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grumpy thumb Mar 2017
Aul ones chinwagging
elbows on gate post
covering the weather
and those down the road.

Aul fellas gardening
weeding and mowing
musing about sports shows
and time long ago.

Nippers bawling
for bottles and changing,
wanting cuddles and tickles
wriggling their toes.

Children itching
for adventure and mischief,
muddy battles and bike rides  
princesses and vikings
climbing and swings.

Young teens
with make-up and dresses
hairbrush microphones
guitar tennis rackets
moviestar pose.

Adolescents practicing kisses
dances and car rides
Breakups and make-ups
wanting independence
then move out of home.

Men and women
seriously working for
marriages and family
And when they are auld.
NJ McGourty Dec 2012
I
In a land of myths, from the jaded isle,
Great stories are told of the brave and the guile.
But no legend of druids, of hags or ghouls,
Can compare to that of our own Fionn McCool.
In the province of Ulster, before armalite,
There lived a race of warriors who knew how to fight.
And who was their leader? The fiercest of the feared?
Of course it was Fionn! With his glorious ginger beard.
He had arms like a gorilla, at an impressive 8 feet,
And lived on a diet of very rare meat.
He drank only water he squeezed from stone,
And discovered 47 uses for human bone.
It was his giant strength that brought McCool his fame,
In kingdoms far and wide people knew his name.
But what was less renowned was his mental might.
Aul Fionn had towering intellect and wit to match his height.

II
When news of Fionn's exploits reached a pub in Aberdeen,
A mammoth figure emerged from the pungent, men’s latrine.
The patrons gave a shudder as it stooped through the door,
“O...One more Ben?” stuttered the barman as his **** reached the floor.
The giant gave a shout and wretched a toilet door aloft,
“Who scrieved this scaffy drawin, sayin that I’m soft?”
Silence gripped the bar as the men examined with horror,
A crude etching of Fionn McCool thrashing Benandonner.
The men remained mute, as the giant turned carmine,
“You think this Fionn boyo’s tough, I’ll carve out his spine!”
And so the giant departed, making his way west,
But not before he slaughtered the group and downed the drinks they left.

III
A roaring voice came through the mist and reached our own Fionn’s ear,
But when he reached the Antrim coast, he near ****** himself with fear
Seeing Ben on Scotland’s edge, throwing boulders to the sea,
“I’ll turn yer lungs to bagpipes! Ye feeble wee beastie!”
Fionn trembled before the monster, twice as big as he,
With a chest as wide as a trawler and biceps thick as trees.
Now Fionn was not a coward but nor was he a fool,
As the rocks formed a bridge he saw ‘the late Fionn McCool.’
And so he sparked a plan to deceive the creature,
A plot in which his wisdom and his wife would feature.
Running to his house he rushed to build a crib,
And dressed as an infant to complete the fib.

IV
With the last stone in place, Ben crossed the sea,
With ‘murrrdur’ in his heart, his eyes mad with hateful glee.
He crouched to enter the house after kicking through the door,
Grabbing Oonagh in his hand, “Now where’s yer husband *****?!”
Fionn’s wife was calm as he held her off the ground,
But wretched as she smelt the breath of a gum-diseased hound.
“He’ll return soon,” she said as the shoes fell off her feet.
“but put me down and while you wait I’ll fix you something to eat”
While Oonagh was in the kitchen, Big Ben released a smirk,
“From the size of his wife, killing McCool won’t be much work.”
Oonagh lead the deception, returning with some cake.
But had placed rocks in the batter, before she’d begun to bake.
Benadonner was surprised, when he took his first bite,
He reached into his mouth and removed a pearly white.
Not wanting to seem weak, by refusing a McCool snack,
The giant continued to eat the stones until all his teeth had cracked.

V
Gumming back a sob, the brute looked around,
He spied the crib in the corner, and was disturbed by what he found.
A child sleeping soundly, but of such monstrous size,
Ben, now blind with tears was fooled by Fionn’s disguise.
Coughing to hide his alarm, the Scottish giant inquired.
“Is Fionn McCool the man, to whom this weeun is sired?”
Oonagh laughed and replied, “He’s his father’s son, no doubt.”
“Sure I remember he was six foot four when I popped him out.”
Now the Scot started sweating, THE BABY WAS FECKIN TITANIC!
When he imagined the father’s size the goliath began to panic.
He ran from the house, kilt flapping in the wind,
As McCool watched from his window, he kissed his wife and grinned.

VI
While Ben crossed the bridge, he dismantled his creation,
To ensure the ****** couldn’t follow, he divorced the nations.
Now centuries later, if you need proof today,
The remains of Ben’s bridge is called the Giant’s Causeway.
Vladimir Lionter May 2020
I

Imam Shamil who grew in mountains’
Region, valued all his life Liberty, spaciousness
Preferring to gold good deeds, after that
He turned the whole Caucasus into Imamat.

The imam joined the mountains’ peoples
Not in vain, he waged war the tsar’s Empire with,
And he said it’s better to die battle giving
Than to be a despised slave being living.

He could not find peace for many years,
And every day he led his Murids,
To battle, all the warriors got to know,
His spirit in battle under Ahulgo.

The imam was praised by the Persian shah,
His deeds carried the good will of Allah!
And if you permit me, reader, we will
Open all Shamil’s exhortation’s will.

Any part here’s a small story true,
Ignorance’s always decay, dust anew.
I am sure it may happen one day that
Wisdom can prove useful to your mind.




II

How many years have passed after that
When Shamil happened to drive subject at?
He wanted to make his children understand,
It isn’t worth speaking with any drunkard.

He said: “Once the Murid was walking
And found a drunkard under the tree lying,
“Get up!”the Murid cried at him, indeed,
“You can’t drink so if you are Shiit!””

That drunkard looked at him by a glass glance
As if he were not working at wall, the man chance.
The Murid asked  him: “How dare you live so?
Allah prohibited us to drink long ago!”

The drunkard answered him: “I mind my own business,
Let a ban be placed on it a hundred timed. Yes!”
That drunkard forgot the truth of the Koran,
The mind stuck in that argument as the mutton.

If only you look at it from  the sides all,
This parable’s sense’ll be single after all,
Discourse is bad with an inadequate
Person, it’s like talking to the wall, indeed.  

III

Everybody knew one language once,
Every  beast got used to association, at last.
And every beast studied language that
The bear used the bull as brother to understand.

Once walked the fox, the wolf and the lion to get
Dinner—to the nearest country  cattle- shed,
In which there was a mutton at that moment
He died in battle from wounds the lion rendered.

But how our heroes  to live now?
And to share their  legal dinner how?
As beasts’ tsar the lion began the food’s sharing,
The wolf took food a bit prudent become having?

Beasts’ brave tsar began to fight with him,
However, the fox was the sliest thing,
And that slyness saved her, after all,
She took the mutton to her own hole.  
  

IV

Once upon a time there lived
Father who most of all his children loved,
Two kind, twin brothers—one and another
One were th’splitting images of their father

The brothers yielded each other in nothing,
They were matched for each other in everything
They were in power to shoot as snipers,
And as Dzigits to ride as no one else/

Suddenly the foe came to their aul as
The conqueror. And Naib took  father’s
Sons with him and any of the brothers
Wanted damask steel to cut heads off shoulders.

But their father had an only sword,
In old times being young and naïve he chopped
His foes by it, and his sons anyway
Had to buy a sword to enter Naib’s array.

The sword bought was shining as emerald—
A master foreign worked at it too hard,
He covered its haft with gold thinnest—
Then that damask steel was very expense!

One brother took that foreign sword with
Him, another one took his father’s
Sword that turned out to be the safest,
Battles years verified safety its.

But the first brother told him: “I’ll bid
Defiance to shaitan himself, indeed!
It is all nothing to me having such
A new sword, I am making of it much!”

But his beloved brother did not agree
With him:”I’m madly glad to hear it but, you see,
By mastership the warrior always wins,
Then the sword plays important role its.”

