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Charles Smith Apr 2015
The Politician Nigel Farage,
Fancied a saucy massage,
He had quite a shock,
As she couldn't see his ****.
Which she claimed "Was a mere mirage."

JWS
Chris Slade Apr 2019
What do you reckon? I know what you’ve been thinking…
We’re on a ship that looks unsteady, like it’s sinking…
We’ve made shaky plans to be gung-** and to go it all alone…
But we’re beginning to wonder… are we heading for some kind of danger zone?…
At first we were just floating along - enjoying the passing view
And 2 years off it looked a lot easier …leaving the EU!
But there’s a waterfall downstream…and it looks like a helluva drop.
And once we get too near the edge, well, we won’t be able to stop.

The simplicity of Cameron’s ‘in - out’ referendum question dawned…
Cos, divorce is complicated.  Those who voted leave were scorned,
branded racist, or at least suffering some kind of mental disorder.
“Didn’t you stop to think about the about the Northern Irish border?” (best read in a 'silly', sneery voice).
But - back then there were 2 million Syrians, Afghans, Iraqis all walking toward Calais.
Some thought serious overcrowding problems could come our way.
Single Market,? Sovereignty? Customs Union? What the hell’s all that?
It means you’ll need a visa to go to Benidorm you ****!

Meanwhile Merkel diffused things by taking the refugees in.
But only served to rattle the bars of the **** leaning right wing.
The Spanish got all Oity Toity about us having Gibraltar.
And some of those previously unforeseen problems made Brexiteers falter.
This is David effing Cameron!… Farage embarrassed him into calling for a vote.
And, when the Remainers lost, Dave saw his chance to produce his sick note.
“I’ve done my bit”, he said “so… I’m standing down…  so who do you think should take my dodgy crown.
The Buffoon, the Backstabber, the Right Honourable Lady Home Sec?”
She, the author of  Windrush, Repatriation, food-banks, lower benefits? She got it! ****** heck!…

Hoodwinked by a government you maybe invested your life in, in all the earlier polls
Now we’ve all been tricked by a bunch of, navel gazing, self serving arseholes!
So it’s the blind leading the blind… Well, no.! Misinformed…and maybe just a bit short sighted.
And, you know, Theresa… she’ll most likely still get knighted.
But I doubt this episode will score with generations yet to come,
Deserted by this Parliamentary shambles - sitting on their hands, their collective ***.
The proletariat are cut adrift, and heading for the falls…
So we’re looking for a new saviour - someone with charisma…big *****!

Let’s look forward to this time next year… When some trusty politician re-writes our little story.
When we may be out - but far from down… Well I somehow can’t see it being a Tory…
And if isn’t Jezzer - who HAS got his eye on the prize…
McDonnel, Starmer, Benn, Tom (call me Slim) Watson? Who should THEY try for size?
And, just supposing, by chance, the Conservatives actually crack it
who, amongst the front runners there, could get the job and hack it?
Lord Snooty, Gove, Hammond…Hunt the err… Foreign Secretary,  Javid, Liam Fox (surely not!). Bojo?
With this current stay of Brexicution, for just a couple of weeks… the petition, the march, the chaos, could it still be NO-GO?…
Whatdya reckon?
The complexion of this subject - Brexit (if I hear the word one more time on TV I think I'll unplug the thing and throw it out of the window) changes by the minute so it's hard to pin it down - Here is where we're at up to this point.
Feggyr Citack Jun 2019
-faking breaking news

Hurray!
The United Kingdom will become the 51st state of the USA. This decision has not been officially announced yet, but it will soon be done, according to our informal source near Prime Minister dr. Farage. "A newly independent nation needs a strong arm to guide its steps towards prosperity, " our beloved PM recently stated, so this move should not come as a surprise.

Strong support
We all know dr. Farage's sympathy for a strong and straight approach, which has only increased during the past three years of versatile and energetic priority swapping. The tremendous successes of this period were achieved also by the practical and moral support of our American friends. Therefore we are convinced that the proud accession to this successful union of states will re-energise our traditional institutions, thus supplying new vigour to the independence we won in the glorious year 2019.

