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Tyler Apr 2022
I wake up to
                                      Another
Golden morning.
Stand up,
                 Stretch my arms,
                                                Brush my teeth
And walk in a perfect circle
Wondering where I’ll end up
                                This time.

A rat gnaws on my brain until
A million or so tiny words
                                          Bleed out of it
                                          But,
They all just read about
                  Terrible
                                         Boring
        Things
About
  The lacerated seams in my skin
That separate all of this
And all of that

Through this
                                 I picture you
Looking at me and saying
“I’m so incredibly lucky for you to be in love with me”
               Do you ever think that?
Mentally, I’m slaying dragons for you.
                         Physically,
Im placing my hand on your back
Hoping you don’t think it’s a bit much

            The bare naked truth is
                                             You terrify me.
But in an okay way
     Like
              Skydiving,
                                 Or learning how to drive
It all could be over in 5 minutes
But it’s a thrill,
    
       You make me feel like a real person

But I want more than that
       I want you
To make a frame with your hands
        And put my face in it
             Then call me your masterpiece
Be a perfectionist,
                                           Perfect me

We’ve been on the edge before
Together
                          Probably 50 or so times
Where I nearly traced over your curves
                         And edges
With trembling fingers
           Terrified
And surprised you don’t pull away    
                                    completely.
Before we lose our nerve

And then I write about
                            Walking in circles  
Or some dumb metaphor
                              About
Scarred skin
                       And hope that you can relate.
Tyler Nov 2018
You aren't my first
Passion is rotten
Leaving only thirst
And memories to be easily forgotten

When I look you in the eye
And tell you I love you
I pray you never ask me why
Leaving me to respond, "Comfort, complacency, and satisfaction too."

How boring is loving you
How wasted is our time spent together
Do you ever wonder if your feelings aren't true?
That maybe you don't want me to be your forever?

But alas, we can pretend
That our love deserves to be serenaded by church bells
And that we'll be star crossed lovers until life's end
And that I'm not reading you love poems I wrote for someone else
Tyler May 2019
The past’s mistakes do not go on gently,
They bask in desire and superstition.
So i mourn old memories turned deadly,
That still compound now with repetition.

My Sins are never truly repented.
They surface each day, with new renditions;
Only to be instantly lamented,
But regret submits to repetition.

Lust and greed and especially vanity,
All fated for contentment’s demolition,
All that I’ve loved is lost so damnably,
Through the wickedness of repetition.

All these words are merely an admission,
For action—still follows repetition.
Tyler Jun 2019
Sally why don’t you throw on that green dress?
The one hanging behind your closet doors,
The one that would always make me a mess,
The one that always makes me wish I’m yours.
 
Sally you should really go get some sleep.
I won’t recognize you next time we meet,
Every time I see you, I hear you weep;
I almost wish you didn’t taste so sweet.
 
Sally you don’t have to go run away,
I don’t know why you’ve gotta worry me,
Write me when you find somewhere dry to stay.
I’d like to find out what you want to be.
 
Sally just try to keep me in the know,
I would follow you anywhere you go.
She
Tyler Jun 2019
She
Eyes so icy; like the heart of her mother,
Burning the air; and matched by another’s,
But that’s fine,
The feelings divine,
I like how it hurts once in a while.

A smile and a few words could melt me down,
Just a puddle for her to walk through on the ground;
And that’s alright,
She’s such a sight,
I can ignore all the lies.

Throw away the makeup and perfume,
And she can still steal any room.
She’s perfect,
I’m an addict,
I get my fix some of the time.

Idyllic dreams of untold Rome’s and Paris’
Caught in the constellations of slashed wrists;
She’s shattered.
I’m enamored.
This girl with be the death of me.
Tyler Jan 2023
Inside your head you hear crickets.
You wake up and see the stars ,
And feel leather and fear.
That’s all for now
Later is the part we rip each other apart
Figuratively, of course.
Tyler Mar 2022
I said it in moments of crisis,
But never when you wished or wanted.
Always to your shut door.
Admittedly, never looking into your irises.

I will always think of the things I lack.
Always wonder if you felt anything at all.
Always wonder what you thought.
Those times you didn’t say it back.
Tyler Sep 2018
I feel most comfortable in my skin when it’s pressed against yours
In small rooms guarded by locked doors

Where all we hear is your steady breathing
And my anxious heart hurriedly beating

As we melt into one another
And all we know is this moment, trapped within each other

Not love, not lust
Just a physical wanderlust
Tyler Sep 2018
I hope she has your hazel eyes
That glisten with wonder under the moon and the night sky

I hope she has your smile
That makes all the tears seem worthwhile

I hope she has all your dreams and your aspirations
And that when I’m with her I feel a familiar sensation

I hope she tastes like cherry cola against my lips
And that it feels like I’m holding the world in my palms when my hands are on her hips

