I love -
The way your tired eyes whispered,
As if to apologise for the cowardice of the tongue.
I love -
The twists and turns of your sleeps,
And the way your skin finds mine in the darkness.
(The proximity of your heart).
I love -
The dangerousness and menace of your touch,
And how I wear it on my lips for days.
I love -
The sorrow that dances in your wake,
Your partner in crime.
Your presence in my sadness.
(The way you linger in my skin).
-

(I am forever haunted by all the space I must live in without you).

This is long, but go through it.  It’s worth it.      it was originally called "Words That Changed Our Lives", being inspired by the  connection between pandemonium and pandemic.  

           Pandemonium

Words that show lives but a tribe:
There to scribe, describe our lives.
Words that come from health or sickness: mind and body:
Prowess, fearless, speechless, endless;
Dangerousness, selfishness, childishness - nothing escapes;
Sowing seeds of mental shapes
That come from mind-to-mouth.

Now’s come the time to learn some new:
Epidemic and Pandemic,
Plus another word to view: Endemic.
Just a few, but whew!
Hoping that it’s not titanic - the Titanic!
Let me help you.

First came epidemics:
Measles, smallpox, influenzas…
How to conquer, name and aim,
How could and could we control the sum?  
Sometimes.  Some.
Coming back to hit us all the same,
But vanquished?  Germs and viruses not dumb -
Survive  anti-biotically (the foe of symbiotically).

Year twenty-twenty,
Epidemic now pandemic,
Plentiful and more than plenty;
Too, too many - far too many.

Struck by the invisible;
Questionable, susceptible,
Humans daring not to touch,
Wondering, asking when will it become too much?
And thus we come to the last word:
Endemic: background sound
Though underground many a year
Alive and well and waiting for…
Pandemonium 5. 14. 2020 Nature Of & In Reality; Circling Round Experience; Our Times, Our Culture II; Arlene Nover Corwin

pandemonium | ˌpandɪˈməʊnɪəm |
wild and noisy disorder or confusion; uproar: there was complete pandemonium—everyone just panicked.
ORIGIN mid 17th century: modern Latin (denoting the place of all demons, in Milton's Paradise Lost), from pan- ‘all’ + Greek daimōn ‘demon’.
pandemic
(of a disease) prevalent over a whole country or the world.
an outbreak of a pandemic disease: the results may have been skewed by an influenza pandemic.
ORIGIN mid 17th century: from Greek pandēmos (from pan ‘all’ + dēmos ‘people’) + -ic
endemic
1 (of a disease or condition) regularly found among particular people or in a certain area: complacency is endemic in industry today.
[attributive] (of an area) in which a particular disease is regularly found: the persistence of infection on pastures in endemic areas.
epidemic
1 an epidemic of typhoid: outbreak, plague, scourge, infestation; widespread illness/disease; Medicine pandemic, epizootic; formal recrudescence, boutade.
2 he's a victim of the county's joyriding epidemic: spate, rash, wave, explosion, eruption, outbreak, outburst, flare-up, craze; flood, torrent, burst, blaze, flurry; upsurge, upswing, upturn, increase, growth, rise, mushrooming; rare ebullition, boutade.
adjective
a widespread occurrence of an infectious disease in a community at a particular time: a flu epidemic.
• a sudden, widespread occurrence of an undesirable phenomenon: an epidemic of violent crime.

My thoughts turn to him,
As an audience to a fire.
Holding hope that things will be okay,
Yet knowing, through the perils of hope,
That no one will survive.
Oh! But there is such beauty in the destruction.
To burn away the skin,
And see the heart.
-

(I am addicted to your dangerousness).

i remember when i'd get lost thinking about you. when i used to dream about your touch and i'd imagine it as the sun. as the warmth of earl grey. as the embers of a burning fire when it's 22 degrees out.

but when you finally spoke to me, your words were merely vacant expressions to get me to follow you to your bed and when i felt your hand, your skin was so cold that it felt like winter that entire year i spent in your arms. i eventually got frostbite. i'd drown in your eyes only because they matched the color of his-  when our lips touched, i was so wrapped up in your dangerousness that i didn't realize you were ******* the life from my lungs. i remember the first time you said you loved me, and it was so different from the last time i'd heard that.. but i almost believed that you meant it. even a lie would sound beautiful in that voice. but love seems so much more like platitude coming from your mouth than a genuine feeling. love isn't getting drunk in the sunday school parking lot three blocks from my house at midnight. or smoking in your car at 3 a.m. love takes me out in public and doesn't shatter my self esteem.

there were nights i just wanted to feel and was stupid enough to actually think you'd listen. but i'd come home and scream into my pillow wondering why you were too proud to give me a hug and walk me to my door. i refused to look at a clock for months because it was only a reminder that the only time you liked me was when i was on my knees.

you made me less of a flower and more of a ****. always doubting whether i was good enough for you and made me think that "maybe" it was possible. you are a ghost. and i can sometimes still feel you haunting me- pulling me down towards your casket, but i will not let you rip at my seams any longer.

i will not let you rip at my seams any longer.