Just sign
It is expected that mr. Kushner, US secretary of foreign affairs and acting vice-president, will soon invite our beloved PM to sign the treaty. US officials made it clear to us there is no need for the UK to worry about the details.The terms of the treaty will be completely defined at Trump Super Tower; all the UK will have to do is sign. This will help the UK to seamlessly become a highly successful and inseparable part of the prosperous United States.

Highly valuable
The safety of the UK will be guaranteed by the permanent presence of the US navy at Scapa Flow, where joint operations will be performed with Russian or EU fleets. And the Irish will be happy: the Irish border will be effectively removed since many (if not most) Irish people have become Americans long ago, and for many years the Republic of Ireland has been successfully advised by great US-based privately owned firms. These firms, that are also active in the UK, will turn the UK into a highly valuable hub between Europe and the US. For the first time in history EU citizens will be able to reach the USA by car only, via Ireland or the Calais-Dover tunnel. This will also be the preferred access method since public transport, and public services in general, are expected to be dismantled - for the benefit of us all.
Let's make sure this little story will be fake news indeed in three years time.
Bard van Twenthe May 2017
It was the SS/country Great Britain.
That sailed the wintry sea;
And Prime Minister May had taken her people,
To bear her company.

Blue and brown were their eyes, all paid their tax,
Their cheeks coloured from a hard working day,
And their *******/chests swollen as the hawthorn buds
That proudly produce in the month of May.

The Prime-Minister she stood at her lectern,
As vile words left her mouth,
She preached that UK's world citizens are
no citizens, neither here, nor West nor South.

Then up and spake an expert Sailor,
Had sailed the European Mains,
"I pray thee, put to yonder port,
For I fear Brexit' ruinous hurricanes.

"Last year the pound had a golden ring,
And t'row the pound will flee!"
But the Prime-Minister she only sought strife,
And a scornful laugh laughed she.

Colder and colder grew the UK's economy,
A crisis grew from North to East;
Family businesses fell first to Tory hedge-fund swines,
Evil wizards not bothered in the least.

Down came the crisis' storm, and smote amain,
SS Great Britain in its strength;
Its poor crew shuddered and paused; hurt by all this greed,
The once United Kingdom leaped across its length.

"Come hither! come hither! Scotland, Wales,
Northern Ireland, do not tremble so;
For I can weather our enemies' ordeals,
That ever they will throw.

PM May palmed the people in, telling them lies
Barking fake news on EU enemies' blasts;
She invented tales about immigrants,
Wishful thinking it would save money vast.

"Oh Mother May! I hear our EU friends' phones ring.
O say, what it may be?"
"''These 're false calls on shark-bound mainland coasts!" -
And May knowingly steered to crash UK's economy.

"Oh Mother May! I hear psalms of  Brittany's nuns,
O say what may it be?"
"Some German Lorelei fiends, which only live
In that wretched foul euro-zone economy".

"Oh Mother May! I hear EU's peaceful plights,
O say what may it be?"
But Mother May answered never a word,
A frozen corpse was she.

Lashed to number 10, all stiff and stark,
With her face turned to the skies,
The Big Ben clock light illuminated banking blizzards
On her fixed and glassy eyes.

Then UK's people clasped their hands and prayed
That saved they might be;
And they thought of prophetical politicians who could still the waves,
That wrecked Great Britain's economy.

And fast through twilight months dark and drear,
Through the whistling greed of the superrich,
Like a tweeted Trump, Great Britain wept
Towards the reef of Farage's glitch.

And between the financial rust
Cries came from the people;
It was the sound of their trampled trust,
On a bed of lies and Johnson's creeple.

The loan sharks were right on the people's toes,
The country drifted a dreary wreck,
And whooping profits for the rich
were cheered by th'entire cabinet.

The country broke where the white and fleecing waves
Created poverty in the neglected North,
But the cruel Russians, they gored her side
With hackers killing its democratic berth.

The people shocked as British cool subsided,
When the NHS went overboard;
The once Great Britain, she stove and fell apart,
**! **! the bankers roared.

Years later, on a bleak winters' day,
EU's UK-citizens, always welcomed, stood aghast,
To see the form of old Great Britain fair,
Battered down by self-inflicted Tory blasts.