After battle he came home native with
Father’s sword and grandfather’s shield, arm’s use is
Not in its charms, we need to know it,
The dead brother came back upon his shield.  



V

Once upon a time there lived an old
Man, my teacher, besides, the wiser called
Jamalutdin. When I was ten years,
He gave me a piece of priceless advice:

“Do always respect all people, please, but
At times against something  yourself regard,
Altruism and excessive toil’ ll wear out
Your organism, mind it in no flat!”

At early dawn do your morning exercises
And always sweep the yard by your own house
And then run perkily after the herd,
Health striving for something more is for what?”

And I have been following his example since
Then—I’m not afraid of cholera’s viruses,
Although I’ve been over forty for a long
Time, I’m the strongest of the same age persons among.

VI

God’s not the assistant of all our deeds,
Although we accuse him of our sins,
As our wise men do always tell us:
We all are our fates’ smiths  to the last.

Now and then we envy the rich’s receipts,
To our names when we don’t have copecks,
Now and then we ourselves’re guilty in
Our constant poor life bearing.

Now and then we waste our lives
Gifting our own youth to holidays,
Strong drinks’ drunkenness is always luring us
We are living not setting goals, alas.

VII

Once Basangur walked with me on mountains—
We walked together to Benoi, aul his,
A beautiful wife happened to meet us,
He was crazy about her to the last.

He was fascinated by her eyes’ blackness,
To describe her—there were not enough phrases!
There was not a nicer girl in the whole Caucasus
And then she met cordially her guests.

Ten years passed since then, and there weren’t
Letters from Basangur too of old,
Allah settled everything in his fate—
Gazi- Muhammed took him to his estate.

Basangur was ready for everything—
In the name of Allah he was chopping
His foes and in battle he lost his hand
And an eye of his was once knocked out.

A year after troubles came to the house:
The cannon- ball tore off his foot at once,
Our naib was taken as a prisoner
By crafty foes. Shamil saved him an hour after.

The Murids delivered him home, he had
Only one foot and only one hand,
But he was living laid by one wall
And whispered: “To die’s terrible on the whole!”

“You won’t die!” wife answered him, “the war has
Made you the *******! But remember just:
You are a beloved husband in my fate!
I won’t quit you in trouble, my honey friend!”

But Baisangur said: “You are still nice and young,
For all men you are dream’s chosen one!
I’m burden to you with all my wounds,
Do quit me, and find your own happiness!”

His wife said bending her head: “My honey,
I must say, you are not too courteous to me—
It is inscribed to both of us by fate
To be together until our death’s date!”



VIII

A sufiy who did read a lot of books
To people’s praise and honor did get use
As noticed once an aksakal old:
He  thought he was the brightest in the world.

He gave people pieces of advice,
How to live, to love, to have a very nice
Time, there were not people in the aul at all,
Who he did not happen to advise this all.

But misfortunes came to him at one time in the past:
He run out of water in his well to the last,
But he was proud to ask for help others,
Though it’s impossible to live without water’s wealth.

He lived without water for four days,
To be thirsty is to be without a fire’s
Life being proud of himself he did not ask
For help he gave up the ghost, alas!

IX

An Iranian shah did love to hunt
Allah always with favour did regard
Him. The shah always caught a lot of game
And never empty- hand he home came.

A falcon was presented him once
From the town called proudly Shiraz,
The falcon from Shiraz on the branch was sitting
And even no once having  taken wing.

The Iranian shah was very much surprised
And the master on birds was invited,
He had to reveal the secret of the bird’s
Not being able to fly afterwards.

And that master cut off the brunch off the tree,
And suddenly the falcon soared in its free
Flight, now and then to soar from happiness,
It’s necessary for us to change our lives!


X

In the world there lived so long a wise man,
He kept so many mysteries, information’s mine,
And once I had dinner together with
Him and he did tell me a story of his.

He was young and he wanted to understand
Life and he had a goal to succeed it and
The globe’s being round his being
Ignorant in  his trying its edge reaching.

All his life he walked through woods, mountains
He got through a hundred countries seeing wonders ,
He met his future wife  being on his way,
And he led her to his dream one day.

And he walked so in forty years’ course,
Absolutely grey, he understood the Earth
Had no edge, it’s terrible to live
With a beloved wife by dream deceiptive.

XI

Shamil gave children some paper’s sheets, and
Everybody was ready to write,
The imam said: “Turn over your sheets, please,
And describe your reverse sides’ appearance. ”

The sons saw on each side black smudge’s traces
Be visible in their paper’s sheets’ centres,
And each of them began to describe in prose
How he could, what was like that spot, of course.

In the smudge one saw woods and mountains,
Another one saw wide spaces at once,
The third one gold and stones,
And father said with grief: “I must say, of course,

I absolutely agree with you, children, but
Only your world is so diverse and
You can’t see mountains’ peaks in the spot
Without describing space’s graying world!

You have described only your spot, but it
Is scanty on each of your paper’s sheet
On shallow misfortune concentrating
Then Life and happiness’ll avoid your being.”

XII

One bourgeois loved just wealth, and all his
Life he just laid up coins valuing his
Granary. He could not live calmly a day
Not to increase some more silver, anyway.

But his income was a dishonest thing,
He drove profit from everything
To obtain always super- profit for wealth,
He was ready to sell his own parents.

He came to the temple—to pray to the skies
For everything what haram denies.
But he wished to become more prosperous,
Praying, he dreamt of to own gold countless.

Then opened wide before him  the skies,
And suddenly came into force wonders.
The rich man got petty as he was, a coward
He turned into green moustashe, that is the plant.

XIII

The Dzhigit happened to win the races,
The lucky man won one of the greatest
Prizes. All those stones would be enough
For him to live comfortably his all life.

Suddenly he met a woman on his way
Sobbing she did tell him on that very day:
“You’ve won a prize exactly, I know it,
Will you help me? Mum’s dying now, indeed.”

Believed he her, gave her all his values
And he did not learn of cheat bad piece of news
At once when friends came to meet him he told
The following to all his comrades old:

“Now I feel sorry for nothing, there is
No ill man, of the doctor worrying’s needless,
That’s why I’m so mad from happiness,
Because of having such ever- beloved friends!”

  
XIV

Allah told us to love our mothers,
He may punish all of us for love’s absence.
She does not know any dearer things
Than her beloved children’s stolen glances.

My great- grandmother lived  for a hundred years—
She was wise and was full of happiness.
Once I asked her reading my grammar:
”In what’s your secret, dear, great- mother?”

“My Shamil”, then her answer followed,
“My eyes’ light, there is no secret.”
“But how can you do tell me, please, live,
As young at all not knowing any grief?”

“I’ll never leave my dear people in
Trouble, I live a grudge never nursing,
In my heart I mark always all my good deeds!”
My great- grandmother was such full of kindness.
  

XV

“Here I’ve finished the cycle of parables,
Thank you for hearing out their sense!
Fairy- tales, though, far from true, teach good lads,
Dzigits, let tale a lesson teach them, thus.”

I told of what father, grandfather knew, there
Are no fables created by the Lord, wiser.
The East’s whole wisdom is coming to the same—
The prophet’s all saint thoughts, intentions on them.

And his stories’ thread having accomplished,
The imam Shamil stopped speaking if  did
His doctrine happened to reach all souls—they
Understood exhortation’s wisdom one day.
{2019}

1. Ahulgo’s assault is a military operation conducted by the “Chechen” detached forces of the Separate Caucasus corps of the Caucasus army under the general- lieutenant Grabbe’s command, the aim of which was the imam Shamil’s Headquarters’ blockade and capture, the very Headquarters that were situated in the aul called Ahulgo on the plateau of the same name in Dagestan. The assault happened in July- August in 1839 and it lasted in 80 days’ course.
2. Gazi- Mohammed’s philosophy’s followers seeking for purification from sins by means of sacred war for faith against the Russians were called the Murids. The Murids can be translated as “seeking for the way of saving”. Muridism doesn’t differ from classical Islam in rites and philosophy.
3. Jamaluddin Kazi- Kumuh (1788, or 1792, Kumuh- 1866, Istanbul) is Dagestani spiritual and public agent, scientist, Nashkabad tericat’s sheih, the imam Shamil’s tutor.
4. Baisangur Benoe. Chechnya’s national hero. The imam Shamil’s Naib. By 1846 he had lost his hand and eye in battle, and in 1847 in battle for Gergebil his foot was torn off by the cannon- ball. According to the people’s  legend he could not hold on to the saddle and he was tied to the horse.
5. Gazi- Muhammad (Gazi- Muhammed) is Dagestan’s first imam, a Muslim scientist and theologian, the Montagnards’ Weyrleader in fight against the Russian Empire.

