.

There were no tears before, and even today
I am a bit afraid, but
There is a calmer me
There is solace in the fact that,
God gave me two ears
I could still hear with the other
I live quite an active life 'til now
I move briskly
I sit where the speaker's voice is clearest
To my left ear.
When something is difficult to hear, or understand,
I get so frustrated
Sometimes, I forget about it,
It has its good effects.

It would soon be seven years after
I have learned to
adjust to my limitations,
Still wanting to know how to overcome
Or resolve these limitations
One day, I might just
One day, I might just
Accept what should be accepted

I can get myself through this
I hope to be understood
And not pitied.


Early morning ,December 11, 2013
    (From journals of 2007-2008)

Sally

Copyright 2013
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
Katha Kirti Jan 2015
She informed that there are no rules in this game…
I’ll be the chaser and she’ll play my aim…
She said I’ll find her at the exit of this maze…
After seconds, hours or million and one days…

I thought a lot and contemplated…
Her charm and hallow predominated…
She said that I could have her forever…
And that became my only endeavor…

There were two paths towards the left and right…
The mirrors on the walls were gleaming bright…
Each one of them had her reflection…
I took a while to make a selection…

This maze was a very tricky one…
My task I thought had just begun…
It had twisted turns and walls so high…
There was no one to hear me or reply…

Then there were times I met a few other men…
We fought for her most often…
She was all I desired for…
All’s fair in love and war…
Leaping the hurdles became a colossal task…
But fortitude touched the brim of my cask …
I fought my battles like The Samurai’s…
Made more foes than allies…

I constantly looked out for a short cut…
Few doors opened and rest remained shut…
I walked and walked as fast as I could…
Crossed rivers, valleys and the woods…

It got really dark, lonely and cold…
But I decided not to withhold…
What would they say if I now resign…
And if I won then she would be mine…

The sky turned coral and the birds sang a song…
I could see her waiting and couldn’t prolong…
But wait… this is the place where we parted…
I was standing right there from where I started…

I grabbed her in my arms and planted a kiss…
And she reciprocated without amiss…
Like children we guffawed together she and I…
I lived my life again, in the twinkling of an eye…
The game was over and I looked at her…
She stood by my side, my past began to blur…
But where did she come from and what was her name...
Like an enchanted temptress she began to proclaim…

My name is happiness and I am hard to keep…
But if you want me I am dirt cheap…
You hastened inside to lead life without a clue…
Exit was where I stood, right beside you…

You chose to enter in pursuit of me…
Leaving me behind when I stood next to thee…
I am not a trophy or a reward for any game…
Neither a picture that you can photo frame…

I am a feeling, a desire and the madness in love…
I am in freedom, in patience and in letting go of…
Don’t run after me, I'm omnipresent…
Just learn to live, laugh and love to your heart’s content…

~Kathaa Kirti~
Both sides of the Arbela militia remained frosty, failing to tear the wrath of the throne from the depths of the charter and from the expropriation of the votive temple, in view of the strength of leaders who were reinserted and rewritten from the plaster of Parnassus, where the beatifices Mortals are seen competing without having references or additions in the washer that predominated by chance referring to athletes and gladiators who were not, but today they could be spiked in the crushing Syntagamatarchos table, captaining two units all with their abdomen semi open, re liquidating again the entrails by the Ghosts of Shiraz, who came from Roknabad (also known as Aub-e Rokní), from an underground channel that carried water from the spring to the city from a mountain located ten kilometers northeast of Profitis Ilias, from where until then they were commanded, with dispatches of their designs before a voluntary prodigy that emancipates a perplexed Meltem i that he was haphazardly swirling in the funerary fields, but descriptive of returning to the fields their souls, which abstained after ephemeris towards a knowledge resigned to abide by it, and to get rid of transcendental limitations commanded by his blowing, and not his body that was clouded before the conspicuous epistemological reason flashed and relaxed when comforting them for having to calibrate their bones when they returned to Mosul. The Colosso pedestals were breaking when it intimidated everyone to flee to their homes, in this way it calmed them down from the quicksilver of the world that was no longer their typical dwelling, from a dwelling of transit to a story that deals with the flys that are they hover, pretending to be the same, banishing themselves from the pain that rises up the cervical spine and that dismisses the ridiculous voices of Aeschylus with their acting choruses that they seemed dilapidated in cries impossible to personify. The ******* brave pieces of deployment began to drain from the secondary positions of the penultimate physicalities of suffering that one felt without being affected, rather it manifested itself in the contents of an essential muscular container, of the subsistence of the cosmos installed in what does not think nor decide on its retraction. Vernarth and Alexander the Great knelt in front of the larnax of the torments of mercy, like ***** language that lashes out rhetoric in rebellions of thousands of hoplites who expiated themselves from their hands, empty spiked race contained in the perjury of Zeus, enrolled in apocryphal images in tombs of those who were going to be faced with pseudo refractory that was recluses of the fleshless breath, but anarchic when trying to return to their places of origin of warlike Tikun.