Destroyed NHS and infrastructure wrecked the health
of its citizens, tears filled their eyes,
Rivers their homes, with flood prevention ignored,
Countryside and cities drastically demised.

Such became the wreck named Great Britain,
Doomed by alt-right and the superrich!
Reason save us all from a death ordained
On the reef of Farage's glitch!
Adaptation of "The wreck of the Hesperus", Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem, as political protest poem given the figurative suitably of Longfellow's original poem. A captain or leader is ignoring the expert advice of a sailor in his crew or experts and analyses well known to society, leading to disastrous effects, the wrecking of the Hesperus and death of his crew and daughter or, otherwise, the wrecking of a country and the suffering of its people. "The wreck of the Deutschland" by Hopkins is also a protest poem of a kind.
I usually don't adapt poems but here it felt appropriate: https://bardvantwenthe.wordpress.com
Micheal Wolf Jul 2016
If you go down to Westminster today you're in for a big surprise
If you can stand the stench, you will not believe your eyes
For all the MPs who have lied and lied have all quit before the people uprise
For this is the week that parliament collapses.

******* it time for the Blairites, who don't know who to back for their best
******* it time for the Tories, as Daves walked away from his mess
The Labour deputy is such a coward and like the chancellor has lost his voice
Because they realise the people no longer want them.

So if you go south to parliament you best beware of knives
Labour have turned into Tories and only Jezza survives.
They think they can push him off a cliff, more chance of Dave being stuck in a pig
The week the war came back to haunt the Blairites!

But if go down to tip you hat and stand against Corbyn
Beware back home they petittion to do you knees like you did his
Your voters whom you have ignored and ignored are looking to throw you out the door
So grab your coat and don't forget your sister!!!!

But one more thing if you think this is cut and drawn
Remember Farage, Boris Gove and the irritable bowel one
None have so far grown a pair, they want to give someone else the blame
Because half the country has changed its mind again!!!
Written in haste
Ryan O'Leary Jan 2020
Nigel Farage not only
took Britain out of EU
He showed McGuinness
the meaning of #MeToo.
She had no response, so
turned off his microphone.
Bravo Britain the only true
democracy in the world.
United Kingdom 1
United Europe     0
Matthew James Aug 2016
Nothing's left but it's alright

Have a voice
Give an opinion
Express yourself
Lay yourself bare

I'll tell you a story of a boy
His family are farmers - conservatives
At the bottom of the lane, the pub used to burn a cross on bonfire night. It held the letters KWW - Keep Waterside White
His Grandma is agoraphobic, xenophobic and racist who told him in no uncertain terms not to marry a black girl
Before he passed away, his grandad would shoot at people searching for magic mushrooms on their land
His father liked Thatcher, criticised the miners and the unions and was a casual homophobe
His mother judges women by appearance and thinks Nigel Farage is a decent bloke. Her place is in the home.
His brother works for the police
His sister rides horses
One uncle is a millionaire and CEO
The other believes that mental illness does not exist and its treatment is dangerous
The boy is christened, confirmed, went to an all white, Christian primary school and predominantly white, Christian secondary school.
He left secondary school and college with no qualifications through the arts. Only the important subjects.

There is another story about this boy but for now we will look only at these facts.

It may create an image in your mind

It would be easy to condemn this story
Sure enough it was condemned
By those who held the moral right
Opinions stronger than people
The boy grew fearful of people
Tried to hide his story
Became silent
Shut off from the world
Thought of the ways he could end the pain
Sought to become a different person
To deny his past
Outwardly this worked
Inwardly...

People believed the moral of the story was that he had overcome
They missed the point

Inwardly... Sometimes, the majority ... Can feel like the minority

If I said all of that, could I still express myself?
Would you listen?
Or would I be condemned?
Ryan O'Leary Oct 2019
Jungle bells are ringing out
across the nation, Boris is to
play Santa Claws this year,
so, reinforce your stockings.

Corbyn is going to be Scrooge
in The Christmas Carol, hoping
to cook Johnson's goose which
he will share with the hungry.

Arlene Foster will be filling
the empty pies with minced
words which are to be served in
Bowler Hats avec blue berries.

