In this story,
I don't want to be the princess,
I don't want to be saved by a prince in shining armor.
I want to be the person saving you,
and in turn,
saving myself.

You're the villain in this story,
the only thing keeping me from falling asleep,
but driving me insane with anticipation as well.

You're an unnecessary part of the story.

I love you.
It's a fact. I care about you
and I'm worried.
Everyone is.
I just want you to trust me,
let me into your life
so that I can wrap you up,
take all the pain away,
and just cry in your place.

But you're strong.
I know you are.
And I trust you,
I really do.
If it's something I shouldn't hear,
then so be it.
But you should know,
it's tearing me apart inside.
I don't want to push you,
I know what it's like;
nevertheless,
I still yearn to know and worry.

But,
if you don't want to say anything,
fine. I'm okay with that too.
Just know I'm here and I want to be your
best friend.
You need one in this crazy ******* up world.

-poke-
you there?
-poke poke-
come on! answer me! I miss you!
-poke poke poke-
I'm sorry for whatever I've done, but babe, we can make things better!
-poke poke-
Babe? I still love you.
-poke-*
...

I'm sitting here,
quiet.
observant.
Everyone is abuzz, high on freedom,
Everyone,
such a vague word.
The Fab Five,
The Dark Side,
The Invasive Species,
The Nerds,
The ******* *******,
The Everyone Else.
All talking
          and talking
                    and talking...
Unable to see the depressed face nearby,
the pushed around,
the true sadness that hides beneath a blanket
but still has small slips through the seams.

But the scary thought is,
I'm here with all my "friends"
but I've never felt so alone before.

have you noticed me yet?
XD
anyways here's a challenge for you guys cause i cant seem to write this week:
write a poem about your very own senpai (real or fake) and how you try to get hm/her to notice you and tag it as #noticemesenpai
:D ive written so much about my own lol i dont need to write anymore....
(inspired by dani chase's poem, Senpai >//////<)
and if you don't know what a senpai is:
"It originates from anime and manga. It's someone older than you. Someone you look up to. If they give the slightest attention to you, you sort of explode. They are just really admired by you and if you are a senpai, bask in it!"
-http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Senpai
cause urban dictionary is legit cx^

I have lost all ability to
tell you how much I really do like you,
the way drone bees are attracted to queen bees,
and to tell you how I would
drown in depths of despair-

WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE HERE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG HERE. THIS JUST CAN'T BE ANOTHER SAPPY LOVE POEM, LIKE EVERY OTHER ONE WRITTEN BY LOVE-STRUCK TEENAGERS.

So here's my start over,
for the things that matter most,
even more than love, because in the end love will just **** you anyways.

Friends-
the rubber-bands in your life that will always come back to you no matter how hard you push them away.
the teddy bear who you can whisper secrets to at night, the one that you hug tight as you cry and cry and cry.
the sprinkles of sugar in my ******* up life
and basically the only thing keeping me alive and my **** together. :D thanx you guys ;)

Family-
like a flu shot- annoying as heck but usually good for you in the end.

AND LASTLY CAUSE I MUST PRAISE THIS (im sorry this doesnt concern you)

Manga/Anime-
for being written and keeping me company at the worst of times and guiding me. you are basically da bae, such a good friend -tear- i can always count on you.

AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, ALL THE BAD THINGS AND GOOD THINGS IN THIS WORLD REGARDLESS yes even you

Oh ****.
My mistake.
I fell in love with you.

We were both
Lonely ******* in the night
Awaiting something
Anything to come by
So we can pounce and devour.
I crept by you,
Looking for something
Anything to talk to,
To know me as just simply
Me.
But you pounced first,
And I became your something
Anything,
And now here  I am,
With you as more than my
Something anything
But more like my
Everything.

I can't stand the heat.
     You know why?
          Because I'm scared
               it will melt me
                    away.

Embrace it.
     The cold is here to stay.

-conference room with everyone in it, with a stage and a mike where I stand-
-cough coughs-

Yes, may I have your attention?

-glares at you with a stare to ****-

Mmmhm bish im talkin 'bout you.
Yes, you da ***** sitting up front dere like you own da place.
Well sorry to pop your bubble, but you don't.

-rolls eyes and begins to pace-

You see, you have been convicted of two crimes.
One being leading all these fine gentlemen here on.
Two being dumping their sorry *** for a lame excuse like,
"I'm not ready for a relationship."
"Sorry, it's not you, it's me."
"Umm... I don't like you like that. Friends?"

