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Devin Feb 2015
A ten and some change
On the bureau,
Tomorrow's haircut or bad choice.
And she's in one of those moods
On about how she has to be up by noon.

I've been trying to change
Somethings about me,
How I'm staying up late
And making you think I'm too dependent.

Well, I guess I've always been a gapeseed
It's part of the reason my father and I don't speak
And I can tell when I've become a burden,
It's like a sick sixth-sense I was birthed with
Everybody does it.

I could never dream
Without wondering what someone else was dreaming.

I cannot speak
Without hesitating at another's thoughts.

You ask me what I'm afraid of.
Maybe it is
Bullies,
Offenders,
Liars.
Maybe I'm afraid I'm seen that way.
Maybe I'm afraid of what they say,
What they'll do,
What it will mean.
As to my fears escalating,
I'm more convinced
The world is a better place when I hide in my room.
Their opinions will change the world.
I don't want to be changed.
I don't want to be told
Or to be scoffed at.

I fear
         Judgment.
Gapeseed: anything that causes stares
Not to the staring Day,
For all the importunate questionings he pursues
In his big, violent voice,
Shall those mild things of bulk and multitude,
The Trees--God's sentinels
Over His gift of live, life-giving air,
Yield of their huge, unutterable selves.
Midsummer-manifold, each one
Voluminous, a labyrinth of life,
They keep their greenest musings, and the dim dreams
That haunt their leafier privacies,
Dissembled, baffling the random gapeseed still
With blank full-faces, or the innocent guile
Of laughter flickering back from shine to shade,
And disappearances of homing birds,
And frolicsome freaks
Of little boughs that frisk with little boughs.

But at the word
Of the ancient, sacerdotal Night,
Night of the many secrets, whose effect--
Transfiguring, hierophantic, dread--
Themselves alone may fully apprehend,
They tremble and are changed.
In each, the uncouth individual soul
Looms forth and glooms
Essential, and, their ****** presences
Touched with inordinate significance,
Wearing the darkness like the livery
Of some mysterious and tremendous guild,
They brood--they menace--they appal;
Or the anguish of prophecy tears them, and they wring
Wild hands of warning in the face
Of some inevitable advance of the doom;
Or, each to the other bending, beckoning, signing
As in some monstrous market-place,
They pass the news, these Gossips of the Prime,
In that old speech their forefathers
Learned on the lawns of Eden, ere they heard
The troubled voice of Eve
Naming the wondering folk of Paradise.

Your sense is sealed, or you should hear them tell
The tale of their dim life, with all
Its compost of experience:  how the Sun
Spreads them their daily feast,
Sumptuous, of light, firing them as with wine;
Of the old Moon's fitful solicitude
And those mild messages the Stars
Descend in silver silences and dews;
Or what the sweet-breathing West,
Wanton with wading in the swirl of the wheat,
Said, and their leafage laughed;
And how the wet-winged Angel of the Rain
Came whispering . . . whispering; and the gifts of the Year--
The sting of the stirring sap
Under the wizardry of the young-eyed Spring,
Their summer amplitudes of pomp,
Their rich autumnal melancholy, and the shrill,
Embittered housewifery
Of the lean Winter:  all such things,
And with them all the goodness of the Master,
Whose right hand blesses with increase and life,
Whose left hand honours with decay and death.

Thus under the constraint of Night
These gross and simple creatures,
Each in his scores of rings, which rings are years,
A servant of the Will!
And God, the Craftsman, as He walks
The floor of His workshop, hearkens, full of cheer
In thus accomplishing
The aims of His miraculous artistry.
KT Feb 2015
When was I shot?
Do I have to rot?
Oh, who do I blame?
For that gnarly flint that came..
The arrow of that little cupid,
got me clear and lucid.
You widened my pupils.
Messed up all my scruples.
Oh god, I have no more doubt.
Nothing left to think about.
I got water on my drought,
I let my flower rise and sprout.
You sit there and you shine.
I got vibes all along my spine.
I can feel nothing of mine,
You make me gaze, make me pine.
I’m not in my maze, I’m just fine.
I got an itch, that requires a stitch.
I’m out of the ditch, but I won’t twitch
You knocked me all the way down.
With your eyes, hazely brown.
Your smile melts me down.
Black hair, black gown,
made of the night sky’s lonely frown.
How do I not look?
There’s no letting of the hook.
I’m going to put it in my book,
oh, my eyes you shook, you took.
I gotta grab on tight,
on your bright blinding light,
stand in your sight, be on your side.
And just might,
Everything’ll be allright.
You got me mesmerized,
My senses vaporized.
Like a gapeseed I stare,
oh, how do I dare?
You widened my eye,
oh no, I do not lie.
Stuck in between the
cold white
Blank
Corridors
that gapeseed
Back at me.

The echoes
Of the red arm
Audibly ticking seconds away

A reminder
Time is in motion,
Just like my thoughts
When boredom is my notion.
Devin Aug 2017
In a snap,
Cast to the skies
A quarter in revelations

It hangs for a moment,
To ascend
And succumb to the odds

The time I cried
And thew my cards
Across the floor

The time I smiled
And thanked you
For the patients it takes

Naked frustration is
A landscape of voices,
Begging you to be what you are

But all that reflects
Is tethered to uncertainty
Potential is awash

In the twinkling moments
Of genius perceived, but wasted
As the nights that begot them

The celebratory hours
Seemed to forecast
Less ordinary futures

But the paper thin,
Angry kid
Always clawing for scraps

He couldn’t have enough
Curious and cautious
A gapeseed for the impractical

If I could latch to one thing
To make that my master
If I could commit

If I could break the paralysis
That hinders even my words
If I could give a ****

Then it wouldn’t be so unsettling
To watch the quarter drop
And not contend with the difference
In a quarter of life, you will second guess, lament, settle, adapt, regret, grow, regress, and likely be unsettled with your place in life. But all of those emotions and trials have landed you where you are. And really, you couldn't be happier for it.

— The End —