Went to bed at 6am
So I've ruined the day
Made myself feel ill
Unsettled, a bit panicky.
Will I never learn
That sleep is for sleeping
Waking is for waking,
How can I confuse the two?
It's just that lately
With the days so uncertain
Sometimes I like to make the nights
Last as long as I can.

Whiny and moany
Selfish and ungrateful
Needy and snooty
And loving.

Who was it who said
People are problems
So the less people you know
The less problems you'll have?

Surely that can't be right?
And who was it who said
There is some truth in everything?

Angel, did death come between us?
It's been so long since you wrapped me in your wings
Pulled me to you, to the centre of your universe
For amazingly, I have known your love,
The mystery of you
I've seen how, despite the storm
Raging around you, inside you,
You can pull fear and excitement
Out of me
And turn it into peace and safety,
And more than that,
Childlike wonder.

Too close
Step back
Refocus
Blink twice
Wipe away
A tear
All the love
You'll ever need
Is staring
You right
In the face.

There is a chill in the air
Time to dust off
My battered old coat
The one I wore when I saw
You, really saw you
In all your majesty
In all your finery
In all the regal splendour
Of your soul
When you walked with me for a while
And that was just the start of it
Through rain and sleet and snow
You name it, we walked through it
No ****.
Those were the golden miles.
And in the pocket when you first
Held my hand on a frosty evening
I found some loose change
And a sweet wrapper
And a scrap of hope
Rolled up in a scrap of love
In a scrap of paper
A note to self
It reads something like this
It wasn't meant to end like this.

This is my last match
And my last candle.
I will light it
To keep this love alive
Before it becomes
Embedded into my heart
And when that gives up
Into my soul.

Still here, another year older
A little closer to being
Another year colder
In that place we don't talk about.
And here you are
Heaven sent, right on time
Ah marvelous time
Don't want to waste it
With the pre *** meal
As if the world needs
More food and water
Or the pre *** chat
Couldn't we get straight
Down to it?
Why do I have to spell out my dreams
In words small enough
For the child in us to understand?
Ah there's a thought, as if
The world needs more young dreamers,
Come to think of it
Let's skip ***
I want to love you
As if the world needs more love.

Mary, mind that man in the old coat
He's limping, there could be something wrong with him.
Peter, come on we're crossing over now
I don't like the look of that woman with the pushchair,
Come on before she blows smoke over us as well.
Brenden, come here please, quickly, that girl just sneezed,
You've got to learn to stay close when we're in town.
Sue, watch out for those teenagers, taking up the whole pavement,
They won't move, let's get in the road for a minute,
Let them come past.
Jim, did you hear that? Oh it's that man over there coughing,
He should be at home,
What's wrong with everybody?

People are stealing poetry books
To cut up
To use as toilet paper.

After all this time
You wouldn't love me now anyway
I've put on a few years
And a few pounds
And I've got a spot,
This time it would have to be
Our souls coming together
If you did
If you could.

Comfortable at last
Our love
Easy on
Like a pair of old slippers
I would walk a thousand miles in
To sit by the fireside with you.

Not Creedence Clearwater Revival
Have heard nothing through the grapevine,
I am dreaming white sands
The jewel in the crown.
I want to wake up at the Hyatt Regency
With nothing to worry about
And be the first down
To the lounge chairs and beach umbrellas.
As long as the lizards don't get me.

I want to wake up with nothing to worry about,
Head out for some paddle boarding and swimming,
As long as the jellyfish don't get me.

I want to wake up with nothing to worry about,
Go across to Honeymoon Island
For some hiking and shelling,
As long as the lightning doesn't get me.

I want to try out all this marvelous food,
Eat my fill on the beach
As long as the ants and cockroaches don't get me.

I want to go on a beach walk,
As long as the alligators don't get me.

I want to go dolphin watching,
Take a trip on the pirate boat,
Try some skiing and scuba diving,
Anything to take a break from the spiders
If not the snakes.

I want to visit the marina
And marine aquarium
As long as the mosquitoes and double headed bugs
Don't get me.

