mom?
dad?
you there?

there’s so much I want to say
and too much time to say it

and it hurts and throbs and I want to let it out

but I don’t want to ruin the happy haven we’ve made

just like me at 7 laughing joyously with her friends then getting a cut on her toe from a rock and the cut hurt and throbbed but she kept going because she wanted to have fun and the cut hurt and throbbed and got infected

(there’s always a price to pay for waiting)

here I am laughing joyously as my (our) secret hurts and throbs and I

I’m weak aren’t I

I can’t
I can’t muster up the courage to break the silence
too scared of lies on the other side I guess

coward

but

I just want to ask or to hear or to confirm or anything to let me know I know I don’t deserve to know but the knowledge affects me too and I need to know don’t you know?

you don’t

I’ll keep it in as I always do
wishing for the truth but ready to ignore it if it comes

you there?
dad?
mom?

Like twitching your lips upwards
Would cause an avalanche of tears
Like behind those cheery lips
Are unstable mountains of pain
Ready to crumble anytime

You always smile like you’re about to cry
Like pain and joy are eternally linked
Playing an endless game of tug of war behind your face
Behind your face

You always smile like you’re about to cry
Perhaps
The feeling of happiness is a joy for you
A novel one
One so new and comforting it is its own special hurt

You always smile like you’re about to cry
But I hope that one day
You’ll smile with only happiness in your eyes
Any pain far from thought
And that day
It’ll be my turn to smile like I’m about to cry