In the palm of my hand
Perfection
The stone I stole
From your beach
Forgiving me
For taking it away
From the sand
That cradled it, the sun
That warmed it
The waves that washed
Over it
For thousands of years,
The sublime smoothness
Of its soul,
Not striving to be
A moon or stars
It just IS
Already part of
The grand order
Complete in the universe
In the oneness I yearn for.

Some of us are grains of sand
And some of us are jellyfish
***** and shrimps
And some others are starfish
Anemones and snails
And still more of us are oysters
Worms and plastic bottles
And love is the sea
That washes over all of us.

I try to be a good person
But probably I've let you down
And upset you countless times
Not to mention
The one I will feel most guilty about,
Dying.

It has always been this way
And always will,
History demands it.
Weak minded, downtrodden, ungrateful
Foolish slaves and peasants
We are all that and more
To our emotions.
But while enough strength remains
To raise a hand
We will fight back
Even at the risk of losing everything
The little we have
We will fight back - we must
For no-one should stand
In another's shadow.

Cheetah flying through the tall grass
Hawk lofting on thermals
The wilderbeast dragged to ground
Doesn't feel victimized.
Mouse scampering under an elephant's foot
Monkeys swinging in their jungle playground
The lion sunning himself in the wilderness
Doesn't feel superior,
Doesn't feel special.
Human dropping a test tube
Bats hiding their secrets in caves
Are we all creatures with souls or not?
So when a virus crosses a few boundaries
Why wouldn't it?

You are such a lazy slob
I'm always cleaning up after you
Why should I do all the hard work?
It's always me that has to make the first move
Why don't you sweep me off my feet for a change
Instead of moping around most of the day waiting for some action?
But when you think I'm not watching
I see you dancing in the sunlight.
It makes my eyes water,
Fake tears I know
But there is no denying the chemistry between us
And I can't help myself.
I'll be joining you soon enough
And we'll be together for ever.

What would you do
If all your dreams came true?
Not a small one
Not one of them,
All of them.
What if you could
Do no wrong?
If everything you did
Turned to whatever
You wanted it to?
How would you feel,
What would you think
How would you live,
What changes would you make?
Don't ask me
I'm a million miles
From that.

The shushing
Of cars on the main road
Like waves and pain
Zoned out
To get us through the day
Like stars in the daylight
Overpowered quietly
By the sun's rays
Making me squint
Blurring a language
Garden birds know
Nothing about
As they fuss instead
About a few seeds
And a bowl of water
And squirrels arguing
Over a handful of nuts
And who buried
What, where
And all of us
Sharing a passage of time.

Wish I could be here
Really here
In the here and now
And just live every second.
If only they were a bit bigger
I could reach out
And grab one again
Like I did when I was younger.
I'd seen it, just floating
Going nowhere
So I caught it then ran back home,
A whole second in my sweaty  fist.
It didn't appreciate being stuffed
Into a jar
It wanted it's freedom back
To be limitless, to be anything
Anywhere, anytime again.
Anyway, it managed to unscrew the lid,
In the morning it was gone,
Taking half of my years with it.

For an hour before lunch
I'm the centre of attention
This is my time to shine
Beneath the spotlight
On the operating table.
They say my name
In hushed tones
And then whispers,
I hope I make it.

I built this room
With my own two hands.
It has everything I need
A bed, a chair and table
And a window to see outside.
I can live or die here
Without being a bother to anybody.
I made this life
With my own two hands.
It has everything I need
And a window to see what I'm missing.
I will live or die here
Without being a bother to you.

There was a more confusing time
Shudder to think
When young ones played
With dolls and prams
And toy soldiers and trains
And all they had
Were roundabouts and swings
And colouring books
And comics and stamp collections
And skipping ropes
And footballs
And pen friends in Australia
And fresh air and the sky
And each other.
It was very easy to mistake
A 'he' for a 'she'
At age eight.

The images you capture
With the shutter
Of your eyelids are

The sounds that come
From your lips are

The ground that you
Walk upon is

The love that you hold
In your hands is

The bed where
You lie is

The time that
We shared is

But you are not
Of this world.