I want to be the last person with you
On the pier
And hope the sunset gets us.

If such a thing could happen
A common man
Should probably look for a woman
Not a princess
For although she will be
Infinitely more beautiful
And he will love her truly,
And love even more
Being caught up
In the magic and romance
Of a wonderful fairy story,
He will always have to live
With her disappointment
For she will only ever
Get glimpses of a prince
And it could break her heart.

I eye death nervously
Choose a life sentence instead
A padded room, windows
Without bars make it harder
To jump.
I listen to my heart
And sometimes hear
Another's beating
That's it
I only dreamt you
I was always alone.

I see a flashing white hearse
A cavalcade of mourners
Unable to keep up.
Strangers setting down
Their shopping
To give little cheers
As if there is no separation
And death was a celebration
Of life
Could be celebrated
In life,
And in the space
We make for it
Another comes.

This beautiful rugged
Timeless land, still exists
Between the slow ticking seconds.
Clouds sweep the valley floor
As they have done for centuries
And week old lambs
Cease their chasings
As the shadows loom
For in that instant
They see their destiny.

A ewe has a twisted leg,
A dislodged roof slate
A breached wall, and a *****
Lent last year to a neighbor
All need attention
So this morning we will do what we can
And later we will know ours.

Today He is at your side
Looking after you
In my stead
As He did before me
And will again
When I am gone
And I'm not afraid
If I can feel
This way about you
After the short time
We shared
How much greater
Will His love be
Seeing you as
He does
With your capacity
For infinite love?

Oh the joy of walking
With people keeping distance
And no joggers
Or cyclists
Brushing past
Our shoulders.

She hugs the life out of me,
Not in that second of passion
Before the moment of death
When an animal is chased
And grasped in lioness embrace.

She kisses the life out of me,
Not with mid-day sun lips
Which smoulder dangerously
Like a dampened forest fire
Lying in wait for that first shallow breath.

She loves the life out of me
Not with the garment of childlike innocence
Lasciviously cast aside by a woman in earnest.

And with all the emotion of someone
Glancing up at the station clock
Then turning a magazine page
On a deserted railway platform,
She scares the life out of me
When she says quite simply,
It is time for me to go.

Throw caution to the wind
Cast off all misgivings
Set a course for the unknown,
Abandon fear, quieten worry
Dispel uncertainty, dive on in
Give yourself up, trust me, hurry
Dare me, hold me, hold me
Responsible for all your longings
With a kiss.

Gravity, old friend
How are you?
You were always there for me
All the time I was growing up
And kept getting too big for my boots
You kept my feet on the ground.
The way you keep the planets
And stars and galaxies in place!
And you brought her particles
Closer to mine
How great is that!
I just wanted to say thank you
Before I float off into space.

Before we learned how to read and write
And parables were our social media
Something else did happen.
Whatever you believe
He was still a person
With private moments
Of doubt and fear
Who knew he was in big trouble
That his time was short
He only had this time,
The present,
And every day was the same anyway
Waking up to criticism and derision
And plots to kick him out
Not from a club or a job
But to put him to death.
And if you had managed to drag yourself,
Bruised and bleeding,
Up the stony hill
To where he was staying,
Outside the village,
And told him that your sister was seriously ill and dying,
He would have touched your hand
Looked into your eyes
And said, 'Your faith has healed her.'

In the bookshop, the museum and cathedral
She is looking for you
And does not know it.

In the dress she has just bought
The new hairstyle she is unsure of
In the something different she might cook tonight
She is getting ready for you
And does not know it.
In her thoughts and actions
Which have led her here
To this city today
To the doorway now where she waits
For the rain to stop
She is waiting for you
And does not know it.

In her turning to go
Her change of mind and footsteps towards you,
In the carrier bag spilled at your feet
And her voice saying thank you
As you hand her life back to her,
In her walking away
She is looking for you
And does not know it.

Clever monkeys have learned to talk
And write and sing and dance.
Most of them are not very good
But it makes them happy.

Other clever monkeys have built roads and houses
And schools and hospitals and offices and factories,

And cars and trains and planes
So they can get there and back quicker.

