What am i doing?
As i am pacing i wonder
he feels so good, yet its so wrong....
i cant help but want him this badly..
who am i? ..willing to do just about anything for him to show any kind of affection.
But you see, he would just be playing with a toy
because to him, thats all i represent
but i love him so i let him through me around
and stuff me in a toy box full of other used, dusty broken toys as he goes on playing with a new one he found because he got tierd of me...
so i just wait and watch as he thinks this used toy doesent see..

Hearing from a old friend
is always such a thrill
bringing forth the memories
of times that were so clear
to share lifes experience
with one whom lives so far
the distance doesent matter
just the closeness of the hearts
like best friends sitting on the porch
calling out the stars
yet often more like ships
passing in the fog
we carry on our lives journeys
but always checking in
to share a bit of wisdom
and a happy grin

there once was a caterpillar feeling very strange as in to a butterfly he began to change.
first he grow his wings with colors oh so bright flapping them together until his wings took flight.
now hes very happy and doesent mind the change now hes very beautiful and hes  no longer strange.

i cant take this anymore
every where i turn, theres always something..
im doing my best, trying to honor God in every way,
trying to be a good sisster, a good friend, a good daughter.....
im just so ******* confused!!
cant you see ive come so far from where i was?
i dont even know what to say anymore....
ive run out of words to make you happy..
no matter how much i do right, it doesent matter to you....
youll find my flaws, even if you have to hurt me to do it...
will you ever just listen?
i guess not....

To be sad

Is to mourn over
Death
As decorated
With your crest

It means that
That's all thats left
And you
Are gone

You sure do
Look good
In the moonlight
For the moon
Doesent die

And it glows
To remember you
And tells all the stars
About your life

As your bearing
May hang
From its crest
Of a crescent

i have a little cat a thoughtful chap is he
every now and then brings presents in for me
sometimes its a bird sometimes its a mouse
he leaves them every where all around the house.

he thinks that it is kind bringing gifts for me
though it rather cruel this he doesent see
it is just his instinct.   something that cats do.
but i love him so and he loves me too

everywhere is flooding with the rain and snow
in each and every place every where you go
people getting stranded in the snow so white
tempreture has dropped colder is the night

global warming changing each and everyday
altering our nature from its normal way
pollution taken over nothing is the same
destroying mother nature it is such a shame.

it is getting worse each and everywhere
pollution is still there no one seems to care
we must carry on we dont have a choice
nature has no say it doesent have a voice

there was a caterpillar feeling very strange.
as in to a butterfly he began to change.

first he grew his wings with colors oh so bright.
flapping them together until his wings took flight.
.
now he is very happy and doesent mind the change.
such a lovely buttefly and no longer strange

Since youl left me baby
I drink too much
I dont eat enough
I hardly sleep at all
my phone in my hand
I write long sad text to you
and never hit send.
It keeps my shaking hands busy.
looking at my ceiling
its like a movie screeen
I play videos of the other us.
who did  not fight drink wine
and hurl insults like grenades.
theres you serene and beautiful
me with a neat haircut
Hey I am holding our baby.
it fades and just the noise
from a police car siren screams
in the inner city street.
I light a cigarette.
the smoke cools my mood.
I am empty and desolate
I want to pray to a god
to turm me into the dude in the
ceiling video.
but he doesent hear me.
in the morning
I look into the mirror
over the bathroom sink.
I want to blame you
For the delipadeted wreck
that stares back at me
look at that he has tears
Streaming down his face.
I cant blame you
as hard as I try.
It was my fault.
only mine.
Mea culpa....Mea maxima culpa

(my fault..my most grievous fault)*9

Forget her , its all she wants
Dont think about her
She does'nt think of you
Dont worry about Her
She doesent care for u
Dont miss her
She's doing  well without you
She's moved on
So should you

i have a little cat a thoughtful chap is he
every now and then brings presents in for me
sometimes its a bird sometimes its a mouse
he leaves them every where all around the house.

he thinks that it is kind bringing gifts for me
though it rather cruel this he doesent see
it is just his instinct.   something that cats do.
but i love him so and he loves me too

When I say you,  I am sleepy.
Then you just try to leave me alone so that I can sleep well.
But actually that silence hurts me more that creates more ease in my heart, and then I do never sleep.
Baby,
When will you understand me ?
Whrn will you come to know what I actually want ?
Have you ever tried to feel that why I again n again say to you that m sleepy.
Wheather if I want to sleep inly without you in loneliness n quietness then I simply can say , please go I want to sleep.
But the fact is it that I want you to be with me.
Beacuse with you I do not remains a simple person. I just become someone else, someone special actualy someone very special.
I know you love me alot. And no one can love me like you.
But please baby understand what I want.

Baby I simply want to say-"  when I say you, i am sleepy. It doesent mean that I want you to go away n leave me alone.
That particular time I actually want you to lay down with me and hug me as tight as u can, so that I can sleep without any fear. Because I know that my world is with me."
And  when you are with me then it feels like-
I and you are for each other for always.
We are different than others.
We are the lovers the true ones.
I feel like I am in the heaven.
It make me feel safe.
I love u. N I want you to love me .
Butore than that it is important that we should understand each others feeling. We should understand what other want from me.
It will make us together forever. You are my angel n always you will be.