Sturgeon is going to Hog as
Many votes as possible while
the rest are gorging to the Pogues
Fairytale of New York & London.

The Lib-Dems have an anthem
by Jo Swine Song about spit
roasting a Pig in the stocks
outside Downing St. Syndrome.

The Greens are looking for this
years largest Cucumber which
they have decided to stuff. They
have declined to say where.

Cymru Plaid's have decided to
make woollen scarves for the
homeless Corgi's after the Queen
is evicted from Buckingham Palace.

Nigh Gel Farage is going to
lubricate a Tusk and shove it up
Barnier's (( in the presence of
Jean Claude Coke Nose Junkier.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2018
oh yeah, thanks...
pandering to the new loonies...
thanks...
you trying to heat up
the PSTD loon about to strike?!
seriously?
  old loonies don't buy into
the new loonies' *******...
we're the medicated ones...
back in the day,
p.s. the asylum...
we were the ones experimented
on, with drugs
that were supposed to
sedate the un-****** women,
and the men who
were under pharmacological
castration procedures...
look at you, ******* say-knees...
i have to write say-knees
because writing sanies comes
out as a spelling mistake...
so... your pharmacological
"solution" to the old crazies
is pharmacological
implementation...
keep them sedated, keep them calm...
but... with the new loonies?!
you're prescribing...
pandering?!
   seriously?!
for ****'s sake!
      your big pharmacological
explanation is...
the drug known as: pandering?!
great timing...
no, really, great timing...
i'm starting to consider the sane
as mad, and the mad as sane...
the new loonies are playing
game...
  with the advent of closing
asylums, the supposed society
of our time, is... the rejuvenation
of the asylum...
   you're all ******* mad...
so psychotropic drugs
for the schizophrenics...
but...
    pandering to the trans-gender...
pseudo-metaphysical
"gymnasts"...
     ******* applause... when necessary!
and by now...
it's ******* necessary!
i thought... maybe i should pity
these anglophone liberal
****-tards... lock them up with
lemon meringue ****,
allowing them the time to:
figure who was who,
and who was Napoleon...
but no... oh no no...
             once, a fine fine quote,
but Bukowski read:
the jews and the gays are running the show...
the jews are long gone
concerned about Israel...
the gays have their once covert
secret lives shattered by laws
that allow gay marriage...
ola the new crazies!
      you know... i know when i'm
being lied... but when i lied
so blatantly, and with no imagination...
do i have to nod in agreement?
i can't believe how the new loonies
gripped the sanity of
the centric balloon of a Behemoth's
worth of the populace...
so you feed the old loonies
their big pharmacological cocktail...
but prescribe the new loons...
the"drug"... pandering?
**** it... the melancholic,
the hyperbolic, the hypochondriac,
the schizophrenic,
           the... psychotic...
we'll send a few PTSD sufferers
to Blitzkrieg their attention...
       **** it... i'm doing
  the nigel farage... i'm bailing out...
this model of society is a sinking
ship... sinking, not sailing...
  i'm doing the one thing
high-profile politicians do best...
imitate rats...
they bail out...
                  i'm doing the nigel farage...
the david cameron magic trick...
which isn't exactly magic...
you just pander to the new
crazies...
you know how the old crazies
will react to your, "sane society"
pandering of ******* up grammar?!
   the old crazies, on their pharmacological
cocktails, not being pandered,
Chamberlain appeased with a flimsy
piece of paper from ******, like...
there's a song...
the remix...
   (audio bullies, feat. nancy sinatra) -

i was five and he was six
we rode on horses made of sticks
he wore black and i wore white
he would always win the fight
bang bang
   'e shot me down
bang bang
i hit the ground
bang bang...
     that awful sound
bang bang
                       my baby shot me down


pandering to these new crazies
will not get rid of the old crazies...
and the old crazies...
the old crazies...
       ah... such a beautiful impulsive
nature to exact an injustice
with a justification for,
what in their eyes... is the only
justice available.

so... when will you start medicating
the new loons like
you medicated, made a pharmacological-ly
attested a "necessary" intervention...
you see how the new loonies
are controlling the language
            of... hive-"individuals"?

