i find
that the word ****
is a poetic word.

"*******"
is harsh
rude
and
brash.

"**** me"
is ******
crass
and
not classy.

"**** it"
means a lot,
like ***** these ideas
***** what is thought.

I find
**** it
is a good phrase.
The other two
negative,
one that's positive
sometimes.
**** it,
implys a lot.
And in this case
it implied
forgetting
what the others
thought
and how others
saw
us.

-r.y.s

Anyway, Anaplasmata act aptly and abstractly
Backhands ******* balky baklava
Caractal chasm chant "Catty cavalry can't"
Dactyl dada dawns Djakarta drab

Larva ask dab-tap shabby knack lad
"Ever elect effete experts elsewhere?"
A clad daddy wants a dark jab dart
Fleece fleets flee flecked flyspecks

Cleft feet eve expels three resew eres
Gentle germs gelde grebe's geyser
Cede effects leek fell pecks self lyfes
Hellbent helmsmen helped hexed herders hence

Glen's remelted eggs be Serge-Grey
It insistingly implys impish ipsissimis insipidity
He held next her belched sender heel
Jiggling jibs jinx jimmy's jill jig

Its smilingly spiny impish mississippi I-I-I Is It dinty?
Kidding kibitz kick killing kings kitsch
sigil sign jimmy jib jingling jil
Livid linitis limits limbs limp

Big **** kid kicks thinking gill's zit kink
Midriffs mimics Mis's minimizing mistypings
Slim villi distils it, mini blimp
nil ninhydrin nihilists nicks nyxis nightly

Ms Mmisty's zip disc, if firm, is miming mining
ontology on top of oophoron ostomy.
Hindi hint silly lynchings. Skinny nix I stir
phonology 'pon phytol plywood poops polyglots pompons.

Polygon hoof-moon on poor toys toot
qophs
phony thong ploy loops monolog poppy.  Woody plop! Psst!
Rooks romp rootstock rods

"Posh" - Q
Schoolroom scoffs scoop shockproof snort stools
Mock stork pro or door toss
Thyrotomy 'top torpor tot's torso

So-so rooftop honk slots. Morocco sloops off
Usufruct tu upchucks
Stormy troops root to tot trothy
Vulgus vult vults

**** such curt cut ups
Wrung wctu
Vulgus vult vults
Xu

Wrung WCTU
Yummy yurts
Xu
Zulu zymurgy

Yummy! Try us!
Lawman scandal any pay at a scab yap tat tartly
Zulu zymurgy
Almanac-scratch that-clay tract vacancy

Chris Lafleur wrote a new note: fighting myself

12 hrs · 

im a mess and im aware of it
thanks for noticing,
but for some reason i cant find it in me to quit
cause every time is my last,
followed by relapse
typical cycle for anybody with this type of tolerance
still i keep making excuses, to give into temptation.
like its friday, or im single or i enjoy the conversation.
but the attention im getting, is negative
and consists of alterior motives 
the people that surround me, are pathetic and desperate 
we just share an addiction that controls our every action, predictable, insane , and defined by our habits
yet i still struggle to overcome it 
because satisfaction is so comforting
I crave a fix thats so damaging
yet i continue abusing myself and neglecting the side effects

its been so long that iv adapted amongst the monsters
and brought myself to accept it 
i understand the effects its had on my life 
and still cant change, 
i mean i try constantly, and have the right idea
just seem to fail repeatedly, and its becoming discouraging to never acheive whats expected from me 
Ive earned a bad reputation that i carry with me
everywhere i go, and its obvious im not a model citizen

not that im bad person ,i posses a kind heart , a beautiful mind, and the ability to be what i chose
i beleive in god and i try to do whats right
its society that doesnt agree 
they say im sick, confused , selfish , or bad 
this was not my intention when i began on this mission
and i never ment to hurt anybody?
yet i hv a book full of victims
that cant understand how i reason
in my defense i was curious, it all started as an experience but i underestimated the consequences that are associated with the sensation
sharing pills with my friends and creating memories
seemed beneficial at the time being
but now i see it was toxic and i was only bringing everyone down, a bad influence disguised in desire
destroying relationships and hurting each other 

so i cant be sick since that implys theres a cure 
more like twisted and stuck in reverse
and i cant escape this place since its myself that im avoiding
a problem thats affecting my entire existance.
ive forgotten how to smile without being under the influence, and loves become just a word i use to my advantage that i abuse amongst women to have *** without meaning, cause i do enjoy the company means i must contain misery 


so at this point im sensless 
incapable of feelings, without inducing them artificially
ive lost all direction,and theres no signs pointing towards the exits, 
just time wasted standing in the same position
Searching for somewhere i can feel wanted
a paradise,where i can be accepted for who i am
but without a clue how to get there i stumble through life without a destination in sight 
im lost in the darkness, and cant remember how i got here
i understand that its not right, and do appreciate the concern 
but in the end this is my life and i have to find the light on my own terms

