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;and she will sink more slowly than the rest.
How long do I have to live
before I've lived long enough
to be allowed to die?
I am sorry for all I caused you.
I saw you sink in my eyes and I lost you.
Thought it cost you,
To see me breathe in broken souls,
Never knew about the love I sold.
I ripped up all the truths in my head,
Wished me dead in a bed
Where I bled,
And the wind spoke.
All the secrets that I had inside me
Beat on the doors till they shattered and the lock broke,
I always felt like a flower on a hillside,
Mercy to the wind and you till I
finally died.
The sun set in my throat,
It rained in my eyes,
I had no where to go.
I am sorry that my anger left stains on your skin.
But you cut me with the lies you told,
And you broke me with things that we never could have been.
I sinned,
Serpents sliding down my cheeks.
When I speak,
Its like the tide is in my mouth,
The waves moving south until they're gone.
We build up our bodies,
Broken promises,
And whispers we hear in our head.
The foundation we've set is shaking,
It can't handle us breaking,
And can't handle us faking so tell the truth.
I have never lied to you.
But you took the love I gave and you threw it.
I never knew how my half a heart craved your hand but now I do.
You are like the greatest poison.
Moving through my own veins with no noise and,
My hands shake wothout my fix,
But you can't fix me,
Its true.
I need you to stay here now,
While I fly away,
Leaving you standing on the ground,
Don't frown,
You never needed me,
With concieded tragedy
Trembling from your lips.
And I know you can feel it,
Can taste materiality when you kiss.
My head is crashing,
My body thrashing
on the ground till its blue,
I'm not saying that I want to leave,
I'm just saying that you can't love me like I need.
I know it might be hard
But I'm looking so far
And all I can see is my tears.
How am I supposed to live this way?
Waiting day by day
For you to reveal all my fears.
You know I hate my future,
As much as I hate your present suture
You're letting dive into your heart.
I don't know how to start,
In a world where you're my world
But I'm not yours.
I say that I will leave and close the door,
Leave it a crack,
So I can see your light in the dark,
And find my way back.
All I asked of you was your hand,
Press it to my chest,
I know you can.
You make me resent all the words that I've said,
Went through your ears,
Passed by your brain and out your head.
You said,
You don't know how to help me,
I'm not the titanic that's sinking,
Just a person that's wishing,
that someone had taught me to swim.
I know you don't get me,
Don't understand what my head thinks,
Well darling that makes two.
She knew that she was broken
From the second that she could breathe.
She always tried to be hopeful,
But realized she was just niave.
She began to feel the world,
For what it really was.
And it  pinned her down upon the ground
And killed her hopeful buzz.
She had things inside her,
That no one else could see.
A secret truth to who she was
And who she wanted to be.
It pushed out all her insides,
And raced a virus through her blood.
She didn't want to live anymore
In a world void of her love.
She didn't want them to find her,
In the bath tub down the hall.
But she cried for help so many times
With no answer through the walls.
She put on her best dress,
And lipstick for good measure.
She wrote notes to all she loved
And assigned them each a treasure.
She didn't want to be known as the girl,
That many never knew.
Because she felt in the short times she was here
She had only touched a few.
She envisioned a world of light,
But didn't have her own to give.
And she didn't want to be another blurred face
Who didn't want to live.
So she grabbed a brand new razor,
And laid down in her bed.
She said a silent prayer to the angels in her head.
She let her secrets spill
Down her fingers to the floor.
She was terrified and guilty
At who would find her through the door.
Her spirit finally lifted,
And she smiled from above.
Because she was finally light,
And she was finally love.
Some people were angry,
That she left them all alone.
But she made them understand
That she had never gone.
She looked down from the skies
And watched them with a smile.
Sometimes she'd turn into wind
To be near them for awhile.
She hoped they knew she'd loved them
and that they weren't to blame.
She just thought she could do more good
If she was only a remembered name.
Before she took her own life,
from the sadness and the hurt.
She wrote down a note
And made sure they'd see it first.
It read:
I am sorry little brother.
I am sorry mom and dad.
I am sorry to my best friends,
And my little sister who was the best friend I've ever had.
Its not that I don't love you
Because I promise that I do.
I just feel too much pain
And this is what I want to do,
Don't think of me as dying,
Think of me as finally being free.
Because it is no secret
That you never needed me.
I hope you all find love,
And spend your life growing inside.
And most of all I pray,
That you all are filled with light.

So that is her story
And the last one she'd ever tell.
But her soul was finally happy.
And her spirit..
It was well.
I want you to know that sometimes I become so scared of the future, tendrils of birds burst from my rib cage.
I can feel the cuts on my palms from trying to push back time.
Memories claw out of my fore arms and drip down my finger tips.
I can feel the venom of broken promises course theough my veins.
And I am terrified.
I have witnessed the aftermath of a hurricane.
And the first handful of dirt thrown into the grave.
I can't be your silver lining anymore.
I can't be your saving grace.
I can't even be your still day.
But I can be your shadow.
The wind.
Maybe even a stain on your soul.
I want you to know that I could see stardust when you were with me.
And hear angels when you smiled.
That it may have taken awhile,
But I realized what god was everytime you laughed.
I want you to know that you were the best part of me.
And that if I tried to hold in my hands, all the seconds that I thanked God for your existence, it would spill out of my hands like grains of sand and dry up all the oceans.
I will miss the gold flecks in your eyes.
I will miss the skip in your step.
I Will miss your compassion.
It may hurt, but i want you to fly.
Fly, and never look back.
Not even for me.
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