the relationship held sacrosanct
form an identity's disjecta membra
a confluence of fallacies made anthropomorphic
body diminshed by nervous exhaustion
mind abandoned to melancholy obsession
scattered hapharzadly in front of those
whom had once offered solicitude

filled by yearning to be stoic, saturnine, sangfroid
passsing glances, chance encounters
aren't caustic to the indifferent
incondite hopes nurtured by solitude
clinging to the idea that all is bitingly internicine
misplaced in the droors of time

He wanted it and he wouldn't leave without it
I wouldn't give it and tried to push him away
He felt so good in my bed, against me, teasing me
I was given an opportunity and I really wanted it

My morals are as high as the wall around my soul
I have always reacted childish and now in University I chose differently
I'm proud of myself for leaving, for telling him no
Childish teenage boys who always want one thing will always be mad when they don't get it

And now because I stood up for myself I'm punished
Forced to see him everyday, now he chooses to hang out with my friends
Crossing paths is unavoidable
Shame and embarassment marr my face and wreck my heart

But why am I embarassed? Why am I shamed?
I can't answer that question
Would it have been worse if I just gave in?
Yes, I would feel better but my self respect and the respect that others give to me would be diminshed

I'd feel like a *****, a lousy one night stand
Not the way to give up my first
Instead, I sit here trying to convince myself I was strong
But all I feel is weak

I want people to like me and to think I'm a fun person
Is giving it up to every boy who wants it really necessary to do so?
I just want to be there for everyone, be their friends, be a nice person
So, that's what I will do with everyone including him

Everyone has their issues, as I'm most definitely sure he does
I won't let anything happen ever again between us
But I'll be there because I won't hold it against him
And I most certainly won't hold it against me

The week beginning
The seventh of the tenth
Twenty thirteens from my final death

Wings clipped now, time is done
Madness has manifest
straight after sweet love

Scouring the undertow
dusky and dusted
I dream of the willow
pure yet untrusted

I envision a broken halo
charred, shattered and rusted;
utterly finished, diminshed
as if we have never lived

All this respect we had claimed and craved
Caught our fire and went up in frames of flames

And the lie that called us all to see
Eye to eye has fallen three degrees

So if you hear the sound of my voice again,
then know I'm three thirteens, awaiting death

New details have arisen, so much to process.
Right turn at Words, haven't been this lost yet
With anger comes regret, a downhill ***** tailspin
Feelings have changed, eyes have been opened.
Madre, I just want you to know your worth.  
Your kids cherish you, and we thank you for raising us since birth.  Let go of those that engulf you in hurt.  It's the worst at first, but the sun stays persistent.   You have a light inside you that I'll fight to not see diminshed.
You will rise to heights we've only seen in dreams.  I am there with a big hug the next time you close your eyes and breathe.
Despite being separated by a slew of states;
Our bond is beyond worldly,  depths reminding me to appreciate.
Pain is temporary, love is eternal
I'll be coming to Virginia through the next wormhole.  I'm still learning about taking risks and how to be, but just remember your smiling face is one I love to see.

In an understanding of woman's intuition as it sinks,
Passion flowers petals fall,
As bachelors blue buttons diminshed, dishevelled tumble from grace,
In a heap of crumpled calico,
White and pure,
Used to mop the tears of weeping doom,
Tears sealed with loneliness extreme,
Forever and eternal in a never ending dream,
In a world of sacred senesce,
Where true love vanishes into the mist of time,
Erased by darkness,
Reminscent remnants of nightmares,
Which once invaded two sweet hearts,
Love in reality being doli-incapax, as she's novel,
So new so young so fresh!
(Doli-Incapax, means incapable of evil in Latin, it is a legal term discussing the age of a child to have criminal responsibility, I just thought that as my love is new and young that it was an apt expression to use to describe the fact that love doesn't have the intention of being evil, some logic in here somewhere! )
By ladylivvi1

© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)

You've beat me, pushed me down,
Thrown me away, Thought I was finished.
Curb stomped my dreams, my hopes,
Crushed my Soul, My spirit Diminshed,

I lost my visions, lost my morals,
Sick of who you'd made me become,
I question why I'm still here,
Why I've survived being so dumb,

Everything I sacraficed for this,
was forever faithful to only you,
Even when you beat me back down,
I did everything to stay true,

You give me nothing to believe in,
yet here I am, forever the fool,
You think I don't know anymore,
But I'm not just here as a tool,

The things you've done and said,
I know too much of this *******,
I know even if I ask you about it,
You'll never have the respect to admit,

I promised you I'd always be there,
No matter what happens, and I'm here,
But realize, I wont be pushed anymore,
You're no longer my near and dear,

Maybe I'm still a foolish dreamer,
You may always be the love of my life,
But I didn't deserve all that pain,
I never deserved that much strife,

Yet I still have the good memories,
I wish I could just forget the scars,
But I can't talk to you without hurting,
Feelings that would put me behind bars,

13/2/2014 Scraps

My brain chemistry is imbalanced:
Add another conflict and I'll combust.
Bitter still with a sense of mistrust. #poetry #micropoetry


My eyes aren't for appreciating
The silver lining in your carefully crafted lies #poetry 2/3

Before you owe yourself
Another one of my favours
Consider the foundations On which I stand #poetry 1/3


A rusting of the silver lining
A shattered hourglass and microscope lens
With its' scattered shards all along
My path of life #poetry


Driving us slowly, up an avenue to death

There on death's porch
(Blood marks on death's door)
We are one breath short/
We fall and die alone #poetry #micropoetry


The bell tolls its' daily trill
Of a diminshed tone

Diminishing every thrill
A boredom that breaks bones #poetry #micropoetry

Life is harder as i grow up
My goal  become diminshed.
I just realised.
The moon and the stars are just above in the sky
But in reality
They are not in my world.