I think of you often,
When i brush my lips against a tree
When i clean squash from this year's harvest,
And make it into something you can brush with yours.
I release all the things that are raging between me and opening myself completely.
For to look upon the raging storm,
And still stretch you arms out to sea,
Is to find one's self,
And one's other.
It's okay to be scared,
I dont know everything either,
And isn't that what fear is,
To run from that which i dont know,
You could try to release this from you,
It is all there,
Right before us
Waiting to be felt.

I watched you sleep
Watched your chest rise n fall
You were at peace
Not in torment at all

Your breathing was deep
But you did not snore
You looked content and sweet
I watched you more

You must have sensed me
As you turned to your side
Arms wrapped me tightly
So in your chest I could hide

The soft glow of the moon shone
Casting light from a darken sky
Tomorrow a new day is born
But what a beauiful night for today to die

Go back to your dreams,remember the beauiful things ,before drugs took away self love and wonderful sence. look in your heart in see what this mean, these dreams, was cool they was more then being a feind. go back to the place that keep you clean, drug useing destroy dreams.

loving someone with mental issues isn't poetic, or romantic
hell, it's the opposite of that. it's running down to her house at 1.02am in the morning wondering whether she's still breathing
it's anxious crying when she won't text you back because you don't know whether you've lost her
over the slightest smallest things
in everyday things you start to see the things that trigger her
you look out for them
so that you can steer her away
when she doesn't talk to you
you panic because you don't know how she's doing how she's faring whether she's okay whether she's going to be okay from then on.
loving someone with mental illnesses is not easy
it gets tiring

so stop romanticising it.
i see things everywhere on tumblr, on social media,
images full of soft greys and inky blacks
paragraphs that romanticise these things
these ugly things that no one should ever want to feel
are being preached to the public as

'deep'
'mysterious'
'alluring'

*******.

stop doing this stop doing this it's wrong it's so wrong it needs to stop
think about your friend
dying inside, then choosing to die for real
because of these things
are these things really beauiful????
ARE THEY????
NO.
THEY'RE ******* HORRENDOUS.
SO
STOP. ROMANTICISING. MENTAL ILLNESSES.

thank you.

i remember your voice the first time we spoke.
how it stunned me, completely,
it was comforting.

you told me every secret.
i cried that night,
hearing you recite the last 5 years.

through my tears,
you whispered "why are you upset?"

i confessed, "i cant comprehend how someone with such a beauiful soul, could be hurt so much".

you told me i was too precious for this world.

i told you i wished i could wrap my arms around you.

i wonder if you realised how much i meant that.

i walked the most beautiful fields with him, and dreamed it was you.
im an inhabiter of a vicious cycle.
of altering reality.
but i had to, just to be with you.

you talked vividly about the places youd take me.
your words rang in my ears all day.

im at the beach, its beautiful and i wish you were here.

you stopped saying you wished that too.

i drew you.

i made you that playlist.

you never sent me yours.

maybe i knew that you would drift away as youd assured me,
maybe i didnt want to believe it.

i always asked you to draw me.
eventually you stopped saying you would.

i hadnt smiled so much in years, maybe
you oiled something rusty in me

i hadnt loved so dearly,
in so long.

you made me feel strong.
saying you would never let anyone hurt me.
i felt safe knowing that.
even though you were thousands of miles away.

last week you drew him.
you showed him the same bands you showed me
you called him the same nicknames you called me
i smiled bitterly
and asked how was he

youre gonna see eachother in autmn

you think that he might be the one

youre gonna end up being something.

i cant help feeling that he is everything i wasnt.

since we stopped talking,
they started bothering me again

when your passion stopped,
i was crying so much that i couldnt let you see me.

typed out on my keyboard
things i didnt want to tell you because i didnt want to get attatched.


tonight we talked.

you did not smile when you saw me.
you did not tell me that you missed me.
when i said i missed you.

i said it makes me sad but i could never blame you.
i said i cant help it because you're so special to me.

your eyes did not flicker with a single emotion.



i love you.

but i dont want you to know.

i want you to go.

like youd never existed.

“Every time I touch him I realize all I ever wanted is right in front of me, when he holds my hand I get this sensation, and when I kiss him I feel alive, when other people said they feel sparks, I never believed it until I met him, and then everything went out of control, my heart races every time I see him, my stomach goes in knots and I can’t think straight, when he hits me with his beauiful eyes, I see everything, everything I want and need.”

I have never felt this way
Where there is only one person
I hate and despise
And that's me.

                          I hate myself.
My body.
My mind.
My heart.

                               I feel dead.

As if a beauiful girl
Showering her love
And her awe to me
Wasn't enough.

                                I broke that girl.

With empty promises
Coming from a throat
Sore from screaming
At the world.

No, I couldn't leave her alone
But I needed to be alone
In the end.
I hate myself.

Im free.
But I'm not.
I can't let go.
I hate myself.