My faith in us
Unshakable
Like a Christian praying on his knees
Nothing can defeat us
As long as we believed
As long as I fight
I thought you’d never leave
I thought love conquers all
But now
All is lost
I don’t blame you
I blame me
I thought I could save you
Strip away your pain
I thought I could motivate you to fight
But that seed never sprouted in your brain
I thought I could pump your heart
But it’s hard to love behind a screen
I was foolish
You were 18 years to young
And all the wisdom I’ve gained at 24
Still want enough
I was selfish and stubborn
To think I myself was enough
I’m sorry I could help you
I’m sorry I failed
Your pain has you shackled
I’m to weak to carry your chains
I’ll always love you
I’m sorry I wasn’t the cure to your pain

I’m sorry poetry
But you can’t save me this time
I use to scribe to you
Until I lost track of time
And the bad feelings went away
As soon as I was done
I didn’t do it for fun
I wrote to you to save me from myself
But now
You no longer help
When I put the pen down
I don’t feel healed
Or cured
I always felt empty inside
But now this time it’s real
Hello Poetry, Goodbye

Some people cut
But what I do to myself is much worse
My scars will never show
I’ve gone after my heart
And the things I do to it
You don’t want to know
I couldn’t even put it in words
Hurt me
I’m worthless
Trying to convince me otherwise
Is useless
I’m worthless
One day I woke up
And now I hurt less
I know it’s dangerous
But its also beautiful
I’m not the only one stressed
I’m not the only one who’s life is a mess
So pity me not
Just don’t stand in the way
If you were once a friend not anymore
I’ve chosen to walk away
No one deserves
To suffer along with me
Hurt me

I would've given birth
To you,
Endured whatever
Mothers do.
Instead, I did
What Dads do.

I rocked you
Til my future shook;
Watched you til
I couldn't look.
As you changed,
I changed too,
To do the things
That Dads do.

You were bathed,
Dressed and fed;
I loved you so much
I was saved.

If there's credit,
Well, I get it,
For teaching you to read.
I took the blame
When you got bored
With school's ABC's.

I followed you
In all your roles,
Your teams,
Your solos,
Your trips,
Your shows.
First to clap,
Last to sit;
I taped it all,
From start -
To finish.

I taught you
How to tie a lace,
Ride a bike,
Golf and skate.
When time arrived
For you to drive,
You learned
On standard,
Never stranded,
You came home alive.

Your highs
I took in stride,
By example taught
Humility's pride.
Your lows,
I couldn't internalize,
I dropped my guard
With my eyes.

When Dad's do well
It's a double edge,
The future wedge.
The world
Revealed
Desired you too.
I don't dismiss
What mothers do,
But when Dads do well,
Both lose you.

I feel everything
Well only sadness and pain
And it’s wounded so tightly around me
I can barley breathe
It’s so suffocating
And I’m so committed to misery
I found myself proposing on one knee
She laughs and says no
Because she’s been with me before I was a teen

Im finding less ways to cope
Maybe I should feel up a shot glass
And throw a couple back
Until my vision becomes out of focus
And let the brown liquor
Run dangerously free
Like the migration of locus
But even then
Will that take away the hurt
I should knock back a few more
Until my stomach swells
And every sound rings in my skull like a bell
Maybe I shouldn’t stop
Until each step becomes a challenge
And even if I’m standing straight up
I still feel off balance
But you see I don’t drink
It’s hard fighting the demons now
Just one sip and I wouldn’t have the strength to keep them down

Ok forgot the sip
Maybe I should match it up
Would getting high
Help me hide what I feel
Because if it will
Maybe I’ll roll it up
And get lost in the clouds
And chock on the smoke
Forget the cup it always burn my throat
Yes maybe drugs will help
I should smoke until my eyes get low
And until there’s no more left to pull from
It’s a dubbie a roach in my hand
But I have connects
So I’d always have an endless high
How many hits would it take
Until my memories vanish and erase
How many blunts in a day
Until I can’t remember what’s hurting me today
Tell me is smoking the answer
The thing is I don’t smoke
So what should I do
I don’t have a clue