but it's not fair... give them
the big pharmacological castration...
  sell them: the male the walking abortion...
the glorification of woman
as some Moloch deposit of "furthering"
life via an Arabic harem...

         god... put me on the Titanic...
i want to wave... wave...
                                            bye bye!
i simply do not possess
the desire for an existential imperative;
because i don't find
procreation to be the argument
to further this... bollocking of...
an example... that stretches into
similis *** ****,
the big bang...
      boiling water for tea in a kettle...
journalistic insomnia,
the study of history...
    the argument of state and taxes...
the remaining aristocracy in hiding,
and the emerging technocracy...
the passing on genes argument
(my mother ****** my
grandfathers genes)...
          
i am... doing the second Pontius Pilate
reminder...
             you find the purpose
to follow through...
i've already found enough reasons,
to bow out.
Ryan O'Leary May 2019
Poubelle Corbyn, recycle
your compost, it is the
dung thing in your position.
The See - Saw has come to
a halt, out weighed by May,
thus leaving you high and sly.
Go back to your allotment, try
and grow yourself a pumpkin
for Halloween and don't forget
a penny for the Guy, that'll be
Farage, with the Ni- Gel, for
shafting you all and rightly so!
Ryan O'Leary May 2019
Ireland for Democracy
Nigel Farage and Brexit.

We should leave also.

Better be with the Brits
than Sprouts and Krauts.

Ps.

And Frogs.
Ryan O'Leary Apr 2019
So close, and
yet, so Farage!
Ryan O'Leary May 2019
Farage has concocted
or should I say coined a
new political definition
for relieving the inertia
of both May and Corbyn's
obvious constipation with
regard to their inability in
passing democratic legislation.
kirk Nov 2020
For God sake Mr Johnson, we can't take this anymore
It's seems you cannot help yourself, when it concerns the law
Do you intend to keep us all, behind our own front door ?
What happens if there's no vaccine, and we don't find a cure ?

People are still people, and this is no way to live
Local lockdowns just don't work, but more are still forthwith !
The killing of our livelihoods, is what we can't forgive
I believe the official stats, are nothing but a myth

It's all to do with keeping tabs, and global mass control
Restrictions on humanity, seems to be your outward goal
Don't go out and socialise, we no longer have the sole
Freedom of the beating heart, is what authority's have stole

Forced closers of our industry's, well it's just a bitter pill
Intentions are not honourable, when you don't foot the bill
Your decisions make us victims, and we've all had our fill
Months of being grinded down, mangled through an endless mill

There's billions of people, and we've had the rule of six !
But it's okay for governments, when they all want to mix !
Stop throwing mouldy carrots, then hitting us with sticks
Your not immune just because, you've had your Weetabix

What's the point in guidelines, even when you have complied
The cases are still rising, and people have still died
You don't lead by example, because you have no sense of pride
But we get fined and chastised, if none of us abide !

Your promises are always false, your nothing but a fraud
Most of us did what you asked, and this is our reward
Little progress has been made, still nothing has been scored
I'd expect a dire outcome, If you live by the sword

Football matches are exempt, from all the rules you set
Increasing numbers seem okay, when they gather round the net
Anything attached to sports, are not part of the bet
Disbanding and a standard fine, is what they deserve to get ?

Personally I don't much care, if your in a group or crowd
Stand up for your human rights, and do it loud and proud
The only issue that I have, is I am not allowed
Promises are meaningless, when none of them are vowed

So there are groups of people, why don't you leave them be
Major crimes are being ignored, and none of us are free !
We don't want overzealous cops, placing necks under their knee
I can't condone excessive fines, when it's such a hefty fee

The media is littered, but it's us that pay the price
If we don't adhere to stupid rules, or follow your advice
They almost alter daily, so how can they be precise ?
Is every course of action, a random number on a dice ?