НАСТАВЛЕНИЯ ИМАМА

I

Имам Шамиль, что вырос в крае гор,
Ценил всю жизнь свободу и простор,
Предпочитал дела благие злату
И весь Кавказ он сделал имаматом.

Народы гор имам сплотил не зря,
Ведь вёл войну с Империей царя.
И говорил, что лучше смерть в бою,
Чем быть рабом презренным жизнь свою.

Не находил он много лет покой
И каждый день водил мюридов в бой.
Узнали все бойцовский дух его,
Когда был дан им бой при Ахульго. ¹

Хвалил имама и персидский шах –
Благоволил в делах ему Аллах!
И с твоего, читатель, позволенья
Откроем мы Шамиля наставленья.

Любая часть здесь – маленькая быль.
Всё, кроме знаний – это тлен и пыль!
Уверен я: возможно, так случится,
Что мудрость эта в жизни пригодится!

II

Как много лет уже прошло с тех пор,
Когда Шамиль вёл этот разговор.
Своих детей хотел он вразумить –
Не стоит зря с нетрезвым говорить.

Он говорил: «Мюрид² однажды шёл
И пьяного под деревом нашёл.
«Давай вставай! – вскричал ему мюрид –
Нельзя так пить, уж если ты шиит!»

Стеклянным взглядом пьяный тот смотрел,
Как будто был и вовсе не у дел.
Мюрид ему: «Как смеешь ты так жить?!
Нам запретил Аллах в Коране пить!»

Ответил пьяный: «Мне и дела нет,
Пусть сотню раз наложен был запрет!»
Ведь позабыл тот пьяный про Коран.
Мюрид увяз в том споре как баран.

Со всех позиций, как тут ни взглянуть,
Единой будет притчи этой суть:
С неадекватным дискурс будет плох –
Ведь смысла нет об стену бить горох!»

III

Когда-то знали все один язык,
И каждый зверь к общению привык:
И зверь любой язык тот изучал –
Медведь быка как брата понимал.

Однажды шли лисица, волк и лев –
Добыть обед – в ближайший сельский хлев.
В котором был на тот момент баран.
Он пал в бою тотчас львиных ран.

Но как теперь героям нашим быть
И свой обед законный разделить?
Как царь зверей, делёжку начал лев.
Волк взял кусок, немного обнаглев.

С ним драться стал отважный царь зверей,
Лиса была однако всех хитрей.
И хитрость та её и тут спасла:
Лиса в нору барана отнесла.

IV

Жил-был отец: два сына у него.
Любил он их всегда сильней всего.
Два добрых брата – брата-близнеца
Лицом и телом списаны с отца.

Не уступали брата два ни в чём –
Равны друг другу юноши и во всём!
Они могли как снайперы стрелять
И на конях джигитами скакать.

Нежданно враг пришёл в аул войной.
Наиб берёт сынов отца с собой.
И каждый брат булатный хочет меч –
Срубить врагам голов побольше с плеч.

Но у отца был меч всего один –
Рубил врагов по молодости им.
Пришлось второй меч братьям покупать,
Чтобы войти в наибовскую рать.

Меч покупной блестел как изумруд –
В него вложил заморский мастер труд:
Он рукоять покрыл тончайшим златом –
Был дорогим тот меч тогда булатом!

Взял брат один заморский меч с собой,
И меч отца себе забрал другой.
Отцовский меч надёжнее всего,
Ведь годы битв проверили его!

Но первый брат сказал тогда ему:
«Шайтану вызов брошу самому!
С таким хорошим новеньким мечом
Мне даже он, пожалуй, нипочём!»

Но возразил ему любимый брат:
«Я за тебя всегда безумно рад,
Но воин побеждает мастерством,
А меч свою играет роль потом».

Он после битв пришёл в родимый дом –
С мечом отца и дедовским щитом,
Оружья прок совсем не в красоте –
Погибший брат вернулся на щите.

V

Давно в ауле старец жил один –
Учитель мой, мудрец Джамалутдин.³
Когда мне было где-то десять лет,
Джамалутдин бесценный дал совет:

«Не только всех людей ты уважай,
Но и себя порой оберегай,
Ведь альтруизм и непосильный труд
Твой организм в два счёта перетрут!

Зарядку делай рано на заре
И подметай у дома во дворе.
Беги задорно ты потом за стадом,
Ведь для здоровья большего не надо!»

С тех пор беру с учителя пример –
Мне не страшны все вирусы холер.
Хоть мне давно уже за сорок лет,
Средь сверстников меня сильнее нет!

VI

Не Бог помощник нам во всех делах,
Хотя его виним порой в грехах.
Как говорят нам наши мудрецы,
Своей судьбы мы сами кузнецы!

Завидуем богатым мы порой,
Когда гроша у нас нет за душой.
И в том, что мы бываем небогаты
Порою сами сильно виноваты.

Порой мы жизнь  растрачиваем зря,·        
Всю молодость лишь праздникам даря,
Ведь манит нас напитков крепких хмель,
Мы жизнь живём, совсем не ставя цель!

VII

Раз Байсангур⁴ гулял в горах со мной –
Мы шли вдвоём в его аул Беной.
Встречала нас красавица-жена.
Он от неё был просто без ума.

Пленяла чернота красивых глаз:
Чтоб описать её – не хватит фраз!
На всём Кавказе девы нет милей!
Она радушно встретила гостей.

Прошло с тех пор примерно десять лет.
От Байсангура писем вовсе нет.
Аллах устроил всё в его судьбе –
Гази-Мухаммад5 взял его к себе.

Был Байсангур на всё всегда готов –
Во имя веры он рубил врагов.
Но без руки в бою остался он
И глаз ему проколот был штыком.

А через год пришла беда вновь в дом:
Одна нога оторвана ядром.
Врагом коварным наш наиб пленён,
Но через час Шамилем был спасён.

Мюридами доставлен он домой.
С одной рукой, ногой, но сам живой!
Был у стены положен он поспать
И прошептал: «Как страшно умирать!»

«Ты не умрёшь! – ответила жена –
Тебя калекой сделала война!
Любимый муж, ты всё в моей судьбе!
Я не хочу бросать тебя в беде!»

А Байсангур: «Ещё красива ты –
Для всех мужчин – избранница мечты!
Я – груз тебе с ранением своим.
Бросай меня – счастливой стань с другим!»

Жена сказала, голову склонив:
«Хороший мой, не очень ты учтив –
Нам вместе быть начертано судьбой
И только смерть разлучит нас с тобой!»

VIII

Один суфий, читавший много книг,
К людским хвалам и почестям привык.
Как аксакал один о нём заметил,
Считал себя умнее всех на свете!

Давал советы людям, как им жить:
Как отдыхать, работать и любить.
Людей в ауле не было и нет,
Которым он не дал бы свой совет.

Но как-то раз случилась с ним беда:
В колодце вдруг закончилась вода!
Но он был горд, чтоб помощи просить,
Хоть без воды нельзя на свете жить!

Он без воды прожил четыре дня.
Жить без воды – как в холод без огня!
Гордясь собой, помочь он не просил
И гордый дух от жажды испустил!

IX

Иранский шах охотиться любил –
Ему Аллах всегда благоволил:
Ловил шах много всякой разной дичи –
Не приходил домой он без добычи.

