Kasti

Kasti Jul 2020

The root of my root
bud of my bud
my love cannot compare
these feelings stay trapped, solely confined
I'm convinced they weren't there

I never loved your light blue eyes
nor thought of your short brown hair
the way you smiled
the way we laughed
those feelings were never there

I see you live your days on end
just loosely living life
destructive behavior won't work again
your actions only cause strife

Why do you do the things you do?
Do you not know how to act?
when you play with things only meant for two
one's heart won't be intact

When the sun sets and the rain starts to pour
I look back and realize
you never wanted anyone anymore
you took it back while it died

I swear I never felt for you
not ever more than a friend
and you, to me, the same, ditto
as it all comes to an end.

(first draft)

Kasti Jul 2020

Voices

A million different things to write, a million different ways to write them.
Who said that writing was easy?
I realize that if I really want to write more, I just have to start.
I am nervous,
Hopefully I just remember to pay attention to the smaller details.
It’s not that I was worried,
I was worried.
Impending doom of sharing with the people around you,
It just seemed like no one really cared.
Putting yourself out there is never too easy,
When I’m still in a rough state and I know I can be improved.
Death is something that we have to come to terms with at a point,
or at least, that’s how I try to live.
But hey,
I’m still learning i guess.
But that thought sounds stupid and dumb.
I must live everyday as if it were my last
Sometimes things just really aren’t meant to be.
I was mortified.
Loving like it was my last
I felt so stupid, like such an idiot.
Working like it was my last
Why'd I push myself so far?
Living like it was my last
Self-deprecating attitudes
It was fine. I’m okay. Everything’s okay, I just needed to breathe and relax a little.
show you’re not in full self-control
forgetting what his conscience was attempting to tell him
I started crying
I wanted to share it with you.
I still felt horrible.
A million thoughts flooded my head while my world came crashing to the floor
It’s not inherently a bad thing
It can become a bad thing
it'll probably all be okay though
Everyone in this town one day dies, and the seasons continue to change,
life’s cycle presses on. life’s cycle presses on.
life’s cycle presses on.

Kasti Jun 2020

Untitled 6520

I don't know who I am,
I think I know everything.
I don't know the people around me,
I think that they all agree.
I don't know where I'm going in my life,
for some reason I think that I do.
I don't know if I'll have a husband or wife,
for some reason I think that it will be you.
I don't know why I feel these emotions,
I think that I understand.
I don't know why I'm scared of the ocean,
I think that I can.
I don't know why I can't do anything,
I think that I'm special.
I don't know if I'll get a wedding ring,
I feel made of metal.

I miss being a child
and feeling the wind
fly in for a while,
as my fears would rescind.

I haven't talked to you in a while,
may I come in?
I need to see that smile,
how long has it been?

The last time I remember
feeling this way,
it was the 7th grade
and the skies were all gray.

I walked into my room,
you held me in your arms,
"I love you, I care,"
and my tears were all gone.

Mar 2020

Asominate

Broken Down

Silence
I sit and stare in silence
The ticking of the clock
Won't stop
As everything falls apart through the cracks in my hands

Violent,
I'm thinking thoughts so violent
I'll give myself the things I deserve,
The nerve
They have to let it come to this, they still don't understand

#asominate #mental #health #silence #thoughts

Kasti Mar 2020

Untitled

If I write in prose, am I a poet?
I am now
Deal with it, because I cannot deal with you
I find it harder and harder to come up with new things to write
I find it harder and harder to focus on a singular topic
That isn't the one I lost
That isn't sadness
That isn't what's been said a million times better in a million different ways
at least I try, right?
trying is what eventually leads to something
This isn't even a poem anymore this is just me writing
Oh well.
One last night always ends the same way.

Kasti Dec 2019

Garden of Eden

I think about you and it hurts
I don’t know why I don’t think often
I find that I enjoy distracting myself instead of facing head on what I’m feeling or thinking
And what’s been on my mind for such a long time
It’s been you.
I don’t know why, stuck up there you remain
I can’t get you out of my head and it stings
I miss talking with you, even if we only talked in groups
I miss hugging you, even if it was only in greeting
I miss when we kissed, even if you did it out of lust
I miss everything, just one more touch would be enough
Don’t forget about me, because I can’t forget about you.
-Somebody that you used to know

Kasti May 2019

I expect too much and receive too little and judge too much

Late night conversation about some things in life,
lose expectations, let things into the light.

Our late night conversation keeps me up at night,
I need salvation, avoid a lonely night.

Oh let me hold you.

Hold you in my arms,
my arms around your chest
As my heartbeat
is the only thing next to yours.

Late night conversations
about who you think you love.

Late night reservations
are for a different one.

it’s alright
it’s alright
it's alright
it's alright

slowly let go, I'm nowhere close to home
how was I supposed to know
that you only wanted me for tonight?

#only #for #one #night