And other clever monkeys have left
The rainforests alone.

I was one of the lucky ones
Used to be part time mainly
As and when really
Maybe a Thursday or Friday
The odd weekend
And very occasional night away.
Since when did getting
And staying well
Become a full time job?

Just the two of us then
Until it's all over
Whatever life tosses our way
Especially the thick and thin bits
You're in my bubble
My support group
So don't let me down
You're my seat of learning
My splinter group
My dream team
My hit squad
My inner circle
You're the nearest thing I've got to family
To a Christmas load of
Uncles, nephews and aunts
To a shed load of mates
To a swarm of bees
And a flock of pigeons.
You're the closest thing I've got
To a one and only
To a nearest and dearest ...
What do you mean you didn't know,
It doesn't matter
You're still there in spirit.

Started something big today
Something miraculous,
The acorn I planted
In a little tub on the windowsill.
And the bigger the tree gets
The smaller I get
The older it gets
The younger I become.
Until the day
It's as big as a house
And I scramble up it,
Not even noticing my scuffed knees,
Only the million leaves,
Feeling so safe,
Not really lost at all,
I only have to keep going down
And down
To find the ground again,
If I ever wanted to.
And I will sleep easy amongst the stars
Happy I started a forest,
Did my bit to save us all,
Until the day
I can no longer reach
For branches and clouds
And I slip gently
From the encompassing arms,
To lie forever in the shelter and shade.

It's out there
Or maybe it's in here already
Waiting on a door handle
In a hello
In the air I breathe
I breathe
That is my right
I will breathe if I want to.
Except it doesn't know patience
It doesn't know anything
It doesn't have anything
But the need to exist
And if it kills me
Or itself, it will just shrug.
The worst kind of enemy.
So I take it back to a room
With curtains and a bed
I am allowed that much
And bread and water
Left by someone ouside my door
I hear their feet hurrying away
The world is moving away from me.
And all night and the next day
For as long as it takes
My hands will be around its throat
And its around mine
As we stare into each others' bulging eyes
Me, remembering life
It, trying to imagine survival
And suddenly it does know something
That I am all it's got.
And in the morning
Shapes file quietly into the room
And I start to recognize faces.
They prise my fingers away
From around the rotting corpse's neck
Then kick it under the bed
You did it, they say.
You won.
This time.

Child: Mommy what was the pandemic like?
Mom: Not nice ... Not nice at all.
Child: But it went on so long.
Mom: Of course we didn't realize it was going to last
Fourteen years.
Child: How did you ...
Mom: Get through it? Well you know
What people say...
Child: A stitch in time saves nine?
Mom: Well ...
Child: If you can't say anything nice
Don't say anything at all.
Mom: That helps, but ...
Child: I know, live one day at a time?
Mom: That's it.
Child: So, the same as we live now.

Night times
Are the best times
To miss you
Followed by
Mornings
Afternoons
And evenings.

When I forget I ever had a body
Will you still make love to me?
When I become a dot in the distance
A speck of dust on your glasses
And I'm flying free
In another dimension
Not knowing who or where I am
And if it's heaven
Not caring
And if it's hell
Still worrying about everything,
Will you find me
Jolt me back to you,
In my drowning
My gasping for breath,
Though there is no water
Or atmosphere,
Will you still make love to me
Anyway you can?

Can't stop
******* a kiss,
Keep the umbrella
I'll call you
There's so much to do
Where did I get all this stuff?
It'll never fit in there
Maybe if I squeeze it
Oh you're back
Did you forget ...?
Hey sit on that will you?
Stop laughing
And then there's the cleaning,
The decorating,
It's no use, I need more boxes, more time
Okay, okay, I'll calm down, I'm fine
As long as we keep trying to make room
In our lives for each other.

I am an infant

With a big box of colouring crayons

Speechless, lost for words.

The summer is all hey
I'm hot, check me out,
Look at me,
But the winter
Is otherworldly.
With its cold and rain
And sleet and snow
And ice and fog
And frozen mornings
And long dark nights
It's always trying to tell us something more,
That's where the story is.