I hope she isn’t afraid of anything except loneliness and the dark
And is a perfect reflection of you, down to every curve and birthmark

Because I know you’ll never again say you love me too
So, I’m willing to settle for someone else, if they’re just like you
Tyler Jul 2021
My chest is made of copper
Like all fourth generation Arizonans.
Strong, sturdy, homegrown.
Like every ancient thirsting saguaro
That 18 year old Scottsdalers watch
Flying by their car passenger window
In mid-August, going to Tucson,
The ***** T. Baja, U.S.A.
To experiment with bisexuality
And pursue a liberal arts degree.
Tyler Oct 2018
I love green eyes with specs of amber
That burn into me while I down shots of coconut liquor

I love little meaningless sins
That imprint themselves all over my skin

I love staring at the stars and midnight conversations
And feeling satisfied without giving into temptation

I love the smell of your perfume on my flannel jacket
And sitting on the hood of your car smoking Marlboro cigarettes

I love the feeling of your head rested against my chest
While we're ****** up on cheap pills and whippits to relieve our stress

I love everything that I know I'll never get back
All the memories condensed into mere flashbacks

All the good times and all the bad
Everything in the past that now drives me mad

All the "I love you"'s left unsaid
All the hangovers that made me wish I was dead

All the early morning before school coffee runs
All the petty arguments that I never won

I miss it all, desperately
And most of all I know with certainty

I miss your green eyes with specs of amber
That burnt into me while I downed shots of coconut liquor
Tyler Jun 2019
In through the nose and out through the mouth.
Over and over; repeat it ad nauseam.
Keep it up and find the way out
Breathe out Count to five out loud.
 
“One, two, three, four, five.”
Breathe in Now breathe out
Breathe out “One, two, three, four, five.”
Breathe in Now let it all out
 
“I hate that you don’t care that I’m proud of you
I hate that he loves you the way I do
I hate your good looks and reading new books
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out
I hate my mind I hate my life
I hate ever not being by your side
I hate the way you think of me
I hate my walk and I hate my talk
I hate everything I ever do
God I hate being in love with you
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out
I hate the mountains and I hate the trees
I hate doing things that make good memories
I hate the amber specs inside your iris’
I hate my lovers, every-one
I hate the *** and all the rest
I hate everything I ever do
God I hate being in love with you
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out.”
Tyler Feb 2022
What hurts is
I can still imagine
The feeling of your nails
In my back,
Your lips
On my neck,
My hand
On your throat.
A moment reaching
It’s point of crisis,
And none of it feels wrong,
Then when it’s over
There would be nothing
Left to do but
Wake up the next day
To your sleeping face;
Blanketed by the quiet light of morning,
Walk into the kitchen,
Make you strawberry pancakes
(Probably a little burnt),
Kiss your cheek,
And tell you how beautiful you are.
Tyler Apr 2022
Your eyes burn through the cold
                           And me
They wander like
                                They’re lost
And a little scared
                   Looking for something
                                                         Familiar
     To hold on to
                                             Until they find
A pair of strong arms
Loosely attached
                                to a weak man.

Hypocrite I am, I want you to go further
I want you
              confident
I want you
              To tighten your grip ever so slightly
I want you
              To want to be with me alone
Somewhere with dimmed lights
And silence in the air between us

You’ll have me with a few whispered words
Or if you pulled yourself any closer to me
                      Hypocrite I am,
I’ll just lead you there.
                                       You make the call
          If all you want can be found in
A pair of strong arms
Loosely attached
                                to a weak man
Tyler Mar 2022
If you could put it in the air,
Would you?
Like swans in the sky,
Beauty surrounds me
Because you’re here
And nothing could ever feel more real
More important
More solid
More authentic
Yet so ethereal
As when you fall into my arms again
Even knowing it’s temporary
Doesn’t take a thing away from all this

Like swans in the sky,
Beauty is above me
Because you’re on top of me
And nothing could ever feel more real
Than your fingers running through my hair
And all of you
Wrapped up in my arms’ ink
Only half ashamed.
But this moment is fading
There’s silence now.
And a question devastates me,
“If you could put it in the air
Would you?”

Like swans in the sky.
Tyler May 2022
The cluttered old shelves, always dusty
Hung through Merlot red wallpaper
With little tears in it, adorned
By faint outlines of broken hearts.
Little pretty things.
All with handwritten price tags,
All asking you to bleed.
Dead roses and heart shaped boxes.
Emerald necklaces, diamond rings.
Slender books filled with sappy poetry.
Snow-globes capturing old memories.
Your favorite sweater she never gave back.
(You never asked)
The photographs you threw away.
(You never forgot)
Glass shards from broken liquor bottles.
Everything in the Emporium of Misplaced Lovers
Yours, for blood from your broken heart.
Tyler Dec 2019
With the pale cracked mouth of a saint you spoke
In patterns; like all my favorite prayers,
Ave Maria, Our Father, so on.
Pray, pray, the old forbidden question.

