Some say I'm not the same
maybe I have changed
I used to be able to tell
used to be able to know
what's wrong with me...?

Is it my face? Or my hair,
maybe my eyes do not glow
it's cause my frown doesn't show
I'm not good at my grades
but I am at the stage
I know how to act every day

I may not be beautiful
i may not be smart,
but I love them
I love you
why isn't that enough?

You say it's on me
if I explode
from the lies that I've said
to spare my sickness from your head,
and it is said it's my fault
if I end up dead

what is wrong with me!?
why do I think these thoughts
what is wrong with me?
why am I so distraught
i know I'm not special
i know I'm not alone
then why do I feel so cold?

It's on me,
they don't understand
it's my fault,
that they want me to frown
it's my fault,
less guilt on their crowns
that they want me to be happy
when they are happy
to lighten
to be ok
why are they
so two faced

But still.. it's not all of them
they are loving
they are kind
they could understand,
but I only wish
that they could see
that the pain that's in me
isn't for them
to feel

And i get it all
i've understood it all
overthought it all
every moment
every motion
all the pain
that I cannot share
there is to much I know
for me to show

You may think not
you'll pass this without a care
but just so you know
I will keep on smiling
i'll keep hiding
till you are merry
and if not
I still don't know

What's wrong with me...

Close your eyes,
pretend to fly

But, somehow, your not
pretending anymore
once the darkness glazed over,
it becomes real,
you swim in the
clouds and glowing yellow sky
the cool, cold, but warm air
fills and surrounds your soul
replacing the emptiness,
inside

And now you realize,
this is reality
this is your dream
your capable of smashing all
things your expected to be,
because this is your fairy tale dream

The beautiful sky
that your free to fly,
fades,
now it's water,
you float upon it's calm surface
just above the darkness that
intends to swallow you
but it doesn't.
it's so calm the water reflects
the stars above, my friends,
this is the calm before every storm,
the quiet voice before the trailed, de-railed, echo
and despite the seas promise not to pull you into darkness, it does,

This is my home, the sea keeps me captive in it's darkness, my only light is my night sky
but this, is even worse
the monsters that lurk here
mock me, for being here and not even in reach of my light, my illuminant, Night Sky

I'm trapped here, but this is a dream isn't it? Yes... No
but I'm not really here, so yes, I've been told I go around as a hypocrite, by people whom I try to help, people who figure out why I'm so good with other people's seas of darkness and lurking, mocking, monsters, is because I hide my own. I dream my own.

This is no cry for help,
I'm not some ticking time bomb
ready to start the next world war,
no.. I do what others cant,
what psychologists and beruocrats cant stand to hear,
Is I put others dark ocean of emotion, before my own
I'm capable of understanding
and standing under others judgemental tries, because I'm more, your more, then reality

If you truly are more
then this world full
of people who believe
that others pain
is some sort of joke,
You know,
You already have an
Understanding
of the full picture
you have a understanding
that not only do I bottle my
pain so I am capable
of mending others happy endings
But because I can't open up
because it's to much
and I'd rather it inside me then others
Because I love so many others
I can't,
and this may seem like some rant,
Some poorly organized throw up
of emotion on a digital page
but this is my ocean
this is my sea
this is my illuminant sea life
reminding me how I can't have
Real stars
So I become others
Fairy Tale Fixture

Its not good mentally
i was never good,
but too fail so much
it explains why i lack,
i keep it in
because i know how much words can hurt
knowing that
i know how much emotions hurt.
the words fine
and ok
good
and 'yeah.. just tired,'
can hide so much,

And why do i play this game,
it doesn't count as lieing
it is hiding,
not out of cowardice but out of
perspective.
How one is hurting from an arrow in their back
as another walks up too them and asks,
'Are you ok?'
because they care
because they realize everyone has pain.
but nobody realizes
that the person who asked,
'Are you ok?'
Has a multitude of arrows in their back

But it doesn't matter
for women and men,
we each have the same sized ladder to climb
but the people in between
that can see past the stereotypical remarks,
and bullying of all kinds
past their pain,
to make others laugh,
..and smile...


