I don't want to die now,
to all the angels and demons, I will bow;
It's not time for me to leave this earth,
It is really not the moment to think of re-birth;
It is hard to explain to these.. heartless,
YOU not being with me hurts less...
what really maims me is ...you not missing me..
what really gashes me is.. you moving on..
but I will wait for that moment...for you to smile back at me..
will hold on to my last breath till then...will not disappear undersea.

I have come a long way from the past
Walking with you, for you, steering life like a mast;

The road was jerky, the travel was bumpy
But I stood stalwart beside you, tolerating all your grumpy;

You challenged my beliefs
you questioned my practices
But I choose to ignore your critique
As I loved you once..to speak;  

But as time passed by and as we aged,
life's hurdles increased
The support that I needed from you dwindled;

Mornings turned in to evenings and days into nights
enduringly waiting to be in your limelight;

My feeling of loneliness only grew with me
My depression and sorrow only aged with me

But without questioning my destiny
I dragged my feet all along, that were bonded by our matrimony;
Without blaming you, my acquainted
I worked hard to keep the life with you untainted

But everything changed with the warmth of the sun that the new hope brought along
Everything changed with the beautiful rainbow that the untimely shower has brought along;

First time in a decade I smiled my cheeks out
First time in a decade my skin glowed a hundred fireflies;
First time in a decade I was wishful for the future
First time in a decade I could see the end of the tunnel brighter;

I questioned myself on the new hope a thousand times
And debated myself as to why this was never felt with you anytime earlier;

I was more torn now than ever
Because my whole life with you seemed like a false endeavour;

But the hope awakened me, the new wind guided me
The showers purged me, the fresh bright rainbows uplifted me;

And
Without me knowing myself, I fell for him
Without me knowing myself, I started liking him;

Believe me when I say it was not an easy decision
trust me when I say I don't recognize myself when I am with you.

But...
Now I chose to ignore the sorrow and set forward on a hopeful mission
Take a step forward and give me a chance to find the purpose of life with new hope.

Please let me  go and leave the sorrow behind
Please let me experience the joy that I forgot that it ever existed
Please unchain me from your *******
Please allow me to dream and let the hope salvage...

You promised me love; you promised me life,
so I walked the altar to be your wife;
you vowed to be my proponent and promised endless moments,
so I welcomed with you, all the sacraments;
Assurances were lost, beautiful occasions were bygone,
life started feeling like a morbid endless marathon;
Not sure what was my fallacy,
do I really deserve this salacity?

A cool breeze blowing my tucked hair and tickling my ears,
sun rays touching me, promising to drive away all my fears;
Eyes searching for your frames from various angles,
heart unhinged from brain, words around me jangled;
Looks like you are somewhere here, near me,
if not things around me will not behave queerly.

Wished for the world to a standstill
don't care if time after this, is all uphill
Need no pleasures than just staring at you,
will swim oceans for your rendezvous;

Seasons came and passed by
still living in shadows that your memories cast by;
reliving our togetherness and not allowing my soul to lament.
Praying every falling star to bring back our precious moment..
learning that it is not that easy to forget, as it is to be forgotten,
looking for you all over the world, forgive me I am a little foughten;
didn't lose my locus,
trust me you are still my focus;
longing for your broad hug
in your smile is I am still drugged;
Need no warmth nor presents..not askew
All I want for Christmas is you..

I am not a victim of a broken heart,
I will not ruin my life because of your depart;
I haven't lost faith in love,
I don't think that I am not brave;
Yes, I am a little lost now
but will not giveup like how you disavowed,
will wait for you for ages to come
I loved you truly, madly, deeply; will not succumb

from filling an overflowing coffee mug,
till seeing you off every day, just to steal a hug;
my life's embarrassing moments were with you...

My life's most embarrassing moments were with you...
staring at you..when the entire world was watching me,
feeling Aphasic, when I really wanted to express what you mean to me...
My life's most embarrassing moments were with you...

I am the star that you can admire but cannot reach,
I am the flower whom you can adore but not beseech;
I am the shadow that follows you, but cannot live with you,
I am the 'touch me not', come near me, I will withdrew;
Because I do not know who you are, I do not trust your avatar,
pardon me, I still live with a broken heart from my past
haven't gotten over all the harass;
Still cannot feel love, sorry for being stoic,
but I can come out of the cave, can start my life with you as a Novick;
Not hungry for money or power or position
will sincerely abide by all your traditions;
Just tell me that you love me till my wrinkles,
will share forever my giggles, jingles, and dimples

you inspire me in ways untold
since the time I first met you, I was clean bowled;
your words still linger around and inspire,
looks like the taste of your memories do not expire;
not sure how to move on,
when your thoughts and talks still stalk on.

Its okay if you can’t love me back,
I am used to encountering cul de sac;
Though I know that we don't hold the future together,
I will wait for you, till the end of my life's tether;

The road I take no more matters
world drowned in silence with no more chatters;
what's the point of picking and choosing,
when every moment with out U is only bruising.

