Messed me around
Against
Taking your words out of your chest
I know you got it in for me
We should break the tension
Against
The floor that you’ll land
Against

Against
Wish me luck cuz you know I’m going to get you
We’ll have a *******: you, me and my fist
Could you consider not having me fooled
I’m going to be a **** star and use your name
People will think it’s you so prepare to be embarrassed
Oh you won’t fool me again
Against

You're just a boy I happen to loose sleep over
you're just a boy who happens to make my fingertips go numb enough for me to not feel at all
You're just a stupid boy who happens to live in the sea and every time you swim in and out of my heart, I swear it's like a tsunami has been set off in my ribcage, my lungs are filling with water and because of you I can't seem to breath. my legs begin to shake as you look me in the eye, and my heart begins to race even though you haven't touched me yet, you've only just begun to tell me how pretty I look with my hair behind my ear or a book propt up neatly in front of my face, you happen to enjoy novels though you're no expert on words, you happen to love astrology and yet you haven't spotted us within the stars, or maybe it's just me beating you at your own game, as we share cross words I don't know what I'm beginning to fall in love with first, you or the way you are so intriguing as you speak, although you happen to have a lisp, I don't mind because the sound of your voice could sing me to sleep, as we keep conversing over the simplest of beauties. I begin to ask you the basics but little do you know I'm asking so I know what to write about as I begin to fall in love with the way you say hello, I'm asking so I know what to write about when you decide you've had enough of being just a story as I fall in love with the way you kiss goodbye. I'll run over every little detail about you until my fingertips fall off and I have you memorized down to the drop of a pen, I'll begin to find everything about you absolutely beautiful and I will not be able to control myself and it really is quite terrible that I'll do all of this in a matter of minutes.

*vm

As I walked home disappointed in you
I can't help but feel so stupid for even wanting to surprise you but then I guess maybe I'm too much of a good person and maybe you're too much of a bad person for me to even care about--but I can't help loving you. Someone once told me, I shouldn't care about someone who doesn't care about me but they've never met you. Someone once told me I needed to love myself before I could ever love another but what happens when you've given a heart transplant to the person you'd die for? Someone once told me that I was the bigger person in our violent love affair, that I tried as hard as I possibly could, that I put all my love inside of your ribcage and then you locked me out of your skin, that I fought for this love no matter how tough it got--and it still didn't seem to be enough
You can't just make me not want to die and then leave me high and dry
Someone once told me, you'll never truly be happy and that your karma will rest neatly on your shoulders and when it attacks and you realize the error of your ways, and when you feel numb beneath your nose you'll begin to scream and feel so lost within yourself.
Someone once told me, that someday you'll come crawling back-- I sure hope so

When I was crying and begging you to save me you simply said "You worry too much" and then you simply said you didn't feel good and wanted to rest. But that wasn't the biggest disappoint it was finally realizing that the tears would never stop falling down the drain the scars will never stop bleeding because you're the reason all those wounds are branded there on my soft sugar creme skin though you said i always smelled of raspberries and creme as my hair smelled of coconut trees i thought you'd examined me the way i always examined you, then there's this one day years from now in a mall in about 5 years or so when we meet again and we lock eyes but when we both look over our shoulders we both have a lover but in that moment or two we have as we swim through this rush of cold nostalgia all we seem to see is each other and then we come close enough to where all our feelings have hidden for all those years we burned away, I guess they never really died after all, I guess they're still there, I can't wait to find out because to me that's better than anyone love we will ever have, it's the kind of love worth fighting for, we are the kind of love worth fighting for, and it's quite sad that, we both know it

12:14 am // 5/13/14
Everyone has a breaking point
Everyone has an addiction
And I guess letting him go was easier than admitting I had a problem, It was easier than admitting I'm going insane without him by my side  
Swallowing a pill every night just to be able to sleep was easier than laying awake thinking of everything you should've said, instead
Singing in the shower was easier than admitting that with each word your heart was breaking only to be held together by loose strings and his faint cries of "I'm sorry",quite frankly that's all he's ever had to say. With each month that goes by I keep telling myself "it'll get easier don't cry" but each time i try he's right where I left him in the hollows of my mind he's taken root and I can't shake him loose, he's still there, somewhere inside me, he's clawing at my ribcage and filling my lungs with air, begging to be let back into the one place he seeks refuge from all past wounds... only he's not shining quite as bright maybe it's because I haven't watered him in a while maybe he's dying without my love and affection, you know the one he hated?, the one he took for granted?, I don't know if his faint whispers mean he's miserable or wishing me well, although he's always had a way with words and although his hands have always managed to entangle me once more I'm not sure i want to let him win anymore, I don't know what I'm saying, I'm delusional at best, but all I know for now is this is our love test and I wish I could say this goodbye wouldn't be for good i really hope it isn't although it's getting easier without him, it'll be the hardest goodbye I've ever known.

*(v.m)

Guys don't really care
For short hair girls
Long, lucious hair
Thick, full
Down by the waist
Complementing their spine
Freefalling in the breeze
Flowing with the current
As they turn their heads
Send you a look you'd die for
Over their shoulders
Long haired girls
They know they have you
And you're sold.
Long hair is so much more beautiful
While short hair
Short hair is not.
Short hair does not get you noticed
It does not have a certain entrance
When you walk into a room
It is not beautiful
Or eye grasping
I mean
Would you rather have one flower
Or a garden of flowers?
It is not luscious
Or forgiving.
But
It is me.
I am the girl with short hair
I am the girl who is not wanted
I am far from any lengths that tickle my spine.
And you want to know something?
That's alright with me.