It doesn't matter,
who you are
why you do things
what you look like.
we all have pain
but some will keep it locked up
bottle it up in a jar
that will never break,
so they can mend the wandering
broken hearts of this world.
But sometimes they can be misunderstood,
because they smile in a world filled with frowns
but their only misunderstood,  

Because of their untold words
that lye with the pain
and sadness
that lye's
in their mason jar, heart

How many of you have a best friend!?...

What makes them your best friend..!?

Do any of you have someone who accepts you!?..

Do any of you have someone to go to...!?

Do you accept anyone...!?... and everyone!?



Tell you what.... They accept you.
you can be yourself
you can go to them


Do you feel safe at school!?
Of course you don't!
Because people Judge
and people are cruel and aren't accepting


Accept... And care

Hope that the new life will be good!
That's what the bunny symbolizes
combing through each little house
leaving a basket

But what little peter cotton tail really is leaving for you
Its isn't chocolate treats or presents galore
Its hope for every boy and girl
Hope that by the end of the day
done with the fun and endless egg hunts
making the dull white eggs
colored with fun and joy

But not everyone's holiday
is this way
some is full of sadness
and loneliness
but even for those who don't have what others have
still can enjoy this holiday

For the Easter Bunny will leave you a little hope in your basket
will leave you hope anywhere you go
for this fun day
is for you to stay
have fun
enjoy
And smile
and laugh awhile

Even for those who know he ain't real
(Ssssshhhhh) I still believe
All you have to do is believe
For peter is always there on this day and tommorow
To cure your sorrow

So be happy
have fun
And include those who aren't having as much fun
make everyone else's day while you make yours
for smiles laughter
Is the greatest cure

I don't think you'll ever fully comprehend
how you've made my dreams come true
Or how youve opened up my heart
To things like love, and the wonders it can do

The threat I thought that horrified me
Obliterated infront of my eyes
for love is the most powerful thing
wait for it to bloom

Whats is the worst fear of all?
everyone one fears something
spiders
heights
the dark
tight spaces

What do you fear?
well ill tell you mine!
its the worst fear of all
Thinking you dont know how to love
the one you love the most

since ive believed my whole life
that no one could love me
i loved no body
And now....
i love somebody

I dont know how to say it
I dont know how to show it
and now that love could be in jepardy
im afraid that someone might be able to show her love
better then me

and i love her whith all my heart
and all my being
its just showing it?
giving it to her
no matter how much i want to?
im horrible at love

but i will fight for her
i would **** for her
now that i can show!

but the worst fear of all?
is losing the love you love the most

I felt empty
I felt alone
i was gone

I felt horrible of what i did
i left her alone

so i gave her this music box
everytime i twisted that little ***
the music played
and all the memories i have of her
stayed

Flooded through the wooden base
the glass case
the flower
and most of all
the music
will never leave her alone

She just has to twist the ***
and ill always be there for her
as the lyric from my heart poor's
and im always with her

The music will never leave her alone

I...
I hide my light
In a cloak so tight
beneath the black and white
scarf
the diamond in my heart
locked deep within
to let it go?
to let it show?
and all the TVs read
for the whole world to see
"A monster."

I fall apart
apparently
Yes it was me
"A monster."

I hide my pain
inside lyric
its as if the notes I sing
set me free
I keep my love
under lock and key
I'm so afraid it will go,
go away from me
"A monster."

and all of me
is not enough for this I sing
They call me a monster
a freak of light
for I do not lie
for I only sing
A monster
in pain I hold myself
so tight
alone
I breath

Is that your heart that's beating
or illusion your alive?
but upon this summer threshold
a demon comes at night

Piercing eyes cut threw me
a knife in hand so blight
But it really isn't necessary
for I'm the demon in the night

I may give you a smile
But I won't forgive those sins
ones done by those bully's
So I'm the dancing demon

