Fall is here, leaves are changing                                                     mountains  on fire under the sunlight                                                         ­  As  I walk, I start praying                                                          ­       thanking  God for this beautiful sight                                                       The  cold crisp air is all around me                                                               ­    as I button my coat up tight                                                            ­                 I  am a  young child all over again                                              kicking  leaves  with adolescent delight

I gave you love that you didn't deserve                                                          ­   and you gave me nothing in return                                                            Like  a fool, I chose to believe                                                          ­     that  someday you, too would love me                                                  No  pressure here, I was always waiting                                                  doubting  the truth ,that you weren't full of hatred                                 You  said I made your life more comfortable                                             I  say you, made my life more miserable                                                   Like  a  dog, I stayed loyal to you                                                                 did  things no woman should be asked to                                                   I  have been your lifelong slave                                                               shackled to someone who never gave                                                         I  have been doing the impossible task                                                             ­     that has taken everything I have                                                             ­   I've  been tethered  and  bound by vows                                                      that  you have broken before, then and now                                              My  love and hate are equally felt                                                             ­ I play the hand that I 've been dealt                                                           My biggest hope and my only prayer                                                           ­  Is that this all ends sooner than later

Wayback when I was a teen                                                             ­    a phone  call cost a dime                                                             ­                    My  daddy had some mixed feelings                                                        about  my now husband at the time                                                        We were going out on our first date                                                      I  brought him in to meet my dad                                                                  Daddy   said  don't  stay out too late                                                       we  tried to get out of there fast                                                                          He  slipped a  dime in  my hand                                                             ­       said  you  call me if you need me                                                       at  the  time I didn't understand                                                       ­     Come  to find out he saw it all clearly                                                          ­   Years have come and have gone by                                                              I'm still with that man and I realize                                                         I've  given too much and over compromised                                              till I'm no longer someone I recognize                                                      My daddy passed a long time ago                                                                  but he still watches over me , I know                                                           because for years everywhere I go                                                             I'm  still finding dimes that say, "Hello"                                                 At  first I didn't think much of it                                                               ­        I'd put them in my pocket and forget                                                           ­     But that was merely the onset                                                            ­      I  have over fifty now, I am blessed                                                          ­      Every  time that I've needed him there                                                       To  feel his love, to feel someone cares                                                     I'll  stumble across one in an odd place                                                 and  his love brings a smile to my face

I've been doing some integrating                                                      ­         of  the parts I've lost contemplating                                             if  I  was  really worth saving                                                           ­                after  years of you being so debasing                                                         ­   I  had to fall before I could ascend                                                           ­      Had to disconnect to stop the pretense                                                 Endured  your painful smear campaigns                                                        ­ you  didn't have the sense to feel ashamed                                      Called  you out when you knew you lied                                             maintained  class when you rolled your eyes                                             I  never let you see you hurt me deeply                                               walked  away when you threw dirt at me                                                   You  act like you're surprised I'd leave                                               For  once I'm rejecting you and embracing me

You wanted me to lose myself in you                                                              ­      but  that was because you needed my strength too                                   Couldn't  stand on your own for too long                                                making up the rules as you dragged me along                                      Down  playing my sacrifices, my self-worth                                             making  sure  my life was hell on earth                                                            ­Then  you used that instilled insecurity                                                to  feed  your sense of grandiosity                                                      ­                 You  were an accomplished liar                                                             ­my  heart and soul under direct fire                                        but  luckily  you always treated me                                                               ­     like  I was nothing more than your Plan B                                                    To  be used and then discarded                                                        ­            your  love isn't for the fainthearted

I thought it was just me against you                                                              ­I  found out that that wasn't true                                                             ­ I  heard you've been gathering up the troops                                 that's  what a guilty party would do                                                               ­I  think I'll stand on my own, Thank You                                                           I  don't  have anything  to  prove                                              ­                You  must feel threatened by me                                                               ­   I  shake your sense of false security                                                         ­   You  have to talk **** to everybody                                                          while  I stand back cool and calmly                                                           ­     You  think that you have me scared                                                           ­  but  to do that I would have to care                                                       You  think you have shown me how strong you can be                                                               ­                                                but  instead you've shown me you're cowardly

I woke up sad this morning                                                          ­                       after days of feeling blue                                                             ­       dark  clouds have been forming                                                          ­           keeping  me feeling subdued                                                          ­  I've  remained  in isolation                                                        ­                       to  try to  gather up my thoughts                                                         ­          or   to attempt a transformation                                                   ­     maybe   it  is all for naught                                                           ­            Either  way I need seclusion                                                        ­             behind  my wall I feel safe                                                             ­          Let  the  world see the illusion                                                         ­        even  though it is all fake