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My hands are not steady,                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                               and weights are on my heart                                                            ­                   my shoulders feel heavy,                                                                                  and I am falling apart                                                            ­                                 I don't know you anymore,                                                         ­                        You are a stranger to me,                                                              ­                     What are we talking for?                                                             ­                                                 You're not even listening
The day’s hours were worn down and a sudden sunset, that resembled a master’s painted glimpse of Valhalla was upon us, its majesty of deepest blue, blood red and black.

From our tenth-floor skew, the river looked, for all, like a wrinkled sea expecting a storm. Boats moved to tie up before the dark body of windswept clouds arrived trailing a wall of downpour and flickering, electric thunder.

Our study group had run over, as they tend to do. Most of the members urgently moved to pack up (they’d be campus bound). An unpropitious rumble and fierce flare of light revealed that mild twilight had swiftly faded to a darkest stormy night.

My pinched-pleated curtains thrashed before this tempest for the almanacs, feigning a life they do not possess, like twin ghosts stirred to wrath.

“We can order in,” I offered, waving a menu from the downstairs bistro, as I closed my French, glass doors. “Why not eat here and wait it out?” I shrugged, “My treat,” I offered, “and I have wine.”

A pleasant embracement of relief and consent followed. What held more power, I wondered, the society, natures coerce or the gratis fare?

Later. as we parted, a young man paltered, repaying me with a quick hug and cheeky kiss. The valueless touch, was itself rewarded with a small grimace of a smile, but the sin did not overset the mood.
.
.
Songs for this:
Riders on the storm by the doors
Stormy by Classics IV
Flames lick —
The candle’s wick
Consuming all — 
Waxy thick.
Fire purifies
Impurities’ sick
Enflaming all diseases
And sin’s teases
Leaving them but a speck.
Sometimes I tend to be a catalyst,
Carrying things to light,
Rooting them deep where they belong.

Nothing bad,
It's what I do,
I'm proud to ferry,
The things they carry.
A man, dejected
with a broken heart,
snapped all the ties
from his world,
roamed about places
one to the next
in search of peace.

One day he found himself
in a distant Fairy Land.
The fairies were surprised
to find him amongst them.
One fairy asked him
what he wanted.
Taken aback by the question
he said ,"A new heart."
The fairy said,"Don't worry, we do have a heart shop."
She took him there.
There he saw all kinds of hearts-
Some made of gold, some of silver,
and some normal too.

In another corner he saw
a collection of broken hearts
beautifully kept.
Out of curiosity he asked the fairy
why they kept those broken hearts.
She smiled and said,
"They are the epic story tellers."
Amazed by her words,
he left with his broken heart
back to his world.
So many places
that I wanted to see.
I traced new paths on the maps,
softly, with my hands.

Certain journeys were never taken.
I will keep them in my memory.

I looked for the lost keys,
and I saved the never-bought tickets
in small boxes of my heart.

I smile at the happier people
through colored glasses,
held to my eyes.

This is my eternity closed into moments.

Walking alone by the Tiber’s side,
I entered the antiquarian bookstore,
finding synchronic sentences,
small insights,
and I came back with relief.

To my home—to myself.
Without excuses,
without doubts,
without fears.

Writing my song of the world
that flows through me.
The old reality transformed
into a new technological skin.

Now, when I open my window,
I breathe the scent of jasmine.
The rain after the storm is so calming.

I see my solitude chosen,
my friend,
my tender companion.

Being with her,
I am present
with all my senses.

Now,
the one who remains.
The only one.
''How are you doing today?''                                                         ­       sad  and depressed I want to say                                                              ­         but instead I mask up, so they can see                                                              ­ a picture from a fashion magazine                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                   I straighten my back and stand tall,                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­  not even sure I can pull it off                                                              ­               a pasted smile on my face                                                             ­                      as I lean in for an awkward embrace                                                         during this time, you talk to me                                                                  ­                                                                 ­                                                                unaware of my anxiety                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                             My eyes scan the room to see,                                                             ­        where's the nearest exit between you & me                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                                               You go on & on, it never ends,                                                            ­        you're touching me like a long lost friend                                                  I excuse myself to the ladies                                                           ­                      look behind to see if you see me                                                                    then I run out trying to breathe,                                                         ­          hoping no door alarm's telling on me                                                              As soon as the cool night  air welcomes me                                                         I run until I am home safely
No love is known where no love is shown
I could choose to tell you what I still remember                                                         ­                                                   but my wounds aren't healed, and my heart is tender                                                           ­                                                         Just because it's unspoken doesn't mean it's gone                                                             ­                                                              I relive each day as if it were the only one                                                         There's no tears you'd notice, my eyes are dry                                                It doesn't mean I'm better, It's just that I try                                                      I don't want your looks of pity but don't ignore me,                               don't leave me alone with my thoughts too frequently                                 If you can stand by my side and hold my hand                                           take my late night calls, you'd understand,                                                      ­               I haven't changed at all ,I'm still me                                                 but for now ,I'd rather not speak                                                            ­         Knowing that you're here and will always be                                         means you understood me perfectly                                                        ­          I choose not to share, it's all still too real                                                   So, if it's okay, I still need time to heal                                                             ­         It might not be tomorrow, surely not today                                                        I only know   how to do this, my way
This is for all the trauma sufferer's out there.
If you get it, you lost it.


I am here
(On this platform it is evident for your reading now)
I express myself
(Heads scratching, wondering what and how?)


I share pieces of me
(A defragmented glimpse of an experience deemed ‘worthwhile')
Callous, sensuality?
(Or a traitor in sheep cosplay?)


A dead-end hi-way?
Or this pawn from yesterday?
Here, your final say


This family we never asked
Amontillado without it's cask
Dry and cheery
Heart’s are bleary
We own this laborious task

My sins are scrollable, thumbed in haste,
Wrapped in ribbons of curated taste.
A gallery of masks, all timed just right,
My shadow dances in the ring light.
What of shame when shame gets likes?
What of thought when thought’s in spikes?
I weep in drafts, but post a grin—
The world won’t wait for the shape I’m in.
So brand the bruise, then sell the hue:
A wellness tip in sponsored blue.
This self I host in feedback’s cage—
A pet, a post, a digital page.
I bare my soul (or just its shell).
You’ll never know. I sell it well.

I logged on seeking something undefined,
A tether, maybe—some reciprocal ache.
But all I found were mirrors misaligned,
Each smile too wide, each word opaque.

The comments pile like leaves, not read.
Applause from ghosts, replies from ghosts.
I feed the feed, it feeds instead—
A hunger that consumes its hosts.

I draft a truth. I dress it twice.
Add polish. Then delete.
I write in blood, convert to nice,
Make trauma fit a beat.

No lesson left. No higher shelf.
Just one more version of myself.
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