I still look for it by accident
Sometimes it's blue
The modern way of hearing from you
The stamps weren't expensive
But money never was the problem

we kissed under the mistletoe
unabashed
hand on the small of my back
first and last

there's flakes making my hair wet
warm showers rubbing your back

A **** in my ribs,
It burns in an electric feel
unlike love.
Who kicked me in the chest?
The consistent prodding is nothing but
the opposite of what you advocate for.
How are you so blind?
How blindsided could one really be?
Not very.
Yet the wind has been taken from my sails,
and the humidity creeps in
to choke me.

She spends her morning icing up,
Drawing on those brows.
Thirty minutes, all it takes
The talons and teeth, feverish though she takes.
Unbothered, gleeful even
The glassy eyes promising purpose
Yet here we are
Icing for thirty minutes.
Too many cans in one bag,
The cat would've been fine.

I'll never see you again
I'll likely never hear your voice
I forget what it looks like when you brush your hair behind your ear
But I'll always remember what you order
And the snacks you'd reach for every time
And I'll remember to be grateful that
Even if you don't like those Doritos anymore
You used to
And me
And that's worth everything
And nothing

Not taking any, though
accruing scripts

I think I just needed an xray

You pull me in
And grab my face

You plant a kiss
It tastes like pennies

An eye for a lie
He went blind

Meet in the middle
Swirling each other
Two birds earning their wings.
The light somehow always beaming behind
Silhouettes now etched to memory.
Core.

Fingertips trailing my back
From one wrist, across the arms, down the elbow,
I lean in.
Rather than stop, or a crowd pleasing dip
You’ve waltzed away from the two step.
When did the time signature change?

Your left, and mine, we pass and part
Leading, you are no longer
Transition to a solo performance.

Leaving the floor, we exhale focused breath.
Shoulders still back,
Heads high - not subconscious.
Left, right, intertwined;
Now learning that even the steps backward,
Apart,
Are all beauty within the dance.

How did I
Make it home
And what’s the throb
Within my neck
From my brain or hips
Misaligned pings
Pain telling me something
Yet I can’t translate

Never would I intend
To wreck your home
I just miss the brass against my palm
When I'd walk in to find you sleeping sound
Expedited pipeline from cold to comfort
You'd smile at me

I don't want to shift your foundation
You'd hedges seem well maintained
Frankly, my siding needs attention.

I cross the street against my will, the better judgment saves me one more time.
I wouldn't know who opened the door anyway
I have yet to practice my sales pitch

I wrap my face up
Snuggly and tight
The pressure makes me forget a little.
Not enough, but anything is something.
The veil lifts as the sunsets
And I find comfort in faded shadows,
But as the sun disappears I become a child again.
That fear isn’t of the dark, I can’t place the discomfort.
Might it be a splinter, a bruise? I’ll keep trying to figure it out

I need to Google what poetry actually is.
I will then write a poem about corn!
Elotes, man.
Amen.

No recycling
Dump your garbage here

You’ll stumble, stutter
My gesture, you sat.
End with a bump

Strangers and Irish car bombs
Intervention, mortal if anything.

Perfect
Desired accessories were never necessities
Born as you were, are as you’re meant.

What happens

Scratching
Scraping
Pings and pangs
Throbbing
Pressure
Squeaky inhale
Hard exhale
Stuffy
Sticky
This is supposed to be like this

Phone a friend
Perhaps I'd follow the lead
Predictable, you couldn't.
I have to.
We'll be there soon
You'll have much to
Post about
Positively waiting for the shoe of the
Polarity to drop

You arrive
As I exit
I now realize what you felt
Too late
The lost chance not fault of my own
Nary an invite
What could be
Or would’ve been
**** it

your passenger seat sits empty
thoughtless tears fill the page
scribbling as shading
messy derives definition.
where the wind has taken
two longing souls we may never know
but longing for that eggnog grin,
flannel wrapped yellow rose
two toned raincoat and not
pinky gold
opal, no, maybe emerald.
you’ve remained the most
beautiful, you’ll not
understand, but
hopefully at last
you see.