I close my eyes often,
sometimes to shut you off and sometimes to go back to you..
I sit alone with my wine from sunset to sunrise.,
sometimes to shut you off and sometimes to go back to you..
I uproariously sing to the acid house..
sometimes to shut you off and sometimes to go back to you..
wish I had an option to pick and choose..
forever and a day would have been with my poetry's muse..

I don’t have to work hard to earn you,
I don't have to be worried if we had an opposing view;
I can trust you in my dark days,
you stand with me in all my life's phases;
we are not related in blood,
we were not even born in the same mud;
we don't have to share promises
we don't have to sing the same choruses
we are no soulmates,
we are best friends, a bond no dictionary really elucidates;

When I walk in the sun, you come to me like a cool breeze
When it is night, your memories are the that appease;
Your preaching's stand strong with me in hard times,
All I ever wanted to achieve is to follow your paradigms;

Birthday's do not define my age,
wrinkles do not define my experience;
heartbreaks do not define my vulnerabilities,
rolling tears do not define my fragility;
I am a loving heart
I will beat for you till death tears us apart.

If only had the world allowed me, to be myself..
I didn't have to sit alone, besides my shadow,
didn't have to hide from the world my true aficionado
If only had the world allowed me, to be myself..
my eyes would have been filled with shimmers and not tears.
my nights would have been filled with dinners and not lonely beers;
If only had the world allowed me, to be myself..
my arms didn't have to wrap around to hug my shoulders
my sanity wouldn't have been judged by apathetic beholders
If only had the world allowed me, to be myself..
I would have had the courage to express my love for you..
life would have ended up colorful and not in blue..

You gave me something to lose
don't worry I am happy even with your residues

walking on thorns in search of roses,
hiking through woods for catching the early sunrise..
I tried different ways that can make me happy..
even one night stands quick and snappy..
nothing could fill the gap you left in my life..
realized that my only jive was in being your wife...
wished you could come back to me..
our disagreements and fights were put to sea..

Imperfections are beautiful..
they make us stand apart, from the crowd..
they are not always meant to be plowed;
Imperfections..
They are not liked by any
and camouflaged by many,
but they are closer to my heart..
as they are evident on me like a schardt
Imperfections..I will not disown them for any flagships..
Because imperfection is what defines our relationship;

People judge and inflict pain..
efforts to satisfy them will end up in vain;
people have unquenchable thirst..
expectations, accusations at the worst;
getting attached to people transforms to love,
for a moment you will be happy and Jive;
Its an illusion, a fallacy, a myth
a momentary blyth;
history is the evidence for all the pain that love inflicts,
it only turns sane to addicts;
Loving objects is much more gratifying,
they stand with you fortifying;
I know that objects may not love you back,
but a plack is better than a smack.

watching you tell tall tales..
like I was in a beautiful dream..
wishing for the dusk to give way for the dawn..
so that I can have a glimpse of you again..
you gave me many beautiful moments
a life full of YOU to resonante..

Ubiquitous Darkness
Its when my eyes can only see your face in a large crowd.
it's what happens to my brain, when you touch me..
It's in my deafening ears, when all I can hear is, your voice..

Ubiquitous Darkness..
Its when I cuddled you at night...
locked you tight in between my arms..
staring in to your hazelnut eyes..
expecting you to kiss me on my lips..

Ubiquitous Darkness..
its a room full of your memories that entrapped me..
A feeling that doesn't leave me..since you left me..
An emotion that I carry on my sleeve now..
An inclination that started growing up on me..

Ubiquitous Darkness, a vibe that I want to get rid off, to watch a beautiful sunrise with you by my side....

We share a bond..
Till the ages to come..
Distance cannot break it.
Traditions cannot crack it..
If I don't see you this life..
Will survive for afterlife..

Desolation..
It shatters you from inside,
can take you to the verge of suicide..
it is more troublesome than a chronic pain..
cannot be erased by any champagne..

Desolation..
can only be related through experience..
cannot be fixed by any grievance..
it's a roller coaster of feelings..
doesn't imply that you are a weakling..

Desolation..
struck me since you left..
its something that I did not elect..
not sure how to evade it..
a broken heart story wish I can rewrite it..

Gentle fingers that touched me from bottom to the top
trying to ******* to you without a slop;
inch by inch.. moment by moment...
not worried if I am committing a sin that has no atonement..
my eyes yearning for your mesmerizing hazelnut eyes;
my nose trying to sense your manly cologne,
and my heart surreptitiously trying to listen to your breath..
a moment that I can die for or the only reason to live for..
Everything disappeared, when I regained my senses
to realize that you are miles apart with someone else..
And here I am still struggling to be not myself..

I couldn't stop the gloom that engulfed me,
didn't imagine the low spirits that touched me;
It was the moment that I saw you for the last time,
realized that my life with you was just spent on borrowed time.

