We ended just as quickly as we started as i recall



The moment i met you, my red hair, your tattoos, grabbing coffee and hoping for fall



I thought we had a chance but chances are I'm probably wrong



I should have listened to my gut saying you were lying all along



But i listened to my heart instead and ended up where i am now



Cutting my skin on the pieces of my shattered heart as it lays on the ground



You can't just block someone and act like what was there had never existed



The fact that you did though tells me from the start this whole thing was twisted



You had only one motive but I stayed devoted hoping someday you would come around



But now that I've lost you completely I'm seeing the signs I ignored somehow



I'm glad that we ended before we got started it leaves me nothing to remember



Except the moment I met you, my red hair, your tattoos on that afternoon in September

I spend my hours tossed to the wayside wondering where you are



And christalmighty oh mercy it hurts the longer we're apart



Breaking my every bone would be easier than living without you



But the truth is that I've lied too much to ever tell the truth



I've taken all the cautions i can take and still I'm cautious



And the sight of your perfect body is enough to make me nauseous



I imagine what it's like to spend a night tangled in your bed



I'm standing in the frozen foods and this store is completely dead



These fantasies of you and me have left me bruised and beaten



Let's lose our heads and clothes tonight now that you have me defeated



The drink you're raising to your lips falls to the floor and shatters



We're wasted as we waste away the only thing that matters



Is it vain of me to think that this is love that we have started?



Or is there no more feeling than the first time that we parted?



I spend my hours tossed to the wayside I wonder where you are



I fear that we have ended before we had the chance to start

As you stand with a knife in your hand thinking how easy it would be to end it


I am reminded of just how I felt when the black clouds and darkness had finally descended


If I could part the seas of blackness that leave you drowning when you least expect


I could understand why you called out for help but then left me for hours on "read"


If I had the power to wrap my arms around you when the coldness takes you under arrest


If I could reach inside your mind and keep all the best things but leave out all the rest


If my words had the ability to cut through all the sorrow that's holding you captive


I'd destroy this phantom monster that takes away your joy and leaves you stranded


But I stand here simply watching the slow undoing of you and I'm helpless


Please hear me as I call to you I am telling you not to end this


Because I was just like you before I made the choice that has led me to where I am now


As you stand with a knife in your hand I am screaming your name from six feet underground

I watch the shadows falling on the sheets of this old bed


The shadows that have fallen on my life since you have left



An homage to the life I live since my life has come undone



I sit here drinking coffee with the rising of the sun



Light has become a reminder of a life I'll never have



I've spent so much time wasting time I never should have spent



It's a lesson learning living isn't living without love



and that love is something given when you feel like giving up



And if giving up was living for you then who was I to make you stay



But if time was feeling giving I would just want one more day



Just to take you in my arms and tell you all the things I didn't



Maybe that would've held you back from leaving both our stories unfinished



It's finished now but I don't think that you ever thought of this



The shadows in my world are what you're leaving in your midst

I am every bit of my sadness

I am every drop of my tears

I am what I said I was yesterday

I haven't changed much through the years

And I tried to be something much better

But much better was too hard to be

So I guess that I've failed you immensely

But there's one thing I want you to see

I've been wearing this mask for a while now

My makeup is starting to flake

I've awaited my chance for some time now

I don't know how much more I can take

My dearest you don't understand how

The sunshine can stay out for days

Then suddenly downpours take over

And I fall into all my old ways

But my comfort has never been sunshine

And my downfall has never been rain

And somehow I feel both of them sometimes

My thunderclouds mix with my flame

And you try to talk me out of feeling

But there's some things you just can't erase

I have worn out my welcome in numbness

So I'm going to cut right to the chase

That I guess what I'm saying is, sometimes

I don't need any miracle drugs

I am laying in bed and I'm thinking

What I really could use is a hug

I am hiding in the shadows waiting for the light of dawn


I am waiting in your bushes for the porch light to come on


I am peeking through your windows while you're lighting dinner candles


And I'm in your glove compartment as you pull the car door handle


I am hanging over your bed when you are wide awake and dreaming



In your infancy I watched you as you woke up red and screaming



I now watch you when you walk your dog and put away your clothes



You can't see me but I notice how you're starting to unfold



I have watched you gently untangle and unravel before my eyes



You've wasted away to nothing and at night I hear you cry



You can't fool me like the others I have seen this all before



You tell them that you're alright when you want to say much more



But your pride is keeping your tongue at bay but it cannot keep you forever



You've lasted for so long but I think it's time we got together



I am waiting in the bushes for your porch light to come on



But I'll be waiting for a while because you are already gone



At 4:03 this morning you took what mattered to you and fled



But what matters is your life was what you took with when you left

my father said don't play with fire

And my mother said not in the rain

But my sister told me they were liars

And that parents just liked to complain

So I went out and jumped in the puddles

And I got myself all soaking wet

And I came inside looking like death had warmed over

My mother said "where have you been"

I told her that water was water

And I will play in it all that I want

She said that I had every right to

Just be sure that I dry myself off

But the rain soon became sort of tiresome

And the fire was tempting me more

As I stood in my soaking golashes

Looking at the firelight through the door

So slowly I slipped in the house

My clothes sticking straight to my skin

I knelt down in front of the fire

And started to reach my hand in

Just when it started to burn just a little

I was pulled by the scruff of my neck

As I realized that i was probably in trouble

My father, said "where have you been"

It took me a moment to gather my voice

And to find the words with which to speak

As I sat on the floor feeling sorry for myself

Picking at the holes in my jeans

I said water would always be water

It's cold and it's hot and it's wet

But the fire was something to fear altogether

And I think that I liked the rain best