Watch me twirl and watch me spin
But I may give you all a smile
But I won't forgive there sins

I used to share a room whith my father
he would go outside and sit in his shed
Or
he would go out with friends
and get drunk

anyway when he was out
every night
I would stay up till midnight
and I would watch the stars and the moon

They'd like to sparkle and glow
iluminating the dark room and the outside
I always like to have a conversation with them
As I heard the clutter of conversation between stars

I always had my personal conversation with the moon
the moon would always give me complements
on how the light reflected on my pale skin
that nobody else liked
On how my personality was different
Which nobody loved
On my interesting take on the world
which everybody put me down for
And on my funny and different mind
which everybody called me dumb

On the first night of me doing this
the moon and stars forever became my friends
Id count everyone of them
id name everyone of them
Every time they appeared
Id say hello to each one before we began talking
We always has the funnest of conversations

And then midnight comes around
And I say to all of them
Good morning
Because I know they go away when the sun came up
So I said good morning because midnight is the start of
A new day
(I never liked the sun for chasing away my friends)

And id do this every single night and still do
But around the time I began kindergarten
I began to truely notice that some stars have disappeared
but there would be new and different ones
So I named the new ones
and welcome them
and things changed a little
Everytime a new one would come in
Id just name it and we'd continue our conversations

And there was this one star
Very unique
It was off in the middle of the sky
all alone no stars but far off around it
and it shined brightly
of course the other stars weren't avoiding this little star
In fact they were trying to go to the poor thing
but the sky had its own plans so it stayed alone

All that night i had a fun conversation
And at midnight I went to say good morning
but i forgot to name the poor star
so right when the clock struck 12:01
I named the star "Hayden"
and I said to Hayden good day
And he sparkled and I went to bed

The next day I went to school
and I felt how Hayden felt
alone
that day were having hot chocolate
and watching the nightmare before christmas
it was into the school year and a day before winter break
I was sitting in the back alone
watching the show
and this boy.... he walked up to me
and sat next to me and he said
" interesting movie huh?"
I just sat there and stared in amazement
And I shook off the look and just said "yah"
I'm going to spare you the rest of the conversation and just say
we became good friends
at the end of the day we shook hands and I said
" my name is Tommy."
And he said
" its nice to meet you Tommy ... my names Hayden... its nice to be your friend."

I walk away in amazement

but that night Hayden isn't in the sky
And never was again
And me and Hayden at school were friends
all the way up to fourth grade
He turned around and stabbed me in the back
He betrayed me and left me alone
And I never saw him again

I was truly alone again
Just had the stars and moon as friends

And new stars continue to roll in
And I continue to name each one

But I wonder
what happens to stars?
do they become suns
do they just explode and destroy and disappear
like he did?
And I say to myself
" not all stars disappear
not all stars will be that way
but we know
Stars are your friend when no one else is"


See everyone is a star in there own way
each different
and In a different location
But you gotta know
were all in the same sky

And as the moon lights up my life
And my room and the outside
I think and know
I'm glad to have the nigh sky as my friend
Cause when I'm dead
I don't wanna go to heaven and have fun
I don't wanna go to hell and watch those he wronged me
Burn
I want to dance and walk around the night sky
and truly meat the moon
and each star
Sun (even though if they chase away my friends
They deserve something to)
Nova
Black hole
Comet
Meteor
planet
I wanna meet everyone in the sky I saw
all of those who were there for me when I was alone
The night sky is mine
and my friends home
Don't worry
No one is alone
for the leading moon
isn't days doom
its happiness
and my true. happy. home.

