do something for me, okay?
tell my story at my funeral.
you’re gonna want to say no,
but how do you say no to a dead girl?
you can’t say no to me anyway, can you?

that’s my girl.
you never could.
so, will you tell them?
will you tell everyone
the reason i’m this way?

the reason my hands are useless,
sewn onto my wrists for show?
the reason you see me beside you,
femoral artery on display?
the reason my eyes stay glassy,
hyperfocused on nothing at all?

will you tell them of all
the things you were there for,
the things you saw,
the things you heard?
how you were the only witness,
every step of the way?

i think you will.
tell it all.
[we won’t mention that
when i needed you most,
at the end,
you weren’t there for me either.]

why didn’t you help me?
why didn’t you tell anyone about
all my razorblades, all my pills?

they were practically hand-fed to me,
and where were you?

right beside me, but not where you needed to be.
not helping me, only protecting me.
you protected me to death.

oh, did that hurt?
my apologies.
i guess i’m bitter.

anyway, the last thing i wanted to say?
is thank you.

thanks for finally letting me go.

Furniture moves around inside of me
My brain is the roof
My heart is the floor
Everything else is a revolving door
To live in suburbia you must be lobotomized
You must be cut up
Down to size
Realities are bleeding through
I’m sure they’ll love a train wreck
So goodbye to the oblong
Death for two
Hello to the sharp game of chance
Losing my mind is a sweet romance
I’ve gathered my graffiti tools
Hyperfocused on the rules
Now it’s time
To claim my birthright
To transform into the hunter
To perform like a good boy should
Here comes the Flow

I'm sorry we can't be friends
I don't know how to explain that
It isn't you, but my brain
Or even that it's a bit of both.

There's something wrong with this
With the way my mind gets stuck on you
The way you feel so important to me
When you're just some random girl.

It felt like I saw glimpses of your truth
Moments where you'd drop the mask
We could talk about feelings in a real way
And you'd release that tough exterior.

My thoughts would get stuck on you
On the things that you'd say when you were drunk
Because whatever existed between us
Felt surreal and part of something more.

I understand that that's ridiculous
That this delusion is a product of my own mind
That this intense affinity I have for you
Is simply a compulsion of my traumatized brain.

But even knowing my own truth didn't fix it
I still drunk texted you like a lovesick fool
I still acted like an idiot when you showed up
Stuck hyperfocused on you when everyone could see.

I'm sorry I wasn't better than my brain
And that I can't just flow as friends
You mean a lot to me,
But that's precisely the problem now.

Because you don't like me like that
And you don't want whatever this is
I want to respect you and your feelings
So I need to step away

You still take up too many thoughts
But it's getting better these days
I'm sorry for any chaos I caused
I truly hope this is best for us both

I feel sick to the core,
Reviled by my current state,
And tormented by uncertainty
At an alarming rate.

Terrified to overstep a line,
Scatterbrained by nature,
Yet hyperfocused by design
On the most trivial of things.

Choking on aspirations,
Hindered by one's mind,
And bound to a system,
Of a truly unique kind.

Juxtaposed against oneself,
Organization amongst chaos,
And though the thoughts may be top shelf,
They're too raw for the refined.

Cure the cursed,
Rip away the fear,
The sun is coming up,
Let's make another year.