Ему подарен сокол как-то раз
Из города с названием Шираз.
Сидел на ветке сокол из Шираза
И не взлетел за целый год ни разу.

Иранский шах был очень удивлён,
И был по птицам мастер приглашён.
Он должен шаху был раскрыть секрет –
Как так летать у птицы воли нет?

А мастер тот лишь веточку срубил,
Так сокол вдруг немедля воспарил.
Порою, чтоб от счастья воспарить
Нам нужно что-то в жизни изменить!

X

Один мудрец на свете долго жил –
Он много тайн и мудростей хранил.
И как-то раз, когда я с ним обедал,
Старик свою историю поведал:

Он юным был и жизнь хотел постичь –
Поставив цель, желал её достичь.
О том, что кругл шар земной не зная,
Желал дойти он до земного края.

Он шёл всю жизнь чрез горы и леса,
Прошёл сто стран и видел чудеса.
В пути он познакомился с женой –
К своей мечте её повёл с собой!

Так шёл и шёл ещё он сорок лет.
Совсем седой, он понял: края нет.
Не страшно жить обманчивой мечтой,
Когда жена любимая с тобой!

XI

Шамиль дал детям несколько листов –
И каждый был писать уже готов.
Сказал имам: «Листы переверните,
Вид стороны обратной опишите».

Глядят сыны: у каждой стороны
По центру кляксы чёрные видны.
И каждый стал – той прозой, кто как может,
Описывать на что пятно похоже.

Один в пятне увидел лес и горы,
Другой узрел широкие просторы.
Увидел третий злато и каменья,
Отец сказал, однако, с огорченьем:

«Я с вами, дети, полностью согласен,
Но только мир наш столь разнообразен:
Нельзя, увидев в точке пики гор,
Не описав, седеющий простор!

Вы описали только лишь пятно,
Но на листе так мизерно оно!
Зациклившись над мелкою бедою,
Пройдёте жизнь и счастье стороною!»

XII

Один буржуй богатство лишь любил –
Всю жизнь свою монеты он копил.
Не мог ни дня спокойно он прожить
И серебра себе не приумножить!

Но был доход нечестный у него –
Он извлекал богатство из всего.
И чтоб всегда сверхприбыль получать,
Он был готов продать отца и мать.

Он в храм пришёл – молиться небесам,
Ведь делал то, на чём лежал харам.
Но он хотел стать более богатым –
Молясь, мечтал владеть несметным златом.

Над ним тогда разверзлись небеса.
Вдруг начались сплошные чудеса:
Богач мельчал, поскольку сам был трусом,
Растеньем стал – златым зелёным усом!

XIII

Один джигит на скачках победил.
Огромный приз счастливец получил.
Ему хватило всех бы тех камней
Безбедно жить до самых крайних дней.

В пути вдруг встретил женщину джигит.
Ему она, рыдая, говорит:
«Ты выиграл приз – я это точно знаю.
Поможешь мне? Ведь мама умирает…»

Поверил он и ценности отдал.
И про обман не сразу он узнал:
Когда друзья пришли на встречу с ним,
То он сказал товарищам своим:

«Теперь я не жалею ни о чём:
Больного нет – не надо за врачом!
И потому безумно счастлив я,
Что есть со мной любимые друзья!»

XIV

Велел Аллах любить родную мать –
За нелюбовь он может покарать.
Ведь для неё дороже нет на свете,
Чем добрый взгляд, какой даруют дети.

Прабабушка сто лет моя жила –
Она мудра и счастлива была.
Спросил я раз, грамматику читая:
«В чём твой секрет, прабабушка родная?»

«Шамиль ты мой!» – последовал ответ. –
Мой свет очей, секрета вовсе нет!»
– «Но как же ты – почти как молодая
Живёшь сейчас, про горести не зная?»

– «Своих родных не брошу я в беде,
Обиды все пишу я на воде –
Пишу на сердце добрые дела!»
Такая вот прабабушка была!

XV

«Вот и окончен цикл притч моих –
Благодарю, что выслушали их!
Пускай они и ложь, но в них намёк –
Джигитам всем и молодцам урок!

Я рассказал, что знали дед с отцом.
Мудрее притч не создано Творцом.
В них сведены все мудрости Востока,
В них святость дум и помыслов Пророка!»

И завершив своих историй нить,
Имам Шамиль закончил говорить.
Достигло душ детей его ученье –
Они постигли мудрость наставленья!

{16.04.2017}



1. Штурм Ахульго — военная операция, проведённая силами «Чеченского» отряда Отдельного Кавказского корпуса Кавказской армии под командованием генерал-лейтенанта Граббе, целью которой была блокада и захват ставки имама Шамиля в ауле Ахульго, расположенном на одноимённом горном плато в Дагестане, происходившая в июне-августе 1839 года и продлившаяся 80 дней.

2. Последователи учения Гази-Моххамеда, искавшие очищения от грехов путем священной войны за веру против русских, назывались мюридами. «Мюрид» в переводе на русский – "ищущий путь к спасению". Мюридизм не отличался от классического ислама ни в обрядах, ни в учении.

3. Джамалуддин Кази-Кумухский (1788 или 1792, Кумух — 1866, Стамбул) — дагестанский духовный и общественный деятель, учёный, шейх накшбандийского тариката, учитель имама Шамиля.

4. Байсангур Беноевский — национальный герой Чечни. Наиб Имама Шамиля. К 1846 году в боях он потерял одну руку и один глаз, а в 1847 году в боях за Гергебиль ему пушечным ядром оторвало ногу. Согласно народным преданиям, чтобы он мог держаться в седле его привязывали к лошади.

5. Гази-Мухаммад ( Гази-Моххамед) – первый имам Дагестана, мусульманский учёный и богослов, предводитель кавказских горцев в борьбе против Российской империи.

Translator - I. Toporov
Susan O'Reilly Apr 2013
Ah, so sad, difficult relationship
seems to be no resolution in sight
two of us loaded, shooting from the hip
always in battle mode, all day and night
maybe of the aul block, I’m just a chip
saying things, one day unable to right
today I’ve had enough of their bad lip
two-faced, sarcastic, smiling false, so bright
just one more row could sink this rocky ship
with their cynical view on life, can’t unite
I bite my tongue, trying not to let rip
were stuck in a rut, sad, pitiful plight
ask anybody but me, she’s super
but I think she’s a functioning looper
Said he 'shut yer gobs ye ****** boggers'
Keen on blatherin' ye spent yer days with yer tongue sharp as a dagger
O ter be 'onest ye be pattin yer boat.
Aul' ducks,yung ducks all makin' faults.

Cats eatin' bazz i say blather ye boyo
A man makin' money, no divils in county mayo
Yer gobs flippin' like hoors feckin ****
Smart fellas know ter kick yer barse