You seem to have an insight, perhaps your drinking from the keg ?
Or you have a secret bloodline, and your mother's Mystic Meg  ?
Are you psychic or clairvoyant, is Nostrodamus old Nick Clegg !
Stop rubbing on your magic lamp, and abusing the prime peg

How do you know future, because you always have a date
Specific times for hair brain schemes, but you are much too late
We should have acted sooner, and closed our borders gate
Instead of ever changing laws, and creating a police state

It's a wonder there aren't storm troopers, barb wire nailed to the wall
Steel bars attached to our windows, iron maidens in the hall
Camera's installed in every room, Big Brother's now on call
Problems caused by men like you, the biggest threat of all

We're sick of being prisoners, and treated like we're fools
And Boris changing policies, with the constant change of rules
First you can and then you can't, with restaurants, pubs and pools
You don't mind the university's, or the students risk in schools !

It's arrogance that makes you think, your choices are correct
The reality of your actions, well it's simply pure neglect
You never really had a clue, but it's what I would expect
Society has been damaged, so you don't have my respect

Your half arsed decisions, why are they so on trend ?
They've hardly been effective, they just drive us round the bend
I'd rather have the holocaust, at least it had an end
A regime based on fascism, is the wrong message to send

Take a look at number ten, why was you even hired ?
You've had a taste of power, now your no longer required
Drawn and quartered hanging high, and then you should be fired
So get down from your high horse, cos even they get tired

You should retire from office, because you are far too keen
Give somebody else the chance, who isn't half as mean
Spend your time brown trousering, while bumming England's Queen
He wants to be elected, cast your votes for Mr Bean

Innocent pawns are sacrificed, but you don't take the blame
We're just the broken chess pieces. from a long discarded game
Sadistic orders are dished out, it's always been the same
Your more threatening then Corona, and you relish the acclaim

Liberty has been destroyed, now we're laid beneath the drapes
The iron curtain has returned, so has more sour grapes
Walking on smashed eggshells, watching every step we traipse
It looks like we're getting closer, to the Planet of the Apes

Petri dishes are unleashed, we've been thrown under the wheel
Your worse than the pandemic, because you have far less appeal
The ******* dictators, they just love to hear you squeal
Why should people waste their life, waiting for the world to heal ?

Heart attacks and lung transplants, are still on the doctors list
But ever since this came along, they hardly now exist
You've lost your cancer patients, now their slipping through the mist
Other ailments pushed aside, that's why we shake our fist

Where are the infected, and where are all the dead ?
Statistically it don't add up, I'm not taking it as red
Isn't there supposed to be, this huge big massive spread ?
You may as well ask a horse, The famous Mr Ed

It's a never ending cycle, and this could go on for years
The evidence of scientists, some advice falls on deaf ears
We can't be very sociable, we're a country split with fears
Pandemics shaped like wedding cakes, will always end in tiers

We've followed guidelines from the start, but progress has been none
Situations are now worse, so what good has it done ?
Forget the shackles and restraints, don't hide away or run
Yellow bellies face your fears, that's how the west was won

Come on now it's gone to far, so please give it a rest
We're basically the fall guys, cos we're under house arrest
Something's wrong with mental health, and you should take a test
Nurse Ratchet would be welcoming, if you flew the cuckoo's nest

What goes on in tiny minds, your thoughts are quite unjust
You're very good at ridicule, but much better at mistrust
Leisure and small businesses, are breads burnt at the crust
Perhaps you will be satisfied, when this planet's turned to dust !

Your no different to Napoleon, a claw that always grips
And you sound like Adolf ******, with dictation on your lips
Is Joseph Starling someone else, you acquire some of your tips ?
To toe the line you could use chains, and braided leather whips

We've tried anti social distancing, and masks upon our face
Kept away from people, and gave them their own space
Thousands have been wasted, on the worthless test and trace
It's criminal what you have done, against the human race

You dare to index people, and place numbers on their back
Or filed away and categorised, just to keep us all on track
It's the simple minds of pettiness, and IQ's that you all lack
There's talk of herd immunity, but not every sheep is black

All of these new amendments, are made up by useless jerks
High wages paid for scare tactics, to stupid little Berks
It isn't really guaranteed, that any of it works
Their only interest seems to be, the money and the perks

Propaganda is your standard, for that you are renown
Your only answer seems to be, is everyone lock down
Our lives are left in ruins, while your watching us all drown
We'd be better off with Roland Rat, and not Coco the Clown