I got so sick of being on my own
Now the devil wont leave me alone

Its almost like ive got a friend

This world will never be what I expected
That I don't belong, who would have ever guessed it

I will not leave alone
I will not leave everything I own

DeAtH

To make you feel like its always been to late
Because everyone had hate
hate for me

For neither hell or heaven wants me
I'm cursed to wander darkness

But I realize this using death
I may be in darkness
But I'm not alone as I see many people have been alone

And us freaks
Stick up for each other

Whith my group of friends of maniacs
Are there for eachother

Every school is a top tent circus
everyone competing for a little fame
and at which I'm a freak
me and my friends were freaks
Were maniax

but everyone who is truly insane
has felt the true meaning of pain
we all have something that turned us into a monster

Sally she was *****
she was convinced it was a good thing
and she was used
to this day she still collects dolls
And she became a monster
and the man who used her never to be seen

Toby was made fun of and abused
he had these ticcs the mental disease
and kids at school always made fun of him
and his parents werent so nice to him either
he became a monster
And now everyone wished that they didn't mess with
Ticci toby

Jack was forgotten
he always wanted to make people laugh
and make them happy
but people were just mean to him
and he tried
but soon no one loved him
and everyone forgot about him
he became invisible
he became a monster
And everyone who made him forgotten
were only remembered as dead

jane was decieved
and alone
she was loved by a lot of people
but she lost everything
her parents
Her family
Her friends
And now she's our friend
And she's a monster
And everyone who took everything from her
Is long gone

hoodie was always stressed
people surrounded him
called him names
and made him sad
he always wore a hoodie
And now he goes by that name
He's no longer stressed
and now he's our friend
And a monster
And those who made him stressed
were no less alive then when hoodie was stressed

And those are my friends
I have more friends
each one just as diferent as the examples
I have given

What?
what's different about me?
Ooh well that's a fun story

Me?
I used to be a good kid
very nice I had friends
then everyone turned on me
Everyone bullied me
Everyone made fun of me
called me names
And so everyone made me a monster
And all these freaks are my friends

Were all freaks I this circus
And when the world gets a load of us
They'll look back and think
"Wow"

See all the freaks
Monsters
Crazy s
Maniacs
Were all like this
because others made us this way
They inflicted there
Pain
so we built up our walls
and our horns
Our claws
Our personality
And we became a monster

That others fear
Because they made us feel pain

And were all monsters
That are in pain

There once was a blind girl who hated herself
because she was blind
she hated everyone but her loving boy friend

He wanted to marry her
but she said only if i could see you
and one day someone donated a pair of eyes so she could see

Then he proposed to her
but then she found out he was blind
So she said no

He ran away in tears
And he left her a note at her house saying
"Take care of my eyes dear, i love you."

So she ran back to him
but found out that he was already on a train to new york
she knew she couldn't get back to him

So she wishes she was blind
so she didn't have to see this awful world without him.

And they both never stopped loving

SHE
Shes laying on the bed with her iPod on full blast
the door is locked, and the curtains are locked
on the TV screen is the notebook
an empty tub of her favorite ice cream is on the floor
smudged with makeup, her finger tips are stained
from wiping away her eye liner and makeup, stained tears
there last conversation plays in her head
she thinks to herself
that shell never get him back

</3

HE
Hes on the edge of his bed the doors locked
his room is pitch black from the absence of lights
theirs a hole in the wall from when he punched it earlier
his headphones are about to burst from how loud the music is
no one can hear his sobs or see how messy his hair is from running his hands through it, thinking and thinking.
hes replaying there conversation in his head, thinking,
Hell never get her back

</3

"i kind of like anxiety,
as it tickles my stomach like knives.
and the others trot along,
living there perfect lives.
Its not normal to like tourture
and the everlasting pain.
Call me crazy ( ill take it as a compliment)
But i sort of enjoy being insane.

