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TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jul 2020
I  liked her the first time I met her. Her name was Patricia, but everyone
  called her Pat. I would sit in the big, stuffed chair, she in her office chair.
    We would always close our eyes and keep them shut, and waited. "Force
    nothing," she would say. We were doing imagery. I remember telling her
     we were lying on a bed, but the bedroom was in outer-space. I had just been born. Pat was my mother. I lay on her chest. She nursed me. (I
asked my biological mother once, "Mom, did you nurse me?" She an-
swered, "Yes." I asked her for how many years. She said "I nursed you
  once, just once.")  Pat and I had many sessions over the following years.
In the imagery work we did, I, of course, got older. As I got bigger, Pat
put me in a stroller and pushed me around. When I got old enough, we
created a bedroom for me where I slept. During one session when I was
  still in the stroller, we passed the door of the room. I told Pat I would like
to open the door, so we did. When I look outside, I was stunned. I said
to Pat, "This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!" I exclaimed.
  I tried to describe to Pat what I saw. It was a garden, the most beautiful garden I had ever seen. All kinds of different, beautiful flowers! They
   were iridescent, glowing. Pat asked me what I thought they meant. With-
  out hesitation, I *******,"It's the rest of my life, Pat! It's the rest of my
life!" When you work with imagery as a therapy modality, most people
use the phrase "guided imagery." I didn't like that phrase, because it did
not describe correctly what Pat and I were doing. I liked the phrase "un-guided imagery," which I coined. That's exactly whar we were doing.
"Force nothing," she had said. Once Pat put me on her shoulders and we
     went outside for a walk into the village nearby. (We had returned to Earth.
    This is what can happen in unguided imagery.) Pat walked through a grove
   of trees and eventually wound up on the sidewalk next to Main Street. We
   passed a homeless man standing near the entrance of a pastry shop, which we decided to enter. Pat bought some cookies. When we went back
   outside,Isaid to Pat I'd like to give a cookie to that man who was still
    standing where he been standing. We went over to the man and I gave him
    a cookie. He said, "Thank you." When I got a bit older, Pat and I were in
   the living room that had become part of our imagery. She sat on the floor with her back against the wall. I was standing at the other end on the living room. Suddenly, I took off running toward Pat and jumped into her opem
   arms. I was thrilled. The next time I did a flip in mid-air, then landed into her opem arms. Then next time I bounced off the wall and landed into her open arms. Then I did multiple flips in the air before I landed in her open arms. I was having the
time of my young life. I had never felt so happy. For the first time in my life,
I was being loved. Even though all of this was happening in unguided imagery, emotionally I was feeling, and receiving, the real thing, love--in
fact, unconditional  love, the greatest gift a parent can give her/his child.
Pat and I had many, many more wonderful experiences in doing unguided imagery. I could feel Pat's love for me. Because I finally experienced unconditional love, I finally was able to love myself. A blessed man was, and am, I.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate od Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a port and a human-rights advocate his entir adult life.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jul 2020
We die, but do we live? We look, but do we see? We listen, but do we hear? We acquire, but do we give? We make love, but is it only ***? We own a house, but is it a home? We pray, but only in church? We belong, or is it only to see our name on the masthead? Our car, is it only for others to see? Our clothes, are they only for show? Our job, our title, the money we make, are they only to impress? Is our marriage one of love or no? Are we happy, or does it just look better at the club to smile? Do we beguile rather than be our real selves? Are our lives an abyss or an abode, or is it easier to have another drink than to answer that question?

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate his entire adult life.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jul 2020
Most people don't know this, but the cover story was that she had
written the famous Italian movie director telling him she wanted to
be in one of his films, so she left her own Hollywood career, left
America and went to Italy. The true story ts that Ingrid and I were
in love. Nobody but she and I knew. We traveled incognito first
to Aspen and made love all day then went to a 5-star restaurant
to eat. We spent about a week there, then flew to Vancouver in
British Columbia where we boarded the famous Canadian train
that went from west all across the country to the east. In Quebec,
we again spent all day in bed making more love, then spent the
evening walking the streets hand in hand after dinner. Ingrid
was the most beautiful woman I ever met in my life. But her
beauty was not just physical;  it was more than that. it was a
combination of ineffable qualities that flowed from deep within
her and gave her a magical, mystical aura. From Montreal, we
flew to Mexico City, then took a Mercedes Benz bus north to
San Miguel de Allende where we stayed in a little cottage for
several months. I remember distinctly ever moment we ever
made love, yet at the same time, all my memories would from
time to time become a endless movie of kisses and caresses and
wild, wondrous orgasisms of indescribable ecstasy. It seemed as
though our torid romance lasted forever, but it did not;  and yet
our separartion, when it occurred, seemed somehow preordained
and there was no acrimony, no bitterness, just the afterglow of
love that stays with me to this moment. I am a blessed man, a
blessed man.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard hawks has been a poet, a novelist, and a human-rights advocate has entire adult life.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jul 2020
She said, "not only...but also." I lay there and I couldn't
believe what she had said, this young woman I had held
in my arms for centuries, it seemed, making love to her until
we both had to stop to catch our breaths. She smelled so sweet.
