A blank sheet of paper is the means for great creation. It is a canvas for everyone to use.
So many ways to unlock sensation. I am an artist, searching for my muse.
It seems as if my times of creation appear, only when I can no longer find my way.
At times like these I look for direction. Where else shall I look today?
I look at my life and see, a person who's life goes in the right direction.
Though I have hit some bumps along the way, please excuse that misconception.
Right now I let my art do the talking. It represents the truest form of me.
There is no lie in what is created. This is my truth as I know it to be.
To read these lines is to know me true. It's the only way I know I can create.
To create something good is interpretation. All that, I leave to fate.
I do not create with greed in mind. Fame and fortune are not the things I need.
I do what I must to exhale my mind. This is the only merit I concede.
Why do I transform this piece of paper? Am I worthy of this task at hand?
I said before my intent is heart spoken. I just want to create, understand?
This is my canvas. For now, a pen and paper are all the tools I need.
With a pen in hand I release my emotion. What a long, strange trip indeed...
I started this at a point in life, when my direction seemed vague and unclear.
However things have started their turn for the better. It's not all as I feared.
Still, the fear is in me. It makes me stop and think for the right thing to do.
Making the decisions today, so that I can better my future with you.
What you did you had to do. I can still find no fault in the choice you made.
What's amazing is that through those times apart, my feelings for you never did fade.
Now that we have circled to each other again. A time for new beginnings is found.
Where we go from here has yet to be written. Our future has no bound.
The present has changed much. Things are certainly not the way they used to be.
Though we've found each other again, it's what I wanted, there's still an uneasiness within me.
These feelings I have should be there. Though uneasiness is not what I want to feel.
However this time I take heed to these feelings inside. After all, they are for real.
We've taken a step back from where we were. We've come back down from the fairy tale.
What we had was not "too good to be true", but maybe, just a little too much wind for our sail.
We've come a long way you and I. We're where reality of life has come to be.
To walk the path from here can have its misfortunes. "So what!" I say..."Want to take a walk with me?"
To predict the future is no one's talent. Only we can walk our path into tomorrow.
The possibilities can be limitless. Let's you and I turn away from any more sorrow.
Not every path will be the right one to take. Only by mistaking can we learn our way.
Though it's true some mistakes are hard to overcome. Let's just take it day by day.
Day to day is where we are right now. The sound of eggshells is at our heels.
Problem now is communication. We should both know how the other feels.
I told you the truth of my feelings once, and I thought that you had felt the same.
You reciprocated what I wanted to hear at the time, but now we're stuck in this solemn game.
I'm tired of holding back. I want to speak and feel as freely as I should.
What I get from you now is, "I still don't know..." and that's no longer any good.
My feelings are not to be toyed with. This is the same respect that I give to you.
Now it seems I'm only an option. Kept on the side for something to do.
This is not the time to do things half way. Now is the time to show all you keep locked inside.
Now is the time to commit to the unknown. This is what I ask, do not hide.
I ask this because it's important. I ask that you stop holding it in.
What you get in return you might be surprised, because what I offer, comes from within.
I know it seems I put you at fault. Please believe that this is not my intent.
Right now I find myself unrequited. For you my soul is bent.
In the beginning our roles were reversed. It was you who pressured me for more.
Now that we've regressed, we've still together, but now it is I knocking at your door.
You are scared for your future, and you have every right to be.
But now look what your fear has done. Just look in the mirror and see.
What you see is not who you are. It's just the facade that fear has put in front of you.
You may not know it yet, but this fear inhibits what you're trying to do.
I say this because I've been there. I recognize the hesitation and doubt.
Wanting to make right decisions is commendable, but to always be right, "no one" will figure out.
I know this because I've tried. I was once a man of sorrow in recluse.
Then I realized that tomorrow is another day. I had to flexible, there's always another option to use.
Options are always around us. Sometimes fear and doubt obscure the other paths that are there.
We must strive to look at every angle. Take your time, and decide with care.
I say take your time, but do not waste it in revealing a decision that's already been had.
Haven't you decided already? Because if you have and didn't tell me, that's an action gone bad.
That is not a threat. I speak only of my feelings at hand.
My feelings for you walk a thin line, and I feel I need to take a stand.
I'd take my stand at the place beside you. That is the place I most want to be.
You may not believe me when I say that, but these words come from the heart you see.
My words are all I have. You have left me no other choice.
With these words I hope to express what I feel. Through these pages, I now have a voice.
Our roles really have been reversed. What is it you try to do with the spirits and your friends?
Now it seems you're with them more than I. It's a little hare to comprehend.
You asked me to step back from that life. You said it threatened the life you wanted for you and your son.
I may have been slow in transition, but the changes I've made have been more than one.
What is it you're trying to find? Do you not see the things you already own?
When will you realize your actions are hypocritical? These are the actions I can not condone.
Maybe you're trying to meet someone. Maybe with your friends it's possible to drown your sorrows away.
I'm still trying to ascertain your intentions. Can you not see my problem today?
No matter what I do, or have done, so far nothing has been good enough for you.
At this point it really doesn't matter. I have my plan, and I will see it through.
What started out as something for you, turned into a better plan for me.
I just can't shake this feeling that sooner or later, there will be no more "we".
This is the point I'm at. I can feel you slowly slipping away.
My love for you keeps me blind to that fact. Though I do expect you to leave me someday.
If this is what I think, then why do I still seek a place by your side?
It's impossible to know all my reasons, but I just know I'd regret it if I never tried.
I don't believe this to be a lost cause. But the wall you've put up is an obstacle hard to scale.
The closer I get to you, the more it seems you want me to fail.
In that statement I hope to be wrong. I can not imagine that you would feel that way.
If I didn't consider it though I'd be making a mistake. And I am not ready to make that one today.
