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Emilija Feb 2023
31/12/2022

It’s the last day of the year, and I’ve had one extra depressive episode
because a 21 year old noped out, apparently I’m demiromantic
and have never had a crush
need a strong connection, when it’s there – it’s nothing
to reckon with, had I known
I’d have put more space between us, taken it slower
rather than convincing myself I have control, as it slips

I’m leaving another lover, wretched with stench
I look at their face in old pictures, becoming
afraid at their void expression, beard
they refuse to trim for me
so I daydream and I know
like, I know now, with therapy that

there is no magical himbo to save me,
no delusions about that, no boo, no more
but I also know I deserve some ******* comfort
after the hell, oh the hell
I can’t broach, if I **** it will burst
like a yolk, I’ll be dead by morning, oh and

he’s so beautiful
his eyes on me, his cautious fingers, fear and shudders
makes me feel like my best was not just good enough
my best was fascinating.
I want to tell him about my songs, mixing in studio 1
I wanna duet, and melt,
I want him on his knees at random words, I want
that worship, wanna feel
his piercing on my
everything,
want to give that worship
not just in a word document,
so I daydream, I get to.
I ******* get to if I need it, daydream about
whichever thing will never happen if I need it.

I will not be shamed for surviving
I will not be blinded to an oasis for the chance
it’s a mirage, I need to
get from place to place, boo
What shall I do as I heal? Drink? Drugs? ******* cigarettes?
did you know the internet says I’ll die at 67?
Little more than half now
my life is not shortened by zoning out -
If I want a muse I will have a ******* muse, and he can think
I’m crazy along with the rest of them,
****
if
I
care,  
I want him to come here.
                                    I want to ask him questions, reasonable questions
because I know I would:
                                                          ­             is this an impulsive decision?
have you broken up?
                                                                ­                               how long ago?
are you in therapy?
                                            I am **** demisexual,
                                                  even in my mind,
                                              especially in my mind
Do       you      want      me      or      do       you       want      polyamory?
Because I can be anyone, and I have already been
                                                         an experiment for some guy, ‘fore he  
                                                            gets­ a bi curious, monogamous girl
Because we can grow alongside one another, but not fix
each other
because you need to process
because if you’re with her, she wouldn’t have a reason other than “my boyfriend really wants to” and that is the worst reason for polyamory, and I am not nor have ever been in the business of hurting people with intent (excluding  grade school, ((I’m
sorry, Martina – double sorry you died from
leukemia,) excluding when you c o n s e n t )),  
I’d like you to answer all of those, then
maybe I get to hold you.

That’s my daydream. Holding you. Watching films, you commenting on them the way I’ve done and annoyed all of my lovers.

how your neck would smell

                                      how your hair and head would feel in my hands

how you’d shiver and breathe shallow, and how easily
I could make it calm.  

and yeah, subspacing you and using your body, I am not entirely ace.
I'm publishing the ones I don't dare submit to places, can you let me know if these ramble style poems are any good?
Classy J Aug 2022
The innovation of a dictator,
Causes separation,
Which got many within the population,
unaware that they serving darth vader,
Because they put on a good presentation,
Motivating sheepish division’s,
Towards scapegoats and illusions,
Where history becomes science fiction,
Even democracies we forget the definition,
Because if there are rigged elections?
Or first past the poll systems,
And them politicians,
Are able to get away with tax evasion,
It can make one question the equation,
The creation of a democratic nation,
The starts wars and invasions,
On third world nations,
Which they claim is to fight terror,
When really all they care about are their oil reservations.
I guess it’s true what they say,
You can never satisfy a dragons layer.
In the land of free,
Except for those who actually live there.
But these simps are programmed not to care,
Get out the safety net, and let them become dependent on welfare.
Bounce the checks, put it on credit cards, gotta keep ‘em in debt.
Life ain’t fair,
Thrown in the deep end, even if ya can’t swim.
I swear reality is written by the brother grim.
So, much despair, yet becoming desensitized to all them fatalities.
It’s just the trimming off the fat, you either sink or swim.
What we need is comradery!
But all we have now is a bunch of division.
Because that’s what benefits these corrupt leaders & politicians.

They say ignorance is bliss,
Till one is hit with deaths kiss,
Because those in the golden palace,
Are really the terrorists,
They say ignorance is bliss,
Till it leads ya into crisis,
Honestly our government is more evil than Isis!

Let’s start with Ralph Klien,
A killer more ruthless than a shooter from columbine,
This little swine, flooded the inner city,
With hundreds of bodies from Alberta hospitals,
That were deemed as useless.
In other words those who suffer from mental health, as well as, welfare recipients,
Which lead to a crisis,
With increases in crime and suicide,
So, he gave everyone blood money, to make it up to us,
But that doesn’t let slide,
An act so treacherous.
Yet some idiots still think, he was as great as Jesus.
But unless you were white, rich,
oil workers or part of big business,
He was really Judas.
And if you don’t like these facts,
You can kiss my ***.
Now onto Castro jr, oops I meant Justin Trudeau.
Either way he is a ******* ***** himbo,
That claims he’s a feminist,
Yet gropes journalists,
He claims he’s a feminist,
Yet kicks two prominent women out of his party for being honest.
He claims he is for the Indigenous,
Yet only met 2 out of the five promises,
94 calls to action must’ve broken your answer machine,
Cause you still ain’t answering us!
It’s funny how a person who does black face,
Is the one trying to cancel us!
Where the ******* clean water Justin?
Maybe you prefer it to be poisonous.
Because you still haven’t reviewed or repealed historical legislation,
That still to this day discriminates against us.
And don’t even get me started on that pipeline,
That went right through us!
But as soon as we started blockades,
You sent the rcmp on us,
That was created by John A.Macdonald,
As a means to destroy us!
And what is this about supplying weapons to terrorists?
If you voted for him you should be embarrassed!
Oh, and I’m not done yet, with this idiot!
How about those trips paid for by the WE Charity?
I guess when it’s comes to conflicts of interests you’ve had plenty,
Hell you’ve even been sponsored by an illegal gambling ring.
Or how about violating,
The ethics commission by vacationing,
At Aga Khans private island like some king.
Ya ******* ****!
Stop pretending like your **** don’t stink!
We are over $100 billion in debt because of you,
As Canadians we are literally at the brink!
I guess that’s why they say…

Ignorance is bliss,
Till one is hit with deaths kiss,
Because those in the golden palace,
Are really the terrorists,
They say ignorance is bliss,
Till it leads ya into crisis,
Honestly our government is more evil than Isis!

— The End —