We spoke to each other in moans, cries, eloquent urges. She was
on top of me, I on top of her. Other times there was only one of us,
along with the silver moon shining through the bedside window.
Jesus, she was beautiful, young enough to think she would never
change, old enough to have garnerd wisdom enough for both of us
forever. Our kisses lasted millennia. I caressed her from her earlobes
to her shoulders to her burgeoning ******* to her exquisute hips to her
***** to her thighs to her kneecaps to her toes. The sheet that had
covered us was on the wooden floor, the pillows bunched in the corner.
As we consumed each other in love, night slowly became early morning.
The ebbing moon became the rising sun. Finally, we fell asleep.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College,Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and a human-rights advocate his entire adult life.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jul 2020
If ever we wish for Peace on Earth, it will only be achieved through the praxis of love. It is strange to me that all the philosophers through the ages--from Socrates through Arendt--never realized this truth and therefore never espoused it;  rather, in varying ways, they talked in political terms of all different kinds, but never evinced the emotional, the quintessential core of which is, of course, love. Just to give two, but heinous, gargantuan examples, are the centuries of slavery and genocide throughout our world, examples that make me wonder what exactly is the true nature of us as human beings. Here we are in the year 2020 and we have over 50 totalitarian nations (out of over 200) on Earth. And we have in the United States a human being in the Oval Office who is patently a racist, a liar, a cheat, a misogynist, and, in short, a criminal who cares only about himself and not a scintilla about any other human being. Love? You will not find it at the head of our present government, nor in the despotic, tyrannical, totalitarian nations that dot our globe. But love is within each of us, and can be evoked in all of us, but only by our collective will. Read, if you will, my commentary, PEACE ON EARTH THROUGH LOVE, which you can find on MEDIUM by typing in "Tod Hawks -Medium," then scrolling down to my commentary. Thank you in advance for your interest.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia ollege, Columbia Universwity, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet, a novelist, and a human-rights advocate his entire adult lifre.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jul 2020
Today is July 4, 2020. There is not much to celebrate. **** Trump leaves us in a Polynicean gloom. Fireworks remind me of wars. I would rather, and therefore will,  listen to Rachmaninov's PIANO CONCERTO NO. 2 tonight.
I will celebrate beauty rather than killing. And I will give thought to Antigone as well, for she willingly gave her life for doing what was right. I shall listen to Yuja **** arpeggiate notes. I will again become fixated both by her light-
ning dexterity and the glorious sounds to which she gives birth. Humankind has this dual potential:  it can either **** or care. So why, I ask myself, does it always choose the former? On this national holiday especially, why do we now not celebrate Thomas Paine and Walt Whitman and Harriet Tubman and Eugene Debs and Martin Luther King Jr.? We do we not collectively ask forgiveness for all the covert, sinister, malevolent interventions into the affairs of other nations, resulting in unjust overthrows and war crimes aplenty? Fireworks? July 4th? We did defeat the evil of ****** and his unspeakable genocide. Let us be sure to give unending thanks to all those who lost their lives in this moral victory. But Viet Nam? The lives of 58,000 American soldiers lost for the lies of our leaders? And Kissinger and McNamara and the Bushes and Cheney and so many others in our government never held accountable for their war crimes? And yet tonight we have fireworks instead of Nuremberg-like trials. Antigone knew she would die if she buried her brother, Polynices, and yet she went ahead and buried him and died for doing it. And the 4,000,000 blacks who were slaves in 1861 and the 500 indigenous nations that covered for centuries from sea to shining sea what we now call America--did they have anything to celebrate on this day, on this date? Fireworks, that's all.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet, a novelist, and a human-rights advocate his entire adult life.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jul 2020
What does it cost to gaze at the moon,
how much to spend to know splendor
of heart, what loan most I take out
not to be lonely, can I buy love and
pretend it a gift, will the mansion I
inherit be filled with rooms empty, is
there no tune to free me from sorrow,
can I not share sunrise with others,
need I pay to be with my brothers?

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a ooet, a novelist,and a human-rights advocate his entire adult life.
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