The traits of annihilation were shed from buried reanimates that became slime in the reverie of a mythological God who never accompanied them and invited them from a cohabiting sun, which was only the fantasy of irresistible permutations. It should be noted that the subplot was in intangible interfaces that would never be stitched together as an annexed story, but the words of parapsychology were captained by themselves more than the sub plotline that transcended the apostrophe of death, and the Pronoia of the Peri Kousmos. The doors of Patmia were finally released and speculative vines re-flowered were Lotos and Astragalus, as courtesies of Operandi and impairment that replaced the ****** elderberry, with chalks that made the winter raging when Persephone rampaged what was merely monthly erratic of those who exiled her. The senses of Patmos were the property of his Institution, which was what it is and is not, for a holistic consequence of fast ideology but of minimal intuition, which lay in multiple reasons for tissues that were filled with crop fields, animals in Magna prairies that agreed to serve the man who loved him, in which the causes were two meters before the limen that sent her off the cliff in other causes of confusion, in a real creation of zoological Hellenic neuroscience, where all forms of mythology were made of submithology, always at the side of man but this time redeemed from the origin and cause, they only persevere to offend a certain space of ignorance where the like all prevaricated by large amounts subordinate to their lineage, in the kingdom of paradises from which only animals protect the doors that only Cerberos and Cherubim open, scrutinizing food for them and making use of them.

Patmos was remade of all the waterfalls that completed the rigors of the precept, and not the chaos that subordinates cognition to make night day or day night, pouring specimens that were and will be ignored but extremely useful for the preservation of the body of the unsupported objective and sumptuous, but of a systemic nature that does and sustains it. The Souls of Helenikká and Trouvere graced all the inhabitants towards a comprehensive evolution of the ***** of dreams, giving it the fruits of conservation where the lords of the future will have to bow to the laborious principle of the Mashiach, conciliating the arrest of the stars and not of what is reactive of an invasive action. Thus ended this subplot rhetoric of intuitive formality and metaphysical channeling character, leading them through plumbing that led from what was coming out from the Raedus Codex, from the wind tunnel, and what was coming in from here identical to its elevation towards the direct apotheosis of the Megaron that was splendid in four composition buttresses with more than two drops of laudanum, which will be insignificant ***** to save the cosmos from falls of vitality in the conclusion of Vernarth.

Saint John the Evangelist after several sleeping episodes of his spiritual experience, reappears in the sucker of modality and intentions that the drops of laudanum manifested to fill the pain of Vernarth's tragedy, and those that are manifested to him that they became resurrected entelechies of component solutions speculative, that were reborn from certain internal devastations, and that returned vague automata to the Achaemenids that emerged from the depths of this professorial subplot, to bring them with the simplicity of lexicons that were loving realities that would lie behind the veils of illusion, transgressing properties of a totalizing daphnomancy. Due to his parliament, Áullos Kósmos eliminated himself braided from the road when he expresses fatigue and regret, calming the reasons in the flight from himself. He starts from demoralization and hidden impotence of the Hoplite that would not come out of himself, because it is a frenzy of consternation that makes him start from the unshakable grief of his compassion, without reaching the surface of the ethical plane.
Battle of Patmia Part VI
Planet earth (the Mother of all)
breathed a collective
and palpable sigh of relief,
and I too deeply exhaled,
a foregone conclusion staved off
today July 21st, 2024,
whereat the audacious,
contumacious, discracious,
hellacious, marlacious, mendacious,
predacious, pugnacious,

salacious, ungracious,
voracious elephant
furiously stomping around the room
seems less imminent
to trample out the vintage,
where the grapes of wrath stored
hence wine not express relief
thee inevitable defiant ego-freezer
chances of bagging the election
considerably diminished

in the mind of yours truly,
cuz let's be honest,
the current commander in chief
odds of winning before he withdrew
would never have received
sizeable percentage of electoral votes
a snowball's chance in hell,
though I rue advocating quitting,
(especially as applies to yours truly - me)
withdrawing from less than half hearted labor,

that trace amount of ambition
witnessed courtesy exerting feeble effort
particularly toward various and sundry
countless vocational pursuits
when I happened
to be a perpetual student
matriculating at many
colleges/universities,
but graduating from none
except the school of hard knocks.

Vaingloriousness absent in my vocabulary,
cuz during formative years of mein kampf
mental, physical and spiritual development
I exhibited passivity involving
academic, interpersonal and athletic pursuits
and wonder where in the webbed, wide world
the days of my life
the existence of a very reformed
wandering Jew slung this earthling  
around the black (hole)
threescore and six orbitz  
since January thirteenth
two thousand and twenty four.

Longevity and mortality hopefully witness
remaining lifetime of mine
equaling an additional thirty three
totally tubular birthdays
roaming thru stary sky since mcmlix
after the common era
each day being alive celebrated
(like the jumping frog of Calaveras County)
a schizophrenic doubting thomas
at puberty his psyche markedly twain,
never put figurative nose to the grindstone

thus he feels undeserving
of pomp and circumstance,
when milestones barely accomplished
with minimal expenditure
of blood, sweat and tears
bajillion years before the human league
prolifically predominated planet,
when primordial earth, wind, and fire  
shape shifting like a huge foghat,
whereby fluke of circumstances
triggered accretion of microbial organisms

eventually bridging cosmic infrastructure
vaguely analogous to symbiotic contra dance
differentiation of matter manifested
under a sheltering sky
begat seeds of life and white lily
ushering over milleniums
distinct plant and animal species
among the latter – beetle browed,
foo fighting, bountiful ink spots
soaking up osmotically
one after another lovin' spoonful

within small medium at large ink spots
organic molecules (monomers)
and complex organic molecules (polymers)
formed from inorganic materials
in the primitive atmosphere
fast forward eons later when clumped entities
deployed diploid doped baby boomer generation
among one feisty young married couple
succumbed to primal reproductive urge
begetting das scribe of these words
sometime around early/mid April
nineteen hundred and fifty eight.

From the get go
(as the product of a Geico caveman)  
I exhibited nervous disposition
and if born today
would probably be hashtagged
as Asperger, cuz early development
foretold exceptionally docile behavior
withdrawn into nonsocial realm
quite evident as I attended grade school
slinking away from the madding crowd.

— The End —