Me,a **** in carrickfergus jammy am i?
Come 'ere ye be told a secret ye culchie
A man pushin his **** tryin ter find his way
Be wide ye yung boyo lots o vultures on yer way
Dave Robertson Jul 2021
As local as shoe leather,
though laced a little differently
I still feel the pull of aul boody,
aul boy,
a voice of ancient things

this impossible centre of England
with the flow of Plantagenet
of Watling
of Nene and Welland
where nothing happens
but everything has

rich in silver willow
and tannery stink
still giving cause to think,
to feel Clare’s fears
as the inexorable tarmac is laid
and each day passed
as the hedged wren and dunnock
begin to explain
green and pleasant pains
Paul Hardwick Jul 2012
P  Aul stood by his fo
at that time he did not know
feeling a punch

but the knife went in
deep inside moving the bowls within
ripping a few he knew that to

as he fell
and felt the pain within
P  A  U  L     STOOD.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2021
the older i become the more it hinders my output:
volume, quality, whatever you want to call...
perhaps it's censorship (in a way) -
a ****** lenovo keyboard: not wide enough
to properly place my hands to not look down
but ahead at the genius of QWERTY...
since... believe me: the classical order of the alphabet
conjured up by the French (perhaps i'm
remembering incorrectly) is not really important:
what matters is the entire body of the scripted
language... words don't unravel from a prerequisite
of abcdefghijklmnopq...rs...t...u...v...w...x...y...z
is that all the letters?
i actually don't know fingers dart backwards &
forwards... or, not really... when playing this
"piano" anyway: as long as all the required
letters are invoked in the required words:
hey presto! meaning!
                      there ought to be 26... funny...
there are 32 letters in the ****** (western Slavic)
alphabet... the same number as the teeth
in my gob...
but sometimes i "lose" a poem... whether it's censorship
when i make a post: ****! gone...
or whether i'm callous with the ctrl + c / + p / + a
scenario when i drank a little bit too much...
i don't know... perhaps i'm writing for
some elite that doesn't want the public to read
my work... i like to think of it that way...
but losing a poo'em can become so disheartening
that i i sometimes want to forget that i speak:
let alone write... now longer periods when
i can rekindle a makeshift monologue:
but then i have to find something technical in language
to reorient my purpose...
it's becoming less & less easy...
esp. since i'm not writing fiction...
  just... grass is green... butternut squash soup is
more than hearty: but it will never match up
to my better take on the Heinz canned classic... period...
not enough chilly in the Heinz... canned classic...
& never eaten with a slice of bread...
it requires vermicelli... like most soups do...
like a decent ****** chicken broth...
which also requires... well: poaching the carcass
but  base set of vegetable...
a leek... a celeriac root slice...
parsley root... a carrot... garlic... celery stalks...
parsley - the green leaves...
salt, pepper... & vermicelli...
oh... & plenty of time...
i'm disheartened when i lose a piece of script:
it's not Shakespeare (obviously) but so much emotion
can flow into the cascade that:
tabloid newspapers are given bragging rights...
are, ahem... "important"... so... my writing...
whether by censorship or not...
or my clumsy fingers when putting across
a body of text from one canvas to another... goes wrong...
hours become days when i find a new:
desire to write... since... writing is much easier
to thinking...
writing is much easier to thinking...
as thinking is much easier to speaking...
- but all of a sudden my life has changed a little...
writing is so much easier when you're
not "doing" anything...
mein gott... poems flow & flow... snippets
of narrative arrive at your forehead & fingertips like
postcards from your ex-girlfriends missing
you dearly from exotic locations: as if being married
& having children is still not enough because:
they didn't have your children & aren't married to you...
the poo'em i lost was about... two days ago...
travelling to Wembley Park for... an induction...
the role? being a steward...
i figured: enough of youth can be wasted on dreams...
literary dreams...
let's inject some... proper... grass-root ambition
with... RE-AH-LI-TY (****... phonetically that's
REE-AH-LEE-TEA/EE/AE)...
this writing "business" isn't going at the pace
i want... sure... i can brag about...
wow... almost 40 thousand views of one poem...
there are over 6K poems of mine, just here...
Wembley Stadium can host 90,000 spectators...
one poem of mine can muster up... almost half
of the capacity?
not bad... but... not good enough...
lucky for me i can relate for this sort of thirst when
drinking... sometimes i'm content with
a bottle of wine... at other times i need a liter of whiskey...
go figure... but not when so many idiotic pundits...
when there's this media masquerade happening...
i'm in the shadows: i'm listening to what people
are listening to... i never leave traces in the comment
sections: a waste of time...
makes thinking about certain things easier:
when you don't air your opinions...
after all: that's pseudo-rhetorical...
the true art of debate is... withdrawing from:
debating... the dialectical position is:
first mind diacritical marks (sorry... none in English,
& yes... it's still more ugly
when phonetically charged with graffiti "mishaps"...
misnomer: "shortcuts")...
- where was i? oh right... perhaps i "missed" something
in my original lost sample of a narrative:
although (last time i checked)
this website provides automated save as drafts
when you stop typing - after a prolonged period
of typing: my bad...
writing is so much easier when life is uneventful...
i could tease that word: uneventful into
a katakana syllabary: i almost want i almost have
to i therefore (not almost, but) must:
un-eh-vent-ful...
oh look at that: sitting pretty like a toddler
with a drumstick of a chicken (leg)...
**** it: my writing is going nowhere...
i have more ambition to simply let it... sizzle in its own
juices: or whatever better expression is handy...
none come to mind...
i need to look at people: i need to study people...
the internet is an echo-chamber to begin with:
it used to...
a jukebox narrative... such freedoms were
once available... mein gott... what music
i discovered when foraging on youtube...
in two years... gone... the algorithm got ******...
period: bad grammar is an exemplification
of this load of: hot-steaming... mix of **** & *******...
i need a real job... wasting my youth on writing
is not enough: perhaps my writing will catch up:
or my readership will... either way:
i'm not aiming for anything under
the title-weight of a Bukowski:
lucky ******... but i'm also not aiming for
the almost near obscurity of... the Black Mountain poets...
who was their leader... Larry?
Lee-rrr...       eh... it's not like a tarantula didn't
crawl into an English mouth & "somehow"
numbed the tongue for the end result of:
nein zu tremolo! ****'s sake... if i only asked:
why the French Fwench... but they hark so:
never mind...   yes, yes... Larry Eignar...
**** me... that took a while...
but there's another... a "renegade" on the...
ha ha... steppes of "Cambodia"...

          Russell is a likely connotation...
but incorrect... let's see....
     wait... Charles Olson... ol' Ollie...
he? he was a black mountain poet?
you ******* kidding me...
no chance in hell that will pass by me
given.... concerning his Maximus poems...
like: **** no...
i'm a critic i'm a nobody i'm a porveurour...
now i remember the ******'s name:
Robert ******* Kreely...
him! Kreely: Creely... Creeley...
**** it... fling in the vowels...
lets see what sort of a trebuchet **** master
you... ought... might... make.
oh.... wait.... important "news"...
an... apostrophe "missing": plain Jane typo....
where?LET(')S i.e. implying the shortening of:
the inclusivity of the collective... "US"..
      wunderbar!
                 schön!
that's the umlaut O... ergo... shoo... shoon...
great!
                           kaninchen und...
                        rosa ball-ons!  
i know a ******* balloon from a *******
ball-on... it's like telling me...
what's the difference between an omicron
and an omega...
i.e. do you really need to tell me
the difference?
sure... if it was an upsilon: you *******
clueless Greek!
what audacity:
you ******* clueless... Greek...
what... better some Iranian...
arriving from... Belarus?!
oh sure... i really want to live in Kenya...
among the ivory beauties with skins
that hide their bodies...
******* milk on toast... some chocolate:
sprinkled... i see teeth & sclera...
& some mahogany...
  ****? i'd **** anything that moves...
even south Korean girls geared up for a game of....
ping-pong....
my bad... what?
or is that: WAT like... WATT...
the energy unit or the Samuel Beckett novel
that over-competes James Joyce's Ulysses?!

your is the roulette... yours... hmm... your's...
for a while... the latter was underlined...

life used to be so much simpler when...
language could speak for... "itself"...
no one could use it: somehow, "somehow"...

i applied for the role of a Wembley Stadium
steward on a whim...
i thought: **** it... writing is not going toward
a projected: Ginsberg stastus...
i'm not going to compete with the leftoid jargon
of the 1960s... lucky me...

i'm just a terrible "millenial"...
i use an apostrophe like i migh5t secure understand
of the Pythagorean hypotenuse...
some C "squared"...
Wembley Stadium steward...
this... cacophony of hierarchy "suddenly" hits me...

i can understand authority...
tier one, tier two... vampire... zombie...
sure, sorted...

of the supposed 12 rules for life...
one of them reeds... i suppose that's reed: read:
reeds... sorry.. n'est ce pas...
pet a cast on the sreet?
you know, how hard it is... to pet a cat..
on the street?!
if you lived in England...
wolves... what wolves?!
foxes... oh yeah... plenty of those...
but... petting cats?
a bit like explaining...
a jpeg. take up less volume... ha ha: "volume"
than a pdf. file...

why i was mo4e than ready: i'll never known...
perhaps i'm a closeted fan of Ed Sheeran,
perhaps i like children in the role of:
a fathering figure...
perhaps children like to
poke my beard & lips...
perhaps this... perhaps that...
perhaps i'm ******* Santa Claus...
or what's Satan's Claus(e)....
all these freebies... cough up!

or... i just like making people "feel" included:
"feel" is one "thing", REALISED... another...
it might sound like newsspeak...
but... i don't want to ingest another...
Manchester Bomb Arena spectacle...

