This evening I took a nap, and I woke up with a jolt.
I felt different... empowered. Like I could move with the speed of a lightening bolt.

I felt like I could move any mountain that stood in my way.
Like I could hold my breath forever and swim across the bay.

I felt like I could spread happiness, and joy, and make nothing sad.
I felt different, and I didn't feel bad.

I felt brand new, and extremely improved.
I no longer felt old, sad, and used.

I feel like I could use my voice to lead the nation.
I found a different path, and I am no longer walking the one of temptation.

I feel like I can lead the Earth, so come follow me, but don't forget your lighters.
Why? Because we're gonna blaze a new trail, and set the world on fire...

Present Day is like a defibrillator in action
the hole in my heart
supposed to be
filled,
but the "filling" started to hurt
from the
Constant Letdown,
My value, My worth

So I decided to remove the hurt
exposing the hole
watching a flood of pain, anger, frustration, peace, patience, rationality
gush out.

And then there was
nothing:
zero reaction or expression
no rise or fall
no sound or beat.
And the brain didn't care

It's
Just a hole in my heart.

Please, break my heart
So I can write a collection of poems.
I need to drown in the feeling
Of being alone.

I want my heart to break
I want my soul to ache.
For the feeling of achievement
I'll put my mentality at stake.

I need to chase the feeling.
I love to breathe that feeling.
Because I'm finally good at something.
And if my heart isn't broken,
Then I'm absolutely nothing.

In that cold, moonless night
my feeble mind raced through
a thousand thoughts.
But those thoughts,
cannot describe what I was feeling
as I was giving my own life away.

As much as I wanted to start over,
I convinced myself that it was worthless.
I had already lost faith in the things around me,
I'd lost faith in the things I treasured most.
But most of all,
I had lost faith in myself.

I'd always left the door ajar,
hoping that my miseries would finally come to an end.
After all, I thought,
would the world any less different
after I had passed away?


I waited,
and death came.
He had knocked on the door,
and said his warning.

Weak was I, not far from surrendering.
But at the last moment, I remembered.
The thousand thoughts, memories, feelings,
all coalesced into one faint memory I'd myself had forgotten.

One one overcast morning, the sun still rising,
a friend said,
"I believe everything turns out well in the end.
If your life is still sour, then it isn't the end."

Like a violent stampede hurdling down a hill,
or a tsunami reaching land,
every part of my faith was restored.
From the things I had once doubted,
reassurance came flooding back.

He gave another warning,
before kicking the door open.
I stood in front of him, and said:
You are going to leave this house now. There is no one here to take.
Yes, I gave up. And yes, I decided to take my life away.
But He changed that decision, and turned me around.
And guess what?
Today, isn't my day.