And won’t
Think or write;
Find the lining, copper search collapse.
Death
We witnessed together.
Foreshadow, always tends to.
Unease in my chest
Blessed to feel, everything always.
Growing
Tired of this painful polarity.
A scab shall be buried

For many hours,
Two or three,
Pages flipped by too dry fingers.
Lick the thumb,
Flip and balance on my chest,
Neck angled oddly.
Training and straining
My scarred retinas
Begging for some timely fatigue

Genuinely believing
Every temporary, life changing love
Is better off after they sever me.

Who's keeping score?
Your soul echos.
You don't keep anybody around to celebrate.
Using utilities unpaid by you..
It was never about the **** you stole; I can admit the projection. An *******, nonetheless, and you'd agree in a moment of honesty.
Recognizing you must've needed someone to feel the way you've felt.
How lucky am I to be your catalyst!

Never as verbose,
Frankly couldn’t get close
But lord knows one’d yearn to try.

Tree bark wrinkles,
Decorating the curves;
Leaves vained and beginning to dry.

Throwing feet down a path;
Faux catches in photograph,
Pondered properly, one’d silently cry.

Your namesake echos;
You’d never accept nor believe,
But lord knows I’d yearn to try.

Fireworks
Fireflies
Firecrotch

You launch your car through tunnels
with flashing rows of lights.
The bulbs maintain their static,
but the speed overwhelms your eyes.

She burnt a disk of songs for you,
the consideration makes you freeze.
Is this beginning of the end,
or are you being teased?

You follow in sprint, stars lighting the beach,
and engulf her in your hug.
She cranes her neck, and kisses deep -
**** me it felt like love.

You start your chain of lying here,
both aside her and to your kin.
Soon she’d learn
she’d never conquer
trusting you again.

Baby blew.
The wind carries and will continue to,
indefinitely until hues unrecognizable
pass you by. You don’t bat an eye.
Chest pings, our Morse code transcending
The distance placed, and
never closed.
Preferring the perpendicular to the parallel?
Just you,
Baby’s blue.

Okay Mrs. VP

Who put a magnet on the pendulum?
Newton’s cradle halts.
Imagine the string metal ***** suspended in space,
You and I are what’s in between,
And what’s not at all;
As well as everything.

A ****** stamp,
Or the shelves,
Or TV,
Or lamps,
The desk? **** that, too.
But to dwindle it down,
To your perceived disrespect
Of the **** that feed you no matter how hard or often you bite?
Laughable
Pathetic
And embarrassing
Mutually, trust.

I will wait
Chin resting on my wrists
The circulation gets cut off
I don’t mind the tingle in my fingers

I will wait
For the letter I’ll never receive
A holiday I’ll experience lie-less
Perhaps someone with a smile
Hands me a bow wrapped box

I will wait
For the nauseating pit to fill
With spirit, or spirits, maybe spirits.
Who am I to decide at this point?
Or I shall, change of pace.

I will wait for that feeling I’ve felt
And I won’t suffocate the flame once it sparks
Or perhaps I will.
Polarity

The adrenaline when facing the gun
Feels a lot better than pride lost
Walking away,
But realizing discomfort in safety
Benefits longer than awaiting the
Unsure -
Rather the less likely,
Putting a target on my back heavier
Than I was ever destined to bear.
Wishing the shooter well
Knowing someday I’ll be held by one
With pillow arms
And a softer heart.

i struggle to not use
i in every poem
i write and at some point
i feel like it throws the perspective off. but
i also think maybe it feels right to
you, reader.
i'd love some insight, or something else to think about, but
i also think if
i don't let some steam out, the campbell's can that is
my brain will start to overheat like the hershey's
i used to leave in the center console of
my honda accord, but it wouldn't take long to solidify if
i shoved them in the air vents bc for some reason
i had a ton of fun sized bars? and if
i think hard enough,
i believe my first bf stole a giant bag of halloween candy and
i, the bonnie to my clyde, ate that **** for months. now all
i have are some stale tootsie pops, but luckily
i didn't get any trick-or-treaters this year.