-all the guy nod in agreement-

Now what I'm saying here,
is if you start kissing up their ***,
laughing and flirting and hanging out with EVERY ******* ***** GUY IN THIS VERY ROOM how do you expect them NOT to like you, with you ***** all shoved in their faces and sitting on their laps and ****?

-looks at you meaningfully-

Don't deny it. You are guilty.
And then, when they go so far to love more your abs and that junk you got their on you chest, to actually love your - next few words dripping with sarcasm- charming, sweet, playful personality that's in fact all an act, you can not just go and break their bountiful hearts in two.

-matter of fact face at you-

Now, you see all these once innocent boys? Look at their sorrow faces, they have experienced you wrath -smile- and have experienced unnecessary hurt.

-pout, and points at a boy in the back-

You see that boy all the way in the back, sulking but yet still staring at you with the longing of a lost puppy? Yeah, that right there is my best friend. You have took his vulnerable scarred heart, took it, grilled it on an open fire (very dangerous, mind you), chewed it to little pieces and inserted your saliva in it, spit it out, and shoved it down his throat.

Again here I am, still another innocent bystander hurt by something you didn't even directly do to me! He hasn't been the same since you. He's changed, molded to fit your shape. When you come around, he wraps his body for you, becomes a ******* to everyone but you, smiles, flirts with just you, ignores everyone else. And when you leave?

-chuckles a menacing and sadistic chuckle, a dead look of terror in my eyes-

He turns into something you've never seen, lies spew out of his mouth like wild fires, spreading to every single ******* tree, all his friends? Still there, 'cause we love him, but he's left us. All he sees, all he wants, everything is about you. Your his world you see and yet you took that world and destroyed it with a meteorite, big enough to compare to the big bang.

-wipes eyes-

Now see us, as we try to control his lashes, to consume our tears back, and to not be hurt. I am dying inside, little by little, by seeing him trying and trying to no use, useless. I love him, I really do, and your basically punching me in the gut every time I see you with him, knowing you are no good for him and only gonna maul his heart like a beast. Just stop with the lame excuses,

-says in a snarky voice- "I'm not ready for a relationship."

'cause you just made out with a guy a week ago, you smear your lipstick all over his face. Dafuq with you mother-******* ****** excuses! and you tell me you hate dem ******. Well you should be hatin' on yourself then.

And here we are, everyone hurtin' through the radiation you have spread. Here's a suggestion: why don't you ******* go take all of your ******* and shove it up your left nostril!?!? EH??? NOW ISN'T THAT A GOOD IDEA? MAYBE YOU WILL FEEL JUST A MINISCULE BIT OF THE PAIN EVERYONE IS FEELING!
DON'T GO ACTING ALL PURE AND **** LIKE YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, CAUSE YOU DID. YOU'VE HURT MUST PEOPLE I KNOW AND HAVE IN SOME WAY INFLUENCED EVERYONE. BACK UP OR I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO YOU, HOPEFULLY SOMETHING LEGAL BUT I DOUBT IT.

-hurls something at you, stomps of stage lividly, and turn around right before i leave-

AND ***, DONT PLAY ANYMORE.

-throws one finger up, turns around, and walks out-

Someone undeserving of my devotion,
ugly and beautiful,
whispers that scratch up all my dreams,
crazy glue,
a strutting rooster, cocking its vibrant scarlet head back and forth,
a wolf crooning into the night, only to eat me a minute later,
an ornately decorated box, containing a demon of possession,
a precious ******* up vinyl record,
an expensive bugatti that everyone wants but no one can get,
a snake, venomous, but protective of her eggs, really just scared,
a lamppost that's tired of it's job.

I hate the way the white walls wash my brain;
My creativity just flies away.
The way the wind blows the last bits of grain,
Leaving only thoughts of claws on a fall day.
I wish there was a river for my soul,
To wash old ideas and cleanse my thoughts.
If only the policemen would patrol,
Equipped with shotguns, staggers, and shots
To whisk away all the harried lost lambs
That comb my mind, searching for sustenance.
It's the pain these days that suddenly slams
A lid on my good thoughts of relevance.
Everything once valued is put away,
And all things stirring and dark run astray.

This is my goodbye to you my dear,
if only you would listen.
I love you no matter what,
and I'm glad I met you.
Be resilient and don't let anyone stop you.

Be strong as always,
carry my love with you in your pocket,
and you will survive.

-looks up at the sky-
please! whoever is up there!
give me someone who actually cares!
for once!

