you are more precious than you know
your ability to rip your flesh apart
pull the bleeding ***** with strength unimaginable to create an opening inside
just to push through to tend to the broken yet beautiful heart
that is covered in scarred tissue as a reminder for its desire for survival
to beat another day
to tend to the wounds that have been inflicted on it by others
which later followed by your own hands and words
forgiveness and tears are a gentle balm of healing
that cover the years of war spent viciously fighting among the cells of this fragile vessel
you are more courageous than you know
your willingness to confront agony, pain, and uncertainty
is worthy of recognition and praise
you amaze me
every.
****.
day.
even on the ones that haven’t been so kind to you
and leave bruises that linger and eventually change shades
this vessel is not familiar with gentleness
it has only understood roughness
and has often mistaken it for love
which you are now painfully discovering
but your beauty lies in what is unseen to the eye
it is found in your depths
your desire for authenticity and connection
connection with others
but more importantly
connection with yourself
a gentle one that allows you to be as you are
in the light
and in the dark

I cried today in my car
While I went on an extended drive
I just want to be touched
Held in the embrace by a boy that reveres me
Gently sway in the dark
With our hearts pressed against one another’s chest
To the tunes of cigarettes after ***
Softly playing in the distance
I crave a matured intimacy
Where another sees my authenticity
And accepts me in my full mystery
But I don’t have that
And it ******* hurts
Viscerally
It aches in the center of my chest
And the tears slightly make the pain subside
The romance novels and late night self-love sessions
Provide some sort of escape
But they cause huge crashes after the chemical highs have dissipated
When will my time come
Tomorrow
One month from now
Two years