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Angle Angel Dec 2017
I can't tell if I'm high;

Or the wires in my brain has detached the ability to feel my physical body.

& a memory appears in my head;  

That night at 3am;

It was raining and we were chain smoking in your car in a grocery store parking lot.

Foxing came on the stereo.

That's when you turned to me

& said, 'This is what I mean.'

I exhaled smoke and watched it slip out the cracked window.

Your eyes were looking down,

& I just said, "I don't know'

We sat in silence;

But I could sense your thoughts.

Inside of me I felt;
Vacant.

Physically I felt;
Tipsy from the beers I drank at our friends house.

I think of that day now
& wonder if you were hurt.

Could it have felt like;
knocking your knee against the corner of a table?

Sometimes, I feel sorry that you've met me.

Can we go back to listening to Midwestern emo bands, laying on the floor in a room with nothing but a bed and a record player.

Before emotions and opinions formed;

Before you told me you hated me;

Before we became friends again and you sometimes would buy me a soda.

When there were no intentions;
just company.
Angle Angel Dec 2017
I am blue
no;

Not sad,
Just blue

I smoke cigarettes when the city is quiet

& Small

While people fight themselves to fall asleep;

I cry to the Moon,

already admitting defeat with the chemical imbalances in my brain

The walls are breathing

My subconscious whispers

I ask,

'When can I stop pretending'

My smile is wearing out and my greetings
become mumbles

I want to lay in bed

I am not,
Even to myself;
Angle Angel Dec 2017
Touch me again

Fluorescent light is getting in my eyes

I’m thinking about where your hand was the other night

When I think of you talking;
I can hear the vibrations your voice makes

I know what your blur looks like;
Because I’m always looking at you from the side of my eyes
Angle Angel Dec 2017
I cried last night.

I cried about nothing.

I cried about being ordinary.

I don't want to die.
//
I'm going to die.

What's the point, I hate myself.
//
Hate meaning I hate myself.

I don't want to be alone.
//
I am.

I'll run away into the woods and make friends with a tree.

The tree will **** itself because it has to be friends with me.
Angle Angel Nov 2017
Watch me be the third person in my own life

Make me feel less like the picture of trash I keep forming in my head as a self-image

Still, in a moving crowd

I think,

‘You said everything; I am nothing’

Everything was dark,

Then I opened my eyes
Angle Angel Nov 2017
Because I don't have the energy to sit up straight

As my mind blocks my airway I panic at the non-existent

Physically I'll be here
But my mind will be elsewhere

Because I'll be listening to sad music as I walk through the city

Confused

Because the part of me that is scared will be covered by apathy

I'll constantly ask,
Who am I
Why do I stay here
Angle Angel May 2016
Will you hold me when I'm too sad to move?

Buy me watermelon and watch me eat it with chopsticks.

Show me that I'm not alone in a world that's overpopulated.

Observe how I pick leaves from trees while I walk.

Could you help me understand myself because I'm uneasy about it.

Sit by me.

No, go away.

I need to be alone.

Wait, I need someone.

Notice my frown when I try to dissect the thought I just had.

I'm confused.

Stare at my feet as I carefully place them over each crack.

Sidewalks are stupid.

Consider that I might not feel anything.

Consider that I might be overwhelmed.

I'm confident.

I'm worthless.

I'm scared of dying.

I want to die.

I'll say I'm listening.

— The End —