Don't you ever just get so irritated with everything and everyone?
Everyone's so caught up in the most worthless dumbest **** it annoys the hell out of me.
There are people out there going through real problems and they're over there mad because they haven't ****** a ***** in a while.
Or they haven't had they're hit yet.
Or theyre ***** as hell and can't seem to find someone to **** with.
Or theyre "failing" a class with a 95.
Its all this **** that ****** me off.
Stop being so selfish for once and look past the meaningless parts of being human.
They won't mean anything once you're dead.

I find myself repeating the words

"I know."

A lot.

I've never really believed in ghosts
But I feel like I should now.
I'd do anything to see him again.

I'm

in his room thinking.
I want to feel a cool breeze on my face like in ghost busters.
It's

Not

Like I want a demon to cross my path either.
It just ***** to miss someone who was so close to you.
Everything reminds me of him.
From the weird conversations I have,
To simply seeing a certain Pokemon badge.
But always the same question is asked, "Are you

Okay?"

Did you even hear me when I was crying in your room on my birthday begging God for answers as to why he took you?
I was alone hoping to see the door to your room mysteriously open.
People say "God will heal your wounds." "Keep praying."
I mean, can you shut up?
I know he can.
But he hasn't.

But believe me when I say, "I'm Okay."

I don't get it.
My brother is dead, but why?
It doesn't feel like he is.
But I know he is.
I walk into his room and everything is in place.
Its like he never left.
Like he's coming back still.
No one gets it.
"Be strong for your mom and dad."
"They're going through a tough time, take care of them."
He was my ******* brother too.
I knew him better than they did.
No one asks if I'm okay.
And those who have obviously believe a lie.
How can I be okay?
He was my rock when my dad punished me as a kid.
He comforted me when my mom wasn't there.
He was my big brother too.
And I'm dying inside.
I think I'm losing it.
I keep hearing his laugh when I walk past his room.
God please bring him back.

There's probably a list of the worst things you could hear.
I don't love you anymore.
Im sorry, he/she didn't make it.
We need to break up.
You're fired.
It goes on and on.
Wednesday I heard something thats probably on that list.
"You have a tumor."
And somehow, I managed to laugh when I heard that.
I'm an experiment gone wrong.
Defective.

Have you ever stared into empty space?
Its actually not as boring as people say.
Its 10:35 and that's exactly what im doing.
Why?
Because that's how im feeling.
Empty.
And staring just lets my mind wander to memories.
Maybe it'll help me feel something again.
I was feeling sadness
But that went away about five minutes ago.
"I wonder why?"
Yeah me too.