Lola walks much slower now than she used to
Her round spotted paws seem as if they are made of lead
she no longer bays her soul out
And she seems to eat much less

But her tongue is still posey pink
And her ears are still as soft as cotton
sometimes you can see her powerful nose snuffling around, weary of some wild animal's scent

And while she is long past her prime,
in her soulful eyes you can see that the love she has for the world has not and will not grow old

my little fairy boy
wears dangly gold earrings
and has hooded blue eyes that peer into mine with curiosity and wonder

my little fairy boy
has a pink dress that smiles at everyone he passes
and nimble fingers that entertwine perfectly with mine

my little fairy boy
wears my heart on a chain around his neck
and has soft white wings that only I can see

maybe tonight he will carry me far, far away

my little fairy boy
has light blue hair

when I run my fingers through it
I see his delicate pink scalp
and I admire what shields
the most beautiful mind I have ever seen

I flush myself down the toilet
Into the murky waters of the sewers
I let the rats naw on me and the insects crawl
into my ears
I will just pretend it is not happening
there is no light here to shine on my grave

no
I will not
take pills
smoke ****
give my body away

yes
I will
take three
inhale a plastered smile
let him feel inside me

I wake up and he's stealing my innocence

he hurts me he hurts me he hurts me
let me ******* pretty doll he whispers

I try to speak but my tongue is broken
Icantpleaseiveneverdonethisstop

He smiles

I open my mouth to scream but it doesn't matter
His hand clamps down on me  
There is no point
No one will hear
no one ever listens to me anyways

i can't tell whether the wetness on my face is from my own tears or from his open mouth

he puts something else in my mouth  andIcan'tfuckingbreathe
godpleasehelpme
and suddenly everything is black

when I wake up again there is something in my mouth and in my eyes and on my face and in my hair and in my brain and in my soul and in my bones and I throw up his putrid sins all over my body



I look down and there is poisonous snow and blood between my legs

i am a china doll shattered below the waist
but my dress covers my brokenness
and it's a **** good thing I have a smile painted on my face