We talk about her
Though we know she is only in the next room.
She is trying not to be rude and eavesdrop
But some of the names we mention
Sound so familiar
And the hymn, the melody, almost like a waltz
Wasn't that one of her favourites?
She tries to join in with a voice
Still frail and small
Until she realises she is singing on her own.
The music has stopped
And we have moved outside
To look at the flowers.

It's hard for me to remember much
She seemed old even then.
But I will never forget the ritualistic
Saturday afternoon visits.
When all my friends were out playing
We were dragged off, complaining madly,
To the big house at the end of the road.
I remember some of the rooms were never used
And the furniture in them
Was covered in white sheets.
As soon as we arrived we were led away
From those closed doors,
Down a flight of steep cellar steps
To choose our lemonade.
Flavours mattered little,
Bright colours, red, green or yellow
Were the only things that caught our eye
And we would emerge triumphant
Each with a glass that sparkled and fizzed.

The garden was huge with rows of apple trees
And a maize of trellised pathways.
There were mysterious sheds with doors long overgrown
And we only dared peep in
Through dusty fingerprinted windows
At workbenches and gas masks.
Then she would tell us her secret
And lead us quietly towards the Laburnum
Where at head night, if we parted the leaves
A thrush had nested, was feeding her young.
And I remember the greenhouse
With it's giant water **** and wonderful smell of tomatoes
And that it was the perfect place to hide
On long summer evenings
When we didn't want to go home.

The dragon checked
His swishy tail
And that his breath
Was still bad enough
To catch fire.
He was all set to go,
To wreak destruction
Once more.
So he looked outside
His lair
And an ambulance
Nearly took
His head off
Then another
And another
And he saw the people
Coughing into their masks,
In the morning drizzle,
And he sensed
Their fear.
And he thought,
If they are already
Half scared to death
Where's the fun
In that.
So he went back inside
For another hundred years.

Not mine
Pointless worrying
Not yours
Pointless questioning
Not his
Pointless arguing
Not hers
Pointless doubting
Not theirs
Pointless measuring
God's time.

Body I will lay you down now
Leave you in the bed
Because I want to enjoy this morning
Free from pain.
And mind, I will leave you
A little further down the path,
Thank you for all you tried to do.
And soul, let us go on
See where this goes.

Yesterday came a day too late
I wasn't ready for that,
Tomorrow will be a day too early
I won't be ready for that either,
Better take it one minute at a time.
One thousand, four hundred and forty of them!

My fate is sealed
And not with a kiss
Though I am thankful
To him for turning
A blind eye
A couple of times
But I can tell
He's a bit miffed now
That he didn't take
One of those chances
And he's got a contract
To fulfill
So he's asking everybody
I know
Where I like to go
And I am going this way
So if you could tell him
I went the other way
I'll owe you one
And if he does catch
Up with me
I'll say it's a case
Of mistaken identity
I'm not the person I used to be
I used to be courageous
And when I wasn't old
Enough to know better,
Laugh in his face.

Worcester has the earliest settlements
Of anywhere in the
United Kingdom.
Crazy to think that
People were walking
These streets
And going into
McDonald's
Five thousand years ago.

Father you led me down the path
I knew at first
But then it veered off
Crossing others I didn't know existed.
Sometimes the path was too steep and narrow
Dark one minute then too bright to see the next
But these weren't seconds
They were the years
I spent always looking back
Trying to get my bearings
Searching for signs,
And I have never felt so lost.
You led me down the path
And left me there.
So now I must go on.

Don't call me in
Like I need my tea
And a bath before it
Like I've lost track of time
Or I've been too naughty
Don't call me back
Like I've got something better to do
Somewhere else to be.
God don't call me back
Like my time is up
Not just yet.

It's all about settling
For less,
The cake tin and juice box are
empty
So we make do
With a biscuit
And water,
And now you have
Brought him on for me
I too have to make
Some substitutions.
The rustling leaves
Will now wake me
And not your touch,
The first rays of the sun,
Giving me false hope
In the grey bleakness,
Will be the smile
I will never trace again
With my fingers.
Later, if I'm lucky,
I can take a cloudless blue sky
Instead of your beauty
And the soft evening rain on
My face and lips
Will be your whispers.
The stars of course
Will remind me of
How far away you are,
I'll settle for that.