Banter
The weather
Sports, and your beer.
Non alcoholic? Why are you here?
“Tonight’s the night”
No, sir, time for bed.
Closer to my mom,
Mr. Salt and Pepper head.
The ‘tenders as inmates
Some lager with lime,
Expressing cheeks clenched
The duration of time.
“The ladies are splitting rations,”
They giggle and pour.
The crowds coming in
Time to head for the door

It looks so ridiculous
But those shoulders?
Let them watch

Wailing!
Not the night.
Sunshine never brighter, refusing to dim;
where are you to be found?

Swept away by the current too far!
Disgruntled over the butterscotch car.
Indefinitely wondering how you are;
do you ever see the beam?

Rushing the clock
Never knowing when is too early
Until it’s impossibly late

Still recognized
With my lone 2 eyes
Nobody brushing my shoulder.
Enjoy it for yourself?
How

An unforeseen fact
You’re in love with an archer
Fourfold
What luck!

Why do I recite
Conversations every night
Waiting to be told
What's wrong or right

You used to hold me dear
Whisper nothings in my ear
Where did it all skew so…

I search for you in places that I know you’ll never be.
Assured the last thing you would want to find unprompted? Me.
Though I know that’s false, and love has ways of making far seem close,
And the beauty in the vastness makes me think of you the most.
Guaranteed your time is filled with goals both big and small.
I’m proud of you, although I’m sure that means the least of all.
Perception is a fickle thing, mine never sold to trust.
But the memories are palpable,
And on those? I’d bank or bust.

I’ve seen so many places,
Faces, held the far and wide.
Mass amounts of *******,
You’d never believe what I took in stride.
Though another lie, as you taught me to take things and show strong -
If only I’d determined what was right and could be wrong.
Yet here I sit, stationary at last, the hardest challenge to date.
Dissecting the most convoluted,
Acceptance no easy feat.

So I’ll allow myself the guilty pleasure
Of looking for your head,
In crowded rooms and maybe sometimes laying in my bed.

All along.
The driver never questioned if the windshield was worthy of being clean or *****.
He just scrubbed the **** off and left the dirt water in the tub.
My mother once told me people **** in those.

former lessons I wish I grasped
Before it all fell through my hands
We think of each other
You? No them, or him, maybe her
I wish I understood then
I wish they didn't cancel the show
I wonder if you noticed, too?
Will I ever see them again? Or him? Or her?
Or you?
I need to release the control I never had
The tail I'm chasing was clipped - who knew?

Switch blade tongue **** my *******

Over this ominous thing, stumbling
Feeling its pulls
Strangled and taught
I pray to god?
About this karmically translucent string

I pick and pester my own peace.
“An invisible splinter!”
Far and wide, deep and thorough.
Darwanistic ableist? Elitist?
Doubtful. Few wise words from the ponytail with powder blue nails.
“I’m sorry!”
Written up, for the truth over the lie - always.
Nauseating; the perspective isn’t beyond me.

This mushy couch,
I’m clammy and warm -
Crying about the wrong dad being taken
When suddenly
The therapist turns,
A knock is heard,
Many - rather.
A ladder appears
And a dude with a belt
Far too big for his stature.
He climbs and cleans
And makes me laugh,
And my asthmatic therapist
Takes us on a walk instead.
Uphill! It is humid
We both pant and sweat
I haven’t ditched the juul
The way the rug was pulled
Back we go
To the mushy couch
With the clammy pillow

hot red flames
pour down my cheeks;
my chest hurts,
you are here.

you can't be seen -
nor felt or heard,
but somewhere you
see me.

shows of affection,
scenes aiming towards my rocky foundation;
like that puny pebble to the giant.
i fall.

if squeezed hard enough,
eyes clenched until there's stars,
it's felt that you are proud,
or would be,
wherever you are.