My cup overflows
Yet nothing
Is spilt or lost
In the precious mystery
Of your love.

And they wore streamers
And tinsel in their hair
And baubles on their belts
And angels around their necks
And gave their present money
To the dispossessed
And prayed for those they wouldn't see
And gave twice as much love to those they did
And forgot about Christmas that year.

The ballerina in a
Dying piruette
Signals the end
Of her show,
Black putrid, billowing
Twisting and devious
As any smoke engaged
In this work
Must go.

But those who
Would not remain
Are as loathed to
Turn around
As were their bullets
Reluctant to maime
Or ****,
Afraid of breaking
The spell
And being dragged back
Into screaming hell
Instead of gently
Led away through
The buttercups on the
Side of the hill.

A solitary line
Of shuffling feet
Retreating bodies,
Some ghosts
Belatedly anointed
By fine summer rain
Coming too late
To dampen the pain,
Inside the bullet burns
And intermingled
With cries, birdsong returns
Conjuring up
Farmyard smells
Capturing boyhood laughter,
A cosy bedroom
Like a stabbing
In the side
Starts the tears again,
So soon
As when my gallant
Friends and I
With unbeknown
Sadness, rode out
One sunny afternoon
Down to the fields
Of shame
And straight into
Certain madness.

Quiet winter evenings
Spent by the fireside with you.
Gentle moments of love
With the loudness of the day
Suddenly somewhere beneath us
And the coldness of the rain
Far above.

And when the moaning wind
Became caught in the curtains
Blew the candle across the room
I would sit in the corner
Writing long letters
To not so old friends,
Wondering what they were doing
If they meant the love
Their letter sends.

Peaceful nights
By the fireside with you
Feeling love, all the warmth I used to
Yet a strange emptiness
Waiting for that sad glow,
Only recalled by whispering ...
Memories.

Can't seem to get warm tonight
Darkness is a cold blanket
Her arm around my shoulder
Chills my bones.
She pretends to be my friend
To hide me from myself
But she brings her own night
And I am wide awake with my fears.
And she loves it that I can see things
That are not there
And that I can feel her icy touch
On this midsummer afternoon.

I saw you twice today!
I swear on my grave I did.
The first time
I called out your name,
The one before you changed it,
But you were just out
Of earshot
And later I almost touched your arm.
So close!
It's a shame, we could
Have gone down by the river,
Done a bit of shopping,
Bought you some new hair colourant,
Maybe gone back to my place.
I know!
"In my dreams!"
Oh yes I definitely saw you
As well as any trick of the light
Would let me.

Beneath a dead
Red sky
I climb to the hilltop
To a place of still memories,
And there you are
Defiant and calm
Waiting to be rebuilt
For one last crusade.
Gone now the pageantry
Of armour gleaming
Of banners unfurled,
People laughing and cheering
And young girls screaming.
A merry dance
You led me then
So let me linger awhile
In the ruins.

A hundred and forty
Happy birthday me!
Funny thing is I don't feel
A day over a hundred and ten.
So I'm going to spoil myself rotten
Bacon, sausage and egg
Flavour crisps for breakfast
Five cheese pizza
Flavour crisps for lunch
And asparagus in wine and steak
Flavour crisps for dinner.
Crisps! I love them
They changed my life,
But personally, for me
There is never enough salt.
I always carry some with me
So I can have a little sprinkle.
And Maddy is over the Avian flu now
So we can meet up.
She was quite ill for ...
Oh, a good few hours
I told her not to feed the swans
But that is her all over, reckless
And she's funny about her age,
As if it's some great secret or mystery,
She always tells me she's ten years
Younger than me
But she's got to be at least a hundred
And fifty, if she's a day.

I could go left at the end of the road
Straight over the roundabout
Then through the town,
Or if it's too busy
I could go right at the traffic lights
And pick up the motorway that way.
It makes no difference
Whatever I decide
Whichever way I go
My thoughts always turn back to you.