The falling sparrow
Puffs out it's chest
To try to slow its descent.
That's not working,
Doesn't even know
What pride is before a fall.
It tries an air current,
Oh for a gust of wind
When you need one.
It wouldn't even care if it was blown off course.
What course?
Maybe flapping it's wings
Will help, or gliding
Like the hawk
Silhouetted against the sun
Or is it a kestrel?
The sparrow never could identify big birds,
That's major league anyway.
But that wouldn't be so bad actually
If one of them grabbed a leg or something
Anything but it's head.
At least that might slow things down a bit.
And a seagull now
With its already blooded beak
And two crows.
They would be perfect
If they each took a wing
And flew very gently
To their nest.
Then that wouldn't be far to fall at all.

I disintegrate into a thousand stars
Of myself, when I see
Your footprints in the snow.
I am still blinded by your winter beauty
Yet you have banished me
To the edge of your world.
Every day I return for your broken water,
The scraps of love you throw out
Keep me alive.

I must get word to you
But my clumsiness gathers dust in the corner.
I will always love you
In unwritten poems.

I haven't made the anthologies and journals,
My novel won't be in
The book stores any time soon,
My songs didn't get me a recording deal,
The screenplays never graced the big screen,
And I expect if I write you a last love note
It will suffer a similar fate.
And to think I had all the same letters
As everyone else
All I had to do was jiggle them around a bit,
Arrange  them in such a way
That they might mean something
To somebody.

You were in none of those places
I looked
Did somebody move the world
Or heaven at least?
And before you say anything
I do know it exists
Because I used to go there sometimes
With you.
On good days
You make my earth quake
You're the nice *** in disaster
But I can stand some hurry
With my cane
A little rain with my bow
I hope you get the picture
On bad days
Don't go PG on me
You are the mate
In my soul.

Hush wind
Leaves be still
Birds desist!
What's your problem?
Babbling brook
That includes you!
I'm listening!
Sunlight on my face
Stop distracting me!
No I don't want another sandwich!
Thank you.
Stop kissing me!
Stop loving me
For a minute.
There it is!
Listen! There!
The emergency siren!
I'm sure it is
Thank God!
Another poor soul has been saved.

The red plane was back,
Sweeping low over the trees
To avoid radar detection,
Then banking steeply
Away to the right
Into the adjoining field
At the back it's my house.
I could run
In those days -
Perhaps that was it.
I was the only one
To actually stand
In the rainbow,
When the others arrived
The DDT was already falling
In a fine mist,
Like that summer rain
That soaks you
Through in minutes.
Then again it could
Have been any of
The other chemicals
I breathed in,
Ate and drank
Over the ensuing years.
I don't think there is any need
For an autopsy.

Hidden but not hiding
I worry about my soul
If it is involved anymore
Or just keeping score,
If  I get something for struggling
Barefoot up this mountain
When I could have worked harder
And saved up
For some climbing boots
And not left my gloves, obviously,
I don't know where
And not let my hat fly off
In the first gust of wind
And thrown away my sunglasses
Because she wanted to see my eyes,
And maybe it will whisper to me
In the dead of night
And I'll remember why I'm here
And get a few points
For blisters.

The soldier waits ...
With rifle unaimed
With bullets unfired
With bayonet unfixed
With uniform unknown
With boots untrodden
With rations uneaten
With canteen unrepleneshed,
With words unspoken
With letter unread
With locket unopened
With face unseen
With dreams undreamt
With life unlived
With love undiminished,
For a grave to be dug.