Your all prisoners.
what you call sanity,
Its just a prision in your mind that just stops you from seeing
your just tiny little cogs in an giant absurd machine.
WAKE UP
Why be a cog?
Be Free
And just remember. smile.
-Jerome valeska

No matter who you are
no matter what happens your not free
you need a touch of madness to be free
to see the truth of things
all it takes is a little madness

see im not just stuck in my insane asylum
im free in it
so why cant we all be free
if not thats fine
but im not a cog
who waunts to be some boring cog
yes you may have brilliance but your not free
so be brilliant and free

So yah im just a little crazy
but im not mean
i am crazy and nothing can change that
but a little crazy isnt a bad thing
so you cant tell me im not insane
cause all of this im saying is true about me
so dont let people take away what makes you speacal
and insanity makes me who i am
people have said im not and im a kind person
and i am. to my friends. But im also insane
and not even my friends cant get that now.

so hopefully you can

so why be a cog
be free
and remember
you dont have to be crazy to be free
thats my point
but why not
but not my point
just remember
smile. =)

These padded walls contain my screams
this straight jacket contains my pain
this whole place hides the truth of my suffering
see this is who i am
i know it not think it
its also what others made me
and so they must all know
i am a monster
and now i see the only way to not be afraid of monsters
is to be one
so dont judge me
dont say im something else
only i can determine who i am
and this is what i am
Pain
suffering
Insanity
mentally broken
because i determined who i am because of others
i wont be able to live without my mental damage
without it id be... dull

All villains
are
just heroes
who chose truth over dare

All heroes
are
broken
beyond repair

I have a diferent personality
and no one gets that
they all just think im weird
and odd
i even bet that you do to
because no one likes me
what i writte
what i say
what i do
doesnt harm anybody
but it seems that no one like what i do
no one likes my poems
no one likes me
for me
she did
unless that was a lie to
and they all thik im anoying
but i dont care
im crazy so what
but no one likes that aparently
someone who is diferent
i have a diferent personality
a different mind
but they all dislike me
those who are reading this
if you knew me
i bet you wouldn't

** **, ** **
how can it be
that the Krampus
didnt come for me

Yet here i sit
myself alone
in my nice
and warm own home

** **, ** **
how can it be
that Krampus
didnt come for me?!

What do you mean?
didnt come
im
RIGHT
HERE

HA HA, HA HA
i know how can this be!
That the krampus is
ME!

The things ive done i cant
explain
i know because i know it hurts and causes
pain


I cant say i didnt know what i was
doing
i didnt know what i was thinking or what i was
proving


We had a speacal love but you threw it all
away
i regret what ive done every second of the
day


if i could change the past believe me i would
i would take away all the pain if i only could


</3

In a whisper in a sigh
in a dream that flashes by
i can see you deep whithin
i childhood memory growing thin
in a flicker of an eye
in a heart that aches to cry
i can hear your words of love
as you soar to the heavens above
in a whisper in a sigh
i hold your hand as time goes by
i see the pain i try to hide
to protect my heart by your side
in a mind that searches why
whithin the monster needs to hide
to find the answeres to start to heal
to halt this cutting pain i feel
whith a tear in my eye
whith fresh hope i search high
for one last chance to sit awhile
to view your face, your laugh, your smile
and in a whisper
i realize
ill never

She sais im the one who needs to pay
well how do i need to pay?
She broke my heart
she broke her promise
she keeps on hurting me!
she tells me i didnt love her that much anyways
but i gave her everything
i let her in
and she destroyed me
but i still love her
and i hate that i love her
that she could do this awful thing to me
and on a hill
far from a lake
thats where she just completely destroyd me
so if anyone needs to pay
its no one
but i still love her
</3
Cruel and cold like winds on the sea
Will you ever return to me
Hear my voice sing with the tide
My love will never die
Over waves and deep in the blue
I will give up my heart for you
Ten long years I’ll wait to go by
My love will never die

Everywhere and
Never fading
Rude to talk when
They’re listening

Not quite falling
Not quite living
But for sure he’s
Still existing

Left no memory
Of his presence
Gone forever
Unimportant

Can’t retain a
Stable body
Core consumed him
Only rotting


Broken doorway
Leads you deeper
Empty room and
He’s the keeper

Stumble forward
Knees are shaking
All around you
Space is breaking

The darkness
Surrounding
Your soul can’t
Stop pounding

You’re glitching
It’s over

Can’t remember
What his name was
Talked in symbols
UNIMPORTANT

Cracked and melted
Mind is twisted
None had seen and
No one wished it

Work was cut off
Family forgot
VOID
Past is worthless

Machine broken
Can’t be revived
Despite efforts
Did not survive

You’re falling
Start calling
Nobody
Is coming

Refusing
It’s bruising
You’re grasping
For something

Shattering soul
Can it refuse?
Reality
Keeps reacting

King’s scientist
His position
Taken over
Long forgotten

Running down the hall
You catch your breath
There’s nothing left
You start to fall