He clenched it tightly
He'd only used it once
"You have to pull the trigger first son, and BANG BANG BANG!
You can **** anything!"
With intense intent on his mind
His verge for vengeance grew within, now it's time
To show the bullies how he feels

He glared at them with and intensity
of a malicious lion gazing at prey.
They stared at him back,
paralyzed and gaping,
surprised, scared, shivering at the sudden ominous
cloud around this figure that once shook with
the demons that clawed at his being every minute of the day.

Teachers deigned to his prowess
Consoling him not to shoot
He glanced at that kid who kicked him, sneered at how stupid he is.
He screamed with angst, blood streaming though his fingers.
Trickled to pull the trigger, this is now or never.

Suddenly,
a whimper. He glances away quickly to see
his little sister's eyes swim with murky waters.
"danny..."
He looks away.
Then, shoots.
one,
two,
three,
four,
five.
He smiles,
watches the chaos erupt the way his mind does every night,
stares at the crimson velvet beginning to crawl out of the bodies as the ragdolls crowed with terror of the dead,
ghastly large eyes , desperately hollow,
wanting only the warmth escaping.

He feels alive, for the first time he's the fire to ignite the dark
Burning everything within his grasp,
Dictating any norm in his way.
The silence preaching him, Feeling remorse of that obscure stance.
He ruptured every enmity that denotes innocence. Screaming, "WHY DO I STILL FEEL SO ******* EMPTY!!??"

Please,
if you do go trick or treating,
come in costume!

Someone who will shower me with affection,
and will take my love and hold it in his heart,
tenderly,
dearly.

With eyes that will watch me,
know me,
and will ask me what's wrong.

Arms that will old me together
so that I don't fall to pieces again.

Lips to whisper endearings,
to show me how much I mean to someone,
why I should still stay here;
lips to make me giggle shyly,
blush, and snort with laughter.
Lips of truth.

Hands to hold mine in,
to caress my face, and point the way.

Words to make me forget my demons behind,
to open up the seams I sewed in awhile ago,
and let all my feelings out,
and all of yours in.

And a mind to think for itself,
won't let me sway him,
independent and dependent.
Morals to be kept,
to never hurt.
Respectful, and pushy.
Sweet, caring.
Rough around the edges and soft in the middle.
My very own diamond in the rough.

There was screaming,
laughing,
choking,
all sugar and spice in the air.
Crazed blackmarketing of candy,
too much sugar,
and love in the air.
but what i remember most r ur smiles,
and that chillingly haunting song
that crept up my spine
and stole my breath
by breaking my neck.

i do wonder who wrote the song.

She is love,
bleeding out,
****, free, and single.

Fly me to the moon,
beautiful monster.

I could be the one [to]
drive you home.

She is love,
she is
all of me.

Fake It
City,
twinkle.

Everybody wants to rule the world,
savior.

I can do anything
where the lines overlap.

I want to know what love is,
with a little luck.

Why
I don't love you,
temporary bliss.

This is war,
miss ******.
Wake me up when September ends.

Operating
the big bang.

Lucky,
Nobody asked me (if I was okay).

Girl that you love,
love me again.

Demons
breathe me.

Dead
Creep.

I hate everything about you
nicotine.

The sharpest lives
fall for you.

Berzerk
Teenagers
Can't stop me.

Heart attack,
come sail away.

Bulletproof
Angel with a shotgun.

hang in there! :)
you're no hershey kiss, but a rolo!

Once the nerd,
who sits in a corner
and reads her troubles
away.

Was the popular girl,
talked to, played with,
flirted with.

Past being the *****.
Teased at,
flirted with sexually,
hurt looks.

Now reverting,
turning myself inside out
and letting myself be true.

Searching for answers
and myself,
comforting tired tears,
contemplating what to do with excessive unsolved problems.
Quiet. Observant.
Notices everything, good and bad,
but does nothing.

I'm sitting here,
watching you
with eyes, measured to take your
fullness, your strength in.
Maybe you can support me, while I'm flimsy
and just wanna fall down to the ground and weep.
All in all,
I just want to walk over to you,
kiss you,
and wrap myself in you.

It seems that you thought it was all just a summer fling.
Well you were wrong.
It was everything to me.

Don't sleep now,
live a bit longer.

I want to enjoy life to the fullest,
eating my heart out,
enjoying these heavenly cookies
without a care.
But as I eat, guiltily,
the weight down below gets heavier and heavier,
and thoughts of judgment
and looks, they begin to come back with a vengeance.
I'm enjoying life right now,
but I will pay the price later.

