Her heart was starving for love
so she feasted on his lies
She couldn’t realize
That his eyes
Were built to tell lies
With her heart full
She became her lovers fool
He played her like a fiddle
While she tried to understand him like an unsolvable riddle
Complicated, and uninvested he was
She fought to keep him while being devastated
He demoralized her worth until she got infected with a universal disease called insecurity
Hating to love him,
while struggling to leave him
loving him openly, while secretly dying slowly

I’m not afraid of dying
I’m afraid of not living while I am alive
Because to me that’s worse than death
That’s a slow suicide
As death welcomes me into its cold arms
Comforting me with doubt, while forcing me to reject faith, ignore hope, and embrace fear
Shed a million tears
open old scars and feast on regret  

I’m not afraid of dying
I am afraid of giving up on my future  
Because to me that’s worse than death
That’s emotional torture,
as I watch my heart get eaten by vultures
Serenading my past and giving it meaning like I don’t have a future, it abuses me by feeding me stress, anxiety and depression like my past needs me to impress it
I’m just trying to move past it
It has a hold on me, it’s taking control of me

I’m not afraid of dying
I am afraid of ignoring love while it shoots me with Cupid’s arrow
As I feast on my ego and drown in my sorrow  
Lover after lover I reject like I don’t know
Searching for that idol
while I worship my insecurities
The closer they get the further I ran
Because I can’t let them see the worst of me
I never loved me
how can I let a stranger in
When I am not comfortable within

I’m not afraid of dying
I’m just afraid on living without a purpose
Loving without a purpose
Caring without a purpose
Trying without a purpose

I just want to live a life with a purpose!!!!

They laughed at the caterpillar
Now they admire the butterfly

Their laughter became their sorrow
Pain and agony, they now swallow
While choking on their own egos

Success and Beauty takes time
laugh now cry later
Cry now laugh later
The story is yours to tell
Like tall tales
All fails if pain doesn’t exist in the mist

Of the many ways to deal with pain
you chose ******
Numb you became
Sitting in a corner
while conversing to your inner demons  
Asking them why they exist
They reply, you created us out of fear
Now we are here
You summoned us, with every hit
To activate them you inject chemicals in your veins
Chasing highs while waking up to lows
Taking hits
Ending up with a face full of blows
Nose full of blow
Glass table full of credit cards
used to cut the dope, emotions in a noose tide in a rope

An addict at best
at worst dead and buried alive