What music do you like?
Artist?
Song?

I say that I don't want you back in my life, but I really do.
I miss your hugs,
I miss your hands, so soft and warm in comparison to mine.
I miss the sweet little words and the flirtatious glances.
But most of all, I miss how it was being with someone.
Oh, God.
When did I get to be another stereotypical teenage girl?
Why did I have to like you?
You of all people?
Who I knew would leave, but I chose you anyway.
One stupid text was all it took to see you that way.
But now you're coming back, and it's supposed to be today.
I'll see you in the halls again, fleeting glances.
I asked you, even though I knew I shouldn't have,
"Do you think we can date again?"
But I did, and you just said
"Maybe."
Even through the phone, I felt your disinterest in us.
But here I am, dressing up in hopes you notice me when you get here.
Oh, God.
why am i like this?

Here you are again, after leaving
you come back and expect to pick up where we left off.
I don't know if we should, I loved dating you,
but it was hard to let you go
and be friends 2 1/2 hours away.
Just friends because it was too hard to be with you.
But here you are again,
popping up in my life with the promise of forever.
Just like before,
and I let you.
The problem is not that you're here,
but that I let you be.
I want you to hold me and call me beautiful again.
But why?
I hate and love you.
Is it the first?
Or the latter?
And why do I think it's the second?

I do not know where I am going,
for I have no clue where I've truly been.
I  would like to see the world in its entirety,
but I am so scared of the unknown.
I want to be lost in the sea of people I know,
but I want to be exceptional.
I think of you,
but I know I will never have you.
I need security,
but I ruin what I have.
I write fickle things,
but I yearn to weave beautiful words about important issues.
I hate myself,
but I love being different.

I wish you could hear
my head at night
then you'd understand
what it's like