See, I am an artist.
I wander through sentences and collect  words in the backpocket of my jeans.

See, I am an artist.
I use your salty tears to glue my stories together.

See, I am an artist.
I write with silver but it comes out red.

The gravel crunches
as we walk
and it's cold.

We push our breaths out
of chapped lips, and wipe
away dried spit, with nicotine
fingers.

Pigeon feels the baggies in his pockets
full of vicodin,
that's gonna get us ****** up.

His fingers look like earthworms through his jeans
as he gropes for the baggy.

I get that jolt, just thinking about it;

that jolt of happiness you feel right before you get
real ****** up.

I look around and pull out a Camel Light,
because that's all we smoke.

And light up. It's real
white out, white and cold.

The moon's fat as a snowflake
and foggy up there too.

I move my toes,
and can't feel a thing,

****.

We crunch through the woods,
catching glimpses of the moon, and the lake
through the trees.

I want to hit this fifth of Henny
jerking in my backpocket,
but I'm saving it.

Pigeon stops.

Me and Gus keep walking.

Pigeon coos.

We turn around.

He whips out the plastic baggy,

In the moonlight the Vicodins look
like those tiny, candy skulls you get on halloween.

it would be lovely to let go,
unfold this scrap of paper
in my backpocket and watch
the red penciled heart
grow wings and take flight
up over these empty acres
blanketed in snow,
through this city with it's
blur of white and yellow lights
burning without break.

in my hand is the lovenote
you left me with, without knowing,
the words you wrote about stars
and the sky and growing old,
the note about life and a love
not as transient as the one
you carry in your heart for me.
in my hand are these words and as
I unfold them I can feel your heart
lifting
up away
from our city and me.

You're a million different people at one time, I'm surprised anyone else can keep conversation with you besides me,
then again you've got a million more faces in your backpocket to choose from

I've been breaking for so long but not yet ever broken babybee aren't you proud of me?
Words that never match the face they come from

Were you born upside down or something, honeybee?
It's so hard trying to work out your type.
I wake up sometimes thawing without your warmth but I've got the means to make a fire on my own, it is not flesh&bone it does not matter

I can't want what's left behind, there's never enough time to regret but still not a single thought inandof itself is useful,
I said I'd never leave her go and I never will,  I shall wear love's bruise and I'll be there for her waiting always
  but it's obvious here is a different story,
I'll be wavering the flag and smiling bright as any dream sun as we fall apart just as when we grew together.
She's not mine, this I know, but I can't stand to hear her cry whatever the motive
And it's so easy to be guided by a lighthouse when you don't see who's behind the light, your lights are bluer than you and how you left me, my bulb shines dull and sandy, and all you ever asked was for us to talk and for me to say nothing 'bout my self.
At first I didn't mind this but you kept on speaking

So long until you wore your voice to nothing

I loved you on Tuesday now it's Friday and I can't say the same

You've got nothing goin on, I'm the same but if we got together

You'd drag us both down,

This I know,

And I've risen too many times to even risk drowning again

   These days and I think I'll stay this way evermore and I don't blame you,
in-fact, I can only blame who's still here
I learn nothing otherwise
I learn so much about myself
From who I long for in my sleep and who I'm glad to forget as I adjust to waking up

and when she wanders my way

I'll be destined to ignore her

And settle for you yet again.

I get hallucinations,
I get them all the time.
my backpocket vibrating,
oh thanks god, it was not your text.

I'm used to your temper
when I dont respond.
im scared but
how do I get out?

Duh, I'm a fool
why won't you talk to me
do you even bother
or am I just your stored trophy now?

Treat me  
like you want me to treat you.
not like this
YOU are so irrational.