Is it fair to put me in this place? I'd much rather prepare for you to stay, rather than wait for you to leave.
However, my heart tells me I need to give this my all. I am still not ready to grieve.
Know this right now. I am committed to a life that will succeed in honor and good will.
It may not look like it yet, but with these words, an impression I hope to instill.
You can believe me if you want to. Or choose not to, and leave me to my life I'm trying to live.
I just wish that we can rid ourselves of complication. To each other I want us to forgive.
Forgiveness is possible no matter what happens. Though I'm sure it won't be as easy as it seems.
For you and I to not be together, that would be the opposite of my dreams.
I speak to you as a man of experience. I've been through this before.
I learned my lessons the hard way. That last time, my heart was trampled to the floor.
I refuse to let that happen again. This time I am aware of the situation in front of me.
That is why I step with trepidation. I know how dangerous this life can be.
I don't understand why you would leave me. Especially if it were for someone you didn't know.
You already know that I love you, and the life to you and your son that I would bestow.
Is it really that bad? Are you that afraid of a commitment again?
I never said that I wasn't afraid too, but we both are different than the people we knew back then.
I don't know what will happen. But I know that I will not be cause of grief and pain.
So many other things you have to worry for. I will not change the tracks of your train.
Love me or leave me? Is this the point to which we have arrived?
My heart sinks with anticipation. I think you answer is already derived.
Such a pessimistic view I have. Shouldn't I be looking at the glass "half full"?
Well I'd rather be surprised that you would stay. That day I would ever be thankful.
Need you not to worry for me. I am a man that has learned to survive.
Through the thick and thin of my life ahead, I have my ways to keep hope alive.
The hope I speak of is my own. It has nothing to do with you.
As I said before I have my plan, and I will see it through.
My plan as you know has been set into motion. Things have already started to fall in place.
It would just be nice to know that I could wake this next morning, alongside your smiling face.
My plan has room for you. And now I must ask that you decide.
Leave me now, or come and take your place by my side.
I am at your door knocking. Won't you please let me in?
Should you open the door and let me through, I'd take you to the places you've never been.
These places I speak of are metaphoric, not literal, per say.
In these places we could be together. To the future we'd make our way.
I leave you with these words. I've written them all with love in mind.
Should you decide to take my hand, a greater love I think you'll never find.
Please take my words to heart. That is the place from which I've summoned them to be.
I think we can put this mess behind us. And move toward destiny.
Destiny is just a word right now. Only our actions will prove this to be true.
Is my destiny to be at a place by your side? Well that depends on you.
My case has been stated. To you I've expressed the most that I can feel.
And though I still want you in my life, I need you to be for real.
Our situation is real enough. Decisions now will affect who we will come to be.
Is what we had or have worth saving? Or now has it become but a memory?
I'm tired woman. Tired of being the nice guy finishing last.
Watch what happens with my actions. A new mold has just been cast.
My change will not be perfect. I can already see obstacles ahead.
Left and right may not be my only options. How about I go this way instead?
I love who I am. I look forward to what I can become.
The mistakes in my past guide me. I'm not proud of all that I have done.
Still my path is solid. My future has hope, even in a life without you.
If we are no more I'd be in grief, but that still won't change what it is that I have to do.
Look at all this rambling. I've tried to end this story lines ago.
Every time I think there's conclusion. There's always one more thing I want you to know.
Thank you for your patience. This was my side of the story that I wanted to tell.
Decide now you must. In these feelings I no longer want to dwell.
What is this now? Is it I, now giving terms to you?
What do you think your answer will be? Because I really have not a clue.
Yes or no I ask. A simple answer is all I need.
Be honest and think for yourself, as I no longer will beg and plead.
You know how I feel. You know what life I want for me.
Consider the options large and small. You must decide eventually.
One way or the other. In this decision, there is no "half way".
I can no longer accept, "Let's see what happens." Just give me a "yea" or "nay".
I can joke about this you see. Either way I know that I will be alright.
My demeanor demands I look for the bright side. A little trick that helps me to sleep at night.
There's no humor in what we've suffered, but a bright side none the less.
Tomorrow is yet another day, but not just any day like the rest.
I take with me the experience, and the knowledge from the life I've lived.
Tomorrow I step with hope in mind, that the past can be "forgived".
I'd like to move on, but even now after four days I await your call.
Should I wait a little longer? It is you after all.
We interrupt this poem for some news that is late breaking.
The woman has called. It's almost history in the making.
Guess what ladies and gents? It is just as I suspected.
She has gone and regressed again. She still feels misdirected.
So here we go again. The part where she needs space and time to think.
It may have worked once before, but not this time. To explain why I don't have the ink.
Maybe that's wrong of me to say. But I have my own life to live too.
This was another option I kept hidden, but now I see what I must do.
You want space and time? You can have all that you feel you need.
I'm not angry that you feel you need it. From this wound I can no longer bleed.
That doesn't mean I feel nothing. You know the man you're pushing aside.
This time I'm going to let you. Don't say that I never tried.
I guess this is it woman. Maybe someday fate will cross our paths again.
Two different people we'll be next time. Let's see what happens then.
It's getting late now. It is time to lay this story to rest.
Things may not have worked out, but I'm sure it's for the best.
Good night and good bye. I hope one day forgiveness can be traded.
All our memories I won't cast aside. Not everything was jaded.
The time for an ending has come. My side of this story has now been told.
Thank you for everything. I now step to where my future unfolds.
I step to this unknown wondering, "Will we ever meet again?"
Who will we be? Who is to know? We won't find out until then.
Until the next time woman. Maybe fortune smiles next time for the story of you and I.
That would be a story worth telling later, but until then, Good Bye.
Matt Segin
05/05