Au revoir! Scene!

A half burnt cigarette lands at my feet.
Oh what’s it all mean? What is it to me?
The old Manhattan Opera is all filled
Up with those glowing pretty faces I love

Perfume and cologne, fur coats and bow ties.
The cool night rain douses the red embers,
I look up from it before i miss them;
The apparitions could disappear soon.

Any second! At a moments notice!
I could lose every single one of them,
And their glory, and their beauty, all gone.
Oh, but I pray, what would it be to me?

In the blink of an eye they could be light
Years away, and what would that be to me?
Tyler Mar 2020
A Tequila Sunrise
at the Roadhouse.
A warm cup of coffee
with cinnamon sprinkled in.

I begin my dissertation on Ted Berrigans Sonnet 2.
A piece of my soul.
Although I am not 18 and my hands hardly shake anymore,
And I absolutely do not in fact know better.

The wind is angry tonight.
Conquering the dark with its horrible howls.
But it will not prevail against these walls,
That stand around this little Eden.

A bed, a candle, some stillness and calm;
I need nothing more than these things.
This is love—to be plain.
This is all love has ever been—to be plain.

Graceful.
Is what I strive for.
Graceful.
Is the feeling of holding Venus in my arms.
Tyler Dec 2021
Nights of passion, nights of regret
They’re the same for me
Better than nights wasted thinking
Thinking of a moment, a second
A second to force the moment to its crisis
A second to relive memories that haunt
Like a specter passing by
A second to be torn apart
By your nails in my back
And lips against my neck
A second to burn
Like pomegranate *****
With no chaser
And be yours
Truly yours
Tyler Jul 2021
Looking into storefront windows
I see your silhouette
Always next to me, facing me
And if I could make out the picture
A little clearer
And you weren’t just a shadow
I know
You’d have that same **** sad look
That always gets me
And I’d ask you
“Are we still not done with all this?”
Tyler Nov 2018
My heart stands still,
It makes not a noise,
My spine feels a chill,
But it stands straight with poise.

"With pride," my lips proclaim,
As my feet tentatively step off the balcony,
With eyes stet straight, and liver aflame,
My mind screams as it realizes reality.

I fall into the black night,
My lungs choke, overwhelmed by air,
My arms flail, trying to take flight,
Or searching to grab onto a ledge that isn't there.

I hit the ground; my soul still awake,
For a two story fall is not enough for a life to take.
Tyler Nov 2020
The bitter cold snarls and bares it’s teeth,
With a clenched jaw and fingers tightly wrapped
Around a secret but known hidden sheath.
Bravely but terribly gazing into the dark.
I’ve seen it day and seen it night.
Seen it in reflections of paintings and in men
Of a terrible manner; men of a hideous nature.
Seen it in questions asked of “where” and “when.”
Seen it brush against the tips of my fingers,
But too far off to grasp or possess.
Too far off to hear my whisper, “I beg you, yes.”

Seven rows of dreams deferred.
Seven more scolded and deterred.
Seven last better left unheard.

And so I’ve heard their cries
From time to time, and seen
Their looks; entertained their lies,
And they were always filled with mercy.
Kindness, sympathy, pity, and some shame,
And I would admit that that being that is best.
For if the scene were to reach its crescendo,
If questions were asked, answered and put to rest.
Then where would we go from there?
To a thousand simple thoughts,
A hint of passion, a little wit,
To the blackest crevice of a burrowed pit

Seven rows of dreams deferred.
Seven more scolded and deterred.
Seven last better left unheard.

Hopefully, soon, you will forget my name,
The tyranny of courteous chains, relinquished.
Broken, buried, but survived by shame,
And wouldnt that be what’s best?
And would you notice?
How I sink into defeat,
As a thousand thoughts replace a thousand more;
Of how you’ll see my little retreat.
And will you see past the space in my eyes?
Seven galaxies between you and me.
Filled with lines crossed, broken, and blurred,
Laid out neatly before us, word by word.

Seven rows of dreams deferred.
Seven more scolded and deterred.
Seven last better left unheard.
Tyler Oct 2018
You might just be too much
Or maybe i’m just not enough
And that’s why I’m anxious from your touch
It’s just that it feels way too rough

You’ve got your intentions written out in red
From your hand pressed firmly above my knee
Crushing down against me like it’s made of led
It’s terrifying, but God your lips taste so heavenly

Sweeter than the shots of honey whiskey
That are keeping my mind from running away
And making my heart feel far too risky
Because if I wasn’t ****** up I wouldn’t convince myself to stay

But I’ll let you take me by the hand
And lead me down this long dizzying hall
Into your bedroom for this soon to be forgotten one night stand
And in the morning I’ll have to remind myself that it meant nothing at all

— The End —