Never mind Covid nineteen, because you have caused more harm
You have us clutched and running scared, inside your smarmy palm
Creating thoughts of suicide, is the smug side of your charm
It's too late to make amends, once you have chanced your arm

There's no consoling anyone, there's no shaking of the hand
Other households cannot mix, and all our friends are banned
Are your heads are up your assess, or buried in the sand
It's big fat cats and bureaucrats, who's threatening our land

We're sorry Mrs Thatcher, if you came back I'd be glad
You wouldn't try and lock us up, or treat everyone so bad
They said Rasputin was insane, and the Impaler known as Vlad
Perhaps their methods were extreme, but at least there iron clad

I've never known a virus, that knows the time of day
Curfews set at ten o'clock, watch out it's on the way
Lurking in the hedgerows, while it's stalking late night pray
Time itself makes no difference, to keep the bugs at bay

It knows your pigmentation, it knows your young or old
The difference between day and night, and if it's hot or cold
We've found a superior life form, put the printing press on hold
Downing Street has met it's match, because it's you who's being controlled

World leaders should now move aside, Trump, Johnson and Farage !
Your days are up, you've lost control, Corona's now in charge
It's telling you where not to go, and spreading like soft marge
The ancient mariner beckons you, to step onto his barge

So you've had the virus, well take a run and jump
No one cares about your hide, your just a worthless lump
You have less intelligence, than a forest full of gump
Why don't you just ****** off, we don't want you Donald Trump

Similarities with the PM, is Boris a clone or twin ?
Perhaps your a strange experiment, removed from a surgeons bin ?
You don't get votes for sympathy, by infecting next of kin
Extortionate hair is pointless, when it still looks fake and thin

Economy's have suffered, but I don't think that you care
What justifies seventy grand, spent on your stupid hair ?
Average citizens pay their tolls, raw deals are never fair
Why should we all cower down, just to breath in toxic air ?

You could've spent two fifty, whole grain would work a treat
Thirty biscuit's in one box, is value you can't beat
It would be ten days supply, cos three would look quite neat
All those taxes would be saved, if you used shredded wheat

Who's bothered about your progress, our phones have been infiltrated
Text messages are unauthorised, about someone who's not rated
Come on now and get real, your policies outdated
And that's because your past your prime, and crossly antiquated

Situations you don't grasp, for you they're out of reach
Like the idea of a syringe, full of domestic bleach
You can try your own vaccine, and practice what you preach
And spare us all from irony, and another ******* speech

Don't ever lose at poker, because times are getting hard
It could result in the U.S, playing their Trump card !
You wouldn't want old Donald, or Boris in your yard
So raise up your defences, and don't ever drop your guard

Isolation is not natural, it's like two peas in a pod
Vicious nets of pure deceit, captured in a school of cod
You have the same complexes, cos you both think you are god
But you are just the didymen, and modelled like Ken Dodd

I simply have no interest, in the updates on the news
Or agendas on scare mongering, or any of your views
The headlines in the papers, should be hung in loos to use
Why don't you go and swivel, on two splintered snooker cues

All shops are essential, and no business should be shut
No forcing pubs to close there doors, no wages to be cut
Stop acting like a ******, and being King Tut's **** !
I never knew a double act, created Fruit and Nut

