Blitzin and sittin. I'm fixin on doin it in.
I
grin. I sin. I'm ****** spinnin track verses
Round house Shreq four
Poe lease store.
a ***** was like " yo.. do me".   And I'm like "uhhh..
No"

****** friends like you do
second best like you do
with your chest
brand new. Sticky bamboo.
Biggie bad panda. Panthers
up in the trees. Sticken up for the breeze
It’s a reason to be.

Bees. Bark on the trees. Back on your knees.
Back up the beat. pack up the treats.Sack up
and Beg me please
Ashamed, I'm
aimlessly aiming. Amazing. I'm feeling. A bit condescending
You like what you see?  well you might be a freak, and you
might want to seek out
a new conversation.
leads to persuasion.
Invasion of ants.
Dance Lance Vance
Rant can't pant like a dog...

No.
I break up into pieces. Piece it together
and whether or not
you spot the spot.
admit you're not a lot
yeah
your not that spacey boy astronaut.  
an anomaly
anonymously
leaking elixir
fixity fixer. Mr. mix **** salad  tell me What did you say?
That’s what I thought

mad women
a map of the bad criminals
zappin  a fat cinnamon
glass of that old pinnacle
****

a bit bare
with the wrath of a bear scaring
a dastardly dog carrying
amethyst
conglomerated

rated R, bar none
acupuncturing
gun smoke
a melatonin, ****, and a biscuit a piece

PC piper
cold cuts off a limb with a knife
fat cashing master bait
tackle, and jelly to bite

preserving space jam
hat with a jacket to match
tacked up photos of Bruce Lee
and Bruce Wayne

Wayne manor
I'd rather explain
rather be happy to pay
Dad for a crappier day.
I'm fixed soaking tooth aches
in bisquick and **** top
dollar for your  ****-talking hash tags
salad tossing apparatus

armature on a radical man grinning
as actual as furniture
wrappin a broke limb
in factory. smoke fillin in
***** and dope denim men

necessary feminist hair

I’m not  prepared for a cob salad
sort of like a bad
hairdo. A new
piece
to the paper blue noise
in a focal view

high-rise
cellophane shoes
****** do don't

don't be a ****** man
scaring kids
serenading scarecrows

sacrifice satin like
ice
nice
maybe I can make a mean price
bright
I can be content
I can be a sunny side egg
dent on an awful guys Bentley
friendly

I can shoot ****
with the bad boys
sad boys
corduroy jeans  
and an opal headed ring
See?
I can make tea and teeth
and *** in my moms bed
dead to the world
I'm a girl
no I'm not
I’m
looking for
***** up at the scene of the crime
Ive got
sixteen dollars and a pile of dimes

up in my head
ache up in my
head like a weathered old *****
I've got
super college knowledge
I apologize

Mixed up. looking for causes
cause it saws
it claws it paws at my
internal thoughts
and it aught to be critical
Literal lists of fits and fists
cynical. physically
ready to be open
I'm hoping
I can be
anything
but everything that I see
is everything but anything

I'm rendering a catchphrase
two one two
your boys are blue
scratch that
toys and attitudes

a Malibu Ken doll
bent on Adderall
and anyhow
I meant to vent
I'm not spent
I'm just saying

a mystical collaboration
in a nation of amazing amateurs
enamel on the alley chairs

open
flies up
ties for guys
and I'm
coping
exchange these
lies for lies in this
city-like town-like space
like wow like
How the heck are ya  mon? It's football now
no  it's

Nerf
or  nothin
It's a bagel shaped muffin
It's a ladle worth touchin if you think its worth ****** with

thick
like an out of body
hand to god
I manned up
on a melancholy
ample sod

I manned up

A knock at your door
is it not
what your looking for?
looking for
skeleton skin cells

innocence
settin up
basement call down
I'm all out of instinct
pigs stink
sippin up
drinks and

trippin on
life and words
and birds fly
in the most high
mostly

I could think
things like
open toad shoes
and open frogs too
and I'm cookin up stew
Like a mad man
****

stunningly bored and powerfully dumb

I bide I bide I bide my time for success
I lazily rove eyes over ****** photographs
and crappier stills from my memory

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

vivid photographs may line my walls
but day-to-day it does not feel vivid, not at all

Thank you Mr. Sandman for putting my heart to sleep
You didn't **** me but my affectionate nature you buried deep
I found myself numb,
unfeeling about anyone
I still had respect
but couldn't bring myself to drop my guard
I felt like I always had to protect my neck

I knew I couldn't live like that forever
I felt as unloved as a bad Christmas sweater
I tried my best to shake it all off
tried to become cold and hard, but I needed someone with whom I could be soft

Thank you fate for sending to me a friend
a collaboration partner who would become much more in the end
She's mine now and I couldn't be happier
now she's just amazing, even when I couldn't be crappier

you and I weren’t made for hotel room suites,
for red carpet walks or night clubs so loud
that we can’t hear our heartbeats.
you and I were made for ****** apartments
and even crappier coffee, for slow walks
hand in hand through fast paced New York City.
we’ll see things from the ground up,
perhaps it’s better that way.
no matter what happens, I hope that you’ll stay.

I am coming back to myself. My depression is starting to lift itself off. I told myself weeks ago to turn all the sadness and meaninglessness around. Easier said than done. But after having a serious talk with my mother and a friend who is suffering , I realized once again that pain is telling me to help others carry their burden. I was needed. And this is not to fill a desperate want to have someone depend on me but to acknowledge that through my condition I could understand those who are losing hope/grip in life. I learned some pretty dark things and I was afraid I could once again slip into despair but so far I didn't. Repeating to myself every day that there was something to look forward to helped in many ways. I couldn't write for the past few days but I was happy I had that going on. I mean, the world could **** me up so bad and maybe when I wake up tomorrow I would  be depressed, but writing is something no one can take away from me. Words have become my greatest comfort. Just reading some of my older, crappier works cheers me up a bit. There might be some break downs in the future but after close to five  months of experiencing this, I can get the hang of depression like it's an old friend. It's far too early though to call me normal because my mood swings are ambiguous as hell. But I am beginning to entertain hope and push away the negativity as much as I can. Small steps, small steps

Alone in our house. Isolating in a quite room. Feeling so hurt, knowing what's going on echoes in my head and it's loud. I wanna scream and pout. She seems to be happier, I seem to be feeling crappier.
"What'd you wanna eat? What are we watching"
Me: " just put on the norm"
Always knowing what to eat and drink together with out communicating. I'm laying in bad alone feeling my darling deteriorating.
"I love you honey eeeeeeeeeee, he kissed me"
(Reality)
sob "**** what do i do?"
I need you now, I'm freaking out. But I've got to let you be happy. I'm no longer a happy memory. Feels like you wanna forget about me.
"Oh kissed a smile bbbbiiiitch"
(Reality)
Heavy breathing with a sob
"Why doesn't she love me anymore? Does she mean it anymore when she says it?"
I'm replaying the times we had, cherished every kiss with some cute notes pressed to my lips. Clinging on to clothes because they smell like home. The last time i hugged her my teats grazed her cheek. Since then she hardly wanted to speak. Don't blame her now, I'm a ******* wreck and i wouldn't wanna speak to me neither. It's what happens when the past me is defined as a cheater.
giggles*
"You're handsome, MINE"
sigh
"Hehe he kissed me"
(Reality)
I just wish she'd love me the way i still love her. Impossible to let go. I'm laying in bed drowing my pillow. Singing the love songs we use to sing too. Now I'm crying and sobbing because it's now something I'm a always do thinking of you.