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Ellie Sutton Aug 2020
You threw me to the ground
Held me down
Then asked me why I couldn't stand
Ellie Sutton Jul 2020
This is a nice walk.
Good job I've gone
Out and about
I ate way too much today
I need to burn that off
Christ, my belly looks huge!
OK, breathe in, breathe in
I wonder what I'll have
For tea tonight
It'd better be something light
I had a bar of chocolate last night
I wonder how many calories
I've left for the day
What do My Fitness Pal say?
600. That's okay
BUT
It would be better
To have less
I'm at a party this weekend
So I'll probably eat and drink
More than I should
I could just skip tea altogether?
Wow, my thighs really rub together
That's disgusting
Yeah, I probably should
(I definitely shouldn't wear shorts)
I wonder what I'll do tonight
Maybe go for a run?
I'm tired from last night's, but
I'll be happier once it's done
I look disgusting
In everything right now
Maybe it'll help me be
A little trimmer for that party?
Oh God, that person's looking at me
I bet they're judging
My double chin
OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO BREATHE IN.
For God's sake
Why can't I just be thin?
There are too many people about
I should have waited
'til it was dark
My flab is less stark
Less to remark on
If people can't see properly
It's OK, nearly home now

...That was a nice walk.
Ellie Sutton Jul 2020
The church always told me
(Visually, if not verbally):
"Find a man;
Marry;
Procreate.
Preferably by the time you're 22."

What it didn't tell me
(Verbally or visually)
Was that I might
Like a man
Or a woman
And, more to the point, that that was okay.

So I told myself
(Privately, internally)
"You like men.
Be normal.
Be straight.
Find a man; marry; procreate."

But since then
Time has passed
And I at last
Reflect bittterly
On my forced history.
I'm older, if not wiser,
And if I could return
To that broken, troubled girl,
I'd advise her
To be the woman
God created her to be.

So I've told myself
(Audibly, LOUDLY)
"You've got this;
Time to
Shine."
This is a war I refuse to fight anymore.
😊
Ellie Sutton Jul 2020
holding
brokenness
together
is
s h a t t e r i n g
Today is a struggle. Thank god for my pen and paper. Love to anyone out there feeling the same 💕
Ellie Sutton Jul 2020
A mere three years
Have passed since I
Joined this community
And I have found
My worst critic
Is always future me
Ellie Sutton Jul 2020
This haiku has the
Wrong number of syllables.
You're counting now, hey?
🙃
Ellie Sutton Jul 2020
I don't want all this
Unless "this" is you and me.
Sweet trepidation
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