SAA... a week in Brixton... 7 days...
but they require a cohort of at least 12 applicants...
it elevastes your status as steward to:
someone who can: "juggle"...
be legally obliged to utilised force:
if necessary...
i like... i like... i like...

first ZOOM call in my life... ******* Ludite...
luddite... ugh... that double D kills me...
surd: you don't hear(d) to: begin with...
so... what... spelling "mistake"?

oh sure... the ****** transit & traffic...
train from Romford through to Liverpoool St...
then the Metropolitan Line to Wembley Park...
great... the arch...
a black coffee from McDonald's & two croissants from
Lidl... morning... done...
no more... morning sickness....
come late afternoon Somali girls eyeing me up in a black
tie... o.k. sure... fair game: "gamble"...
hunting what?
i like this understudy of what's man...

i arrived an hour early...
waited the tad bit... of a little... we exchanged formalities... but then i watched as...
two groups formed...
the ****-shock-show of the multi-cultural urban... ahem... "class"... with one rep. & the other... mostly... asian men... with their... asian rep...

12 rules for life... seriously?! do you know how hard it is... to pet a cat? sorry... can i make you reiterate... petting a cat... lucky me... for petting two cats today... "strays"... but... do you know how nearly impossible it is... to pet cats, is?! you don't pet a cat because you can... you pet a cat out of the whims of: the cat willing you to pet it!  just like i like... sitting on my windowsill listening to foxes bemoan their lack of ****** adventures... it's England... foxes... ergo no wolves! d'uh! cull the foxes... you cull the erotica of the nights!

between... sigourney weaver... &...
mmm... winona ryder...
raven 'air...
two winners... how harems work...

Tuba Büyüküstün...

apologies for the phrasing...
if all the supposed gems not donning niqabs
that are western women
are so... *******: NIGGERCOCK mad...
Tuba Büyüküstün... oh... look at me...
you think i want some anemic blonde:
stereotype?!
raven... hair!
sure... the black male specimens are
handsome, attractive: if i were a woman:
i would... ha... "problem"...
why don't i want to...
the ****** antonym... because a white girl
really wants to... do a black guy...
do i... "have" to have the same
compulsions with regards to a black girl?!
Turkic! **** yes!
Mongolian... probably!
Tuba Büyüküstün...
or... swans probably don't have necks...
no... swans probably don't have necks
when you see this:

(although sophie skelton looks
better in the initial photograph...
papa best preached)...
swans don't have necks...
not with her...
around... to... curate... a balett of
nodding  approvals...

Caitríona Mary Balfe... i'm so loved up...
in that i once remarked in private:
bemoaned: that the Scots have forgotten
their native tongue...
swans have no necks...
swans don't need necks...

the neck of Caitríona Mary Balfe
eyes... too...
or the short-styled hair... & eyes
of Tuba Büyüküstün...
don't get me started on the hands...
those petite Antoinetes of joy...
the most ****** aspect of a woman is bound
to her hands... i'm missing a knuckle! or at least
*******!

woo-man!                         woe-is-me!
woe-is-man!             woo-man!
i'll bark i'll gargle... not for the sold-cold "soul & eternity"
of the d.n.a.:
but rather for that Muhammad never achieved when
competing with King Solomon!
then again... King David had the better tale...
the love of music, the writing of the psalms
&... defeating Goliath...
king Solomon was... compensating with
the excessing in the exploitation of women...
eh... Solomon &... proverbs can be tested...
true... or untrue...
but psalms... unconditionally...
sung... or... lost...
no antonym-synonym dynamic...
you either remember or you forget...
you don't merely remember & pseudo-remember
via changing the narrative a little: or a lot...

what a neck... on this Irish beauty...

two frotiers formed.... one side...
the cosmopolitan, readied to talk to women
in possible women in authority, etc.
whatever are the preferenfes....
i really adore the ROYAL: third person:
ONE might...
or the plural WE....
"genger plural pronouns":
not since the existence of the "crown":
i am subject to ol' Lizzies stipends!

i am her mouthpiece wherever she's:
not m'ah ******* grandma!
on zoom calll i was sked....   (scared, for sked)
what were British values....
i was asked....
i replied... universal?!
i passed some mythological...
Kennsington Test...
ooh p'ah! ******* hurah
join the Union Jack brigade!
who's kidding who?

              the red coats are coming!
last time i 'eard?
not enough of 'em are "coming"...
come to "think" of it: beside staring at goats...
"going": where?
do "we" need to "go" to Afghanistan
when... Afghanistan is coming to us?!

sorry... what?

two groups of people at Wembley...
mostly Asian men... an Asian rep...
& a group led by a Jewish girl...
talk of tortoises...
Sikh... Tamil... Sanskrit... men...
& women... ******...
Stalowa Wola: Iron Will... which is
an actual town...
Harry... the guy with tattoed hands...
Ewelina: Evaline...
**** me... another single mother...
how many more single mothers will i have to pass?!
i don't mind it:
ancient Rome replies with:
the surrogate father...
chances are...
i could be a bad genetic partner...
i wouldn't mind... raising children that weren't my own...
i swear to the only god available on such
matters...
he'd just nod approving me as
surrogate father...
to hell with it...
CORALINE - DREAMING...
ancient Rome sends you a postcard...
you'll reply?
        no? fair enough...
i could i wish i could...
a little: BAMBINO of my own...
bit then again...
investing in so much of my own...
what if... they are killed...
hell! ****** is one "thing"...
but what if by some stupid circumstance of
a traffic incident?!
ergo?
i very much like the idea of raising children that
biologically "belong"... ahem...
"elsewhere"...
not their souls, their minds.. though...
n'est ce pas?! VOU... that's not how
ALTHOUGH is assembled?
AUL: ALL.... VOU? it's not VOW...
ate the G... no, kiddy?

i love children... esp. those that are not my own...
i could love them & love them like
an Abraham... nein... i could love them like...
a god... i could love children in a way that...
mirrors.. the moment they arrive at...
exploring the game of:
hide & seek...
there was never any playground invoked
to summon: the game of bulldog...

i'm glad i have no children of my own...
more of my seeing and less of the eyes of my "choosing"...
petty tender heart-felts: demands...
i'd rather father the children of "unavaliable" fathers
than father my own...
ancient Rome is messaging you...
dearest...
   look how much easier it all becomes!
you raise someone else's child... but...
should said child die... become murdered...
erm... what of it?
a statistic... i feel no inclination to give a ****...
i invested in the mind... the soul...
the body can ***** itself to death...
as it does... but it's not my own...
i can be as much detached from its fate as is most purposively
ridden: to riddle me...
i'm glad to not raise my own!
it dies... it's murdered... do i care?
no... life replaces life... here we go: the grand
carousel... it's not like i have name like:
McKenzie or... McDougal...
so... no... no lineage... i'm a baron of the most
atomised of times... the individualistic
sanctity: real or supposed...

ancient Rome replies:
the negativity of single mother households....
compensated with... the freedoms of...
paternal surrogacy... give me a break!
ha! it's Eden! i come with not leverage of....
ownership! i owe nothing due to
the Darwinistic impetus!
i'd be freed from whatever is expected of me...
there are no investments...
in pronouns... might we:
the royal one?

ha!

it's no much easier to have children
that turn out to be girl...
ha!