I love you

It's 5 am im laying in bed
My heart feels as heavy as lead
Can I just write with it instead?
Can i project whats in my head?
Alright lets see if it can be said.
Lets start at the beginning
Its been 5 years and still no beat
I feel like my heart is concrete
My life is automatic
Everything is the same
It doesent matter if theres sun or rain
Wake up and dance do my thing
Why do i still not feel anything...
Pull up my phone swipe left and right
All this has done is maybe fill a night
Not fix the void in my life
Turn to the page my soul as the ink
But still all my heart does is sink.
Another day another week
What is this mess is all I can think
Why would anyone even give me a wink
My screen lights up
Notification recieved
Who's this staring at me?
Nah it simply can't mean a thing
Next day same deal.
Is what im seeing real?
Nah it cant be im the damaged goods
Can't you see all these cracks?
Oh wait I hide it to well
Im sure i look swell.
Alright lets see where it leads I mean shes pretty
Thats something anyone can see
But theres no denying shes a mystery.
Can i look around the corners of this bend?
See what lies down the road ahead?
"Im broken too is what she says"
This stoic person strong and tall?
There is no way that she could crumble and fall
But no it's true if you look hard enough
You can see the chips and cracks in her heart
Even though its tough
How could I think it was only me?
Im starting to see the cracks in her seams
Two people cold and broken
Each one cornered by their own emotion
I dont want to start any commotion.
Here we are talking each day
Relating to our individual pain
But there weird this is the more that we say
The lighter my burden is in a way.
Another late night
Another set of texts
All i want is her caress
Don't say too much
Don't overshare
Don't say you want to play with her hair
Don't kiss her
Don't say the wrong thing
That inner monologue still screaming
Can I really say something?
Is it okay to be rebuilding?
One night I tell her these things
And how does she reply to me?
My screen lights up
My heart tenses back up
Her reply is something i couldn't make up
Something that I would have never though to read
She tells me similar things
But whats most confusing
Is for all the beauty and good I see
When she looks in the mirror thats not what she sees
Its just truly puzzling
"Im broken im shattered, theres just too many pieces scattered"
That's no problem is what ill say
There has to be some way
I should know i've been broken enough
Wait why don't i feel as rough...
We are the same
Circumstances change
Im silently reassembling a frame
Take your pieces and fill in the blanks
You have already recreated my picture
I close my eyes and i see your face
You make my heart race
This old machine that was broken down
Now won't stop pounding or making this sound
Hopefully these words echo and resound
Hopefully you see you are found
Dont be scared to let your heart pour out
Your cracks can be filled
I have a new mold
You put me back together
Without even being told.
Was this poem for me or you?
Im starting to get lost too
I'll wrap this up with one more line
You are red
And I'm blue
What happens when you combine the two?

life is always changing different every day
you have to wait and see what will come your way
will it be a good day one you wont forget
will it it bring you sorrow one you will regret

round and round it goes like spinning top
changing everyday it doesent seem to stop
all that we can do is just go with the flo
except what comes along as through life you go

My love for her I would not break......being without her is just something i cannot take
My heart is bleeding and he'll I  am scared.......it would not be like this if. I hadn't cared
I still think of her night after night.......I did her wrong and it just isn't right
The pain it comes from from deep inside.......these feelings I still have I just can't hide
I wish I could just forget and walk away........I prayed every single day that you and I would be ok
My tears they fill the ocean wide....no one on earth could heal the pain I have inside
She was and will always be the only one.......I am so weak inside my heart.......I pray to the lord the beating doesent stop.......I will always love her as I did from the start
The love of my life you are still So far away......even if I ever forget to breathe ......these feelings inside shall never leave.

christmas is a happy time  for some it can be sad
when a loved ones missing makes you feel so bad
it doesent seem the same like it used to be
when theres someone missing from your family

though the room is full your empty and so bare
you begin to cry wishing they were there
sharing all the fun that you always new
thinking of the times when they were there with you

there still watching over  you from heaven up above
sending christmas wishes with lots of christmas love
waiting for the day when you meet again once more
then christmas time will be.  just like it was before

when we get depression you find it hard to cope
giving up on life giving up on hope
everything around is just an empty space
feel the worlds against just a lonely place

dont know what to do your mind is in a mess
feel that lifes against you.  all you feel is stress
just a lonely place empty and so bare
feeling that the world really doesent care

corona on the warpath spreading everywhere
which country that it goes to it just doesent care
killing many people thats within its wake
dosent care at all. which life it will take

causing lots of panic across the universe
each and everyday spreading even worse
people wearing masks everywhere they go
when its war will cease we really just dont know

everywhere in lockdown isolated from the rest
trying to break free from its corona pest
until then we wait till it passes by
hoping for a cure then the virus it will die

everywhere is flooding with the rain and snow
in each and every place every where you go
people getting stranded in the snow so white
tempreture has dropped colder is the night
global warming changing each and everyday
altering our nature from its normal way

pollution taken over nothing is the same
destroying mother nature it is such a shame.
it is getting worse each and everywhere
pollution is still there no one seems to care
we must carry on we dont have a choice
nature has no say it doesent have a voice