Broken and mended with the finest of threads, her heart still bruised and tender

I seek to hold it but how

A callous of wasted time and broken trust protects the innocent flower within

No earthly force can penetrate

Only Heaven holds the elixir I will patiently deliver

Take the patience of the mountain stone on its journey to the sea

Add the golden love of angels hearts and unending loyalty

Mix with all the beauty of every flower ever grown

Deliver with the brightest light the sun has ever known

Then maybe just maybe her heart will mend and then
with all our love and strength combined
she'll learn to love again

A lot of us are depressed
And  feel unfulfilled simply because
We’ve forgotten how to play
How to jump for joy
We’ve walked too far away
From the child within,
We have forgotten the sense of incitement
The wonder that magnifies the smallest
Of things into mountains of joy
We've forgotten how it feels to be Excited about something or
Perhaps about nothing at all
We have forgotten how it feels
To be curious like the moon
To use our  imagination to create
Whatever makes you feel good
Even for a moment in time
Take yourself on a vacation , relax
Kiss the sand with your feet
        As the waves tickle your toes
    And blown away your woes
By simply close both your eyes
          And get lost on purpose
                    For just a little while.

I feel the crushing weight of your absence
Sitting firmly and heavy
Right under my sternum

Do you feel it in this exact moment?

I've been thinking about you a lot lately
Part of me hopes that you do too

I miss you dearly
More so than anyone else in my life at the moment

It hurts me to think about you
This I am painfully aware of

Sometimes
I go to museums or the ocean to feel you
I close my eyes and pretend I will open them and see you there
Hear your boisterous laugh sync with mine
Watch as you tuck your frizzy curly plum-red mane of hair behind your ear

Our last few encounters cut me deeper than any other pain I know
The damage is insurmountable
You spat and crumbled the last bits of vulnerability I showed you with what looked like no remorse
As if I meant nothing to you

I still grieve you every time I think of you
I hate you
(I still love you)
I love you
(I still hate you)
Im glad you're gone
(Sometimes I'm not)
I wish I could pick up my phone
And call you like old times
(Sometimes I don't)
I've never deleted your number
I don't plan to anytime soon

I know the extent of my grief is a reflection of how deeply I praised our relationship
So maybe I've been silent in initiating it
The grief
Because I praised it so heavily
I'm afraid to open it up
And begin that journey
I'm just not there
Yet

Im not sure how I'll process this loss

No one ever prepared me for the grief that comes with losing a soul mate birthed in friendship