Phone - check
Wallet - check
Dreams - yes
Live for ever - yes
Keys - check
Doors locked - check
Open to life - yes
Enough fuel - check
Know where I'm headed - yes
Time - check
To say our goodbyes - yes
Reality check

Soap was the best present then,
It was restricted so that the fat
And oils could be saved for food.
Let's share out our week's rations,
4 oz of bacon, 6oz of margarine, 2oz of tea, 8oz of sugar
And 2oz of cooked meats,
And wish each other Happy New Year
For it means something this time
As it did in 1944
The last Christmas before World War II ended
When thoughts were already turning
To those of a new time,
Not heralded in with trumpets
But with hushed prayers
When no one was watching,
When people just like us longed
For an end to the fear and uncertainty.
So let's wash our hands of the old year
And hope for the best.

The Robin is not singing for me,
Better hold my breath
While I eavesdrop.
The path beneath my step
Is not worn away
For my convenience
But I'll keep my head down,
Hope nobody sets a dog on me.
The wind in the trees
Isn't puffed for my hair,
But, what's left of it,
Feels it's stirrings
And I hope my body,
So close to the launch pad,
Doesn't hinder the gusts
Trying to set free a balloon.
I take comfort that the Cumulus
Is leaving nothing to chance,
It  has brought along
It's own blue heaven
To drift along in,
But I'm pretty sure
It would be doing it anyway,
And the river is not even flowing
In my direction,
Still, I will keep noticing things
Listening in to my life.
Someone up ahead calls out a name,
One that I have been known by,
But it wasn't meant for me,
Just another happy coincidence.

Sometime in the future
Exactly when I am not sure
I would like to come back
To you
One last time.
Not in a dramatic way
I hope you understand
Nor to frighten or
Upset you.
I promise to choose
Something small
And insignificant,
A single drop of rain perhaps.
I will settle on your cheek
But only for a moment -
That is all
Before you mistake me
For a tear
And brush me away
Forever.

Sorry, you must be mistaken
You don't know me
And I certainly don't know you.
I wasn't born yesterday you know?
So we could never have met before now,
This is my first day
Make that my first minute
So let's not waste it -
Who broke whose heart anyway?
I have no memory of yesterday
No hopes or fears for tomorrow
So just be with me please
In this second.

She texts him four times at work
To remind him not to forget
Tea bags when he goes shopping,
And cucumber for the fish
And her prescription
And to send him three kisses.

He's back home now
And she glances up from her sewing
And TV
As he puts the food away
Gets the washing machine going
Feeds the dog
Starts the meal
Takes out the *******
Makes her a cup of tea
And helps her with her pillows
Before serving the food.

He's clearing away now
And washing up
And making her another tea
And taking out the laundry
And locking up
And fetching her blanket
And helping her adjust
Her magic chair
And she kisses him good night
And half way up the stairs
He stops to check his phone
As she sends him
Another three kisses.

The not so tall
Dark, or handsome stranger
Clutches a half empty beer glass,
Peers out at the traffic and people
And sees only space.
He doesn't need the forgiveness
Of a woman
Or mates or casual aquantancies
Or interests and hobbies
A rewarding job
A neat car
A detached house
Or savings for a different
Rainy day.
He doesn't even need
Good health
Or a purpose in life
A reason for living,
Or God,
But there were times
When he did.

Sepia not technicolour
We've lost the joy.
It's all worry
And the best we can hope for
Is to have less of it.
We need to be more spontaneous.
When was the last time you bought flowers for yourself
Or jumped out of a plane without a parachute?
If you can find a frozen lake
Dancing across it might be enough
To get you started.
Let's see how much love
This life will take
Before the ice starts cracking
Into a cheeky grin.
Our arms and legs feel like lead
But really they are made of rubber.
Start with some toe tapping
To the music
In your head,
Next maybe a shuffle
A little jig,
Now we're holding hands.
Is that even allowed?
We're all dancing,
And I don't even dance.
Let's see how much love
This life will take.

We saw the beauty
And wonder
When we had eyes
And held hands
When we had fingers,
When our bodies tricked us
Into being alive.
And we walked on
When we had legs
And kissed
When we had lips
And said words
When we had ears
And started to believe
In things we couldn't
See or touch,
And we threw ourselves away
When our bodies tricked us
Into dying.