Your smile..
Is the only hope that keeps me alive..
Makes me ignore the world around and dance in a jive..
Want to capture it with my lips,
but you are far away, so framed it in my heart ..to drive away my eclipse..

I don't know if what is feel and how I feel is, if I should feel;
I am losing, and, don't know how to cry without a squeal;
there is no misfortune in this world, than not being able to reach your loved one,
I am still not able to accept that we are done;

Drawings on the sand will be washed by waves
floods can destroy metal engraves;
writings on the wall will get eroded by rains
hurricanes can destroy petroglyphs on castles in spain,
Fire will burn scriptures on paper..
tattoos on skin can be quashed by a scraper..
So I am preserving my love for you in my heart..
will wait for you to love me back, till death tears us apart

Cheeks turning pink to red and vine
gasping for breath with a blank mind;
smearing dried lips with my tongue,
hearing songs that were unsung;
forgetting what to vocalize,
unable to hide the reactions of the surprise;
experiencing stunning silence amidst crazy talks,
unable to **** the crazy gwak,
this is what your touch does to me,
a feeling that I never want to flee;

I walk alone clenching my arms, so that they don't look for you;
I wear a smile and confuse my tears, so that they don't drop for you;
I sing a song so that my heart doesn't speak of you,
yes, I am learning to live without you.

I can see your face even in a large crowd,
can hear your voice,when the music is loud;
so ran distant miles from your memories to live in an exile,
but failed to realize that my soul itself is trapped in your smile;

Don’t say bye..
Goodbye’s are not forever,
Life is unpredictable,
Never know when our paths may cross again;
If not, atleast let me live with that hope a little longer.

I no longer yearn for your broad shoulders hug when someone hurts me,
I don’t look for your caressing words which used to give me the strength to fight the world;
When I am upset, I don’t look forward to hear -‘are you okay?’anymore..
Yes, I am learning to live without you..

You said you never loved me,
and had no intentions to be my would-be;
it is fine if you wanted to leave,
please do not ask me not to grieve;
I cannot accept that I have been wrong, all the while,
I do not think I am yet senile;
I would rather think that you were terrified,
to accept the fact that you were too mesmerized;
because loving someone just requires a heart,
but standing for and accepting the love requires you to be a Lancelot;

My mind keeps playing all our old conversations,
looks like I am unable to move away from your fixations;
still waiting with a hope that I would see you,
not yet ready to bid you adieu;

Winter has passed, summer came and went by,
but the feeling of your presence has never gone away;
The only thing I say to myself everyday
is to not let your memories overstay;
But looks like my heart won the battle over my mind,
lost the war in keeping my tears confined.;

Staring at myself in mirror and smiling,
not needing a reason for crying;
you are the only one who can do that to me;
I do not know a better way to say, that I love you,
it's getting dark and cloudy, come back home honey !!

My friends tell me that I am an optimist;
they are not aware that I breathe
in the only hope of meeting you.

Loved you from the bottom of my heart, its not lust,
have been waiting to have a moment with you since August;
Don’t need a night with you,
but not yet ready to bid you adieu;
I understand that we don’t stand a chance,
its okay, if I am not your fiancé
I just need you to know that I love you,
and I will never let you to fall through;
I will protect you, come what strife,
as our bond is not just for this life;
I will be there for you every moment,
Unfortunate it is, you will never know your proponent;

I am sad again today,
not because I miss you,
but because another night has passed,
and you forgot to remember your enthusiast !!!

Forever is a very long time,
I am not looking for promises for lifetime;
I am happy if I can see you once,
to keep myself alive, I just need a glance;

I am not a disgrace to the society
Love in itself is known for its notoriety;
It didn’t know that I was married,
killed the heritage and left the world worried;

Oh my love, you should know that I am unavailable,
don’t make me fall for the unattainable;
Don’t give birth to the feelings that once died,
I have a whole world of traditions to abide;

Let me lead this life in peace,
forgive me that I have to cease;
don’t forget that love never ends till it reaches eternity
can’t live with you, but swear to die with you; fighting all uncertainty;

I wish I was the tide, that can kiss your feet when you stroll on the beach..
I wish I was the air that could touch your cheeks, staying always in your reach;
I wish I was the flower that you picked up, to be on your suit...
I wish I was the music playing from your flute;
I wish I was the one holding your hand on the altar today...
I wish you were the one who loved me day after day;

No worries, I will not stop loving you after today...
I will not let your memories cling away;

I promised to stay with you what may
and I will fulfill it night and day;

I will spread the cheer when you are sad,
I will be your smile when you are mad;
I will be the angel when you need me,
I will be the casket that will hold you, when you finally come to me.

Don't judge my feelings for him,
love is not always sink or swim;
love has no destination, neither boundaries nor traditions,
a crime for which I am not going to appeal against any convictions;
love doesn't look for reciprocation
it just happens !! doesn't have any expectations;
pardon me that I have sinned,
let me float away in his whirlwind