i'd rather be a surrogate father to a "daughter"...
come to think of it...
i'd only want...
to be a father... to a son... biologically....
a daughter can...
Mayflower herself... or ***** herself all she wants...
from a father: unto a son...
like that "******": Matthew & Son (cat stevens)
or... "dreaming": Coraline...

the inquisitive cat... the teenage girl...
the "felix"... the Urdu... somewhat...
the inquisitive cat... kommen die nacht....
alles ist nacht...

if there's no democracy in poetry:
then there's no democracy at all!
maxim: non-la-rochefoucauld
Jennifer Beetz Jan 2019
Meh darlin' doth
meh faencie,
in aul hes waeys
quite daencie;
I gav 'im meh
charm an op
theh mountain
of hes arms,
then doon theh
ledder uv hes
romaencin'
I tried to write this with my friend's Scottish accent, that is to say phonetically- no offense intended.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2023
am ende meines lebens angekommen, möchte (meschte) ich armer sünder auf diesem pergament zeugnis abgeben / having arrived at the end of my life, i want this poor sinner to surrender to the parchment-transcripts, handed over...

i haven't really listened to pop music in a long... while...
o.k.: i'm lying, there's a rubric of pop songs
i revisit habitually
like the religiosity implosion of church
from church-state (which, given the Vatican,
still exists) toward the church (one end)
state (the other end)... as with the disillusionment
of the concept of state... or is that nation, ethnicity
etc           etc            etc             ?      ?
                                                   ?      ? woo! a question sq.

i'm feeling very much **** clerical...
i'm a cleric of the Third *****...
times are great, given that someone had the *****
to put the unfair Treaty of Versailles
to some well-earned rest...
         rest assured: i will not be grieving the death
of letters, names, locations of birth
with some Auschwitz'ian sudoku...

nāmé (vornàmé)
  sur... name: nachnāmé... surname...

Grzegorz... Brzęczyszczykiewicz...

      (jak rozpętałem drugą wojnę światową -
how i unleashed world war II)
borrow from the film

verschließen! verschließen!
    
what is a V to a ******? Y has a name: igrek...
and V has a name: fał...

den mund halten? sort of confusing...
ver-shly-ss-en...
      my y oh why not not an i
when sometimes also an e...
ply-i
            Plymouth... Y done there right and proper...
say Plymouth one more time...
do you say: Plemouth or Plimouth...
you don't even utter mouth in the name
of an English city: plYmΩΘ

      the Y is a "hollowed out" iota or

ị: given that English, language, not the people
do not use diacritical markers
expect for i and j: aye, yes, affirmative and
jay... which is squeezing in jade... too...

Plymouth: my mouth is bleeding and i'm plucking out
teeth with my tongue...
i count 32 teeth... but only 26 letters in English...
i was getting assessed for an SIA license
today in Barking... the first Q that popped up
was: how many letters are there in the alphabet?

i should have written
a e i o u b c d f g h j k m n p q r s t

instead i wrote down:

a b c d e f g h i j k m n o p q r s t u v q w x y z...
yeah... with a Bachelor's degree in chemistry
you'd think i'd get that right....
apparently i have a blindspot for L...
jeez... i only had 25 letters...
had to check my phone...
twice... once for a missing letter Lil and El
and another time about what % and
the ugly baron of fraction (synonymous)
implied...

Barking Surrealism... i'm in England and yet
i'm being checked for language proficiency...
but i'm bilingual... don't talk to me about
schizophrenia and "losing touch with reality":
England has lost touch with reality:
outright...
my math wasn't so bad although...
i did get one question wong like wok desperado
because i answered the Q with
the better deal... not the worst deal
for a mobile phone contract...

now if i was an INDIGENOUS English fellow:
yeah... that would be intimidating...
but since i'm an immigrant myself...
well... (insert snigger): this is a bit of a topsy-turvy
tickle... isn't it?
i'm not ambitious enough for a middle-class
sitting at an office table gherkin festering...
but can you imagine...
being asked by an Asian or an African
if you speak the adequate English... in England?
which makes me think about the genius of
Russian hackers... do they speak proficient
Nigerian in Russia?! really?!

i was thinking about becoming a soap model
for adverts in Ghana half a year ago...
the pale complexion might give me a booster...
this is... absolutely, utterly:
Barking Surreal:
East End Surrealism...
i'm being assessed about my comprehension
of the English language... in England...
the **** do "people" speak in Antarctica?
penguin?! or do they speak chicken cluck cluck?!
and strut like geese? goose is the singular:
geese is the.... ha ha ha: mein *****!

this invention of a para-neo-**** cult of ideas
was bound to happen...
this is: a para-neo-**** cult of ideas:
it's a sort of bewildering scenario of: huh?!
it did happen, it has happened: it's happening, now?

personally i'm rather thankful that Europe has been
"invaded" by hordes from Asia and Africa:
i have a fetish for Indian and Latino girls...
i tried a black girl once...
she aimed at giving me a plum bruise on my
pelvis... she rammed down rammed down so hard
i almost forgot i ****** her in the dark...
it was pretty clear then that i was: no... she was...
aiming at circumcising me with her *******...
but i'm not a Heb' so no circumcision: thank you:
i have that excess skin for when i don't have
a ****** partner so there's no room for me to
make ******* a fetish...

but this was weird: i get the mathematical conundrum
but the language conundrum?
there are 32 teeth in the mouth of man...
as there are 32 letters in the Polish alphabet...
see! the wrong "aryans" lost the war...
Polacks from the 16th century onward
felt inclined to cite the migration of an Aryan
tribe toward the Vistula... the Sarmatians...
fake Aryans conquering truer Aryans...
drop the Q because that's like a faking C and K...
and drop the V...
and you get ą, ę, ć, ś... ó... ł, ż... ź...
technically you could also have š and č...
but then then Czech educator... theologian...
Yan (not Jane) Huß comes into play with Czech
and ž... and š and č...

to hide the Z in ****** or the H in English:
but then... no point hiding the H in English for too long
since: memories of Viking raids and the Norman invasion
you have enough free time to conjure up games
akin to football, cricket, rugby: goal oval ball H...
imitation of water-man and earth-man...
pass ball backwards but move forwards...

so much for meta-relationships:
i'm stuck in London, it's raining, therefore dreary therefore
i'm on reflective mode and melancholically adrift on
a memory-cinema of staying a month on
Kauai... funny how she says: Lay-che-ster...
Leicester... that's... Lester...
why not Lay-K'eh'ster? why does and who
advocates the C to become a K
and when did someone make his penny
on turning the C into a Σ?

   since that is the case, no?
ς = ç (transliteration-plagiarism):
there is no W or V sound in Greek...
R from P and P in Π - Greek to Latin transliteration
wasn't a complete plagiarism
that turned Zeus into Jupiter...
to this say Greek is reminiscent of Spanish whenever
employed in speech, or: zu sprechen...
sometimes even zu spreschen...

another quill... for my ugly peacock: -sch- / ś

grössenwahn - feindflug

a great motivational song to do bureaucratic
wordings of: filter the men who speak das zunge
from men who don't speak: dass / das das zunge...