Humans are naturally attracted
to all things bad for them.
I guess thats why I fell for you.
---
Humans are naturally attracted
to all things bad for them.
So you can just go break my heart and examine it.
---
Humans are naturally attracted
to all things bad for them.
That's why I watch scary movies in the dark only to be haunted by nightmares.
---
Humans are naturally attracted
to all things bad for them.
Probably the reason why I am so fat.
---
Humans are naturally attracted
to all things bad for them.
Which explains the suicidal thoughts and the cuts and everything that shadows everything and haunts my very being.

Everyone is here today,
Gathered in front of the looming school,
Breakfast clenching in their stomachs,
Wading in shallow waters.
We are all here,
But for the wrong reasons.

We are here
to celebrate our mistaken ingenuity,
the idiocy that surrounds us,
this thing that we call a
test.

The one thing that will decide our future,
Life and death.

Oh who am I kidding? The shsat is important for some, a chance to go to a good specialized high school,
But for us,
It's just a joke, the shshit.
Easy? Hell yeah. The point? Not important to us. The schools?
Worse than ours.

What school you go to shouldn't define you as a person.
So what if you go to Stuyvesant?
You could be a ******* for all I care.
So if you took the shsat already, or have already took it,
Just chill.

happy- no, happy is too dull of a word- blissful birthday to you :D im so glad to be your friend in the flesh and blood and i do hope that you have the best year ever :) much better than last year with all the dark side and ******-face-blondie drama. ;) Sending you best wishes, and many thanx for always being there, especially when I need you the most! I love you! <3

Was reading past emails again...
got really blushy and embarrassed
just like the first time I ever read your replies...
I wanna cry now... I miss you so badly.
Not the flirting, not your adventures,
but I miss the way you made me feel:
important.
You made me feel like someone wants me for once,
and sees me the way I see them,
in that wonder, with that intensity.
I hope you're okay, mon cher.
I want to be the one that carry your worries,
to help you through tough times.
Sometimes, it's better to worry about someone else
than yourself.
In fact I prefer it.

Did I say I miss you yet?

It's at times like these that your favorite song
comes on the radio,
on this frigid, stale day
then it slips into your ears,
and everything becomes wizadry,
ecstasy flows through your veins the way the sting of the vaccine might,
though this time it is injected through your ears,
and it is pleasant.
It's at times like these that you have to get up
and dance your worries and tears and problems away,
forget the task at hand,
and to sing at the top of your lungs!

We once were close,
you once entrusted me with everything that burdened you,
and I've held onto it this whole time, waiting to put it in the grave with me when the time comes.
But you're all gone.
I miss you guys, the weight feels lighter and lighter nowadays as you guys come and reclaim it.
Don't go...
don't leave me here, alone to worry about myself and to deal with my own devils...

How do I start this?
How do I express this to you?
Well, here's the thing.
I like you. It's simple at that.
Sometimes I'll joke around,
tie your shoelaces together, say mean things,
but deep down I really do love you.
And I want you to go and give your heart to her,
not to me.
Why?
Because she will be so much better for you.
She's sophisticated,
I am quite casual.
She's smart and cute,
I'm average and insane.
She's pretty and skinny,
I am fat and ugly.
She's the one that you stare at,
I'm just that thing, that accessory, an amusement for you to use.
Though some part of me wants her to break your heart and hand it back to you,
I don't think she will, not with the way she looks at you,
and the glimmer in you eyes as you look at her,
like shimmering like sun reflections on water.
Some other part urges me to lie to myself,
they won't be together long, they'll break up,
you can finally be noticed for once,
you'll be the heroine, be the shoulder he needs.
But that's the selfish part of me.
I realize, at least he'll be happy right?
It doesn't matter if I'm content
with sitting here in the corner,
alone and observant of the love that surrounds me,
while I stay here in my sullen pitiful sphere.
It doesn't matter.
It's the way your heart beats and the way your smile
inches across your face
instantly making it all the more beautiful,
that's what matters. You'll be happy,
with someone you deserve,
someone you need in your life,
a piece of perfection,
not a berserk,
ugly,
fangirly,
lovey-dovey
nerd/geek like me.
You two turtle doves are perfect for each other,
perfect looks,
perfect grades,
perfect everything.
A barbie doll to your ken.

So please,
walk to her now,
hand her your heart,
that full and crimson thing
that beats so fast next to her, and so slow next to me,
give that to her
while I'm not looking.
Give me some mercy.