Where was you both created, do you share half a brain ?
You and Boris cause us all, an extreme amount of pain
Lightning surely does strike twice, we hope it never strikes again
It's the nonsense thoughts and policies, of the criminally insane
Well what can I say, this whole thing started in the beginning of October approximately one month ago when my mother received unauthorised notifications on her mobile phone about Donald Trumps progress after contracting the virus.
At the time I wrote a few lines about our Donald and it was intended to be a short poem solely about him of just 4 stanzas.
However as I began to write and situations were forever changing I found myself having other thoughts on other subjects.
Over the past month it was a bit longer than I had planned and I told myself I would stop at 15 verses or stanzas this simply did not happen as it soon went over the intended number.
This happened a few times from 25 to 35 to 42 and finally 50 and even though I had a few more ideas I decided to stop at this point.
This is just some of my own opinions and views and if they are not yours then that's fine neither of us are wrong and neither of us are right its just one individual viewpoint. if you do agree with some of it them that's fine too and I thank you for your time and for reading. lets hope our current situation eases soon for all our sakes
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2018
like in rugby... you get tackled...
wearing nothing more
that queen jewels protection...
and... well... gleba...
which means: you hit the floor,
hard, tackled in the air,
with a chance of a spinal
injury...
         but what the hell do i care...
i'm making an autumnal
concoction of vegetables,
baked, infused with cumin seeds,
a cinnamon stick,
balsamic vinegar, honey,
olive oil and a dash of worcestershire sauce...
which, if you peel the onion tongue...
is pronounced: Woo-ster...
odd..
    so where did the extra omicron
come from?
and the missing rho, "kappa",
epsilon, sigma,
sure η (eta), 'ooks like an
H...      certainly looks like one...
but i'm starting to think that
the Greeks perfected the cognitive
laugh... they don't laugh out-loud...
   iota, rho, epsilon... where did these letters
go?
so seasonal veg...
  and a butter & lemon
        roast chicken...
- but mind you, i hate political
commentary...
but why do the H'americans adore
Nigel Farage so much?
   to me he's just a rat that jumped
ship...
            he abandoned the party
after securing his argument...
and left it in disarray...
           he's not a politician
to be esteemed,
           or respected...
                     he bailed ship!
**** it, whatever...
        i'm more engrossed in baking
these vegetables,
and this lemon-butter chicken
to begin with.
Ryan O'Leary May 2019
So, they assumed we
plebs, of no significance,
democracy denied us,
treated like merde, now
we've Farage and they're
running scared.
Ryan O'Leary Mar 2019
Making the link between
Brenton Tarrant and UKIP
is how the Tories will try
to create a bad image for
Nigel Farage and those who
voted for Brexit.

Just watch and see how
the split pin is dismantled
and the link exposed.

Civil War On the streets
of London is certain.
Ryan O'Leary Feb 2020
Farage deserves to be a Sir
especially for shafting that
Mairead McGuinness, what
a low life piece of nasty work
she is, had no answer to Nigel
so she turned off the microphone
and severed what could well have
been the greatest speech in history.
As an Irishman, I was ashamed of
my country's representative in Brussels
especially when one considers our
passion for words and literature.

On behalf of  my nation, I am taking
this opportunity to apologise for her
ignorance.


Ryan O'Leary.
Ryan O'Leary Nov 2019
I thought it was meant to
be a celebration after the
31st of October when UK
left the community to go
solo and retain their mile.

But yesterday, we are all
surprised to discover that
this was a misconception,
because Nigel Farage said
no, it was a political entity.
Ryan O'Leary Nov 2019
In an airtight wrapper
to preserve freshness,
brought to you today,
by Johnson Money &
Francesca O'Brien.

Our master baker Nigel
Farage assures us that
from now on, there will
be no more additives to
this patented yeast Brexit.

Sliced or whole from label
to table your daily Brexit
has a new ingredient which
you will agree, is more
wholesome than ever before.

Perfect, like Donny t's call,
our new package will make
all the others look stale by
comparison and let me add,
toasted, will be great crumbed.

Not to mention, left overs
will make ideal chicken feed
and the birds love it, even pet
hamsters adore the round &
round Brexit rolled dough *****.

Available on the hight street
from now until December 12th,
this is our Christmas offer as
all others will be delivered by
Santa Claus with the Fairytale.

Downing Street bakeries are
now taking orders and guarantee
delivery (unlike last time) when
their horse stumbled and fell into
a ditch by the wayside.

But he is back, recovered, a little
lame, but nonetheless harnessed
and ready to go, door to door up
and down the country regardless
of any obstacles he may encounter.

Let's get the delivery done is written
on jackets, this is as serious as the night
ride of Paul Revere, young Lochinvar
or Tam O'Shanter, nothing is going to
prevent the nations favourite Sandwich.
Ryan O'Leary May 2019
The hot English
long running
breakfast cereal
needed the Queens
1988 fake statement
about Britains place
in Europe to whet
the appetites of the
moronic masses
lest they vote for
Nigel Farage on
Catch 22nd May.

— The End —