There's something wrong with life
if all it can think about is death.
It feels sleepy tired and alone
on the brink of vanishing
the rigid spine slouching on it's throne
the starry blue eyes gazing with blurry despair
the weary old woman once so young and fair
creeping and swaying the claws of death tear
at our minds our hearts our souls that bare
the weight of that thought
of eternity to scare
the never ending cycle
of death and despair.

I feel tired and drowsy
eyelids fluttering and dragging
head tipping forward and
books sliding out of my arms
but I must stay awake
for I may get behind
and when I fall into
the shadowy trancelike sleep
there may be nothing but nightmares
and deviations from tips
of angels' wings and tear-stained
****** remorseful smiles
as each being is transported
into their own individual
hells chained by personal sins
and tainted souls

I must stay awake
for as the dawn of
eternity's night approaches
I may cease to wake up once more.

What do you do
when you're lost
and no one can
find you...
and you can't find yourself

What do you do
when you're forced
to live day by day
not having anything
that really inspires you
to live
to feel empty and alone
to not feel anything at all

Is it possible to live
without happiness
or passion, love,
for some it is,
but I am not
a part of that some
I am my own being
that no one can ever be

and I appreciate the moon
the stars and the mountains
much more than I do
the people around me
the people in the world
because they are the cause
of my suffering

and I just wish that
I could drop it all
the pretenses and illusions
I wish I could have
the courage to find my own cause
to free myself with my own strength
to rip off the chains
and lift the bricks off my body
to walk with a renewed strength
to be a living free soul

and that will be my
eternal regret
my cowardice, my fear
....
that will fade away
my lifetime and existence

The simple feeling
of desiring to be left alone,
becomes twisted and thoughtful,
when the being adds,
I don't want to feel alone

Day by day I wander and fade,
at night I cry to the stars and worship the moon,
for how could the sun be so cruel,
relentless in forever outshining me,

What defines a person,
the requirements society hurls into our faces,
keep certain issues bottled inside,
like a massive fright ball pulled back in a sling, forever,
like the lone ferryman never looking back,
on the lost souls crossing the river Styx,

Why we're never alone,
surrounded by masses of vibrant moving people,
a smile here and there,
a bite on the sharp tongue,
and at the end of the seconds that make up each day,
we feel so alone and rejected,
that we are able to,
swallow the black hole
with ease.

********
I don't need you
or your ******* Kingdom in the sky
I'll make my own legacy
sorry to hate, but that's all I got left for you
but who knows, I may just be hating air
or a non existent thing spawned from the figment of imagination
*but, I'll be alright

When I made the pact with the devil,
To give up piece by piece of my soul
in exchange for the security of my family and loved ones,

The supreme being appeared,
And time suddenly ceased to hold any meaning.

As I breathed without breathing,
saw without seeing,
heard without hearing,
The pureness of his flowing white robes,
The nobleness radiating within the air,
The penetrating wisdom streaming from the depths of his Grey eyes,
The bubbly sweet particles smoothly streaming out of his mouth when he spoke,
Child, why are you doing this…

I dare not reply,
For how would the ocean dare utter a word to the radiant moon goddess?
Simply sitting in his presence was fulfilling enough to me for eternity,
But then he said something drastic, altering my view of the world for years to come,
*The pact is useless, for even I do not have the dominion over time.

There is such a place, you know--
one that transcends time and space
and visions of what you're supposed to resemble,
and the limits placed by the digits
of your mortal age.

I can feel the presence of it
in my bones,
where the sky is never ending and liberated
and the sun and moon
can openly converse and love and exist,
without the rules of superiors
who like tragic love stories and twisted histories.

Whatever you decide to do, whatever you decide to feel,
there are no restraints
to keep you from the prospects of flying,
or dreaming,
or embracing things that you had to
let go of in another existence.

There is no fear, confusion, or awkwardness,
no doubts of not belonging,
of not deserving to exist in such a place
where your soul can be pure,
and being able to thrive
without having to try so hard
anymore.

You don't have to try anymore to
be a good person,
because you are one.
You don't have to struggle to hold on to yourself,
you don't have to feign ignorance
or enlightenment.

You can breathe and smile openly,
and every smile is so breathtakingly beautiful that
you glow and transcend above all heavens
and insecurities.

The ground is soft and supportive,
giving way to your feet, that no longer
feel so tired and heavy from having to labor to live,
or from constantly running away
from demons and voices
that tear at your conscience and soul.

No, you can now feel as light as air itself,
soft feet running on sunkissed clouds that
formed from tears of happiness.

When it rains,
you don't have to take cover
for it has already washed away all your sorrows and guilts,
guilts in the forms of hot, suppressed tears
in the failures of your lost ambitions
and stolen discoveries,
guilt from turning away, even when someone
asked you for help.

You can forever venture out here,
to unknown, misty, thriving islands and majestic palaces
far away,
you can do things you never got to do,
for you don't have to pretend
to be someone you aren't.

You don't have to live each day questioning
every single telltale of life.

You don't have to wonder anymore
about why the world can be
such a cruel place,
no matter how many rays of hope
reach into the darkness.

You don't have to wonder anymore,
because here
such misery does not exist,
and the ruins of a good soul
dance as a renewed, enlightened being again.

Above all,
you don't have to live someone else's life
because here, you find yourself
over and over
and over again.

I'm gonna run away
to a place where no one can find me,
and under the shade of trees
and between cracks in the rocks
and the green stems of bursting flowers,
life will be found.

and the truth will soar
across the land,
presiding in everything with a presence
and life will come out of its burrows,
breathing in fresh crisp air
of a crystalline universe,

and we'd all get along,
always questioning the sincerity
of right and wrong,
of what really matters,
knowing nothing ever lasts
so change is more important,

because we were made to dream,
but our dreams
will never match up,
and understanding this
would make everything okay.

and I still want someone
to love and be loved,
it's still a great miracle
to unite two
and grant a world
where each unique love,
blossoms and thrives.

I'm gonna find
that place where life thrives,
and once I do, I will come back
and bring you all *home.

I am a human being that is an individual, and an individual that is a human being,
I wonder where I belong and whether I will actually make it to the end,
I hear the sounds of understanding, praise, and happiness, all throughout the people around me,
I see the words and memories of great people before me urging me to continue on, and to never give up on myself,
I want to always be remembered for helping change the world and making it a better place,
I pretend to be content and carefree and faithful of those all around me,
I feel that I should be given more options and freedom in my life,
I touch the threads of time and the regrets, feelings, and understanding that comes along afterwards,
I worry that the world has gone too far and that it will shatter to pieces one day,
I cry when I am misjudged, unloved, and unappreciated by people around me, especially those I really care about,
I understand that each and every human being is different, and that being different is not always a bad thing,
I say that the ways of this world must change and form into something better, something right,
I dream of true happiness, faith, love, of all the people in the world,
I try to see the good in the world and to learn, see, and acknowledge more each day,
I hope of success, good fortune, and a good way throughout the world,
I am a human being that is an individual, and an individual that is a human being.

I was smiling and
my heart was bursting with joy,

and then I remembered,
I forgot that I’m not really normal.
these circumstances,
this fate.