Last of all,
good luck.
I hope she will care for your heart,
the way you might care for hers,
with adoration,
kisses,
caresses,
words whispered in whimsicality,
little pearls of treasures only found with two turtle doves.
Not that I would know. And I do hope I will know someday
what it feels like to be one of those turtle doves.

Okay, *******!
I'm sorry I'm too shy to do anything in real life,
too insecure to ask my love out,
to be in love with something so physical
Sorry I am not an arrogant self-centered ******* like you are,
that I am not confident and cocky.
Maybe I don't want people to look at me,
and judge, that I only want people to see my soul,
my personality.
But is that such a crime?
Hey, and what if everyone here is a stereotype, overplayed, overdone and fake? Looking for someone and something real is hard...
******* for calling me sweetheart, beautiful, then turning around and laughing with a friend about how I'm such a mess, talking to people in the internet on some random poetry website and for falling in love with someone's personality and soul, not just their looks, not like you who only wants a girl for her big *** and big *****, not to mention skinny *** waist and curves.
Well I'm ******* sorry (nope not really) that I like internet people,
with no judgements
like the ones you have written across your lips and constellated in your eyes.

Just do me a favor? I hope one day you will fall for a girl
with just a bit of soul, someone not a ***** for once,
and I hope she breaks your heart,
and that you will see what it's like to be with someone with a bit of spine and brain.
[walks away from him with one finger in the air]

Don't mess with hard-core otakus.

Me: I hate you.
You: Don't use hate, that's such a strong word.
Me: Oh yeah, that's right.
You: (:
Me: morose tone I really, really, strongly hate you so ******* much. I loathe you. I just want to pulverize you to little pieces of dust, then burn those in the fiery pits of hell, and finally dance on those ashes. I have been tempted to break your spine, punch you in the face, **** you. Take all of your mother ******* blood and drink it instead of water.  Strap you down and slice my words onto your chest, with a knife in each thigh holding you down. And that's just the start. *smiles

i told you to come here,
there's something important
i need to tell you.

You ignored me.

i told You i hate You,
that You are an *******
and that im breaking up with You.

You ignored me.

i told You
i loved You,
and wanted your love forever.

You ignored me.

i told You i needed You,
i wanted You,
and i stripped to my bare undergarments.
insecure, embarrassed, afraid, innocent
all foreign words to You.

You looked at me, caressed my cheek,
kissed me, molested me.

Its beautiful.
It deserves to be heard,
but I can't stand it.
I'm scared,
when you whisper into my ear
secrets of a past love,
screaming lyrics,
flustered murmers,
it just makes me more and more
confused
and I just want to fall into your eyes,
to smash my lips to yours,
to show you every single thin ive been hiding inside.
Every ******* thing.
That might overwhelm you,
but it has been overwhelming me,
my love for you is so hard to contain....
and it only starts to jump around and go just a bit berserk
when you say something,
imagine what its like when you touch me.
So, let's stick to text for now ok?
even with texts, you got my smile
stretched all the way,
incapable of stopping,
and you've got my cheeks
flustered, embarrassed, blushing.
But that might just be one of the reasons
why I love you so much.
So please go away.
Your everything just makes me more confused.
I love you.
But go away.

It drives me nuts,
I just want to take my brain out
of its cage
and examine every corner,
every nook and cranny
and find what I'm looking for.
Every thing's in there,
it's just a matter of finding it.
I used to remember
the way your hand felt against mine,
as we ran against the world.
Now, I've buried under tons and tons of
heartbreak and equations and dates and everything
wrong and right in my mind.
Now, I just need to grab my shovel and dig.
Now, I need to find it.
Now, I will collapse and cry once I find it again.
Maybe there's a reason why I had buried it all along.

As your mouth twists against mine,
your hands, those beautifully
drag-race-burnt hands,
they twist through my hair
caressing my head, me. I fall into them,
like falling into fresh, crisp leaves in the autumn,
leaning against their simple perfection
and their love.
Its the only thing that keeps me standing, really,
other than your other hand gently on my waist.
---
As your mouth twists against mine,
your hands, those sinister
drag-race-burnt claws,
they twist through my hair
caressing my head, me.
It rakes across my scalp,
like raking leaves across a yard in autumn,
and aches and pains burst from my head.
Blood has been drawn, falling out of my scalp
the way leaves fall off trees.
Its the thing that makes me want to scream,
but you bite my tongue, my lips,
attaching me to you,
drinking up my blood
as I'm forced to drink up the scent of your *****.
The fact that you are holding onto me by my lips is
the only thing that keeps me here, really,
Other than your other hand grabbing on my waist ferociously,
hungrily, I would be gone.