For everything we have to put up with
Get along with or move on from
Regardless of injury, hurt and pain
For keeping believing in something
Greater than ourselves
With only prayers to offer up a clue,
And settling for any crumb of comfort
And for not losing our human spirit
If there isn't a God
We definitely deserve one.

She summons me
To her side
Entices me to embrace
The morning shadows
And dance in the sunshine
She evokes
All along her tide.
She beckons me
To reach down
To be unafraid,
Unashamed of my
Own mortality.
She anoints my feet,
My ankles and knees
Then my chest, my neck
And head.
She envelopes me
In her deeper self
She drinks me up,
Laps me up
I am awash with movement,
Drowning in her love,
Then her scream
Masks my cry
I am lucid again
I am creation.

I thought we would always
be ...
Like ham and cheese
Sausage and mash for peas
A double somersault on the trapeze
A warm snap after the freeze
A thank you after a please
A soothing cream for scuffed knees
A handkerchief for a sneeze
A cure for a disease
A pocket for loose keys
Honeysuckle and foxglove for bees
Shelter and shade for trees
A lace curtain for the breeze
...together.

Five minutes into the journey
Someone in the back pipes up
We need to go back
I forgot my phone.
Not ideal, but fair enough.
Nobody ever says
Oh wait I forgot my body.
Before sandwiches and suncream
And all the other essentials
Bodies are top of our lists.
They get to go everywhere,
See everything,
They are our pal, our best friend,
Or could be.
We even try to find someone to love them,
How selfless is that?
But it usually happens
Sometimes early on
Other times later,
Wariness and suspicion creep in
We would rather keep them
At arms length
Because even when they are doing their best
We know what's coming.

I glimpsed your world,
The flyovers and intersections
The skyscrapers and palm tree
Lined avenues,
The traffic lights stuck on amber
The sun bouncing off windscreens,
The weather insurance on the side of a bus
The bikes being loaded onto a truck,
The new museums awaiting artifacts,
The air conditioned lives
Craving a sea breeze
For here land and sea are one architecture.
And I dreamed myself asleep
In a chair at your bedside
And all the moored yachts
Their sailless masts
Pointing for me up to smoke puffed clouds.
Your love is the hurricane
I am waiting for.

The day before we get the bad news
Is like any other
Drifting away from us
Like the boats that are starting
To appear on the river again.
And no matter how fast we swim
We can never catch them up
And no matter how many times the cold water
Brings us back to life
It is as if we never quite recover
From first jumping in.

Black as the sea at night
Your hair flows through my fingers
Away from this dry river bed.
What kind of naked flame is this
That longs to be doused?
Naughty angel you lead me astray.
You will need all your training for this.
What lengths must you go to
To save me?

Here we come
Clanking up the path,
We are the jailers.
Find a closed door
No problem
It's not even locked.
On we go
This one is though,
No problem
Try the first key
Easy
Keep moving,
Another door already
First two keys don't work
Third one, perfect fit
Keep going.
Another door
And nothing fits it,
Strange.
Ah a window
Opens easily.
Climb up two storeys
A bit scary
Just make it
Hope it is worth it.
Keep going
Next door is padlocked
It wants us to know
It is locked,
No keys for this.
Do a swop with the people behind us,
They've got what we need
Maybe ours will help them
Who knows?
On we go
Another padlock
And no windows.
Turn around
Back out the door
We came in,
Keep going.
Another door
No lock, just won't open
Strange
Turn around.
The door we came in
Is locked too
Side door, see where this goes,
More padlocks.
Then a door opens
In front of us
Opens easily
Opens even as we approach it
The last door always does.

Whiny and moany
Selfish and ungrateful
Needy and snooty
And loving.

Who was it who said
People are problems
So the less people you know
The less problems you'll have?

Surely that can't be right?
And who was it who said
There is some truth in everything?

Went to bed at 6am
So I've ruined the day
Made myself feel ill
Unsettled, a bit panicky.
Will I never learn
That sleep is for sleeping
Waking is for waking,
How can I confuse the two?
It's just that lately
With the days so uncertain
Sometimes I like to make the nights
Last as long as I can.