Oh the struggle to stay ture,
The struggle to be me,
I'll never be the same, but I do ask you to still love me, I will love with all I got, but remember apart of my heart I do not have that, someone tiny, someone that had a soft heart beat, someone with the power that had it feel like real butterfly's kicks,
Someone with skin so soft, took half of my heart, she lives with the angels now, so remember if you want me to love, I only have a half of a heart, I'm still breathing fighting the depression that has came on like rougher sea then I have had before, remember I'm not the girl I was before, death, lost changed me
I'm a fighting woman, just remember I try my hardest to love.
I have heald an angel
I have seen one before
I will always love forever more

Original master of bottled overblown ownership, around a flogging frame of masculinity, tone more reflective than any of your own, your a master, someone who takes the wheel, the navigator, russel crowe at his finest, with a head heald toward the mist of sea you take glee in knowing your place, your status, your finest hour, punishment, corporal, minsitster, sinister, your enemies fear you, your colleagues believe in you, won’t you take on another cruise ship, take on another fluke? Nothing is quite in danger, yet it is always looming right in front of you, the danger, the edge of the world, beckoning, its black marvel is a hole in the sea, and you will swirl around its edges, knowing nothing but the night, the cold, the winter, the old man with the mop in hand warns of omens, and the crew complies because they listen, they are wise,

Hold down your anchor! The end is approaching!  you know what they came for, they want you intact, whole, at the core, a piece that they can rivet, take away, reach down to the center and feel the pulp at the fingertips, pull it out and hold it towards the wind, its our apple, bite into it again

She is licking her fingers...
Why does she?
Maybe of me?
The...
taste of me.
I cannot believe it.
WHY am I so helpless!?
Why?...
Why did I do?
Have I done wrong?...
My knees.
Help me.
I cannot feel them...
They would not budge.
Even my wrist!
No...
There has to be a way.
Wait.
What now?
What is she doing?!
She is removing my nails...
It hurts!
It hurts so bad.
I can feel the pain
throughout
my body.
Just stop!
I told you to stop!
'Hey.'
Wait.
Who is there?
'**** her.'
No.
As I hear the voice in my head,
she started to bite me.
Those teeth were like of a wolf.
It made me...
bled.
She keeps on doing.
Spreading every saliva
she could give.
Biting every flesh
her mouth could detect.
SHE is a monster!
A mad scientist.
A perverted one.
Sadistic.
Her long finger nails
reopened my heald wounds.
Salt.
Now, she is rubbing it with
SALT!
Why do you keep on doing this?!
'Just do what I say!'
No.
I shall not ****.
I do not want to be like them!
'Just **** her!'
No!
'Or would you just...'
Just what?...
'...be left to die?'
Something in me snapped.
No.
I was the one...
I was certain.
I was the one...
who must be called...
a monster.
Everything went black.
For a second...
I thought I was dead.
I wished I was dead
so that this pain...
will never be felt.
I opened my eyes.
IT WAS HORRIBLE!
The room turned red.
Inside flesh were scattered
all over the floor.
The wall...
The wall was left with two
large holes.
Who did this?
That woman?
No.
No!
NO!
She was split in half...
She was pulverized
into everything...
She...
Unbelievable.
Has many syringe marks.
Who did this?!
Then I heard...
a laugh.
The laugh that made
my skin crawl.
'You did!'
No!
'Yes.'
There is NO way!
'Yes!'
I vomitted.
Why is it red?
Is this blood?
Blood?
IT is!
'You do not remember.'
REMEMBER what?!
'You tortured her.
You were the one who
injected the strain.
You made her bleed
all over again.'
Tears fell down
from my eyes...
'And by the way.
You have been doing that
for three
straight days!'

It's funny
Because I stand here
A mass of eyes and ears
And nose and mouth
Observing, learning, and feeling you in.
And I thought it's what I wanted,
I thought you were what I wanted,
Because there's a smile
Painted shimmering on your face.
I met the sadness it's hiding,
Which knows mine like air.
It makes you feel like cake
Hitting the curves of my stomach.
It tastes like the memories that
Planted themselves each year.
But the more I digest,
The more I take in,
The more I know,
Nothing lasts forever.
Because you see,
I've tasted the ****
Of every end of the spectrum
And sipped the sweetness, too.
The only constant seems to be new
And it's a high so high
There are no words for it.
But I'm spiraling down quickly
Because if not this,
What else?
So now I'm gold.
My finger tips,
My lips, my hips, and my throne.
I'm a gold digger
Because these bills
Have to be maintained
While I maintain the feast
Your eyes require.
It makes me wonder
How I'm supposed to be
Because we all just want to feel
But were so scared
Because we're all just
Dishing the hurt we've been dealt.
Maybe in a world
Where time really heald all
We'd be able to meet each other,
Stripped of expectations
And of fear.
Stripped of sadness and lies
And we could just be.
But the price
Of the next high
They've all learned to sell you
Is more than a soul can give.
Or forgive.
Because wounds that were never dressed
Can never heal.
So I'll smile again
And pretend that we're both ok
With giving the type of love
That only money can buy.
That the stories
Of love not existing
Are reason enough
To stifle human nature.
To stifle my nature.
And to cut you off
At the depth of skin.
It's time to make our beds
And lie down our wounded souls
So we can forget for just a minute
That we're all here to grow old.