Premeditated
the words
like hollow point bullets
firing from
a mouth fueled with
hate and anger
******
she wrote
wounds all over
blood pouring
as my brain instantly
reloads the chamber
Regret
I felt
blood on my hands
remorse pouring
as my emotions instantly
recover from anger
Dead
she's gone
never to come back
she's dead
I killed her
Soul

To devote my life
to my son
To gaurantee
he will get
A COLLEGE DEGREE
and end this
Lifetime of pain
So for
future generations
to come
Possible future
Grandaughters
and
Grandsons
You will not suffer
at the hands
Of the ones
that love you the most
Because i decided
your Dad was the man
for the job
Because i decided
to choose love
Because the pain
I was dealt
Hurt me enough
to not give up
But to gaurantee
my loved ones
Will never
have to measure
to the pain
I WAS DEALT
THE PAIN I FELT
I WANT CONSTANT CHANGE
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
TO BREAK THE CHAINS
OF THIS LIFE' S DEVIL
TO GIVE MY FAMILY
A FIGHTING CHANCE
let me live that long
let me sing that song
Let me achieve that goal
Let me save my future
SOULS
Forget my plans
forget me as a man
But please let me gain
A life without strain
A life with future brains
of being PURE

Kidnapped from birth
no ransom letter left
hostage to this life

Missing since day one
no reward letter left
gone from this world

My earliest memories
still hold me captive
buried deep within my mind

Years of torture
not always in the form
of physical pain

Years of struggle
a diverse combination
a ton of mental strain

A lifetime of sorrow held within the memory bank
of this battered brain

Yet I remain calm
pretending not to be lost
hid within my own world

Surrounded by false walls
over the many years
my subconcious built

Survival mode
has always been
the main mindset

Certain days
the walls were closer
than others

A few times
they seemed like
they were gonna cave in

To say I find comfort
within my mental confinement
is an understatement

It is all I have ever known
since that day I was taken
since that day I was born

PS: Jennifer I still miss you and I'm glad you found the courage to leave me alone

Within these walls, within my world, a soul as pure as yours has no place being

I wish I could escape and you could see me before the pain and experience the real me

But within these walls, I call home, regardless the turmoil that comes with the comfort

                          Sincerely, Rob

Self isolate, negate yourself
to much liability more likely
for bad to come
TRUTHFULLY
Unfortunately thats the world
we live in currently, from high-fives, to back-stabs the same eyes maintaining contact
COLD
Trust no one, not even god
he will purposely test you
he gave up his only son
would you forgive him ?
but please remain faithful
OPINION
Through him, with him and in him the words read, I believe them whole-heartedly when reciting in front of a mirror
REFLECTION
The reality is, we all are a creation, but to our creators credit we are given self-will and only have ourselves to blame or rely on for our
DECISIONS
Make sure they are yours you are making, many outsiders come and go and many are persuasive, selling and telling you what to believe in
REALITY
To each their own, opinions, beliefs, decisions, religion and so on and so forth etc
CHEERS

To think all the inner issues
and the questions they bring

Are solved by outer solutions
and the answers they bring

UMD
Many out there
Lost souls at sea
To outside eyes
They look normal
No obvious needs
They manage to hide
All the unknowns
Deep inside they know
They are never really alright
Voices in their head
Like they have two minds
False conclusions fed
The difference between
Real, reality and self-made
All blend together to benefit
The justification needed
To love, hate and survive
Not much else exists between
Comfort found in perfection
Life is not perfect, explain
How does this go unnoticed
Mixed baggage all piled up
Years of suppression
Years of depression
Years of wanting to let-go
Suicide known, but refused
Never really been an option
Weeks of normalcy achieved
Days of relapsing and grief
Turning points amidst it all
Promises of good change
Made but never kept
Difficulty maintaing friends
Emotions on and off
Like a light switch
On the straight and narrow
Then back in the ditch
Confident in self and strong
Insecure and weak next up
Proud of self-growth
Disgusted with oneself
UMD: covers it all
Unknown Mental Disease
To each their own
Hidden beneath the flesh
Within the rib-cage
A healthy beating heart
Within the skull
A damaged brain
A shattered mind
A habitat to a disease
Still unknowm
UMD

Be taught to teach
learn to educate

Be abused to abuse
learn to hate

Be forgiven to forgive
learned to late