Running too fast
With wobbly legs
And icy cheeks
And tiny frozen feet
I'm falling
Tripping into pain.
Helping hands
With kind voices laughing
Picking me up,
Masking concern,
Not like the laughing
Soulless wolf.
Then I go again
Tricking pain
Keeping it at bay
Before I learned how to pray,
Learning too slowly
I'm falling
Hands down this time
On all fours
And behind me as always
The wolf again,
Blood shot eyes
Scouring for stragglers
Teeth stained with blood
In anticipation.
Helping hands
Picking me up
With kind voices laughing.

When you left I gave up on everything except you.

Me and my sandwich
Are going driving today
Just the two of us
Getting away from it all
Up into the hills
For a bit of cheese meditation.
It's on the passenger seat
Looking depressed.
Cheer up I say
It might never happen.
It's not like there is a virus sweeping the planet killing thousands.
It's not like they have another ten lined up until everyone in the free world is dead or subjugated. That's conspiracy *******.
It's not like they are trying to destabilize the world and make it vulnerable for a nuclear attack. The sandwich still looks glum. It might be looking out of the window. It's hard to tell.
I mean on any given day 150,000 people die around the world anyway. And that's a good day. There have always been wars, poverty and disease. It's the way it's supposed to be. There are more people dead than alive. We are the survivors. It's not like people can't see doctors or operations are being cancelled is it? Its not like people are losing their jobs and going homeless. Or we can't go on holiday or see loved ones and if you do it's not like you can't touch them.
Nothing I say will cheer the sandwich up.
Finally it gets a word in.
I'm depressed because
You're just about to eat me, it says.
No I'm not, I say.

From the moment we are born
The lottery begins.
We are all given a set number,
Of days that is
And we never know
When ours is up,
Luckily.

The little train
Goes around the track
Straight through the station
Leaving plastic arms
Stuck in midair.
I like to lie down
Get my head really close
Where everything looks bigger.
On it goes,
Into the countryside
And the plastic people
And sheep
That never look up
And the farmer's wife
Whose eyes see
Right through me.
On it goes
Through the wonderful tunnel
Driving me round
The bend
Until the batteries
Run out
Leaving me stranded.

There should be a word count
After all we only get so many chances,
So many prayers in every life.
Only God knows all those I did and didn't use.
Poor words, they never get any credit,
We can't even decide on
A universal language for them.

They should build monuments,
In Honour Of Unread Words.
Still, who would visit?
Instead we have shopping lists
Stuck to the wheels of supermarket trolleys.

Abused, misused, misspelt
Misunderstood, misquoted
If they put in a complaint, who would read it?
Take the most overused ones, those usually said
years too soon; 'I love you.'
And that one always said a few minutes too late; 'Sorry.'
Words must be exhausted and confused.
It's obvious to them what the next one should be, but not to us.
We stare at a blank page
Expecting them to pop out.
They would if we would let them.
Poets make it worse.
Their luminous portal is my door.
Still art thrives on confusion.

But words can easily get their own back,
Our reasons and excuses look silly
When we re-read them
And our attempts to make ourselves look good,
Are fake.

You can keep your pyramids
And Hanging Gardens
And statues and temples
And mausoleums and palaces
And museums and Colossus,
It will never be New York in the snow
Or the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul,
No chance of asking a wise man anything here,
But this is my river,
As much as it's anyone's
And it's very humble,
Whisper it,
It's the longest one in the country.
Swans try not to make too much noise
When they take off
And salmon do their best not to jump too high,
People on boats and barges
Only give little waves
And Cathedral bells have to toll the hour
But they try not to intrude on timeless afternoons
Where, whisper it,
Kings and Queens once walked.
And it's where I go everyday to remember you.

Today I answered the call
For more commitment, more passion
And everything I did came off.

Today the wing belonged to me
I had it all, I really flew.
I was the danger man, the hot shot
Whose courage and vision
Rallied a late victory.

Trouble though when I arrived home
Full of it and still trying to score
As all of my best moves were ruled offside.
When I appealed I was warned, no more
And answering back resulted in a sending off
To the spare room
Where I was eventually given what for.