Through the void
There’s no choice
You call out hopelessly to all the darkness

Inching back to check again
He’s disappeared now
3.1415926535897
Now’s not the time

Spreading endlessly through time
Dust never carried off
Stuck like this for now

Never fixing the problem
Those trapped under the ground
Have lost all hope

Fight on the left
Spare on the right
How will you

Act in-between
Items consumed
Approach this?

Fight on the left
Spare on the right
Check him too

Act in-between
Items consumed
Don’t forget…

A drawing
Three people
Poorly drawn
Is missing




A folder
Locked away
He’s crying
“Don’t forget.”

She just waunts to stand there and watch me burn
but thats alright because i love the way it hurts
and thats why this is all sad
she will calm me
hurt me
torment me
come what may
because ill be happy
and thats the sad thing
i still love her
even i know she wont feel the same
and ill still be my crazy self
because i made a promise
no matter how she hurts me ill be happy
ill be good this time
and thats hurts the most
when you love someone
who will never love you back
but she keeps hurting me
but come what may
ill love her evermore

but she just likes to watch me burn.

HA
she thinks she can hurt  me anymore
oh LA LA LA
she can take every shot she can
take away what i love
make me feel like nothing
but ill always will have that smile
that smile that makes the kids cry out
please stop your scaring me!
and that will **** her
that im happy
because it seems very much
that...... that she doesnt waunt me to be
be happy
i just wish she could be happy
she looks like she is
but i know thats just her trying to hurt
hurt me
so i dont care anymore
im not her puppet anymore
i wont be to her amusment
i had strings but now im free
there are no strings on ME!
i had strings but now ill have fun
im not attached to anyone
there are no strings one me



STRINGS!

I am broken, I am damaged, I am tainted
I am unspoken, I am empty, I am unpainted
I am forsaken, I am forgotten,
I am un taken, I am rotten
I am black
I am cracked
I am black and blue
This song only comes to those with a broken heart
Listen if you choose to

Now im back
back in this hole she put me in
and she thinks that its all my fault
but i promise i wont let her
let her push me out of my friends lives
and she sais i made her feel worthless
that i go around telling
telling everybody that she broke my heart
well good
because its all her fault
and now she thinks
thinks im talking behind her back
and she calls me names
and talks behind my back now
and now she hates me
and i love her
and its sad
but she sais that shell **** me
that she will get me
but i say guess what
id probably put a gun in my mouth before
before she could even touch me
and i hate it though
i hate that i love her
because she continues
continues to torture me
but i wont let her destroy me again
ill be happy when i get out
now and then
ill be happy
but
now were back to the begining
its just a feeling
and no one knows yet
but just because they cant feel it to
doesnt mean that you have to forget
pick a star on the dark horrizon and
follow the light
but i promise
i swear ill be happy again
:)

Yes ive said it before
im going to happy now
im going to show them crazy
im going to have a happy ending
but the truth is ill never escape
escape the darkness of this sadness
no matter how hard i try i fall back into that pit
that pit at which im alone
and sad
now matter hard i try to be crazy
and happy
she pushes me back
she gave me two chances and for what
i gave her a hundred
and i guess im not the villain
the villain like they all said
im just the lonley kid in the corner
the monster no body loves in the corner
and no matter how hard i try im just back to the begining
going in circles
no matter how hard i try im just sad again
so ill just push them away so i cant get hurt
Because no matter how hard i try i always begin
TO FADE

Then Why Try