30 minutes... from Havering Road to Barking Market...
compliments of owning a bicycle:
and using the Elizabeth line...
even by car alone the travel given
Bangladeshi traffic mantras would take me
close to 2h...
**** that...
every time i cycle in these "no go zones"
filled with Asians but no Ching Chong Wa's...
i'm worried about traffic accidents...
reminiscent of: niqabs are tunnel vision and goggles
and sometimes like crow-eyed
you see the first dinosaurs proper in chickens
before flight took off and chickens became
pigeons and it's scary to not find it funny
seeing how: i can't see! i can't see!
in the corner of my eyes those women
donning niqabs...

but i can get away with it
when i also see the "other Asians":
Sikhs... who... some even become proselytes when
it comes to the turban... shave their hair
and don western clothing because it's classy...
obviously the Muslims are an ****** hostile group
that need to feel comforted by
suicide bombings and shalwars and pajamas...
and those Palestinian headscarves:
but please... give me those guys
and not my ethnicity-shared-zombie-plot-holders
who came out of the Harry Potter transgender
apocalypse into the fore of political antagonism
a cause of causes...

basically ginger-bred foot ugly foo jimmy carr
typos... like typo is best defence for spelling
******* correctly?

i did listen to Edie though... every time i go
cycling, what do i eat should i feel peckish?
i eat 160g of chicken breast...
sometimes hot and spicy, sometimes bbq...
sometimes chinese chá-wah...
   but no carbohydrates... just the meat...
and oddly enough: i'm full for most of the day...
apparently i have a problem
because i sleep-eat... i also sleep-talk...
i truly miss being intimate with a bulb...
a woman... i don't understand *******...
to me... there's nothing better than an older...
voluptuous woman...
like my grandfather, Joseph, used to say:

a woman of full trim...
*******... ***... thighs...
and she is just that...
thanks to her i've forgotten what ******* is...

so we started talking about technology
how i use chatGPT to be able to write so freely here
for a canvas and an audience of 2
while also having to do the dreary prosaic...
and she sends me these filtered pictures
from tictoc and... given my access to AI...
seeing these "improvements":
but no no... she has the tenacity and the intelligence
to also send me the grotesque shots of herself...
in one...
she's the spitting image of: Schlitzie...
the pinhead circus freak!
and that's what's so fascinating!

the reality is: she's somewhere in the middle...
she's not some model
but she's also not some pinhead circus frrrrrr...
frrrr... (her daughter can't trill the R...
do the rattlesnake, ha ha)...

Edie: i beg to differ... there is no V in Greek...
ergo? Matthew...
last time i heard TH = Θ = F...
TH = PH:
phonetically... obviously these two letters
exist... identical phonetically
but when written down to exfoliate
in a change of meaning...

but now we have to be borrowing from Norse...
i.e. þought...
       and ðe: the thought...
how many times: it's not M'ah-view:
it's Math: mathematics...
how is mathematics different from Matthew...
the added T?
ma-th-ematics
ma-th-ew...
                  how on earth is that even phonetically
conceivable, that, i'm getting in "wong wonky"?

alðough ≠ alþough... clearly... all-foe?!
because given whatever Nordic letter:
although is said:
ål-v'oh... there is no T no H no G no H...
but that's how English is:
sort of French: two languages in one...
the phonetic said... and the counter-phonetic
written: of meaning off what is said...

å: owl - aul... even... or... that's plenty...
owl: ah! áwl! á = !
but punctuation dictate... surprise?

Maþew or Maðew? my view or my few?
thank god i don't like the sound of my own voice...
but this is good... this is good:
being brought down back to basics,
asked by Asians in England whether
i speak English in England...
this is good...
but like i choke-joked with her:
would a second language help?
people in these clerical positions are not exactly ready
for outliers like me who find this whole
schizophrenic-society funny...

i was once allocated the stigma of a unit
of schizophrenia i plagiarised and let go onto my environment
with stunning results:
well with bilingualism: am i not schizoid by
default?
oh right right... the intelligence typo:
must be... i somewhat wish i was born in a time
when people like Ezra Pound were committed to
institutions where no crimes were committed beside
wonk-fink...

          like the fetish for fascism is a...
in vivo depth-charge energy drive while
democracy is a cuckoldry in vitro sloppy seconds
of off "something"...

oh poor Amber... at the last Fulham shift...
she got a lesson in stoicism...
poor thing... maybe 17... came to the shift
without eating breakfast...
i sided with her: neither have i...
give it 30 minutes... she'll crack...
and she did... at first she was drawing doodles
in her notepad... then she approached me
about feeling ill and vomiting in the toilet:
wait there... i'll get someone...
found some safeguarding stewards:
apparently a grandma of sorts
who came round with a chocolate bar and an apple...
poor thing felt better... immediately...
girl: you don't go to work fasting
if you don't tease at the joys of
Stoic-Ramadan...
i like to feel the pain from hunger the the light-headedness
of not enough calorie intake...

obviously she went home: in tears...
but at least i found the help to pull her through:
this difficult task of mismanaging ****** fluids...
only recently i discovered i have bouts
of IBS: irritable bowel syndrome...

it's kind of funny: irritably so:
being of this branch of immigration that molded itself
into English society just at the right time
of seeing English Conservatism deplete itself
of any conservative credibility...
likewise seeing English liberalism turn into
a freakish illiberalism...
i too can become hyper-focused on grammar
and prune-those-nouns to "shape"!
i too: can become a grammar-****...
and with glee... not that i might mind to correct:

who doesn't like the odd schadenfreude of someone
buckling on a spelling of onomatopoeia?
because riddle me this: C U DER...
there is no seeing no you nor there, n'est ce pas?

nicht verloren: ein rückkehr:
schtill friedhöfe von Flandern:
             were once old foes of Europe fought for
bread and silk and the best societal ideal
to amass these billions of souls...
to be later scolded for... von ihre: fehler besitzen:
noch! würde nicht besitzen zu!

then again: the Hindu conceptualisation via reincarnation
is what? a pseudo-Vatican of the chosen / elected souls
migration through a zombie-land of flesh...
if it isn't then i don't know what 1 + 1 indicates
with = 2... reincarnation is a cognitive-caste symbiosis
for stereotyping the internal prejudices of the Indians:
lighter toned in the north:
oh don't you mind those Bangladeshi munchkin monkeys...

to think that only white people can be racist
is absurd... how did it come that i'm finishing this poo'em
on racism: page politics...
write two encouraging comments to get your poem
posted: another zombie sob story
white white white supremacy
patriarchy... kind of handy that feminism managed
to create a feminist platonism without actually
providing a female plato...
or a feminist german idealism without providing
a female kant...
because, you know: **** digs deeper than ****:
cognitively: some "bias"... must be the purple hair dye...

i blame white girls who haven't had a proper
**** but have only been exposed to ******* for this...
and "they" blame men and exposure to *******
as if: pedophiles are exclusively male...
and never, ever... female...
like it's all hush hush about female exposure to
******* that they spew these tangled *****
diatribes about white-fetish and father-double-fetish?!
missing... probably with some action: necro?
you'd hope...

can't get the decent **** so turns to political activism!
turns to narcissistic delusional licking of wounds...
can't use an AI chat bot because too busy
throwing on AI filters to save up on make-up when
catfishing...
Ryan O'Leary Jan 2020
Reel ritors arr knot two
bodered bye bad speling
orr de lac ov puncuation

Dat iz de dome ane ov
wreeders kriticks orr
ped anticks

Wi sey what wi tink anned
arr knot afrade ov beeng
ridikuuled

Frei speach iz aul dat
maters whin trute orr
dout a bout lyes iz riten.
Daniel Albright Aug 2021
A CRY FROM RAFIKI.

Far away from the circle of oxygen,
In a land filled with dry bones,
Where elements of the earth were absent even nitrogen,
Where darkness is the King and silence the cornerstone.

A land of invisible creatures,
Death starring scarily at me like an owl,
I was like a blind bat to their culture,
I became as little as an aul.

Creatures with faces of a vulture and the strength of an eagle,
Who's sinew is from darkness,
As weak as an ant before a beagle,
I was hurt, bruised and made powerless.

Like a man fighting a lion with bare hands,
I fought, but the invisible and the visible operates on different backgrounds,
Overpowered by their powerful wand,
Under their voice I have no sound.

Out of my depravity and captivity,
Out of the deepest sea of darkness,
Out of the dragons bucal cavity,
I cried my heart out in my distress.

My voice was turned to smoke,
I could be seen uttering words but nothing was heard,
I kept crying and trying to swim out with all strokes,
Personal efforts were all deterred.

Immorality almost choking me to death,
I couldn't control the power that engulfed me,
The pool of tears soak my heart with depression,
Who would hear a cry from Rafikis dungeon?

© Daniels Pen™1st May, 2021.

— The End —