SEVERITY
sometimes the severity of my emotions is enough

LOVE LETTERS
i don't write love letters
i've never written a love letter
and i will never write a love letter

April 16, 2014 1:15am
desperation is a beautiful emotion because it's need escalated to its highest capacity. and i desperately need you.

march 1,2014 11:09pm-11:14pm
I keep a lyric calendar on my wall composed of newsprint and sharpie to keep from writing the sentences on my body. I had the urge to sit within a locked room naked and start at my toes scribbling nonsense and the words on the tip of my tongue and in the depths of my mind until I ran out of skin. My desire to do this was overwhelming and I found great content and frustration in replaying this fantasy in my head over and over and over and over and over and over and over again...In my insanity I like to write on my skin. manic scribbles and crossed out phrases and words. And i wish they were permanent. That the ink of the sharpie really was permanent. But why wont I get a tattoo if I so carve to carve the words into scars across my skin?

march 1,2014 11:09pm
im writing more than im' speaking so i can do less thinking

march 1, 2014 10:36pm
I just want to die tonight. There's nothing that can distract me from my ceaseless thoughts and this feeling of engrossing sadness demanding my undivided attention to be felt.

march 1, 2014 8:48-9:02
with my feelings about my 19th birthday and birthdays in general why does it hurt so badly that she didn't follow through, that she attempted to care by setting up a banner but failed to be there beneath it when i came home when I knew that that's what would happen. When i'm use to these kind of attempts. Actually its the only thing I've ever known or been given are failed attempts. But I didn't expect anything from her at all. I didn't want anything from her at all except time. My whispered thoughts to myself were "i only want her time". Maybe its because of how much she already makes me into nothing so to half *** attempt to do something for me on my birthday, the day of my existence, is just an ironic but appropriate thing for her to do. She wouldn't think this much into it. She cared but just doesn't care enough and she dosn't have to think about it at all past the action. Dosn't have a reason to think of the effect. Dosn't have to think or know at all the effect. Its just an action to her and my reaction is my own. It was her obligation to do something and she tried. Oh I shouldn't say tried cause that implys that she meant to do more. No no no that's it. Just a banner. A banner to haunt me in my hallways of the time she dosn't have for my life on the day to celebrate the time I've been alive. Maybe its only right then that It makes me feel dead. But its just a banner. Without any emotions or feelings involved it's just a birthday banner and that's it.
(mymuse)

march 1, 2014 8:46pm
i know other people have felt as i feel. I know hat I will end this emotion. but the only emotion i want to feel are hers and that's whats killing me because I've erased myself to feel her nothingness. she feels nothing for me.
(mymuse)

march 1, 2014 8:45pm
i only write sad poetry

---------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------------------
i never thought my love for you could expire even if our relationship did
but lately it feels the other way around
-may 30, 2013 4:45pm
(with you in mind)

don't be so in love with tragedy
-may 30, 2013 4:46pm

i like the little tattoos on your skin
even if theyre visible theyre like whispers of some secret
-June 19th, 2013 9:03pm

in so much pain
so lonely
im so so sad
-June 20th, 2013 10:20pm

i almost noticed the fragmented shatters of your mind
...almost
just, almost...
(what you do to me)

I need someone to live for and right now You’re not enough.
I don’t know if You’ll ever be enough anymore.
I had the thought a while back that I loved You less and less these days.
That scared me but I thought I was strong enough to live on my own.
I want to live on my own
But not without You
It’s obvious that I’m dying without You
But you?
Are you worth living for?
No…no…not at all
It’s my choice only me to blame
But I love You.
Why? You don’t deserve my love.
But I love You all the same
-with you in mind

We made it blue, the most loyal colour
Plunges into ocean
Surrenders up to skies
Blurs the constant motion
With longing it implys
The truest of emotion
The most loyal colour.

I ain't ever gonna have that cash and June love
That love that no matter how much you endure,
at the end of days that woman says yes.
I ain't ever gonna die of a broken heart, because you gotta have one to break first.
Lost doesn't fit to the feeling I have,
It's more like disappeared.
Lost implys you will be found...
My love is at the bottom of a bottle
It's white residue left on a table
It's anything to numb my numb
To get my mind off you
To forget what life was when I had love
When everything else won't do..

An improbable role

I guess my mind is forsaken

Mental health is joke

But Dont be mistaken

People struggle with thoughts

But Weve turned it into a weapon

We fumble on words and the world judges us

A formal display that just tears us up

A societal fridge that freezes us up

But What is normal is this thing we call life?

That very question implys there's a standard to living

But Normals not real.

Its just what society makes it.

A general consensus does not make something real

Take the nazis, the mongols, the taliban and tell me their ideals speak true.

Society sets a standard

We dont have to apply

**** it ill just be me in this thing we call life